Aug 15, 2015
If Only You Would Have Known...
Illustration photo by Chaim Twito

Australian educator Toby Lieder says there are many things in life you would regularly do if only you knew that...

By Toby Lieder

You never know when you are making history...

You never know when the kind word you said today made a huge difference to a person in pain...

You never know when someone calls you Thursday night, it may be because they want to get invited for Shabbos...

You never know what that cup of water meant to the repairman working for you...

You never know what your big smile has done when your spouse came home...

You never know the ripple effect that a random act of kindness of yours...

You never know what happened after you gave a Shabbos candle to a Jewish woman in the hospital, or on the street...

You never know how impactful your quick visit to the hospital room was...

You never know what the guest at your Shabbos table will be copying at their own one day...

You never know how much more your children learn from just watching you, than listening to you...

You never know how much more effective you are when you talk rather than shout...

You never know the long-term impact of 10 undisturbed minutes with your child...

You never know how now expressing a grievance can do more than a loving word...

You never know how much love and respect you will get if only you showed the same to others...

You never know what would happen if you gave 2 compliments for every word of criticism...

You never know what kind of life you will have if you remembered that G-d runs this world and only expects you to do your best...

You never know... until you try!

To read more from Toby Lieder visit

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Opinions and Comments
You never know what not accepting a girl into seminary can change her life for the better
(8/15/2015 10:19:38 PM)
beautiful,thank you
(8/15/2015 10:48:17 PM)
You never know
When you expels boy from yeshiva
How much damage Have done
How your decision could have influenced the complete decision he will take in his immediate future
Like turn to drugs seeking approval elsewhere
(8/16/2015 12:20:21 AM)
You never know
When you love your kids unconditionally and accept them no matter what derech they choose especially off the derech the impact that you have in keeping their fire alight in returning the chance that you have in them coming back to the fold are far greater by you not judging them and accepting them just the way they are at the moment. Most impt to love them more!!
(8/16/2015 12:23:55 AM)
You never know
When a teacher says a warm word to a student that is normally quiet almost invisible and the teacher notices and has a warm chat perhaps after class and notices the student and says a warm word to them what an impact it makes on the student It happened to me
(8/16/2015 12:26:19 AM)
You never know
That when you have a challenging child and you give them that something extra how it can go such a long way for example when a child was extremely difficult in his behaviour acting out for attention etc we took that child rides in the car
Whenever we would need to go on an errand. We gave him that little extra attention In the car one on one and slowly that little act of attention started changing his u accepting behaviour You never know what a small change like this can make a big difference
(8/16/2015 12:31:29 AM)
The 16 "Aseres HaDibros"...
Every one of these poignant lines are powerful,however the 16 th - the last line, i love the best.

Yasher Kochachen!
(8/16/2015 12:35:57 AM)
You never know when.......
You make that one random phone call to your mommy to tell her how much you appreciate her and love her may be the last time you will speak to her. I didn't know that I should have done it more often because the last time I spoke to my mother I o lay thought about myself and kvetched to her again about my problems instead of remember ting to say I love you Ma and I never got to
Tell her that I love her since she suddenly passed away. If only I could've said one more I love you Ma
If only I would think about HER more then I thought about myself If only I had one more chance to
Say I love you. What can I do for you rather then what can you do for me. Pick up the phone my friends and say I love you tryout other right now! You never know.......
(8/16/2015 12:36:35 AM)
You never know.............
When you say a fine report by a call about a shidduch and you focus on all their maaylos how your report can make ALL the difference to a persons future! You have no idea how your report will make it or break it. You never know
(8/16/2015 12:39:43 AM)
You never know the impact you have
When you go 101% out of your way to give that little extra
Individual attention to a Bochur in your yeshiva
My son was drifting towards the wrong crowd and one mashpiah in his yeshiva took that extra time to take invite him for a walk and give him personal attention and show an interest in him making him feel aware of his choices and responsibilities all in a warm casual manner showing him the right way through this extra attention just a small conversation. You never know when you give a student that little extra attention and one on one chat where you are catching him on which crossroad he is at and bh his life took a turn for the better just from one conversation. You never know the impact of one sincere conversation with your students!
(8/16/2015 12:46:57 AM)
You ever know when
Go on a criticism free diet just for 24 hours and focus all you're Erny into what is going RIGHT how your life can change 360 degrees! I tried it once and omg. Everyone asked me all day are you alright?
(8/16/2015 12:50:41 AM)
You never know when you put a little note in your kids /husbands bag
Just a little love note that says I love you into their lunch bag or school bag. Or mention of a good sweet thing they did that day what an impact it will make ontheirmood that day! You'll ever know unless you try it
(8/16/2015 12:53:09 AM)
You'll never know
How much it means to your parents that you spend 30 seconds once a week Erev shabbos to just say good shabbos what it means tithe until you have you're own family
(8/16/2015 12:54:52 AM)
You never know when
When someone calls you just to say hi for no reason that they may need your friendship and support more then ever and hey don't know how to
Say it so next time you get a call and they say I'm just calling to say hi please do t just brush it off. It spend an extra few minutes to be sincerely interested in their life and be fully focused on them in the now and don't get carried away in your agenda. You never know what your five minutes of pure sincere empathy can do
To Save a persons situation.practice being a good listener
(8/16/2015 1:02:22 AM)
Keep it up
Really special. Thank you
(8/16/2015 1:11:41 AM)
If only you would know...
How powerful having an enjoyable Shabbos meal together can have.
(8/16/2015 1:49:10 AM)
So inspiring
Thanks so much!
(8/16/2015 1:58:06 AM)
You never know
The shidduch your child could have had when you say no because there is a sibling with special needs.
(8/16/2015 1:58:42 AM)
U never know how amazing life in LONDON is!!!
Excellent schools , abundance of kosher food , resturants galore ,frum chassidisher KIND community , high standard of living, living with all different Jews yet all together , mild weather , excellent shopping to name afew..... Love my home town!!!
(8/16/2015 1:59:05 AM)
to #8
(8/16/2015 2:05:49 AM)
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing! Keep writing!
So realistic!
(8/16/2015 2:39:27 AM)
i really enjoyed this, thank you
(8/16/2015 4:18:39 AM)
You never know...
Well I'm not so creative! ;)
Well done, very nice.
(8/16/2015 5:55:57 AM)
If only i would have known what the teacher was saying to my daughter
U never no what words a teacher can say that can make your child go of the direct my daughter was told close your button cover your elbows etc as u look like a goy well u no what she now dresses like a goy .bh she has had a good u bringing hopefully she will come back but Please don't judge the parents all the time
(8/16/2015 7:51:45 AM)
This is so beautiful
Especially all the comments
(8/16/2015 8:03:46 AM)
One never knows
When you give a man his 'cave' which is time alone when he comes home from work to allow him to unwind what effect it will have what investment it will be for a happier more peaceful conducive environment the rest of the evening
It worth it. So instead of shoving the little ones in the tired worn out husband when he walks in the door at night let him relax and unwind with a cuppa tea bring him his slippers and treat him like a king! You never know, he may even treat you back like a queen ! You never know. There's one way to find out
(8/16/2015 8:56:11 AM)
Yo never know
how precious each of these comments are!!!
(8/16/2015 11:23:52 AM)
You never know ( even though we cetainly should )
That the Abishter watches everything and knows everything that we do. You may think you are fooling everyone - and possibly even fooling yourself - but it is Elul and there is a Yom ha Din. Give serious thought to anyone you have hurt or damaged and make things right - the Gemorah explains exactly how - because Yom Kippur does not take care of the way we hurt others.
(8/16/2015 11:46:30 AM)
toby, you have brought out
how to use Torah for healing, helping, simcha and how to grow in this world. what a beautiful piece of writing that is so powerful, I just love this and astounded at all the thoughts. THANKYOU.
(8/16/2015 12:31:57 PM)
we carry the ability to change lives for the better in so many ways, we don't even know how much. as someone said above....just DO these great positive mitzvos and see the power.
(8/16/2015 12:38:44 PM)
TO NUMBER 3 & 19
Yes, I found out what it did to a good chasidishe boy when his principal threw him out of yeshiva for wanting to learn some English (that this principals wife taught privately to other boys from the same yeshiva). Today this boy is not frum and only remembers how he was mistreated by his yeshiva!
And #19
Yes it's chodesh Elul a new I find it unforgivable what this man did and is still being done by a woman who constantly embarrasses her students in public giving them good reasons for rejecting the Torah way of life
(8/16/2015 5:23:43 PM)
dont get the point of this
this i think seems to be reffering to those that DONT know but for harav hagadol like me who does know..............
(8/16/2015 7:15:36 PM)
And comment number 1 was supposed to refer to the author herself and not in anyway condone not accepting girls or boys into schools or seminary
(8/16/2015 9:03:55 PM)
Parents, please know that you'll ever know........
Parents, you never know what damage you are doing to your children if you keep using your mobile phones during mealtimes Your kids need your fullest attention
They are craving it. They will soon mimick you. And when you want them they will be on their phone too. You never know the damages done till they're all grown up
Take heed!!! Put down those mobile phone during meal times and turn to your loved ones and start talking to each other!
(8/17/2015 6:24:23 AM)
You never know how far a 1 minute memo message on your cell can go
You never know how far a one minute memo message to your kids or ainkilach can go! Someone I shall call her shaindulz came up with this brilliant idea. I complained that I never get to talk to my kids or ainkilach cuz they don't always answer the phone etc so she suggested why don't I just press that little microphone on the bottom right of my phone and talk a recording for one minute to them saying I love you Ori miss you and mention one nice thing to them. Imagine to your kids surprise when a memo from mommy arrives to just say
Hi I love you just thinking about you!! Same with ainkilach. Just talk press that
Little mike and say anything to the little ones and watch what'll happen! You never know. Visa versa. Kids press that
Little One and say a few words to your mom and tatty and or grandma etc it takes just 1 min wow you never know what a difference this could make
(8/17/2015 6:30:12 AM)
Great article
You never know by accepting children into school
(8/17/2015 7:12:26 AM)
You Really Never Know The Impact You Make By Saying Hello To A Newcomer To Your Community
I was recently new to a community and I have experienced an awesome feeling of warmth and care when a woman called me each and every day for one minute the first 2 weeks I had arrived and asked me how I am, How I adjusted, If I need help. advise, or just anything. Literally every day for 2 weeks! Ill never forget this for the rest of my life! Thank you Yehudis! You never know the impact you make by a 1 min phone call!
(8/17/2015 10:01:12 AM)
from South-America
Excelent !!! special to keep in mind everyday, we never know when we need to think about it!!
(8/18/2015 1:44:20 PM)
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