By Chaya
A mother’s pain comes in all shapes and sizes.
Your toddler falls and scrapes a knee, and your heart drops. By instinct, you stop the bleeding, clean and cover the wound, then hold him tight, tight, tight. Moments later, the tears kissed away, he runs off happy and free.
But no amount of gauze or ointment can remedy a hurt of the heart. I don’t wish for any parent to have to see their child experience acute disappointment.
My husband and I were both cautiously excited when our oldest son Y. joined the army of high achievers and decided to enter Chidon Sefer Hamitzvos last year. We have heard wonderful feedback on this program from friends with kids, none who had imagined its long-lasting positive effect before they got involved.
A completely extra-curricular learning program, Chidon has captivated our children. Making it to the top and attending the Shabbaton is every participant’s goal; beginning in the summer until the last of three eligibility tests in Adar, they dedicate every free moment to studying.
We had a long discussion with Y. last year, working to set him up for success. We hired a private tutor to guide him in his Chidon studies. He got a 75 on the first test. We breathed easier, confident that he had this in the bag. We took the family to a warmer clime for Chanukah vacation… goodbye tutor, so long extra study sessions.
The second test came around and our son did not pass. He got a 40. He was devastated. Most of his friends had made it seamlessly into the next round. I got a call from his principal, asking me to encourage him to step out of Chidon now before his disappointment would be exacerbated (and prolonged) when he fails to get a passing average. You see, to make up for his slide, he would need a minimum grade of 95% on Test 3 to join the Shabbaton.
Even knowing it was hardly feasible, Y. wanted to give it a shot. His work ethic was better than what my husband and I have seen in the adult professional world. Wanting this so badly, he could not let go. He thought he would make it in. We thought he would too.
He didn’t.
He got a 90, but it wasn’t enough. Try to deduce what the scene in our house looked like that night. The crying and the tears engulfed us. Y’s misery was real and it was torturous to watch my child experience this devastating let-down. Energy finally exhausted, he fell asleep and I picked up the phone.
Wishful thinking had prompted me to call Tzivos Hashem. My husband got on the line, and we pressed Rabbi Shimmy Weinbaum to find a way to ‘set this right’. Our son is capable enough to have made it through, so the glitch was in the system. Something was wrong with the second test, right?
Rabbi Weinbaum listened to us, really, but then flipped the lens, gently pointing out where we had slacked off. We’d made decisions as parents that had set him up for failure, and as hard as he tried, as intelligent as he is (90% on a Chidon test!) our son did not recover. As parents, did we want to just push him ahead so he shouldn’t be upset, or swallow our pride and turn this into a learning experience?
At the end of our talk, Rabbi Weinbaum said that he was looking forward to welcoming us again next year. We may have rolled our eyes, but we have since seen the truth of his prediction.
Y. has jumped back straight into Chidon this year; he started studying at the very beginning of the summer (on his own this time and with his friends). He’s achieved a 95% on the first test. With the second test just around the corner, he’s holding tight. We stayed home this winter vacation, going on a few day trips, that, at Y.’s insistence, stretched to include some Chanukah Mivtzoim. (“I need all the siyata dishmaya I can get, Mom.”)
This is the lesson I learned as the parent of a child in Chidon: Get involved. Don’t let your child get crushed simply because of a lack of effort and time. Encourage them to keep going, ensure that they take full advantage of their chances. I’m publishing this personal experience so you can do it, too.
(The people in the picture are not related to the article)
The chidon is by far the best thing that we have today! It has been designed brilliantly with 5 amazing tears 1. Mitvzh mavin school program which is EVERY child can achieve 2. The chidon shabaton which any child who works very hared and puts in the time and effort can achieve. They have made brilliant tools for the kids to use like the Chidon audio books and the kids who work hard can do well on part one of the test and get into the shabbaton 3. There is another track for the brighter students. and YES! they are… Read more »
The generally children do need extra support with mastering the material. Grandparents can be a helpful resource to provide this extra support for the children. I have been learning with my granddaughter and she did quite well on the first test Bh
Didn’t expect the outcome to be this great!
Great parents!
Wishing Y Hatzlacha!
You might want to consider the perspective and lesson that grades and marks aren’t even on the same playing field, as knowledge and skills and best effort, in valuable life experience. And that if as much effort was put into general curriculum by both the educators and the students, as is for the chidon, THAT would be a valuable lesson.
To your son.
My kids have learned much valuable material from and remember it years later.
This is a gift to our children, in a day and age where life is depicted as everything coming instantly and without minimal effort. I once assigned a project to.my 12th grade student. Her mother told me this was the first time her daugher worked so hard. I was shocked, ouch…if 12th grade is the first time, we are not giving our children the tools they need to know how to work hard when things truly will test our patience and perseverance. The pleasure our children have when achieving something with toil. יגיע כפיך כי תאכל. Thank you Rabbi and… Read more »
But in reality Tzvious HaShem needs to provide after school program for Hidon so each student can have an equal opportunity , and show us parents real nahes ….sorry but we pay for Tzvious HaShem , they have a representative in each school that can gather each grade for 30-45 min per week and teach them or even involve students who got 95-100 from previous years …
Sorry but many parents are not willing and not having time and resources to teach their kids extra curriculum ( and hire tutors for each child it’s a lot of $)
As a teacher, the first benefit I find with chidon is the time spent by the participant learning Torah (and with tremendous discipline and courage). The second benefit would be the vast amounts of information acquired by the participants. My only question is…. Chidon, using the Yahadus curriculum has been around for several years now. Is there an effort to track the retention of this information?! Are the students really learning something that will stay with them?! Please enlighten me, what metrics are being used for this and inspire me by the tremendous results. Signed, a concerned teacher who observes… Read more »
I agree with this article.
On point.
Thank you to all the organizers of the chidon.
Big shout out to Mushka Greene for all her hard work and
devotion!
Yagati Umatzasi Taamin!!!
Your work in making Chidon amazing this year is incredible
You said that very well, my kid hardly learned and got a 40% and came home crying. I told her that the chidon is not a game. you have to work hard to get in. Kids that put in half an hour a day will only have one hour per unit. a total of 17 hours over 5 weeks. If you want your kid to get in they should be putting in at least that amount of time if not more.
Chidon is a great way for our children to gain valuable
information for life.
Thank you Rabbi and Mrs. Weinbaum
No way!! Same idea happened to my child
Last year. Chanukah vacation really ruined it
Will get my daughter to start reviewing tonight!!!
Wow I’m gonna get my kid to study now ASAP
The Chidon is a massive reward that parents pay so much money for them to participate and Tzivos hashem has to raise so much money to cover the expenses.
Kids need to know that its not a free ride. If they want to get in they need to work hard.
So true what this parent wrote
my child was crushed last year and Boruch Hashem this year she has worked so much harder to get in
Raising an adult, not an oversized baby. BH for Shimmy
It’s teaching the skills for working hard in the future for even bigger things in life