Aug 9, 2018
Seminary Retracts Girl's Acceptance

A Chabad girl was abruptly told by a seminary that she is expelled even before beginning; Based on ďhearsay,Ē friends said.

Student no more.

With just a few weeks until the start of the new school year, one Chabad student was abruptly told by her seminary that she is expelled even before beginning - based on "hearsay and Loshon Hara," her friends say.

Today, August 9, the young woman received an email from the school's director, stating ďIt has come to my attention from more than one very reliable sourceĒ that although she had agreed to change the people she "hangs around with" and the "way you dress," the student had not done so.

"In light of this, I can no longer have you as part of my seminary," the director wrote, further stating, ďYOU CHOSE NOT TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR.Ē

The young woman, a resident of Crown Heights, says the accusations leveled by the director are untrue, a friend of hers told COLlive. ďThis email is based on unnamed sources with unclear accusations and no opportunity for the girl to even respond to the 'charges,' said the friend. ďWhatís even more disheartening is how this was done. To be communicated this way, with anger and hate is beyond understanding from a Lubavitch seminary.Ē

The girl replied to the director that she in fact had been working as a head counselor all summer for a Shliach, and said that she specifically took a job without her usual group of friends, at the Seminary director's request that she not spend more time with them, her friend told COLlive.

Still, the Seminary director replied via email that she "stands by her decision," leaving the devastated student without any plans for the upcoming school year.

"She had already applied for grants and had purchased her plane ticket," her friend told COLlive. "Can you imagine how this makes her feel?"

"It clearly stated in the email that this decision was based solely on some bit of gossip or lashon Hara, with the accusation made without any warning or room for discussion," her friend said.

"The school made this decision without any regard for the future of this girl," her friend said. "There is no oversight to this process, which is leaving at least one heartbroken girl left completely without any plans for the coming year. Who will take responsibility for that?"


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Opinions and Comments
1
Just saying....
How absolutely obnoxious! Such a rude and horribly Written Letter. Her name should be publicized as I would not want to send my kids there
(8/9/2018 8:41:47 PM)
2
Colorful story
Sensationalism here

What's the real truth? No one really will know

I hope there is not going to
Attract a lot of angry people who will now vent and get their rotten tomatoes out

Pleeez:)
Say shema with sincerely and everyone go shluff
(8/9/2018 8:43:50 PM)
3
Two sides
there are 2 sides to every story.
(8/9/2018 8:44:09 PM)
4
This is heartbreaking!!!!
How does this happen?!
(8/9/2018 8:45:33 PM)
5
A parent
I am sure if the parent's offered to pay more tuition. The seminary would accept the girl with open arms!
(8/9/2018 8:45:53 PM)
6
What is the name of the seminary
Hard to believe that....... my suggestion is that no one should go to that seminary so maybe they will learn their lesson ... shame on them ,
(8/9/2018 8:47:11 PM)
7
Terrible
This is just beyond terrible. What chutzpah to rescind an acceptance on such baseless terms. Not to mention the absurdly unprofessional and unkind email. Hashem should help this girl learn somewhere else and have an incredible and enriching experience there.
(8/9/2018 8:48:39 PM)
8
Take her to beis din
That's the only way a person like this will listen. Maybe ...
(8/9/2018 8:49:03 PM)
9
disgusting.
you dont reject a girl two weeks before seminary, just not human.......
im sure this girl will have a great taste for yiddishkeit after this
(8/9/2018 8:49:30 PM)
10
reader
Wow. This is so sad how girls want to get into a Chabad seminary so badly, yet this is brought upon them. Why are we teaching our children that based off of pure Lashon Hara they are not wanted in a seminary? This entire system is so messed up and disgusting. This needs to change.
(8/9/2018 8:50:17 PM)
11
Aaron
BSĒD if all this is true, with mechanchim like that does one have to wonder whatís wrong with our youth. Wish there was something I could do. Am sure it will turn out for the best for the student and be to the Seminaries loss. Probably all a smoke screen so they can open up a spot for a friend (as in ďrichĒ) or a relative
(8/9/2018 8:55:28 PM)
12
Chossid
This young girl should be happy and proud that she will not be with these low lifeís , everything will IYH turn out for the best , this is the type of behavior from these non professional Principals and teachers , good luck you will do great else where , and give Nachas to all of us .
(8/9/2018 8:55:58 PM)
13
System vs Rebbe
This is when someone in the system and in authority goes blatantly against the Rebbeís ways. Requiring a girl to unfriend people! How is that okay? This girl and her parents shouldnít want her to go to a seminary that is under the care of this lady! Iíd be worried for the long term health of girls in this womanís care. Opposite of Chabad!
(8/9/2018 8:55:59 PM)
14
Fake news
Why doesnít it say which seminary?
I donít believe this is true.
It doesnít look authentic.
(8/9/2018 8:56:38 PM)
15
Sue them
Take them to a din torah. Raise money and call the school to task for breaking their agreement with you.
(8/9/2018 8:56:55 PM)
16
Idiots
Firstly, How many times does she have to dig into the girl that she did not keep her part of the bargain. Also, didn't the girl deserve a phone call so she could at least explain or defend herself. This decision was solely based on here say and Lashon Hora. Perhaps the seminary is not a good fit for her but at least give her a chance to explain. These people think their G-d.
(8/9/2018 8:57:09 PM)
17
Ch resident
It is their loss. You are a very very capable girl. You should name the director and let us know. No one has a right to make a decision about another person. This needs to be discussed with you first. Their is due process. I feel very much your pain as I have been is similar situations. There is a lot of hurt. Donít fight. Use this to your advantage. There are better and bigger opportunities that will be coming to you. Hashem will judge this director if she keeps her agreement with Hashem from last year Rosh Hashona too.

Have a kisiva vchasima tova.

You will be successful and laugh about this.
(8/9/2018 8:57:26 PM)
18
Sholom Ber
Poor parents now they wonít have the privilege of spending $20.000.00 for a year of seminary with this fine learning institution. G-D help us!! Dear Sem Principal, Please donít honor us with your presence here in CH. You are not wanted here as you donít want our kids
(8/9/2018 8:58:04 PM)
19
Sending Hugs
And we wonder why so many are going off the derech? When I was in seminary I learned of a girl that was being kicked out for having untoward behavior, but don't these girls have to go somewhere? I myself get conflicted feelings personally, I was in a BT sem, and the majority of girls that I was with that year were OTD and it did change the flavor not for the good, but don' these girls need to go somewhere? You're talking about the last chance to save someone's yiddishkeit. Even if the sources are trustworthy and true the girl deserves a chance.
(8/9/2018 9:12:04 PM)
20
sad
The system is just getting worse and worse, we need some leaders stepping in asap!!!
(8/9/2018 9:13:53 PM)
21
the girl should have changed her ways
and apologised to the principal. Kids these days think they are entitled to everything
(8/9/2018 9:15:25 PM)
22
Reliable source?
Is the Reliable source your daughter-in-law?
She has absolutely nothing to do with the girl!!
Maybe talk to someone who knows the girl personally.
(8/9/2018 9:15:25 PM)
23
i know the girl in question
all accusations leveled against her are completely FALSE!! MAde up by jealous ppl who have no life !!! Besides its complete lashon hara
(8/9/2018 9:17:52 PM)
24
This is insane
Who would even want such a woman teaching? Has the "Mrs." Ever heard of the rebbe or Chabad? Or is this a satmar story adapted for COL???
(8/9/2018 9:18:07 PM)
25
Big mistake
The letter should be printed with the name of the sem and the person who sent it.
(8/9/2018 9:18:27 PM)
26
Breaking up friends
Iím having horrible dejavu to when I was in high school and the hanhalah tried to break up our group of friends. Never got that! Contrary to ahavas Yisroel!
(8/9/2018 9:19:33 PM)
27
Very fortunate
This girl is very fortunate not to be going to this seminary.
(8/9/2018 9:21:17 PM)
28
To # 14
I wish this was fake news, sadly this is all accurate and this girl definitely doesnít deserve this.
(8/9/2018 9:21:59 PM)
29
Levy
The director wishes the student a shana tova. Is this a Shomer Hatzair school or Lubavitch where you mention Shem Shomayim?!
(8/9/2018 9:24:01 PM)
30
Joe D
Every day i'm more and more proud that my in laws didn't borrow money to send my now wife to seminary. Obviously we don't know all of the details in this particular story but overall sems seem to be the most expensive and have the worst name from all of the branches of the Chabad edu system.
(8/9/2018 9:30:32 PM)
31
#8, 15
My thoughts exactly. Din Torah for cost of airfare, specifically, and for doing such a horrible thing, in general
(8/9/2018 9:32:17 PM)
32
The tip of the iceberg...
This is just one example of the power these seminaries hold over all our young impressionable girls. For months, and for some - years, girls are stressed out about 'getting accepted'. Then they wait months until they get a response. A friend of mines daughter didn't get accepted and the girl cried in bed for a week. This is truly a sick system and not something I want my daughters to go through when they get older. The heads of the seminaries really don't care about the girls and their future. There is no sense of responsibility at all.
(8/9/2018 9:34:42 PM)
33
chaim36
As a retired educator with over 35 years experience this "school" should be shut down.Inhumane treatment of a bas yisroel.
(8/9/2018 9:36:58 PM)
34
Who's in charge here?
There should be an organization in charge, with a set of rules for all chabad schools, seminaries, and yeshivas so they are regulated.
Not every schmo that decides he wants to open a school should have the privilege to play with our children's future.

(8/9/2018 9:40:54 PM)
35
rediculous
first of all, did col even CALL the seminary to verify this story and hear the seminary's side to it? how low have we gotten that everything and anything gets published without verification.

Also, the sem makes it very clear that there was a condition to the girl's acceptance, and that was not met. they have every right to keep their side of the deal.

(8/9/2018 9:42:29 PM)
36
Realist
It is not surprising to hear of such behavior , we have the same type of leaders in our community , a bunch of losers trying to pass themselves off as Rabbonim Mechanchim Teachers , its time to put them to pasture , new and professionals are needed to save our precious children .
(8/9/2018 9:43:26 PM)
37
To #21
Telling the girl to apologize why? do you know the girl? You donít think she worked hard? So you believe in this corrupted system for telling her she canít come after the summer really.
How about someone telling you this how would you feel? And no not every girl thinks thier entitled for emerging.
(8/9/2018 9:44:52 PM)
38
ch resident
there are 2 sides here. Perhaps the hanhala gave the girl who does not dress and behave as a chabd girl should, a chance in a lifetime to change, the girl promised to do so but did not. so why does she feel that she can laugh at the school and they should accept her anyway. thank Hashem that this school has some standards and obligation to the other students
(8/9/2018 9:46:18 PM)
39
Is that how the email came- with bold red letters????
If so, it is unprofessional, and strange.

A family member had someone try to sabotage her sem plans, but in her case the principal called to hear the other side of the story. After further verification, the principal understood the full picture, and this girl did go on to have a great learning year.
(8/9/2018 9:54:33 PM)
40
Chinuch on cruise control
Our schools are looking for students that are cookie cutter. if there is a student that needs a extra attention they reject them instead of helping them grow and love yiddishkeit.
(8/9/2018 9:56:23 PM)
41
To 38
The girl is a very good girl, and a school does have the right to accept and reject students. I think the uproar here is in how it was done. No one in a caring authorive role would write such a degrading and damaging letter.
(8/9/2018 9:57:51 PM)
42
There are 2 sides
Iím impressed with the hanhalas decision. I would want my daughter to go to this seminary knowing she is taken care of by someone who cares about their growth.
(8/9/2018 9:59:41 PM)
43
Out of town Lubavitcher
These so called peoples the seminary follow the ways and guidance of the imposters in crown heights masquerading as Rabbis etc , writing lies about Rabbis in the community and behaving in a manner that not even a Goi would . It is unacceptable.
(8/9/2018 10:00:42 PM)
44
crazy!
This Seminary Head is playing with fire. She will be fully responsible if this girl goes off the Derech. She has no clue what this action will result in the future of this Bas Yisroel. The girl made an effort to be in a Shliachs camp for the summer and separated from her usual group of friends so that she can work on herself and set a goal to do well. Is this the approach the Rebbe would want? We are in crazy times...our youth are falling away and this so called Seminary Educator who is in the field of Chinuch thinks she is G-d playing with the lives of our beautiful children.
Last year my daughter chose not to go to Seminary.
She's doing great BH... She has a Job she loves, atttends local Shiurim and is taking extra courses towards a degree. Hopefully this girl with a beautiful Neshama will be blessed soon with a new option for the school year.
" Rejection is Hashems' Protection"
(8/9/2018 10:03:45 PM)
45
Sending hugs, too
I'm with #17. This happened to my daughter, too -- only she never even got accepted to sem because of lashon hora that was a bunch of lies and huge exaggerations. OH, the pain!! But let it be Gam Zu L'Tova -- you are a terrific girl, you have your head on straight, and you can succeed perfectly well without this seminary!! Some young people have the attitude of "if they think I'm a bum, I'll show them -- I'll act like one." Don't fall into that trap. Hold strong -- lots of people are davening for your success!! Please post another article a year from now, telling us how you overcame this nisayon and how you spent your year. I'll be waiting to read it!! Kesiva vechasima tova to you and your family.
(8/9/2018 10:09:41 PM)
46
To #38
Finally a normal comment
The CH residents expecte to be accepted and because they are Chabad they can do what ever with no consequences.
This great young girl was given a lesson that her actions have consequences. As her parent I would thank the school for giving her a chance. But she blew it. The person to be blame is her. Sorry for the ugly truth.
(8/9/2018 10:09:45 PM)
47
There is a way
Bais rivka should charge every 12th grader that is planning to apply to these $20,000 seminaries $20,000 you would see how quick they will fall in line
Its enough we dont need them
Take the $20,000 and take your daughter to israel stay in first class hotels and bring home a lot of change

I personaly know the girl and family
You are a much better person then these people
(8/9/2018 10:10:54 PM)
48
To those saying there are 2 sides..
The primary issue here isnít that the girl was rejected, its how the school went about it. This letter is beyond damaging to a young girl. Being told over and over again that she is a disappointment by someone who no longer has any ties to her. She has no right to attack this girl in such a manner, especially without giving her the chance to even defend herself
(8/9/2018 10:11:12 PM)
49
strange story
I sympathize with the poor girl, and how awful it must be to suddenly find yourself without plans, but I do not think the decision was made based on a 'bit of gossip', when the admin clearly states she based her decision on 'highly trustworthy sources'. I also think that posting this to COL and highlighting or capitalizing parts of the communication (which was probably sent by the sem as a confidential correspondence) shows a lack of sensitivity. It is not necessary to make this a community issue, or cry about it publicly, or somehow try to 'shame' the sem. She needs to step back, and recognize that if she has not overcome the challenges she was meant to address, then maybe THAT sem is not right for her, even if she 'wants' to go there. Or recognize that maybe her choices and actions led to this situation. It is just unfortunate that it happened so late, when it will be harder to make alternate plans. But Hashem has a plan, and surely wherever she finds herself, it will be for her welfare and benefit.
(8/9/2018 10:11:25 PM)
50
Apologize?
For what? She wasnít in the school yet, didnít do anything offensive to Mrs in charge to apologize for? She wasnít given the common courtesy of a phone convo nor were her family.... I donít know the full pic but sounds pretty disgusting to me!
Hashem spared her .. sheíll do better and greater things and end up frum and tznius to boot!! Seminary eat your hat!
(8/9/2018 10:13:22 PM)
51
I understand the pain- I was just in sem
This past year i was in seminary. Seminary has the ability to ruin and crush a person. For us girls who aren't married yet it's a sensitive year, and the harsh judgement has to stop. The threatenig about shidduchim and the future, getting labeled, hurts. We are all kind and sensitive girls. We need a change of the ones who run these places. They are abusing their power.
(8/9/2018 10:14:30 PM)
52
To the people who say "there are two sides"
You've obviously never experienced what so many of us have. Who are the "reliable sources" that felt compelled to report to the director? A family member of the director? I'm glad you'll be taking your grant money elsewhere, and I hope your friends will do the same.
(8/9/2018 10:18:08 PM)
53
To number 38
Your right we don't know the whole story but we see the facts. A horrifying email, a response from the girl which clearly shows humility and her being shot down again. The girls response clearly shows good character. It seems to me that the girl is the grown up here. I understand that we won't agree on who is right or wrong here but I'm sure we can all agree that the email was poorly written with an abusive tone.
(8/9/2018 10:19:49 PM)
54
Take the high road
It would have been proper for a matter of this importance to be discussed prior to a decision. Anyway i think people that not pick aren't worth My time.. They have nothing better to do but pass judgement and take everything personally... this director seems like she would be a drain and dead weight anyhow
(8/9/2018 10:23:10 PM)
55
Have the schools learned anything!!!! You don't do this!!!
To the seminary girl: You are stellar! You don't need to change for anyone except to be who Hashem meant for you to be and although this is an extremely difficult test to have to go through. That seminary doesn't deserve an emesdika girl like you! Stay strong and remember it is from Hashem and Hashem has your back!
(8/9/2018 10:26:16 PM)
56
why do you think
a girl who doesn't dress properly and who has friends who are somewhat problematic should be accepted into a sem that has higher standards than she can adhere to?

"although she had agreed to change the people she "hangs around with" and the "way you dress," the student had not done so." Whose fault is that?
Her parents maybe, for not reigning her in when she first put on a too short or tight or flashy outfit?
Her teachers maybe, for not instilling in her a true understanding of how a bas Yisroel should act?
Her friends for tempting her?
Any or all of the above.
But the Sem? Why should they take her if she doesn't meet their standards of behavior?
Time for all of you to grow up!
(8/9/2018 10:45:09 PM)
57
Fraud
What the sems are doing is plain fraud charging millions... i hope people will realise and it will go down down the drain!! Hatzlocha to this girl ik this is not what you want to hear but good for you that you are not going !!! Its a horrid place! Publicize the letter with the name she obviously had no shame to send it to you share it with the world!!!
(8/9/2018 10:48:33 PM)
58
Agree with #14
Sounds strange, wording is strange, sounds like some girls that got rejected are having some fun
(8/9/2018 10:56:52 PM)
59
FRY OUT
as a registered consultant in crown heights i am constantly hearing young women say oh i was not accepted to sem, should I fry out they are whom to blame but really REALLY

what abt the Spanish and cossak, nazi through it all they survived and thrived and passed it down to the farther generations and now I am not understanding. i get the situation and how hard it must be for you, yet you will forsake all this!! UNBELIEVABLE
its shocking
(8/9/2018 10:57:42 PM)
60
Publicizing was not wise
As an outside observer I would just say it was very unwise to publicize the email. I would think if it was based on mistaken info there would have been a chance for her to engage with the school and discuss. But which school - or any org - would want to deal with someone who publicizes private communications. After all, that is also a betrayal.

And I say that with full sympathy for the girl's situation.
(8/9/2018 11:02:14 PM)
61
To number 56
Again this is not about if the school had a right to this Decision it's about the appalling way they went about it. The email they sent is very telling.
(8/9/2018 11:02:25 PM)
62
What's the intention here?
If Moshiach is on anyone's agenda, then you should scroll over to the next article. There isn't (and never was) any way this write would help the girl, the seminary and worse of all, all that are reading this. This triggers only negative passionate emotions and only creates ýūŗš.

Honestly, I remember growing up when I heard my Zaidy telling my father that bad news is good news (for the news station) and I didn't get it as a kid, I totally do now. This was just a great piece for the website.. But c'mon, you have a great platform for good opportunities (which you do almost always) but this type of stuff just makes the ýŤÔ kick back on a couch and think "this is too easy"

Chodesh Elul is coming up. Let's get it together for a gut gebentched yur. I wish the girl AND the seminary much Hatzlacha in the coming year.
(8/9/2018 11:03:53 PM)
63
To 56
The biggest problem in these letters is in how this was done. All on hearsay and not even giving the poor student a chance to respond.
(8/9/2018 11:05:50 PM)
64
Loshon Hora?
How is this story "news worthy to be published"? It's the same loshon hora you are so against! Publishing something with only one side of the issue, and no background.
The words uttered here are shameful.
Based on one such article a seminary is threatened to be shut down and a principal thrown out to the dogs? What have we become?

(8/9/2018 11:08:20 PM)
65
About time!
Itís about time these types of mistreatment and abuses are exposed. This generation is improving the system step by step with requiring professional standards from those in power.
(8/9/2018 11:09:06 PM)
66
#59 Chas vasholom
Who said she will ever forsake anything, on the contrary she will show them how wrong they are, she has grown and will continue to grow! I know her and she's made of the real stuff. Trying times have always made her stronger they don't brake her.
(8/9/2018 11:17:29 PM)
67
Enough is enough!
Our mosdos must start taking responsibility for our children, if you have a child in your Moisad that is not doing there part in satisfying what the moisad requires, the moisad is responsible to find the proper moisad for that Neshama to be in. The same goes with accepting a child. The idea of putting a Neshama on the street is totally against all the philosophy of Chasidus and basis of the Torah!

If you can not do that, it is to much work, then you are in the wrong industry. Close your Moisad and open a business!
(8/9/2018 11:17:46 PM)
68
Dear girl
Take it from someone who went to sem and Iíll just say that it was not the year of growth I expected. Iím not sure which seminary this is but if it is the one I went to, Iíll have you know that this attitude permeates the sem to the core. Yes girls definitely grew there, and I learned a lot from certain individual teachers, however I felt so disconnected from the seminaryís philosophy that I had difficulty connecting to most of the girls. After seminary some girlsí true colors showed. Not every girl is bothered by hypocrisy and faulty hashkafos, and therefore many are able to grow despite them. A lot of girls arenít sincerely looking to grow to begin with. Also it seems like your growth is very much internally motivated. Going into a very strict framework 24/7 can be very difficult and possibly stunt your growth temporarily. It seems like you have a very deep neshama and hashem will guide you always. Donít worry if you are meant to spend time in Israel learning Torah it will happen even if itís not this year. Youíll be surprised at where Hashem will take you. Rejection hurts but being in an unhealthy environment for you for a year can hurt even more. Keep making the healthiest choices at any given time emotionally and spiritually and trust in Hashem Heís on your side I promise. You deserve better :)
(8/9/2018 11:18:07 PM)
69
STAY IN CROWN HEIGHTS
BAIS RIVKAH SEMINARY IN CROWN HEIGHTS IS SUPERB. SAVE YOUR MONEY, LIVE AT HOME, AND ENJOY THE EXCELLENT CLASSES.
OR ELSE JOIN MACHON CHANA.
THEY TOO HAVE A GREAT TRACK RECORD OF EXCELLENT CLASSES!
(8/9/2018 11:31:19 PM)
70
About "going off the derech"
Yiddishkeit IS OUR GIFT
We don't go away from Yiddishkeit because of what someone did to us
That is ultimately an excuse.
All one is doing is hurting themselves.
Do you stop eating because someone did something really nasty to you?
(8/9/2018 11:46:40 PM)
71
To publicize or not?
We do have a responsibility as a community to ensure the safety and wellbeing of all. This is an ugly thread, but also a necessary one. I know the girl and her mother are upset that these letters got out. As the letter said, we are a small world, and news travels fast. These letters were made available by the close grapevine, but can we learn something as a community about them. The point is not to try to find out who the hanhalah is but rather hope that those in authority value their post and hopefully reassess and learn and improve all the time. That we in a community think before we spread news about an individual. Try not to be the one to say that piece of gossip that might ruin someone's life. We all make mistakes, and hopefully we learn from them. I wish the principal and the student have a great year ahead and come to a better resolution.
(8/9/2018 11:46:42 PM)
72
something is off with this letter
it doesn't sound the way admin of a sem would talk to a girl they don't really know
sounds like a talk from someone who knows the other person for some time now
something isn't clicking here
(8/9/2018 11:48:27 PM)
73
Very true story
I know this girl personally and this seminary would be lucky to have her ! She is amazing and honestly one of the best girls. They have no idea what they turned down but how dare a seminary prevent you from being friends with your friends and how dare a seminary unaccept someone a week before!! They donít have any good reason either! This girl is of outstanding character and someone who makes the rebbe proud on a constant basis! They should really really be ashamed !!
(8/9/2018 11:51:04 PM)
74
Terrible
itís an interesting lifestyle to dedicate yourself towards giving fellow yidden a love for yiddishkeit, but at the same time to act in a way that keeps us in gollus
(8/9/2018 11:53:18 PM)
75
To #45
Thank you for agreeing with #17. We need to be strong together and support those who are pushed away. There is no way that ppl can do what they want and no one says this is wrong. This girl will grow to be very successful in her life family and community. Shame on this director.
(8/9/2018 11:58:46 PM)
76
Berel
Just a sad situation.

Whatever the merits of the decision, that's as trashy and unprofessional a rejection letter as you could possibly conjure. Just a classless lack of empathy. If this is an educator, uch un veih.


"...I'm more disappointed than you are..." - epic lack of self awareness.

If you have to show this girl the door, what gives you the right to kick her on the way out. Who asked for your self-righteous musar.
(8/10/2018 12:04:11 AM)
77
Words that come from the heart...
What we teach and expect of children, all the time, is use your words. What happened to communication? So you heard from someone you think is reliable. And you don't want her to join, fine. What happened to simple human decency and basic chinuch? Calling such a girl, telling her what you heard, hearing what she says, and communicating your thoughts. That would be chinuch. Teaching a child that when they hear something, to hear the other, to communicate, to let the other come to understand the decision. If these are the directors of chinuch, I shudder to think of when my children are the age for seminary.
When the core of education is coming out of genuine love and care for the student, the time will automatically be different. Regardless of whether you we're accepting this girl or not. You could've saved a life, by showing what true care and love is amidst pain and discipline. Instead you decided to destroy. You're dealing with diamonds, deal with them with utmost sensitivity and care.
(8/10/2018 12:07:19 AM)
78
Hard to believe
This story seems too off to be true:
1) never heard of a sem making conditions like that. There are enough "good girls" without taking girls based on "changes ".
2)It is also strange to be having such a go-between (no parent involved), and sem didnt start yet. Sounds like this girl knew prncipal well beforehand maybe a niece of hers (again very unlikely then she would reject her in this way)
3) cant think of any places where any "mrs" would ever have the authority to do this without others undersigned.
If there are any, then the person in charge writing this is a very weak leader
4) interestingly friends not parents are posting this. I am sorry but that proves unreliability. Anonymous friends can easily exaggerate or even put together this rediculous story
(8/10/2018 12:41:12 AM)
79
#60
You clearly have never dealt with certain "director types" personally. For those of us who have, we know that many of them do not act tactfully, or with even the slightest modicum of empathy toward the students they kick out. In other words, they couldn't care less. I'm glad this was publicized.
(8/10/2018 12:45:47 AM)
80
Seminary mafia
Iím sure there are 2 sides to this story! Bottom line is we need to support and start new programmes for ďOur frum from
Birth ChassidishĒ girls (and boys)! Sorry enough bringing in Baal Yeshivah cteen etc! Letís focus on keeping our kinderlach passionate about being frum and Chassidish.
(8/10/2018 12:59:31 AM)
81
To number 24
Your comment disparaging a large group of chassidic Jews runs contrary to the whole idea of your comment. It is CLEARLY not the way of the Rebbe or Chabad. If you have any self respect, you'll go to R' Yoels kever and ask for mechila!
(8/10/2018 1:40:13 AM)
82
HAS EVERYONE GONE LIBERAL?
Did anyone believe this email for a second?
1. Which professional organization does not have a letterhead/logo/ unique font on every email sent by them?
2. As was already pointed out, no organization in their right mind sends personal emails with bold, underlined red letters.
3. When ďcensoringĒ emails such as these for public consumption, one simply whites-out the names. replacing them with a dotted line is unnecessary and just takes extra work. Unless, of course, they were part of the email originally.... get my drift?

Where do we get this complete overjustification-of-victim-syndrome that after one cursory glance at such things we launch into this tirade of lambasting our precious chinuch system?
Have we all become progressive leftists? Canít anyone analyze things with a clear head anymore?
(8/10/2018 1:46:47 AM)
83
HORRIFIED
No wonder so many of our youth are off the derech.
What happened to kiruv. Charity starts at home.
Accept her - shower her with love and chesed and teach her by example.
(8/10/2018 1:54:02 AM)
84
What a great opportunity for Ahavas Yisroel
15 or 10 or 5 or even a few girls can get together now, few days before Seminary starts, and demand that their friend be allowed in or they won't go. Parents can back them up and demand refunds based on the outrageous behavior of the "hanholo."
(8/10/2018 1:54:21 AM)
85
Two sides?
Maybe like shtei se'ifim. What two sides are there for the head of a seminary to write such a yentishe, mean, holech rochil like email? Is this anyone who can Inspire anyone? Is this anyone who cares in the least about not destroying the next generation? Part of the problem is that people somehow think that this is okay. It's beyond disgraceful, especially the feeling that someone, a yiddishe tochter, can be left behind and thrown to the dust. It goes against every principle of the Rebbe and of chasidus.

And that there are the two sides - sick and disgraceful.
(8/10/2018 2:03:20 AM)
86
Mr. Not-so-Naive
A big portion of the negative comments here are identical and repetitive which makes it seem like a coordinated effort to abuse the comments section and flood them with many comments from only one or two people. Itís offensive to the reader who appreciates hearing other peopleís opinions and is subjected to reading a barrage of one or two peopleís repetitive comments.

I understand the frustration but Iím distracted by the emotion and ďnoiseĒ. Please state the facts and let the readers draw their own conclusions and emotions.

The friend(s) quoted in the article are clearly upset but are very immature by taking this matter online. While there may be some things the seminary head could possibly have done better, these girls are not fixing the problem by getting emotional and exaggerating or trying to rally anonymous online support in a dishonest way. They seem to me like hypocrites who are responding to ďhearsayĒ with bigger and better ďhearsayĒ.
In ďthe real worldĒ an article would attempt to get comment from both sides or would at least make an attempt to look balanced.
And to the point of putting her on ďprobationĒ after she was warned Pesach time to change her friends and up her tznius: I think the seminary head did her a disservice by accepting her on condition but would do her an even greater disservice by accepting her now because this girl obviously doesnít know how to take responsibility for her actions and will be in a much worse situation when she gets kicked out in a month or two because she thought she can get away with doing whatever she wants and then asking for ďanother chanceĒ.

(8/10/2018 2:04:00 AM)
87
Michael
Only read some comments. Very personal posting. A father grown up here Brings back much too many hurtful memories. Needless to say Iíve been through this as a youngster. Itís not fun. Something that will be with me every day I breath. Sad to see this is happening today. Indeed how sad. Wonder why thereís so many otdís out there. Schools leaders rabbis blame yourselfs
(8/10/2018 2:34:10 AM)
88
This can drive someone OTD
My friends daughter had gone OTD and then afterwards became a BT. She was rejected from a school fot BT. Was told to wait 6 months so they could see if she was a real BT. She is israeli and had no way to stay in usa as a result. She was so hurt she went back to OTD completely. She later married and now her children are raised totally without yiddishkeit in israel. It really matters if someone is judged unfairly when they are trying so hard to do tshuva
(8/10/2018 2:35:28 AM)
89
Could be any of them really
Sounds like it could have been any one of the personality-disordered seminary directors I and my friends had the misfortune of being under the Ďcareí of for our seminary years. Somehow people keep sending their kids to them despite hearing the horror stories... might be time to demand that anyone in charge of a group of teenagers away from their families for a year should be well trained and have transparent checks and balances in place...
(8/10/2018 4:25:36 AM)
90
something's fishy
To me it sounds like some bored bochurim who decided to have fun and create excitement with some controversy.
(8/10/2018 4:52:11 AM)
91
Not only her. No oversight.
My family was thrown out of a Chabad Shul because of Loshon Hora thatís totally untrue, and we were not even asked for our side of the story.

This is what happens when there is no oversight and every Chabad moisad is run at the sole discretion of its directors. No other frum community functions like this.
(8/10/2018 5:31:22 AM)
92
Just sayin
This situation is not new. The corruption has been going on for years. All ďChabadĒ seminaries who take in girls from outside their respective communities should only be allowed to operate under a central authority that oversees standards. Also while COL rightly brought this shameful situation to the public, they erred by not including at least the name of the seminary so people could know who are incompetent and not make the mistake in future of applying there for their daughters.
(8/10/2018 5:38:32 AM)
93
sad reality we live in
this principle could be destroying this girls life forever... 2 weeks before seminary ?! how can she do such a thing?? i wonder what would have happened if 20 of her students told her that they are no longer interested 2 weeks before sem!
its sad that staff members dont realise how big their impact is on the girls, on the parents and family who will now have to go crazy to find plans for next year, cancel the ticket etc etc
why give young people such a hard time for seminary?? why cant the student voice her opinion on the matter? why cant she defend herself? why are hanhalas so stubborn and not ready to accept any complains/criticism from student/parents?
we need a revolution in the seminary world. seminary has become a buisness, the tuition costs are exorbitant and put many familys in difficult situations... this needs to stop now, who knows where it can lead to...
parents, students, speak up!!!
(8/10/2018 5:48:53 AM)
94
The ultimate Boss
The head of this seminary does not realise that there is a Boss, who, judging by this email would fail her on all accounts of caring for His neshamos.

Before gimmel tammuz, what would the Rebbe's reaction be had he seen such a horrific letter throwing a neshama to the curb?

The fact that it is based on hearsay makes it all the more criminal.

This brings in to question the middos and hashkafos of the person running the seminary. Did any of the chassidus taught at this seminary seep through to the admin?

A neshama is priceless not a commodity.
(8/10/2018 5:50:34 AM)
95
This is how you mint a Footsteps patron
The seminary admins that behave like this are singlehandedly growing the OTD population. And then they look at the girls who did get in and tell them how important yiddishkeit is, when these girls can see right theough them that theyíre selling snakeoil. So just a total waste of tens of thousands of dollars. They should just skip sem and start their lives (work for a shliach, school or whomever) or go to BR in CH. If there were ever a ROI on the fortune spent, those days are long gone.
(8/10/2018 6:05:53 AM)
96
Disgraceful
Disgusting abuse of power .How is someone in such a position capable of writing such a damaging letter.I really hope they apologize.
(8/10/2018 6:47:22 AM)
97
We Know
We know which Seminary this is and we also know who the student is. That is not the issue

Just curious to hear from the Seminary side what they heard about this student,
(8/10/2018 6:53:41 AM)
98
Bochrim take heed
The day bochurim decide to absolutely refuse a seminary girl as a zivug will be the day these atrocious money making places are closed.
Parents, the home environment, the residential area and the residents therein create and nurture the personality and character (middos) of a girl
We have seen the school system, the yeshiva system, the critical viewing of our neighbors and still we donít get it; our youngsters have nothing but bad vibes gleaned from our new-world religious hashkofo
Kiruv is a money spinner. Looking after our own clearly ainít!
(8/10/2018 7:09:07 AM)
99
Abuse of power
Itís simply an unacceptable, insensitive abuse of power, particularly in the draconian way, in which it was handled. To mete down such punishment, without further correspondence, or recourse is criminal. Any G-d-fearing leader, person, or community, should address this with the relevant parties immediately, and not just look the other way.
Good Shabbos
(8/10/2018 7:43:40 AM)
100
FEH!
this is not our way! this is not lubavitch! this is not the rebbes way! and not the rebbes mossad to do such a thing to bas yisroel, the rebbes a kind feh! feh!
please someone name the mossad at this would put a stop to this!
(8/10/2018 7:52:17 AM)
101
Publisher
This occurs in all our Mosdos , these Perps will get their due , Hashem will not let them off the hook ,they will be punished severely , they will know when Hashem gets even with them , heaven watch over our children , there are these abuses amongst us .
(8/10/2018 7:53:16 AM)
102
IS SEM IN ERETZ YISROEL AN ABSOLUTE MUST
mY GRANDDAUGHTER AND A BUNCH OF HER FRIENDS DECIDED NOT TO GO TO ISRAEL AND TO STAY IN n.y.sEMINARY.GOT GOOD HASHKOFOS WENT ON †MIVTZOIM PLUS HAD TH VERY FAMOUS TWO-WEEK TOUR IN ERETZ YISROEL ANS SAVED THEIR PARENTS A BIG BUNCH OF UNNECESSARY EXPENSE AND r ALL VERY HAPPY THAT THEY DID IT.
(8/10/2018 7:59:06 AM)
103
To all those doubting the story
I know the girl and I know for a fact this is true.
(8/10/2018 7:59:49 AM)
104
Dear rejected
One of the reasons for going to seminary is to learn to be a teacher. Maybe you can use you're airline ticket and fly to where the seminary is (Israel?) and get a job, either paid or voluntary, teaching people Yiddishkeit. Hatzlocha!
(8/10/2018 8:01:11 AM)
105
Naysayers nareshkeit
COL would not post this unless they confirmed directly the story is true. So that point is moot.

The fact that people like #70 even exist in our midst, makes me understand how and why so many go OTD these days.

That comment in itself is directly the reason WHY they do.

I also strongly believe this poster is an abuser, on some level, and he/she is guilty, and will have to answer to a higher authority. He/She is THE reason(s) why our kids have gone off.

And you all know it.

Until then, it seems we are indeed unraveling, how sad that our own are so clueless to present day ills on so many levels.
(8/10/2018 8:04:39 AM)
106
If u publish
This then publish the name of he seminary
(8/10/2018 8:14:09 AM)
107
To #14
Anyone who had daughters in the seminary system know that this is not the first time it happened. It happened to a friend of my daughter the year she was there. Time to say NO to this once and for all.
(8/10/2018 8:19:28 AM)
108
Huh?
Trying to act like the victim? Nu, thts why the girls act the way they do in crown heights!enough of this nonsense and prostkeit! You girls know very well the rules of tsnius and yet we shoukd love u, accept u and respect u although you have no respect for any authority! And chas vsholom when a director has stsndards? All u backing the student, how do u know how far she went? Just backing her is going to lead her to improve? Feh feh, sshe is just going to feel she is right, no need to change, improve
(8/10/2018 8:36:14 AM)
109
same thing happened with boys yeshivas
shame on them!!
(8/10/2018 8:43:13 AM)
110
Yakov Kirschenbaum
BH

We have nowhere near enough information to know who's right here. This article is inadequate.
(8/10/2018 8:44:46 AM)
111
Bigger community issue at hand
These letters are indicative of a much bigger issue we face. There are too few institutions to cater to a growing community. There just isnít enough spots and that generates a competitive selective process that often pushes down on individuals instead of lifting them up. The process needs to change. The language needs to change, the way students are treated needs to change. Letís change this. Letís continue to Rebbeís work of bringing our youth in. Letís not push them away.
(8/10/2018 9:05:26 AM)
112
to #78 #78 #78
LoTs of very true points
(8/10/2018 9:24:52 AM)
113
to #88
Yiddishkeit is a gift for us
We don't do anyone personal favors when we are frum
And when we are chas vsholom not
we are punishing ourselves
(8/10/2018 9:26:49 AM)
114
HaMelech Basadeh
Did the minaheles give any thought to the fact that if this young lady were in her program she would have a better opportunity to improve herself in all ways. Oftentimes young people have friends that parents and teachers don't approve of, but the individual is still shtark. And on the other hand, sometimes young people get pushed into the wrong crowd because of the harshness of teachers and family, etc. Those in power should take a long hard look at themselves to see if they are part of the problem or part of the solution!
(8/10/2018 9:39:18 AM)
115
A secretary in a seminary
I have worked in a seminary for years. I think that today's youth need to realize that double standards will never work. People post outrageous photographs of themselves on social media without considering that literally the entire world may see them.
Personally I think that this young lady needs to look at herself in the mirror and realize in the end it is her and the Abishter. Not internet commentors. We all like to justify ourselves when we err, but does that make us right?
I do not believe that any G-d fearing person would just prevent a girl from going to her seminary especially when she tried to help her in the first place. There can never be lasting success or change without honesty and integrity. Patting this young lady on the back will not help for long term change or success.
A seminary and a student is a partnership - no partnership can ever work if it is not based on honesty. It has become clear that this girl and the institution do not share a common goal. Honesty and common sense tell us that the institution and the girl pursue their different goals separately in peace and respect.
(8/10/2018 9:39:35 AM)
116
To #82
It is an email (as the article states) therefore there is no letterhead. This is a verified email. The only question is whether to publicize the name of the Seminary or not. For that, one needs to ask a Rav.
(8/10/2018 9:55:04 AM)
117
Legal Issues
Assuming that the school, in writing, send her an acceptance letter then she should be entitled to a full refund all payments she made, including the ticket if not refundable. This is unless the school can prove with a witness or other similar proof, that she violated a term of the agreement.
(8/10/2018 10:02:10 AM)
118
#110 Read the emails
It is very clear who is doing the injustice, just read.
#1 Relying on Loshon Horah.
#2 No phone call was made to the girl. A true Seminary director does not write in such fashion, let alone dismiss a girl via email.
This is truly incredulous and a disgrace to this so called director.
May Hashem strengthen this wonderful girl who so much wants to grow in Yiddishkeit and shower her with blessings to lead & live an abundantly successful life B'Gashmiyus and B'Ruchniyus starting now!
(8/10/2018 10:03:29 AM)
119
Eqalizer
The heads of many boys yeshivas do the same , they are litarally a bunch of abusers they should be beaten , the Holy Commander of the world will take care of these misfits . Good shabbos to all the real Jews in the world .
(8/10/2018 10:17:23 AM)
120
#78 #88
All your 4 points are very nice but are solely based on your personal knowledge and experience. As for my self, being in the umbrella of Chinuch 21 plus years. All 4 points do happen and unfortunately more often than not. Have you ever heard of a Choson or Kallah that have to make their own wedding plans and sometimes even have to fundraiser for it? Everyone of your points do happen quite often.
(8/10/2018 10:25:11 AM)
121
Really Disgusted
This is complete garbage
Look what the world has come too.
Poor girl now canít go to the seminary she has been so excited to attend.
And now instead of coming together and doing something about it.
Some of you guys are just saying how the girl is wrong?? and we have the story wrong???
Who the **** do you think you are to go and say this?
this is a girl who what i would call was abused.
There are some really nasty people in this world.
Just the way this email was written up to the girl is disgusting and babyish.
(8/10/2018 10:39:18 AM)
122
Dear Anonymous,
What a special girl you are! I am so impressed with your response. How you did it without anger is incredible. You are so special and they honestly don't deserve you in that seminary.
We all need to work on ourselves. It neve comes easy. But you seem full of toichen and I'm sure you'll find a better place....
(8/10/2018 10:46:08 AM)
123
To the young woman:
Hashem is showing you a bracha. This is clearly a sign that you do not want to be at this seminary. Why would you want to learn from people who are so cruel and harsh? This is the biggest bracha and your tafkid is elsewhere.
(8/10/2018 10:58:51 AM)
124
Sick to my stomach
One of the most disgusting things i have ever heard in my entire life. There are some really nasty people in this world. Maybe hopefully now all of our parents, will realize why us teenagers have a hard time sticking to our faith. I hope this seminary and the people running it will suffer tremendously.
And realize that they abused a inncocent child.
(8/10/2018 10:59:02 AM)
125
Donít know all details
Iím not taking any sides but this is my take from all this.
1) All these Chinuch institutions; seminaries, Mesivtas and Zals. Need more oversight and accountability. From my experience, many just open up in a random place, make promises, take Bochurim and do what ever they want. Generally, these places put the image of the hanholo or institution before the ones theyíre there to serve.
2) donít hang on the fence; either take the girl and try her out (personally see if she changed...) or donít accept her altogether. To do this is just wrong and a very big turn off.
3) we worship the image way too much. So many boys and girls try getting into Mosdos that are on higher standards than them. If you want to change; change and if not; donít. But donít go around saying ďlook how chassidish I am. I went to this and this Yeshiva/seminary. Youíre not your Yeshiva/seminary. You are you.
(8/10/2018 11:05:36 AM)
126
To 78 and 112
You probably also believe man never walked on the moon.
Welcome to 2018. Not everything makes sense. People in this world are nasty.
(8/10/2018 11:22:34 AM)
127
Sholom Ber
Hey Kid and parents, Run don't walk; away from this seminary. This is a taste of whats to come if you'd go. And to all the friends that are going to this place, I'd think really hard at this point whether or not this is the place you want to spend your year and your parents hard earned dollars. I'm willing to bet that if this is the treatment you get before you actually go what your year is going to be like; Stay away, go anywhere else.

Dear Seminary principle: Please stay away from Crown Heights you are not wanted here, We don't want to see you at the kinnus hashluchos, we don't want your kids in the Crown Heights Yeshivah system either. We don't want your new son-in-law in Kollel here and so on and so on. You don't belong here.
(8/10/2018 11:23:23 AM)
128
The System
Is corrupt!
(8/10/2018 11:35:14 AM)
129
Wha?
This girl was given an unbelievable chance. The hanhala are tzadikim in giving her a chance. She CHOSE to laugh in their face to continue in her hefker life and spit in their face. BĒH the hanhala had enough backbone to not accept this type of girl and so not lower their standard for the girls that are Frum and ascot as we parents want. This girl has a lot to learn in frumkeot as well as mendhlichkeit. Good luck to her and stop threatening that she will fry out. If this stand on the part of the seminary based on her actions will cause her to fry out. Then she is like that and would just have brought down other girls. We will all see that the hanholah did the best thing .she does not b long here . Thank you hanhala for showing that Chabad still has standards. Those writing against )mostly family) just have a personal agenda. So vent somewhere else and donít corrupt our good girls
(8/10/2018 11:36:14 AM)
130
To #105 Truth of blogs are not confirmed
Anonymous posts on col and other blogs are Not necessarily 'confirmed to be true'. That's at the discretion of the reader who has to make their own determination whether to read it and whether to believe it's true.
(8/10/2018 11:38:03 AM)
131
Special
Whoever wrote that the girl is special why and how Please explain by her behavior? Actions? Friends?
(8/10/2018 11:39:01 AM)
132
High school Teacher
I began reading the comments last night and as is obvious the anger, frustration and pain is very clear! I teach in a non Chabad HS that is a college preparatory school and let me tell you that you can be rejected after you have been admitted on grounds of moral turpitude (in our language, not tznius etc) and if you don't maintain your required GPA. THAT BEING SAID we know that the experience of going to seminary is not at all about acquiring a career!! As one who is in education I would tread more carefully when dealing with a student who has already been accepted. The letter and the tone is callous and insensitive. Trial basis till after Yom Tov may have been a better option. By the same token young people must understand that there are standards. Whether these standards are hashkafically based on just simple requirements of the job, this is how our society runs. Young people must take responsibility for their actions and accept the consequences. There are two issues here: a) was this young lady justifiably rejected b) the manner in which the termination was handled! Clearly unprofessional and insensitive.
(8/10/2018 12:00:36 PM)
133
Number 124
Please don't put the blame of your responsibility and your personal Yiddishkeit on outside people.
Are you so weak that you can't even control your own self, you need others to sway you back and forth?
(8/10/2018 12:24:53 PM)
134
Cult
This woman is running a cult. Not a seminary. One of the attributes of a cult is for the leader to seperate his/her subjects from his/her relationships. If she was hanging around with a bunch of drug addicts she should not have even gotten an interview. And if not, of what relevance are her friendships? The only relevance should be her own behavior, so her citing which females sheís hanging out with as a reason for being disinvited is proof that she was spared a cult and she should enjoy a visit to that destination and then return to spend a year in the non cult institution of BR.
(8/10/2018 12:31:01 PM)
135
Email
You can read the email
You can read response from girl
You can read the rejoiner
Of course it is true

(8/10/2018 12:32:51 PM)
136
#127 Sholom Ber
It's not just one person. You'd be shocked and horrified how many directors/principals have done similar in and out of CH and it is not just a seminary issue. It's all ages and grades and it's an abuse of power.
(8/10/2018 12:42:23 PM)
137
#129
COL would never post something like THIS without verifying. Unless I am totally off, this website is not known to just post nareshkeit and loshon horo. You "know" better!

I bet you are "part" of this problem, hook, line and sinker.

Shame on you and shame on where we have gone.

The ONLY ones in jeopardy daily are our kids. Our sons and daughters that have such hardships within our own amazing communities as it is.
(8/10/2018 12:58:48 PM)
138
Ahavas Yisroel
Dry your tears, Don't carry this hurt in your heart my dear, you are a very special neshama, Hashem has amazing plans for you, just look for the signs, The Rebbe is looking out for you.
(8/10/2018 1:22:47 PM)
139
Talking from experience
To the girl this happened to, it might be very frustrating now, but telling you from experience, in the future you'll laugh about it. Seminaries are one big money-making scheming people. Beis Rivkah seminary is just as good as any other seminary. Use your ticket to go and tour Israel and take in all it has to offer, and then come back and get on with your life.
(8/10/2018 1:26:15 PM)
140
Problem with our Education system
This is what is wrong with our educational system. #1 - the lack of emotional intelligence when writing such a detrimental email to a young girl, and #2 not thinking of the grave consequences and repercussions this may lead in the future. When will the communities learn that this type of attitude turns our generation of children off? When will they learn that they single-handedly kill our children? An 18-year-old girl, who is trying to do the right thing, and perhaps is not 100% up to par by the standards set by an organization - instead of reaching out to her with love, push her away with animosity (just look at the Red Capitol Letters - indicating sharp language) Perhaps this girl needs some Chizzuk and perhaps by accepting her and allowing her to change her environment, make new friends and learn new habits - they pushed her away, got her angry and hurt, and now wonder why we have a drug problem, high suicide rate, high rate of off the derech kids, and Shidduch crisis. Our system is to blame for the way things are - if we do not change our attitudes, social norms, and approach - the issues will only get worse!
(8/10/2018 1:43:18 PM)
141
Tolerate
That email was not written by an educator.

Plan and simple.

A conversation where a child can feel heard is more suitable - any educator with 1 month experience knows that. No matter if this girl was not tznius or had boyfriends - or whatever the prey was - such an email does not go out in such a manner. Yikes is All I can say. Retract and give the girl a shot.

Itís clear as day that this girl obviously slipped up and erred from her response email back - she certainly insinuated mistakes made - but cmon people thatís not how we send a letter to vulnerable kids in 2018.

Letís stop stuffing kids in our created boxes and allow them chances to fly and bring Moshiach in ways that talk to them!

Sheesh.
(8/10/2018 1:48:44 PM)
142
Hashem Yerachem!
This director certainly has the spiritual blood of this girl on her hands!(I feel almost sorrier for HER than the girl for what she will undoubtedly have to answer for on High! May Hashem bentch both of them with a year full of clarity and understanding!
(8/10/2018 1:51:18 PM)
143
Ahavas Yisroel
perhaps the director of the seminary needs to learn Pirkei Avos , and take it to heart!!!
(8/10/2018 2:16:39 PM)
144
hearsay?!
what was the principal supposed to to send a detective to take pictures ?! that is how you figure fings out...by asking around and getting the information you need even in 2018...
(8/10/2018 2:44:47 PM)
145
Stop already.
My daughter didnt get accepted into seminary in Eretz Yisroel, so she went to BR in our own CH (excellent program, by the way!) and the 20k plus that we saved we gave her to help for a downpayment on her new house, BH!

The community has to get a grip on itself. The comments here are ridiculous. Teach your children that every experience in life is a learning experience, even getting rejected from seminary.

Teach your children resilience, not to collapse because the world did not go their way.

Its basic life skills.

-Seminary is not a right, its a privilege. It's like college or University, not high school. It does not qualify as basic education.

-Seminary heads owe nothing to no one. You are willingly forking out the money for this 'experience'- don't cry that they take your money.

Chinuch is the responsibility of the parents, not the Mosdos. Be good examples to your children. All these comments are not good examples at all. Your children will be brats and spoiled spouses if they think that everything is coming to them.

My daughter didnt land her first choice seminary, though she is a great girl. She was sorely disappointed but learned to accept that we don't control everything. She picked herself up and made a success out of herself. Today, she is a popular shlucha, with BH a lot of brochos in her life. A lot of her friends that went to Eretz Yisrael, have ho-hum lives, so she actually ended much better off. BH, today she has a wonderful, capable husband and good, sweet, erliche kinderlach, BH.

I also feel that publishing a private letter is highly questionable and self-destructive. What midos are we teaching the next generation?

Let's stop blaming and shaming. Look in the mirror and realize that we should stop worshipping this idea that seminary davka in EY is a must. It really, really isn't.

As the Rebbe said: Mach Da Eretz Yisrael!

(8/10/2018 2:45:39 PM)
146
is it true?
1st of all. the school and the head must be revealed . if not ,its alot like the fake news. if its true, the seminary must be closed or atleast have the staff responsible for the letter ,fired Yiddishkeit has nothing to do with being frum over hurting some1 like that. Moshe rabeinu destroyed the luchos abi not to hurt the yidden, and Hahem was extremely thankful for it.
there must be a revamping and reset button on yiddishkeit. if ahavas yisroel is not in the front there theres no need for it
(8/10/2018 2:47:39 PM)
147
my daughter told me to save my money
she researched places and figured she would learn more by being of service on shlichus.
she is on shlichus now. B"H. I used the money for her wedding B"H.
(8/10/2018 2:56:57 PM)
148
Administrator head has ego out of control
With heads of school like this, a true sickness from the head.
(8/10/2018 3:05:43 PM)
149
To the Mechaneches
From the girl's response alone it seems that you lost out on a gem, sounds like she is a grounded bas chabad someone is not above the fray and has things to work on like everyone else, but what was is that you heard from your reliable sources that made you act in this way?

Did you really think that after a call with you "pesach time" the girl would cut off all contact with her classmates of years and or defriend them because her seminary head is not fond of them? Wouldn't that be rude and wrong in your view? Or did you really think that she dress to your liking 100% all the time after a phone call with you "pesach time" even when you are not around? I wish that I had that kind of Yiras shomyim to the rebono shel olam, how did you realistically expect that from a teenage girl, seems to me that the very fact that she was initially accepted to your group is becouse there was a bridgeable gap from where this girl was and where you would have liked her to be (at least externally), nothing here seems to have warranted a letter as vicious in content as seemingly malicious in timing as the one you send her.

Bez"h the girl will be fine and you will have hatzlacha too, but what have you tought your pupils on how to respond to hearsay, or unmet [unrealistic] expectations, to be like this? Hurtful, condescending, and munipulative? it's wrong even and especially to a young person.

Its my hope that you make better informed decisions in the future, and do so in a mentchliche way.

Wishing all a Shana tova umeshuka


An apology is warranted, and a big person can probably get themselves to do it.
(8/10/2018 3:17:16 PM)
150
Sick and disgusting
No wonder everyone is leaving the derech. Who wants any part in this?
(8/10/2018 3:56:28 PM)
151
This administrator could use some professional guidance.
If my daughter were a recipient of such a letter, I would bring in investigators and lawyers to assess the situation and the actors in this play. Why didn't the administrator ask the student to come in and talk? Why did she feel the need to write in red, as if she's threatening or thinking irrationally, why wasn't the "reliable source" invited to meet with the girl and administrator, why was this situation handled in such a one-sided way? Now mind you, maybe the girl actually did not comply with the agreement; however, the professional thing would be to have a meeting/mediation and then have the decency as and ADULT to talk compassionately while being realistic with the girl.
This kind of compassionless to cold response, one that values some rule more than a neshama, does not represent the kind of atmosphere or philosophy I would entrust to my daughter. And I doubt that the Rebbe would recommend handling it in that manner.
(8/10/2018 3:57:01 PM)
152
Imagine
How amazing would it be if they resolved this in a different way. I hope the director self-reflects and readmits the student. Now that would be Moshiach times.
(8/10/2018 4:13:06 PM)
153
Been there done that
I feel your pain. I am the father of a mesivta age bochur (not in NY) who had a similar story. The RY accepted hearsay about my son and refused him after being accepted. As of now we have not been able to forgive the RY, I hope to be able to in the future (and I pray my son was not affected - he got into a different Mesivta BH after much heartache). Don't give up! Be strong! Hashem is on your side! Don't let one person determine your future unless that person is YOU!
(8/10/2018 4:20:22 PM)
154
If you are going to be a leader....
....in a system that aspires to the sacred mission of caring for while educating our children, then we must posses qualities that blend intellect with heart. If not possessed in the personality of the leader, then at the least she/he would be more effective and respected if personal and professional growth were worked on. Maybe prayer with guidance, a therapist, reading up on, speaking with other leaders respected in the field, communal resources, spiritual guidance.......
(8/10/2018 4:44:15 PM)
155
Bas Yisroel
Unfortunately this story is not shocking to me. As a recent graduate of a Chabad high school, I have seen this happen again and again. These ďChabadĒ schools do whatever it takes to protect their precious reputation, not caring about the perception of Yiddishkeit they are impressing onto these girls, victims of one of the worst Aveiros. Lashon Hara, even when true, is what gave Hashem reason to deny us Moshiach all these millenia.
(8/10/2018 5:16:06 PM)
156
SADLY, NOT AT ALL SURPRISED - HAPPENED TO MY KID TOO
Sadly, I am not at all surprised and my own daughter had a similar experience, albeit thank G-d she was not the only to get The Letter, because it was sent to parents instead. Before we will focus on kiruv rechokim we should first be working on the preservation and kiruv of our own precious children in our schools and communities -- we are slapping them around and pushing them away in droves. Ask almost any Tzach parent these days.
(8/10/2018 5:28:40 PM)
157
Other better options
Go apply to non chabad seminaries they donít look at you like a meal ticket and they treat you like gold! My two daughters went and they had an amazing experience! If this is what chabad seminaries have to offer its time to look elsewhere
(8/10/2018 6:12:57 PM)
158
HaShem yerachem
Honestly, go to non Chabad seminary. I wish the Libavitch system was better but itís better to go to not Lubavitcher places that actually help the girls and arenít just a money maker vs going to Lubavitcher seminary and being treated like garbage
(8/10/2018 6:21:55 PM)
159
Who ....
are the individuals monitoring these schools? If they care at all, maybe they should take on the mission of correcting flaws in Lubavitche schools before it's too late .
(8/10/2018 10:33:45 PM)
160
Reliable source
Right, I'm sure
(8/11/2018 3:47:08 AM)
161
A bochurs advice
Move on. I'm a bochur fresh out of the system (the whole thing including smicha) I had an extreamly tough time throughout my yeshiva experience but I managed my way through it. I'm now out in the world and taking full responsibility for my life, choices and responsibilities. Let these bad experiences build you not break you!
And most importantly don't victimize yourself, and don't let the bad people within our great community blind you of how amazing our lifestyle truly is.
(8/11/2018 4:25:39 AM)
162
Mivtzoim
So the next time I'm on Mivtzoim and someone asks me if he can put on tefillin, I should simply answer, "Sorry, I heard that you are a Mechallel Shabbos B'farhesia, so you cannot put on my Tefillin".
(8/11/2018 8:55:06 AM)
163
To # 46
How do you know it's true?? The principal said she HEARD from a reliable source.Who is
this reliable source? I notice that THAT namw was not mentioned, nor was the places observed by this Loshon Hora person. How cowardly. If the principal had at LEAST called the student in to have a talk and bring the so-called "reporter" into part of the meeting, then maybe something would be found out. But in this case I consider the principal to be immature, inexperienced in these matters, unprofessional, and ill-equipped for the job. Again, how DO you know the story about the student is even true?!
(8/11/2018 5:56:09 PM)
164
Hello
Everyone take a chill pill.
Youíre not allowed to believe lashon hara. Especially when itís so direct and causing people to speak it even more.

Seminary is a privilege, and they owe you nothing. If something doesnít work out, take it normally as a chossid.

Being in the Rebbeís moised is the biggest gift you can give yourself. Donít go somewhere else. We have the treasure of Chassidus by us and itís our task to spread it! The Rebbe is trusting us.

Have some common sense, an open heart, a bit of humility, and donít give in to the rubbish people spread around.
Letís bring Moshiach.
(8/11/2018 7:17:20 PM)
165
Terrible
Maybe the Mrs should work for CNN fake news
#Anonymoussources
(8/11/2018 7:27:07 PM)
166
Sem was the worst decision of my life!!!!!!!!!
I was a BT in a very authentic loving lubavitch community who misguidedly encouraged me to go to sem instead of college. From the minute I got off the plane and met the "MRS." I knew I made a horrible mistake. In my community every step towards yiddishkeit was encouraged with authentic love and everyone was genuinely proud of me. In sem I was never good enough and told so,even though I made every effort to turn my life inside out. I was called "trash" I was accused of being not tznius with boys, I was threatened that they would tell my community Rabbi's about my behavior. I was told that I was worse than the nazis for reading secular books. I became the scapegoat for everything that went wrong because I was BT. Though I was BT I grew up sheltered, it was the CH girls who engaged in all the negative behaviors they described about me. But I was always getting yelled at or reprimanded or threatened.
I left sem with a hatred for religion. The week I got home I bought a pair of pants and started hanging out with my secular friends again. It took a long time to get back to being religious and again it was all through being surrounded with authentic loving Lubavitchers. I was never pushed or asked why I started wearing pants, but every time the rebetzin saw me she gave me a genuine hug and told me how proud she was of me no matter how much I rebelled.
This crazy time of my life taught me a valuable lesson that the only way to get kids back on the derech is with authentic love. It's ok to let your kids to go off the derech and experiment, it's better as teens than having a kid life crisis once they have a family. Just be there for them and let them know you love them while on their journey and I guarantee they will come back.
(8/11/2018 8:50:09 PM)
167
Chabad school system
Chabad school systems are the worst in civilized world - period. This same scenario happened to me except it was in a lubavitch mesivta. The hanholo there are insensitive, inconsiderate, and couldn't care less about the bochurim that go there.
(8/11/2018 9:05:58 PM)
168
care of our eigene kids__!!

I have kids who were rejected out of the group of friends going to yeshiva and sems for NO justified reasons....2 of my kids had very difficult yrs in sem and yeshiva, due to other kids who were doing the wrong things....it costs us our heads in money, but our hearts and the kids hopes for a special inspiring chasidishe yr...they went thru lots of personal nisyonos thanks to the institutions using all thier efforts for the kids who were taking advantage of being in Israel etc
however here obviously this girl is what tania and chabad is all about....someone for others to learn from
so what are we preaching?? our own kids are the korbonos...those that come from outside chabad are taken care of royaly...
ad mosai
(8/11/2018 10:23:36 PM)
169
166 heartbreaking....
what a heartbreaking story...as a shlucha and nothing to do with the sems, besides my own kids and each of thier stories,...i feel i would want to apologize to you
i totally feel admirable of you for having the strength to choose to come back and find the true path...and BH how lucky you were to be in a community of real Lubavitchers. they have a lot to teach us all
broche vehatzloche!
(8/11/2018 10:26:49 PM)
170
to no 157 and 158
"better to throw your kids in a fire then to send them to the yevesectszia schools" the fridicker rebbe
they tore ahvas and yiras hashem out of yiddishkiet and the strongest sina to lubavitch the rebbe please dont be blinded by the show they put on to show they love yiddishkiet it a show for a farshtunkene peice of olam haba they wont put on teffilin with someone unless there is potential for him to go to yeshivah they are in it for olam haba and the MONEY signed someone who went through the misnagdishe school sytem
(8/11/2018 10:43:23 PM)
171
To #162
Your mind works in mysterious ways, forming connections between unrelated topics.
A school is not an outreach center. They have their standard and want their students to be people that will live up to that standard.
Mivtzoim is chessed, not a structured school. Helping another Jew do another mitzvah.

I have no opinion on who is correct in this story since I know virtually none of the details, I am only responding to your comment.
(8/11/2018 10:56:52 PM)
172
What ....
....are the consequences for all involved? Yes, ALL involved.
(8/11/2018 11:18:34 PM)
173
why the uproar
there was an agreement, and the girl didn't keep her part...so why should a seminary risk having her when she clearly doesn't follow through.
this would be irresponsible of the seminary to knowingly take a girl that doesn't follow rules and can most probably bring others down or do things that aren't safe.
please...all you finger pointers, you don't run a sem. so stop deciding what to do till you are in that place.

and sem age isn't a 3yr. old. if frumkeit decisions are based on this than obviously its fragile enough that its looking for an excuse to go off.

cmon everyone...lifes full of rejections. take responsibility for your actions, your commitments and stop blaming everyone for your own misbehavior.
(8/11/2018 11:36:03 PM)
174
Impartial
This tempest is not about an at-risk girl. I know her. She is rock solid. She deserves an apology!
(8/11/2018 11:53:52 PM)
175
To #173
Please enlighten us what she did wrong since you seem to know, this would really help her if she just understood. Are you the reliable source?
(8/12/2018 12:12:22 AM)
176
To 173
You do not know the whole story. Do you think that just because a "reliable" source said so it IS so? Furthermore, there are much more professionally appropriate ways to handle this situation, and the principal handled this in a very unprofessional and socially immature way. And again, you do no know!
(8/12/2018 2:39:57 AM)
177
Unfortunately
This does happen.. I wonder why the seminary has not posted here, telling what really happened,or denying without revealing their name.
Was the shliach called about the girl to verify. There r too many
unknown facts,so b4 blaming either the seminary or the girl. Maybe col can find out the truth and without names verify.
While I was teaching 12th grade a few years ago,a girl was accepted and then sent am email that she was rejected c of what the seminary heard about her.
I called a Rov to ask if that was permitted, bc not getting accepted is painful but happens all the time, many times simply because of space. But getting accepted and then unaccepted is embarrassment, humiliation etc. The Rov said not allowed unless proven, it has to b talked over with girl and parents.
That never happened and I will never forget the dead look in the girls eyes. She was beyond devastated.

Probably posting about this was not a great idea but once posted and reading all the emotions, anger, blame, hurt, it needs to be addressed
(8/12/2018 3:00:07 AM)
178
Rov in California
An apology would be in order however the damage has been done , name names , this school should be shut down , we shall then aftetwards apologize to the school,
(8/12/2018 6:53:05 AM)
179
And I thought Jews were smart!
Where was their seichel? The fact that the girl wants to attend the seminary shows that she wants to do the right thing and make some changes in her life. No one is forcing her to go, and G*d knows we need to attract as many Jews as we can! Another thing; why wouldn't the seminary at least ASK THE GIRL about these allegations before kicking her to the curb? THAT would've been the mentschlich thing to do!
(8/12/2018 10:56:50 AM)
180
name the school
Thats the least you should do.
Im sure that is for the best, Who would want to go to a semnary
whose mechanchim emailed a rejection letter to a young girl- no consideration- no heart.
(8/12/2018 11:18:50 AM)
181
innuendos
It is shameful to play the fool

Everyone knows the Seminary it was alluded to here and on another site referred to explicitly

Protecting identities at this very late stage when ever so much damage has been created ; for the poor female victim and for seminaries in general.

A grip ought to be rendered by our Rabbinical leaders and this taken firmly in hand and sorted at the highest level

(8/12/2018 11:50:36 AM)
182
No more sem
As a mother of daughters I can honestly say that done with the whole sem thing. Itís a year of over-priced sleepaway camp in Israel that the girls think will change their lives. Theyíve been acculturated to believe that without sem, life canít go on. Itís so wrong. While there are lots of good teachers and so many valuable experiences, the management ( I should say mismanagement) is unacceptable. It has become a money-making business with directors who lack true leadership. Iím done with sem. I donít recommend sem in Israel to anyone. What a shame. It is truly shameful on the part of the moneymakers.
My heart goes out to this girl. But donít worry. You will be stronger and better off without this.
(8/12/2018 12:06:48 PM)
183
The principal
does not have the appropriate skills and awareness necessary for being at the helm. Wisdom and sensitivity, along with fair opportunity to meet were sorely absent. Although I can understand that there are people who are cut and dry, rules are rules, etc. , as an educational leader myself I maintain that more depth and maturity was needed. Furthermore, it seems more than likely that the Rebbe would never condone the manner in which this situation unfolded. Let's think about that!
(8/12/2018 12:31:57 PM)
184
To Comments : 115; 129 ;145 ;173:
Thank you for inserting a bit of sanity into this madness. Your comments make the most sense and are not just emotional outbursts (as unfortunately the majority of the comments are). We'd be wise as a community to heed your words. Thank you!
(8/12/2018 12:53:36 PM)
185
Bais Rivkah sem
in N.Y. was my best year of school. Highly recommend!
(8/12/2018 1:13:25 PM)
186
College
What kind of message are we sending our children? That if they try to do the right thing, but can't fully do it 100%than they are not worth it?!
Maybe we should just stop sending out children to seminary and instead to college so they can actually make a living.
I personally sent my children to college and they all grew. Now one of my daughters is a mother with a normal job.
So...,
Dear rejected,
YOU HAVE AN OPPURTINITY! You can actually grow this year!
(8/12/2018 1:25:55 PM)
187
To the Student
PLEASE PLEASE publish the name of the seminary and the principal, so that we will know to avoid it. You must help us protect our children from such conduct. It could C. V push them away
(8/12/2018 2:33:33 PM)
188
Not the first time!
This isn't the first time that this seminary has done such a thing, and it's been done in the past for far less! If the hanhala thinks that such responses preserve its reputation, the it is profoundly mistaken and backwards. Such prejudice rejection, especially after being accepted and "committed to," breeds anger and distrust in the system and in those who claim to keep girls in the right path. What a Chilul Hashem.
(8/12/2018 3:56:09 PM)
189
To 184 and company
There are always a few bad apples, however good thing you are so very few. I hope you treat those around youóand if you are in a position of achrieous especially soówith more kindness and inspiration.
(8/12/2018 4:18:00 PM)
190
#146
You said the school should be revealed and closed, and I agree. But do you realize this has happened in many of our schools?
It's not just seminary.
(8/12/2018 7:13:52 PM)
191
To the girls who received this letter
You are so lucky. You have now seen, without having to waste a minute in the place, the true colors of the person who runs the institution where you wanted to learn and grow.
You are better off without them. G-d clearly has much better plans for you! Who can learn and grow under the leadership of someone with such stiffled views???!!
It does not sound like a healthy environment and far from one of learning and growth. It sounds like an environment so insecure about what they are trying to teach - they must not have very good knowledge of the subjectmatter!
Learning and growing is great. It is a life mission for all of us. BH the world today gives us so many opportunities to learn and grow. Go for it. Find people who are truly inspiring and learn from them. Work on yourself and grow. Do it in a seminary if that works, or do it somewhere else.
Please try to step back and see the bigger picture. There are so many opportunities for you out there. Opportunities that will allow you to remain friends with people who might have different standards to yourself, give you the freedom to work out what modest dress means to you and inspiring people to learn from. Maybe it wont be so easy or clear cut. But the gain will be greater.
Please dont limit yourself and your growth the the confines of a seminary. Turn to G-d with sincerity and ask him to open for you the path to your personal learning and growth.
Wishing you much hatzlacha and bracha!!!
(8/12/2018 8:12:41 PM)
192
This girl worked by me
This girl worked by me this summer. She is sweet, frum and extremely hard working. She came here without her group of friends... If the seminary wanted to know what she was up to, youíd think they would have called me, but they didnít!
(8/13/2018 12:18:24 AM)
193
shidduch rejections
They hurt more. In the end we look back and realize it was a brocha. So too this.
(8/13/2018 6:31:24 AM)
194
Yosef
Interesting to note. We will be mekarev a girl /women who is barely dressed at all. Yet if our children dresses are a quarter of of an inch off we come down on them like a ton of bricks.

I know a family where the parents are ďshpitzĒ supposedly very machmir. When it comes to hachnosos orchim every excuse in the book not to take in guests.

Another family where the mother is not so tzinius but will take in guests in her small apartment and go out of her way to do someone a favor.

Is there any question why so many of our children are going off the derech? Even as low as drugs which is a plague in our community.

This menaheles should think this through very carefully because we are dealing to day with life and death.
(8/13/2018 4:08:11 PM)
195
To those who have no problem with how this was handled:
I do not understand how you can make such a black and white statement that the girl deserves this because rules are rules, etc. First of all, you do not even know the facts. Secondly, you do not know who the so-called reliable source is, or even if there was one. Thirdly, I've never heard of a reputable school or administrator who doesn't call a meeting with those involved.
It is very unprofessional. All communication was done between informers and principal, which is clearly unjust. I think it's a shanda. Furthermore, if we can imagine how the Rebbe might suggest such a situation be handled, I and many others could never imagine that it would be handled in such a way. Never.
(8/14/2018 12:49:45 AM)
196
To #184
thank goodness these comments and my discussions with many parents this week all point to the same conclusion.

You ARE the problem, and your minions.

For us personally, and we see many other - we are done with Sem. This girl is lucky. Whoever you are, walk proud!

(8/14/2018 7:37:13 AM)
197
Saved For Life From a BT Bubby
What girl would want to go to a seminary headed by a person who is looking for girls with a set prototype. Young lady hold your head high move on! Yes at this age it is important. Look to your inner self and brochos of the Rebbe. Make the next few years the most meaningful and productive experiences of your life. Filled with people doing positive things, thinking positive and the Rebbe Ratzon. If you would even get reaccepted it would cause you deep emotional turmoil that will follow you into adulthood. You are strong I can tell because you openly called out this seminary. I am a bt bubby and am blessed with wonderful knh grandchildren and some where told when then arrived at a Yeshiva. It was a mistake we took you!. Thank gd they survived productive adults but it did hurt. No offense to the seminary but get new hanala to deal with this generation. Re-evaluate your mission statement to be inclusive and what the Rebbe wanted for each person. If you can't move on!
(8/14/2018 9:22:36 AM)
198
What can we as a community learn from this?

It's clear that the majority of the commentors harbor tremendous hurt, probably from their own negative experiences within our school system.
So even the few rational commenters who try to put things into perspective and give a much healthier and more helpful view on the situation (See comment #184), still cannot heal the pain of the many commenters who side with pain of the girl who was rejected.

Clearly this should be a wake up call to all of us who are in chinuch (and that includes every parent, as each parent has a responsibility to be mechanech their child/ren, at the very least on how to be a mentsch. And please note which comments were said in a rational, mentschlichdike way rather then steeped in anger as the majority are). Let us
re evaluate the methods we use and ensure we don't chas veshalom crush our precious charges. Maybe there's a better way we can get our message across, which will keep our student's dignity intact. (For suggestions on how this can be done, check out any of these great links;

-Rick Lavoie When the chips are down;
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulg87NOxeLc#

- Use Every Opportunity to make others feel Valued which will then help them progress;
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5Nyr1OizVo0#

- Ben zander- A teacher can create a world of possibility;
https://youtu.be/qTKEBygQic0?list=PL9T6s38O7hVLJFO76HAhlINMMRl8z1_Yf

(Its possible that the head of the seminary could've written the letter in a more caring way.)

However, as a community, this should also be a wake up call to us- what do we want our children to learn and gain in our mosdos chinuch?
Is it ok for a mosod to set high standards it wants to inspire its student body to adhere to- both in and out of school?
If yes, then what should be done when those stardards are ignored (as the seminary says happened here)?
If no, if it's not ok to set standards, then how can we ever hope that our children will follow the chassidishe derech we hold dear, become shulchim who will inspire others and make the Rebbe proud?
And how far should this go?
Should standards be limited to mosdos chinuch?
What about shuls ?
Or Shulchim approved by Merkos?

What else can we as a community do to help improve the situation and help others reach the standards the Rebbe wants for his chassidim?
And how can we deal effectively and caringly when those standards are ignored?
Let's ask ourselves how we can each change and improve, hamaaseh hu haikar. Talk (and comments ) only help if it leads to positive action. Let's think how we can make this world a better place and bring Moshiach now.
(8/14/2018 3:53:12 PM)
199
Reminds me of the United flight
reminds me of the United flight in which a man was forced and dragged off of a United flight, after he was already in his seat, in order to give the seat to a United pilot needing a flight connection. The guy sued because once you have a seat on an airplane, its yours- there is no turning back!
Once you accept the girl, you cannot go back on your word.
(8/14/2018 6:32:13 PM)
200
To 198
No one said to ignore standards. Just the opposite. It's just that standards are more than academics and behavior of students. Standards are also behavior and strategies of the adults in any school. In this case, it was the responsibility of an adult, assumingly schooled in ways to deal with out-of-the-usual situations, who fell short of maintaing high standards for a just, mature, yiddkshkite procedure. If we think about the Rebbe, for example, we can not ever imagine his proceeding in that manner. Nor can we imagine his recommending such leadership procedures. Let's imagine a few ways in which he might offer his wise and loving advice
(8/15/2018 7:44:23 AM)
201
to 200
It seems here it's Yiddishkeit and chassishe standards that this girl did not live up to the seminary's expectations.
Although I'm sure the Rebbe would encourage working with the girl, it seems the principle had already done so by making an arrangement with her previously. (I wonder how many other seminaries were willing to try and work with this girl.)
I know of times (in exceptional circumstances) where the Rebbe told shluchim that if the behavior of a child will have such a negative effect on the other children in the school then the hanola has to do what's best for the school as a whole. I'm not judging this case, I don't know all the info. But I do know that schools must often weigh up such cases. It's not easy. It would be much easier if children and teenagers do what their parents and teachers want them to. ; ) ; ) ; )
(8/15/2018 10:34:19 AM)
202
to 198
I don't think changing schools with high standards is the problem. Not having schools for kids that aren't fitting the box is what is the problem. Not every boy and girl out there is suited for tomchei temimim, even if they come from the most chashuva and yichus dich family in the world. But where should they go? If you send them to modern orthodox schools you are considered a traitor or pariah, you send them to modern sem/yeshiva even more so. So what's the answer? Open mosdos for these kids, stop only catering to the cream of the crop and start making schools for the ones whose lives will take a different path.
(8/15/2018 11:37:34 AM)
203
Disgust
This letter is the proverbial keyhole, onlooking the dirty politics of a non transparent seminary director. There is no reason the name and school of the director was not published here. Let the court of public opinion determine if this was just. If there is a proper reason, as opposed to some made up hearsay, let it be made known. Should the evidence be convincing, the offended party will have the right to not go public. This will ensure people do not abuse this. Allowing these cottonseed actions to continue, without cautioning the community of these shady under-dealings is wrong.

How can our most precious resource be entrusted to dictatorial elites with no oversight. Transparency is the greatest friend of a well run and clean institution. When this sour tomato director writes in all caps and then red lettering, the lack of professionalism bleeds off the page forming an ominous cave of unchecked opinions and a reprobate personality.

It is shameful this is allowed to continue.
(8/15/2018 11:50:36 AM)
204
to 203
The court of public opinion?
Thats a horrible thing to say. The public is a monster of hate. Go ahead, say your name and take credit for what youre saying. You won't, hiding under the "public opinion.
Deindividuation.
Distribution of responsibility
The Mob mentality
Group think.
Get a life and learn psych 101
(8/15/2018 7:08:55 PM)
205
202 Hit the Nail on the Head
I grew up on shlichus and was the "black sheep" of the family because I was rebellious and wore jeans and listened to secular music. I was tossed around from yeshiva to yeshiva, always made to feel less than by both peers and family. I was always considered a problem because of how I looked and dealt with this issue into adulthood.
I happen to live in an MO community now as an adult and its such a relief. Not one person looks down on me because of how I dress and I am considered fully frum!!! Never ever did I consider myself to be frum, even if I kept shabbos/kosher because I was always told how wrong I was.
In the MO community I am fully accepted and even host many events. My own parents won't eat in my home because they still don't trust my religiosity only because of external factors. They judge me based on my appearance alone, yet in the MO community I am a mentch.

Thankfully lubavitch has changed and it is much more accepting than it was when I was growing up.

It is sad to see how much pain there is on these comments.
(8/15/2018 8:43:13 PM)
206
Horrible
I know this girl very well and she is a very tznius kind young women who is EXTREMELY hard working and this is just not fair to her. And I think that the principal should have at least wrote the letter a bit more nicely... this girl is now stuck for an entire year without any plans.
(8/16/2018 1:14:50 AM)
207
I agree with 202 and 205
It's heartbreaking to see how much pain there is in these comments. Like 198 suggests, it should be a wake up call to those in chinuch.

202, your idea of more accepting and tolerant schools I think is very good. I think we are heading in that direction but not fast enough. Schools like Lamplighters and Darchei Menachem are trying to accomodate the students who need a different approach. But more is needed. Then there are surely those who believe that these schools aren't really chassidish enough for their children, even if their children need such an approach. So I think opening new schools catering to different needs is a good starting point, but existing schools also must change their approach. Teachers need to be careful they are dealing lovingly with our young adults. Our children sometimes must receive the message ''We love you but we don't approve of what you're doing.'' School staff can do this lovingly if they want to. And if the schools aren't willing to take such a loving approach maybe those staff should not be in education.
(8/16/2018 1:50:33 AM)
208
Backward logic
If anything, the principal should reprimand those who said Loshon Hara for ruining a girls future- and the principal should be fired for communicating in such an aggressive manner- if they had any doubts about the girl they should've spoken to the girl to discuss misunderstanding
(8/17/2018 12:34:52 AM)
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