Oct 22, 2012
'Ashkenazi-Sephardi' Can Work
Illustration photo by Israel Bardugo

In a letter to be published in an upcoming Igros Kodesh volume, the Rebbe says shidduchim between Ashkenazim and Sephardim "pair up nicely."

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Crown Heights Yid
time to end the racism between ashkenazim and sephardim; as well as all the stereotypes people have about sephardim. It doesn't only show a lack of education and refinement but it is also against the ways of Toras Chaim, that Jews are all one.
(10/22/2012 1:22:51 PM)
Not a chiddush
I wrote to the Rebbe years ago about this exact point and the Rebbes answer was that it is OK to do, many have done it vihazivugim uloo liyafeh and a brocha for mazal tov.
(10/22/2012 1:34:11 PM)
go sefardim, go ashkenazim and go all jews
(10/22/2012 2:04:02 PM)
hes ashkenazi, shes sfardi
= great combonation. I know of a number of great marriages like that. (he's used to helping at home, she makes great food...)
(10/22/2012 2:09:39 PM)
I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I know more than a couple that are one ashkenazi and one sephardi
Me myself, i'm a mix, and i'm proud of it :)
So... Smile and lets just go deeper and look for stuff more important than the country from which parents or grandparents come from...!
(10/22/2012 2:15:57 PM)
It doesn't matter where you come from. Point is culture. Do you have self respect? can you keep your calm, or are you cheap street trash?

Same goes for Black & white color doesn't matter. its culture that matters how you carry yourself. Do you come across as a cheap low life & perhaps even are proud of it?

Well that's what puts you in 2nd class not color or national origin.
(10/22/2012 2:17:06 PM)
Not So simple
I will not address whether or not in can work/pair up nicely etc. What I will say is as with ALL of the Rebbe’s letters were written to specific people who had specific circumstances and should not be taken as applying to all in every situation.
(10/22/2012 2:26:44 PM)
Daniel Granovetter
I'm not much of a fan of the song "Yalili," but yes, certainly Ashkenazim and Shephardim should "intermarry." :o)
(10/22/2012 2:29:06 PM)
The bigger question now a days is-could a Mashachist and a non Mashacist marry.Hopefully a resounding yes
(10/22/2012 2:47:10 PM)
#7 you are totally wrong when the Rebbe said or wrote something it was applying to each and every one of us!!!!!!!!
(10/22/2012 2:54:59 PM)
Some ashkephardi marriages are disastrous
I think it depends if they both reside in the USA, where the American culture overpowers ashkenazi or sepharadi. In other locals, such as Israel, I've seen ashkephardi marriages with disastrous results...
(10/22/2012 3:00:14 PM)
Dear comment #7
I think you are totally wrong. First of all, in addition to the letter published on COLLIVE, you can find very similar letters in Igros Kodesh (Vol 8 pp 75, Vol 13 pp 187, Vol 20 pp 227-8)

Like any shiduch, the 2 people need to be compatible in many areas. But the mere fact that one is sefardi and one ashkenazy should not make ANY difference.
(10/22/2012 3:11:43 PM)
7 is right IMO and 8 makes sense
(10/22/2012 3:50:09 PM)
oh oh here we go...
Printing a letter from the rebbe to one individual isn't a message for all.
mixed Marrages might work for some but I certainly would not entertain the idea for my kids simply because marrage is hard enough just dealing with man / women differences , so why give my child the extra work having to deal with cultural differences too?!
(10/22/2012 3:54:47 PM)
to number 7
The rebbes letters are addresed to EVERYONE and not just to specific people.Of course he wrote them to specific people but now That we can no longer see the rebbe the igros is our guide.
So DONT be sore bore.
(10/22/2012 3:56:19 PM)
What about "reverse"?
What about a sfardi guy marrying an ashkanazi girl - wouldn't the culture chasm on the sefardi roles of males and their expectations be too great to overcome by an askanazi girl?
(10/22/2012 4:31:29 PM)
Are you kidding me?!!!
Look I can agree with #4 and #7. But who in their real mind thinks that the reverse can work? There are very few instances in which "she's ashkenaz and he's sephardic" can actually work - they may both have gone to the same type of schools and grew up across the street from each other - but the way they were raised by their families are inherently different - neither is good or bad per se, but just very different. And unless both families and young people can adapt or compromise on those certain cultural things - then all I can say is: the best of luck - I seriously doubt it will ever work. Unfortunately stereotypes carry several truths with them and while stereotypes should not be entirely relied upon nor should they be totally dismissed. A very aidel ashkenaz girl will never be able to deal with a tough, demanding, and dominating sephardi guy. And before all of you bash my comment - I am not saying one size fits all but just in general.
(10/22/2012 4:35:43 PM)
to 7
theres nothing wrong with askenzim and sefardim marrying...what could be a problem?? :/
(10/22/2012 4:38:07 PM)
not for everyone!!
The rebbe said this to a specific person! He dident make a "kol kore" for everyone. Sefardi girls are worse then sfardi guys
(10/22/2012 5:06:32 PM)
this is a bit late in the game
its been "working" very nicely for quite a long time
(10/22/2012 5:53:31 PM)
ha ha
look at me, i'm ashkanazi and my better half is sephardi. and we got a beautiful brochoh
(10/22/2012 6:27:06 PM)
Married to a Sefardi man
To # 17. I am an ashkenazi woman marrief to a sefardi man for many years and couldnt be happier bh!!
(10/22/2012 6:27:27 PM)
Sefardi girls respond
Sefardi girls are much prettier than ashkanazi girls. We sefardi girls also have real yiras shamayim, the connection between our neshama and Hashem, which is only superficial in ashkanazi girls. We also have a real heart and warmth, not the "coolness" of ashkanazim. Finally. remember - we are "sefardi tahor!" - we have a tahara (without inbreeding from the gentiles - hence blond hair, light skin etc.) which is unique.
(10/22/2012 6:27:43 PM)
To number 23
Get over yourself!
(10/22/2012 6:56:06 PM)
To number 23
If you are a true Lubavitcher you would know that no matter ashkenaz or Sephardi , chabad I s all the same. There's no culture shock to get over.we are all the same
(10/22/2012 6:58:53 PM)
i'm not american...and i think...
everyone is different..maybe to one person is ok and for sombody else is not...but i do really think that sfarady and ashkenazi have really different culture so..it is not soo simply...personally i'm a sfaradik girl and i will not accept to go in a shidich with a ashkenazi boy ...for soo many reasons...it will be too complicated...
(10/22/2012 7:00:57 PM)
I am in shock!!!
I do not understand why this is a subject to discuss over!!!!
Do we discuse an italian marrying someone from australia or someone from crown heights marrying someone from china...??!!!! The same excuse like not growing up the same way ect..can be used for this marriages and ashekenazy and sephardi marriages!!!!
I am talking from experiense since i am a so called ashkenazy girl(my grandparents come from nevel!!!!) mattied to the most amazing sephardy boy!!!!!!!
What i think mathers is are both lubavitchers , do they both have the same goals , are they both on the same page!!!!
Where the grandparents were born IS NOT IMPORTANT!!!!!
I wish i can stand up and scream what i think and what i experienced!!!!!!!
If anyone wants to talk to me please feel free to email me at saveawedding@gmail.com. . You dont have to give me your name just feel fre to talk to me about this isuue since i lived trough it and know exactly how this feels!!!!
If you are a girl or a boy or a parent that would lile to discuss thia issue i would be more than happy to help you out with it!!
May we share many many weddings!!!!
(10/22/2012 7:20:51 PM)
It may be true that a certain letter is written to a certain person etc.

BUT ... In an answer I got from the Rebbe, the Rebbes loshon was very general about the fact that Sfardim and Ashkensim can get married and it will be successful.
(10/22/2012 7:33:44 PM)
#23 Where are you in the shidduch world?
I'm looking for a Sefardi girl for that reason!!!
(10/22/2012 7:34:24 PM)
make sure families agree
Maybe it can work but if the families are against it then DON'T even go there! It would be absolutely catastrophic for a marriage to start out in a fight! And the Rebbe always said to listen to parents. Afterall it's not just one of the 613 mitzvos but it's one of the aseres hadibros!! There are unfortunately couples today that don't talk to their parents because they refused to listen to them. What kind of marriage do they have? They are definitely not facing reality if they think they have a normal life and at the same time they have nothing to do with their families! So NO, it's definitely NOT for everyone!
(10/22/2012 7:47:18 PM)
not the greatest idea
I know a sefardi guy married to an ashkenazi girl. He does nothing and she has two jobs. He's just happy to have someone take care of him. Poor girl......she fell in.
(10/22/2012 7:51:03 PM)
is it not the point of yalli
(10/22/2012 7:53:03 PM)
Reply to 23
Eisav was Sefardi Tahor and he was a red head. So was Dovid Hamelech. The Rebbe has Blue Eyes etc.....
(10/22/2012 8:09:48 PM)
to 23 ''amazing sfardi girl''
Well the fact that you posted that itsef shows nott such nice things about you. That was bragging and what you said was not even all true. Beuty-who cares? the important thing is your inside (and btw there are plenty of beuatifull ashkenazi girls).
Real yiras shamayim?!! SO DO ASHKANAZIM!!!! We are all on nation and all from the same hashem!
My aunt and tons of people i know and all the shluchim have '' real warmth''. And as for looking like a goye well thats the way hashem created us!! Is that our fault?
So stop bragging and think about all the beuty in a jewish woman in general and not JUST the sefardic specials!!!
I am an ashkanazi girl an di am hurt by wha tyou said because i to was born jewish and have a neshama and all the qualities your sefardic girs have. Why can we all just be happy with everyone and ourselves and stop comparing and competing?
(10/22/2012 8:38:09 PM)
To #23
Coming from a fellow "sephardic girl"... Why bash other people? We're all Jewish and equally special. Let's not get all petty...
(10/22/2012 8:55:20 PM)
Nice couple
My neighbors are a lovely couple, husband is Sephardi and wife is Ashkenaz. Contrary to Sephardic men stereotypes, they are so happy! Halevai my children should be as happily married.
(10/22/2012 8:56:43 PM)
If I recall correctly, reading through "ETernal Joy" the Rebbe has many letters expressing how this shouldn't be a reason to object...
(10/22/2012 8:57:49 PM)
nowadays there are many sefardim who are more ashkenaz than ashkenazim themselves.
(10/22/2012 8:58:26 PM)
Proud Jew
There us plenty problems even when you 2 ashkenazim are married. My neighbor got the chulent on her face once and i found her crying on the street. They both have Yichus ! Not all the Ashkenazim are alikd and not all the Sefordim. You got to know who you pick, no matter his origin.
(10/22/2012 9:04:33 PM)
Mrs Perl Arbor
When Ghezher chevra take sefardim for Shidduchim the moon will turn to cheese!
(10/22/2012 9:20:08 PM)
I hope you're joking
Eisav was Sefardi Tahor and he was a red head. So was Dovid Hamelech. The Rebbe has Blue Eyes etc.....

This better be a joke. If not, someone seriously needs a very basic course in Jewish history.
(10/22/2012 9:38:02 PM)
proud couple
i am ashkenazi and my husband sphardi and we are the MOST perfect couple....so ...there you go
(10/22/2012 10:23:38 PM)
In another letter in Igros, The Rebbe writes against a shidduch reason one , he is ashkenasi and she is sefardic, reason 2 the vast difference in age. Chabad in Isreali schools treats both groups the same, which is not so...So each case has to be taken by itself
(10/22/2012 10:24:47 PM)
Most of ashkenazim are fromage thé Khazar (converted)
Thé Rebbe comes from King Dovid.
(10/23/2012 12:03:06 AM)
Its fine as long as youre fine with it
My wife and I are both chabad. I have sephardic background and she has ashkenazi background. I have a baal teshuva background and she has a ffb background.

We had difficulty in the beginning of our marriage because she was not cool with my background and would look down on anything I would do that would shmeck of sefardi (like the way I would cover my eyes and kiss my hand after shema).

Dont marry a sefardi if you look down on them. Basics of marriage- there needs to be respect for one another. Dont marry someone you cant respect.

If you understand/appreciate that sefardim and ashkenazim are equally loved by Hashem, then you'll be fine.

(10/23/2012 12:05:03 AM)
Post Copy of Letter in English
- #17 if u look at the letter u would note that this is the actual case. (end para 1)
- letters are to specific ppl, but general lessons to all can b inferred from them
- refer to ur Chasaside Rav / Mashpiah / "asey locha rav'
(10/23/2012 12:53:21 AM)
Am echad
We're all part of one big family.
I'm a girl, amd im actually in the middle, because
My father has sfardic backgrounds and my mother has ashkenazi background.
Both chabad, so there's no problem with minhaghim and stuff, they appreciate one another and i think it's great.
So it's just a matter of understanding if he/she is the right person for you, if you get along etc.
So may everyone find their soulmate basing themselves on deeper stuff
(10/23/2012 5:38:45 AM)
Attn 23
This side, that side, THIS SIDE IS THE BEST.
But camp over. Now it's life.
(10/23/2012 8:27:57 AM)
Personal Experience
From my own failed marriage to a Sephardi (I am Ashkenazi) I can say that of course Jews should marry other Jews. Just be very very careful to ensure that you have the same values and expectations as your spouse. Cultural differences and misunderstandings can cause tremendous fights and ultimately lead to divorce, as it it did with myself and all the other Ashkenazi women I know who also married Sephardi men.
(10/23/2012 1:57:41 PM)
number 44
Some historian you are. It happened in Hungary only
(10/23/2012 4:01:25 PM)
To #49
A. There are divorces everywhere, unfortunately. Not just to such marriages as yours.
B. You should go out there and meet more people if the only "mixed" marriages you know ended up that way... There are plenty of happily married people like that.
And last but not least,
C. There's always 2 sides to a divorce.
(10/23/2012 4:28:04 PM)
to # 31
I"m Married to a Ashkenazi girl and i do almost everything in the house including washing dishes, cooking, cleaning, fixing, working in 3 jobs,etc. and I'm not Ashkenaz, and guess what i still love her and care for her and happily married. B"H.
(10/23/2012 7:25:42 PM)
Excuse me, to those of you criticizing sephardim here, both men and women...I say...Sephardic Jews, esp. Jews from Aleppo are the most "authentic" Jews ever, like Abraham avinu mamash.
(10/24/2012 12:03:53 AM)
to 23
not all sefardi are not light skinned, you're a bit ignorant. there are a lot of morrocans who have light skin and blue eyes! You are stereotyping the sefardim. And maybe you shouldn't boast about yourself because that just reflects who you are!
(10/24/2012 12:27:33 AM)
Are you sure about your lineage?
My Bubbe Z"L and family were from Czechoslovakia. But there is a tradition that she is descended from the Spanish Inquisition.
So, if you think you are Ashkenaz, maybe not.
(10/26/2012 10:00:46 AM)
Sephardi + Ashkenazi =
BT + FFB...
Apples + Oranges...
Chassid + Misnaged...
Mishichist + AntiMishichist...
It "can" work but it will be VERY difficult.
(10/28/2012 5:16:47 PM)
Of course it can work
Question is will it.
Some ppl are rooted in the culture in one way or another that could cause aggravation in the marriage. Ppl have to know themselves by asking themselves before going on shidduchim these vital questions.
(1/3/2013 12:11:16 PM)
Sfardim have a respect for tefillah
And have self confidence
And are named sfardi tahor
(7/18/2013 4:17:38 AM)
not to mix not means not to appriciate. but doing a mixing from each kind with other kind is unsmart and really stupied. in specially between peoples. and there are differences. of course.
(10/18/2013 5:01:58 AM)
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