Aug 13, 2015
Our Son's Stressful Bar Mitzvah

Timeless Advice from the Rebbe: To the parents dealing with overwhelming preparations for their son's Bar Mitzvah.

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Watch the Rebbe's response to parents how to handle the overwhelming preparations for their son's upcoming Bar Mitzvah.20 Adar II 5749 - 1989

Posted by Daily Video of the Rebbe on Tuesday, August 4, 2015

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Opinions and Comments
BH. !! This is incredible!! Don't try to impress showing up all what you learn
Learn what you need to make your connection with the Aibeshter
(8/13/2015 11:17:18 PM)
This is the problem with parents today. Unless a boy or girl have the capacity to cope with it, they pressure their children to undertake way beyond what is required and within their capability, simply to impress the friends and family at the simcha, at the expense of their son's simcha. Which many of these fathers themselves probably never did or would undertake. It will either make them or break them. It all boils down to ignorance. The maamer alone is a major achievement!
(8/14/2015 5:33:23 AM)
Rebbes opinion:Bar mitzvah bochur NOT to "waist time" on "LAINING"!
The Rebbe has written many times and asked to publicize his opinion (see all of this in the sefer "Ben yud gimel l'mitzvos") not to waist time on external matters such as being a "shatz" (as the the Rebbe calls it) for the krias hatorah,as a hachona for the bar mitzvah.The Rebbe also adds that by doing so, parents are causing the bochur to go through unnecessary stress!

Horav yehuda keller z"l was asked by the Rebbe in his bar mitzvah yechidus, what he prepared for his bar mitzvah?
when he ansewred that along with a pilpul, mamar and the the halachos, he also prepared the "krias hatorah",the Rebbe commented to the young bochur: "GEPATERT DI TZEIT!" (or: "A SHUD DI TZEIT!").

It is very unfortunate that lately in many lubavitcher shuls this "show"/"custom" (that is widespread amongst the conservative and reform, rachamona litzlon from anything they represent) has started to creep in.

Everything has its time. Becoming a "SHATS" for krias hatorah should be in a later stage in life not in advance to the bar mitzvah.It always pays to listen to the Rebbe.
It never pays not to listen to the Rebbe (though one can find a million excuses) especially when the wellbeing of our children is involved.

The Rebbe once sent a message in the 'seventees' through Horav berel levy z"l to (my father's z"l cousin) Horav Moshe Aharon Geisinsky z"l (of nachalas har chabad) when he was in communist Russia and desperately wanted to leave to Eretz Yisroel as he was getting old but the Rebbe did not agree,as he was needed to assist in all Jewish matters in his community:"ZOG EM (AZ) ES IZ KAINMOL NIT GEVEN AINER VOS ZOL HOBEN MIR (GEHAT) GEFOLGT UN ZOL (SHPRTER) CHAROTAH HOBEN!"
Translation:"Tell him: There was never anyone that listened to me and (later) regret it!".(He of course listened).

(May i respectfully add: i am a shatz (baal kriah) l'arichus yomim v"shonim tovim,so was my father z"l, going back
for generations,so is my son sheyichye, for all generations to follow b'ezras hashem and we began that
practice at a later stage in life,not before bar mitzvah.
It was also done gradually,such as starting with the very small krios of monday and thursday etc.).

Sholom Dovid Geisinsky
(8/14/2015 5:41:35 AM)
Focusing on what's important. This Applies to everything
(8/14/2015 8:34:12 AM)
This is nothing special but exactly as the Rebbe stated to others and has been recorded in all the BM books.
(8/14/2015 10:18:44 AM)
Yirmi Cohen/Toronto
Wow. In this video with the Rebbe, this is our very own Dr. Chaim & Chavi Goldberg of Toronto.
Chaim & Chavi, keep up your great work of Hafatza in Toronto! Much Nachas from the "Bar Mitzva boy" & all your kids!
(8/14/2015 10:39:48 AM)
Does anyone know
who this couple is?
(8/14/2015 11:04:18 AM)
I always used to ask myself that question why the schools don't teach the boys the year before all the customs and laws in preparation for the upcoming event so they should appreciate and understand The next big step in life that they are going into. It was very nice to hear what the rebbe had to say on the subject. And I believe the same in the schools it's not the quantity it's the quality of how much the kids are taking home with them
(8/14/2015 12:11:05 PM)
How can one heap so much stress and pressure on a bar mitzvah bochur is beyond me.
(8/15/2015 10:33:28 PM)
The Rebbe seems to clearly advocate that the knowing the maamer by heart is not so important as learning it and chazering it inside and understanding it. Unfortunately the prevalent (yet ignorant) custom is to put a lot of pressure to learning it by heart and neglecting whether or not the bar mitzvah boy actually understands what he's saying.
In other words, it's better for a BM boy to read the maamer inside and understand it that to chazer it by heart without understanding it. Hopefully this video can impress on the mashpiim and 7th grade teachers to influence a change in this regard, to take iff the pressure of learning the maamer by heart yet introducing bar mitzvah boys to learning chassidus.
(8/16/2015 12:37:10 AM)
To #10 - I very much agree
(8/16/2015 3:03:48 AM)
"stress and pressure" not the main point
#9 should watch again and read what the REBBE says about this issue so that HE will not "miss the point"!
stress and pressure is mentioned by the rebbe (not even in the video clip but in one of his letters on this matter) as an ADDITIONAL reason to the point the rebbe keeps on emphasizing, that the bar mitzvah must prepare himself only in a pnimiusdiker way not with chitzoniudiker matters.
the rebbe says clearly in the clip :"der iker iz...", regardless weather it is a pressure or stressful for the bar mitzvah or not.even if the bar mitzvah himself is pushing to do it,the rebbe is telling HIM (the bar mitzvah) not to do so.
(8/16/2015 8:24:55 AM)
To #3
The rebbe says here in regards to laining: "unless this is the minhag". In many orthodox communities it is the minhag and the fact itself that the rebbe mentions the minhag shows that it has nothing to do with reforms etc. as you write.
The rebbe indeed discourage the minhag within the lubavitcher community but from here to call those who minhag avoyseihem bideihem reforms it's a big mistake, and as a matter of fact many shluchim have to adopt the minhag due to their mekuravim etc.
Kol hamossif Gorea..
(12/15/2016 6:25:00 AM)
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