By Tzippy N.
I’ve lived in Crown Heights for seven years, during which time I was set up with six different guys. None were potentially for me. The first had his life all mapped out and just needed a wife to complete his picture; a woman who knew both of us just vaguely suggested the shidduch.
The second had a vision of marriage that was completely opposite what I was looking for; he saw me frequent the shop where he works and his cousin who vaguely knew me pushed for the shidduch to happen.
I dated about one guy a year, since moving to Crown Heights, all suggested by well-intentioned people who barely knew me. The last straw was the sixth guy. A shidduch made between two women, the guy’s sister and a woman who knew me vaguely, and they knew each other only vaguely. Worst date ever. He didn’t care about Yiddishkeit and he had a visible disability. Both were issues my mother had specifically asked his friends about, at my request. And both issues, we were told, were non-existent. I came home and burst into tears. The disability isn’t what threw me. What threw me was that I’d been duped into going out with this guy. I felt tricked. As far as I was concerned, from that moment forward I was only doing phone-call first-dates or non-committal-coffee first-dates. I was fed up with being set up by people who hardly knew me.
Boruch Hashem, I have some very special, good friends. But even my close friends and friendlies haven’t had much luck at setting me up. Over the years, they dabbled in the matchmaking, but the guys were all busy at the time or their families said “no thanks” and that was it. Few suggestions were brought forward. Shadchanim almost never called me back. And my mother wasn’t having any success either.
It was time for me to take things into my own hands. I started attending events and Shabbatons for 25+ aged singles. The events were fun for the most part, but it was also disappointing to be in that category. I had tons of friends, but in this department I felt like I was going it alone.
I started keeping an eye out for good guys and then looking into them on my own. It never got very far. Two friends each suggested someone, but it didn’t go anywhere. When I would shyly ask if they had any ideas, people would tell me, “You’re always on my mind, I just don’t know anyone for you.” I didn’t expect my friends to spend time helping me find a shidduch; understandably, they have very busy lives.
So one day I took matters into my hands even further. I met Daniel*, a divorced, frum 30-year-old Lubavitcher, at a work thing and we started chatting. Thinking that perhaps he had enjoyed our conversation as much as I had, I gave my number to a mutual acquaintance and asked him to pass it along so that Daniel could call me if he wanted to.
And he did. He called, and we talked and talked and talked…for hours, until we couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer. The following day we went for coffee and then rode the elevator to our respective offices together. We took the train home together after work that day.
The next day, Daniel called and officially asked me out. I have to tell you that when I decided to give him my number, I didn’t know any of the things typically listed on our “shidduch profiles.” I knew that our personalities jived and that we enjoyed each other’s company. I didn’t have high expectations; I just didn’t want the usual run-around that I was used to by using the conventional, frum methods.
I had a lot of thinking to do. After panicking and thinking everything through bit by bit for many hours, I made my decision. Daniel isn’t exactly the type of “shidduch profile” anyone would have set me up with—friend, friendly, or vague acquaintance. He is divorced and barely made it through school. He smokes. On paper, our criteria don’t match. And frankly, if we eventually decide to tie the knot and people hear about the engagement, there will be shock and disbelief. But that doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me is that Hashem has been orchestrating my entire life all this time. None of the previous guys I dated were right for me because, perhaps, Daniel is right for me. My parents won’t be thrilled at first, but when they meet him they will see what I see in him—a genuine person who is so close to the Aibishter, who cares deeply for the people in his life, and is an honest and confident man.
I am making a resolution right now. My resolution is that I will not let a single week go by without spending at least 20 minutes trying to find matches for my friends and the people I know. As wrapped up in my life as I may become, I will not forget what it’s like to fend for myself. I will always keep my friends in mind and go out of my way to help them.
I’ve thought about the things that don’t match up so perfectly on paper about Daniel and me. And I’ve decided that hashgacha pratis brought us to where we are right now. Hashem is leading the way, so there is nothing for me to be afraid of. Instead, I am committing to giving my all to our first date and every date afterward, if G-d chooses it to be so.
Here’s to wishing and blessing every married Jew with shalom bayis and everything necessary to be happy and healthy in this world. And here’s to wishing and blessing every single Jew with the confidence, clarity, and emunas Hashem to navigate the uncertain and emotionally tolling dating process.
Hatzlacha rabba.
*Names have been changed to protect identities
the thing I find least agreeable about shidduch dating is having to rely on someone else to help me accomplish what is important to my own life but not important to their life. marriage is vital to me and it isn’t vital to someone else that I get married and so I’m stuck relying on someone else who is naturally going to be placing their own needs, wants, desires, selfishness first before they are able to help me. For a guy to start a conversation with a girl on his own and asking her out isn’t going to be well… Read more »
i hope this is the right one, you dont have to meet the right one through a shidduch,
I hope it works out, great ideas too!
i read 3 article and most people say, that it only girl want shiduch and luck of bahorim???? strange most BT that i knew get from CH shadhaniyot answer. we don’t have enough girls(our girlls it not for you) so how? we need open information system
please update us with results!
I’m not from CH so I wouldn’t know how it works there but I assume it’s similar to other places that use the Shadchin system, but maybe she doesn’t get called back by Shadchanim because she had/has a bad reputation or didn’t go to seminary or something I really don’t know, I’m not trying to judge negatively I’m just a very analytic person, it’s just she’s leaving out many details in this article and it’s a bit strange, and the way she makes it sound a Bein Torah doesn’t seem to be her first choice she doesn’t mention what she’s… Read more »
This is a quote from what the author of comment # 30 said: “KOL HAKAVOD!!!! I fully understand where she’s coming from, I’ve been there myself and yes I will prob end up ‘finding my own’ ITS ABOUT TIME THESE SO-CALLED SHADCHANIM GO AND GET A PROPER JOB THEN MAYBE THE DIVORSE RATE WITHIN COMMUNITIES WILL BE SLASHED MY 50%” My reply is: 1. These people you say to “get real jobs” usually have jobs and this is their side job usually Shadchanim are Rabbonim in Yeshivos and Seminaries 2. Than inappropriate contact in the community will be up 500%,… Read more »
I think it’s great that you started on your own– totally appropriate (especially for a single your age)! However, you seem to be putting down the people who had tried to set you up saying that they weren’t men for you– but you say that on paper “Daniel” may not be for you either. Also, you seem to be unappreciative of your friends: remember, if they truly are your friends, they have your best interest at heart, and maybe a guy with Daniel’s “resume” isn’t the guy for you– but it works. Maybe they are thinking, “well he smokes and… Read more »
I always say the same thing.
“the system” that is design to focus on personality over looks etc. does PRECISELY the opposite.
The answer is to let people just meet and modest mixed venues.
i think that the people that call themself shadchonim are not doing their work properly.as a crown heihts resident and a mother of some married children and some not i find very little help from shadchonim,some absolutly not suitable suggestions and very often just plain indifference and even rudeness.if you took upon yourself the job of being a shadchan ,which is a big mitzva by itself,on top of a paying job-do it properly-find out more about prospective boys and girls,do not judge-it is not your place to judge-answear the phone calls,be simpatetic-people ‘s feelings are at stake! iagata u mazata-taamin-do… Read more »
Ppl get divorced because they can’t maintain the relationship, not because they dated too long or too short. Religuous couples get divorced for the same exact reasons that secular couples break up- discord, disrespect, financial stress, etc. The point I’d shiddixh dating is not to avoid divorce. The point is to create a tznius way for men and women to meet and marry. There’s no connection bren dating and divorce except that extreme mingling between genders after marriage can loosen morals in marriage and lead to ch’v adultery. But that’s exception to the rule. So why is everyone asdumingshidfuch dating… Read more »
#58 if you’re a Dr we’re all in trouble
#59 I assume you were being humorous otherwise your English is only marginally better than #58.
Let’s go eliminate the world.
I write as a BT who b”h is happily married to someone I dated for 11 days! Yes I can see merit in the shidduch system (hey it worked for me) b”H I had a wonderful lady in CH who helped me vet shidduchim etc. BUT… I find #23 etc. rather amusing. My parents met in college, dated, married, have been married over 40 years ka”h and guess what they have a strong, solid marriage. And ironicaly both my parents’ siblings are frum shomer shabbos and both ended up divorced. At any rate you can’t say it doesn’t work. It… Read more »
After reading this my mom said. “ask her to dedicate her 20 minutes this week to thinking of a shiduch for you”. and my mom was serious.
Even with a Shadchan you don’t know all the skeletons in the closet of the prospective boy! There are divorces happening even with those that dated through a Shadchan…The Shadchan knows just as much as you can find out. Alot of times a Shidduch is made just from an idea that comes to them without knowing the boy or girl personally ,and they put boy and girl together….you think they know the deep dark secrets of the people they match up? Even asking friends can’t guarantee you will find out everything….And how much do you think gets revealed on the… Read more »
It’s boys looking for Miss Perfect
– it takes 2
there is a really awsm couple in crown heights who really dedicate their time and energy to finding matches for people. they are not your typiccal shadchan and they only set up people which they have met so as not to throw out a gamble, they are young and easy to speak with ad meet. i went to them with a friend and we both walked out feeling confident that we were in the right direction. i cant take things into my own hands, i simply dont know how to or where to even find a guy. if you want… Read more »
I go on COLive a few times a week and I’m always met with the same article heading: Shidduch SOS. Everyone has opinions and ideas, but when they present them they are bombarded with criticism and rebuttals. And that’s all people are doing. Instead of actually trying to change themselves and the system, they are pointing out the flaws of the system (although I do realize I’m contradicting myself by complaining about the complainers ). Some say they found their shidduch by going through the “system”, while others found their bashert through their own actions and by taking control.… Read more »
to #54 Halojmes! you simple greedy! that’s all. first- some shadhaniot get you sign agreement, that first years you paid maaser to them in addition to dmey shiduh. 4 y.a. i see it/! dos it help.? no. and plz be honestly. it can help we are in CH people that pray shaharit after 4p.m daily can be responsible. it simple $10-15- 20k not help $100k irresponsibility ,for my sorrow it main feature of chabad ffb, it noting to do. it genetics all world chabad and bt it only to feed CH FFB. at least last 17 years. SO STOP SPEAK… Read more »
Shidduchim in the frum world is all about pedigree. I gave up. There is no formula, no matter how religious you are or not. The frum world may protect women on paper, the ketubah, but it reality it is women who get blamed for anything that goes wrong. The world that they thought protected them in an illusion. Matchmaking from what I observe and have experienced, is all about social currency. Listen up frummies, the women are the vehicle for the geulah. I am a highly educated woman who lived a secular life. I studied chassidus for 15 years. The… Read more »
invite guys and girls to your shabbos meals it would give them an opportunity to meet someone
wow, this might be the most historical peace ever written. you have mastered the inability to communicate threw writing. i think you have actually perfected it.Bless you.
I’m very sorry to say ti. but i knew way how completely destroy chabad movement.once and forever !for one weak. it simple . take some BT put hidden camera and send then to shadhanios in CH.. like BT want to find a shiduch. it simple.when people see HOW, even not what, but HOWthis “chaasidishe FFB like woman ” speak whit BT it will be end of movement. it no mo BT after. . this woman mostly use it position to” laredet al ha anashim” . only 2 can speak nicely, like Jew suppose to speak with fellow brother. only 2… Read more »
-living in crown heights does not get you married -this may be the way for you but it is not the best way generally -I don’t think this is what the Rebbe would generally approve of, and taking into account divorce rates you need all the brachos you can get -before marriage when meeting a guy feelings go before of intellect, you may be very attracted to him (fall in love) but may find that when your past the “honey moon” stage you can’t stand him – a shadchan is supposed to find out the personality of the person before… Read more »
To #11 everyone does & Shadchanim are only doing things for select individuals & very few at that. to # 43 They are just as bad & useless as the rest.I spoke to them 2 years ago & have constantly contacted them with the same bs results something has to change & now.Many times the best shidduchim are thru friends & happenstance.Masy you be successful in your endeavors & build a Binyan Adai Ad Taikaf Umiyad Mamosh!
You never know which door you have to open for Hashem’s bracha to come through. I thought I would only meet someone through friends and didn’t want to try a shadchan. In the end, I found my bashert through a shadchan who barely knew me. As long as everything is done in a tzniusdik manner, it doesn’t really matter which door the bracha comes through. Going through a shadchan can work for some people – try to be open minded, and try to open all the doors.
We have come to expect that these shadchanim should sweat on our behalf for a $1-2,000.00. In many situatons, the time needed to properly make a shidduch takes tens of hours and lots of dedication. I think we need to up the ante to get people more activley involved in the process… Executive Recruiters have been charging 20-30% of 1st year salaries forever.. If we paid our shadchanim $5-10K per success, you might be quite shocked how “evolved” the system would become. Young people would jump into the efforts and real work would be invested in this. The careless sloppy… Read more »
i dreaded the dating process its like a library some people browse the shelves other people get a random good book recommended by the librarian or their brother or friend or an event warranted and brought about you to like this book or author.
i wish all those people well ive only been on 3 dates. and its quite random
we need a blog for people to comment on the shadchanim, so they will be accountable!
lets call a spade a spade a frum person should only go out thru a shiduch whether it works out or not its not the right thing and u shoulnt encourage ppl to do the same
to #21 about the Chofetz Chaim – it’s a mashal that he gave to illustrate the idea that when you’ve been dreaming through the davening and wake up towards the end, at least concentrate on the end! Or, if you related lashon hara in the morning, at least salvage the rest of the day and watch what you say. So too with other aspects of avodas Hashem. A story originally heard about the Chafetz Chayim (although it soes not fit his nature): He was passing the marketplace and a widow called hijm over distraught and yelling that some hooligans had… Read more »
I strongly believe that if you both are Ba’al Teshuvos, you will have much more in common than if he or you were frum from birth (FFB). I suspect you are – you mention 6 years in Crown Hts. I have too many Lubavitch friends who are divorced because they came from totally different levels of Yiddishkeit. I applaude you for taking matters in your own hands, because you know who are and what you want better than any a two-hour interview with a Shaddchun. Plus, I am a firm believer that women can find our @ 90% about their… Read more »
so now your the one that knows whos hashems partner?
you got issues!!!
good luck to you
I lived “the basement life” for 6 years. I don’t think I’ve even gone out with 6 guys in that time. Then I moved out of town. In that year I got more shidduchim than the 6 yrs in NY combined! And when the right one came up, it was discovered that the friend who played shadchan knew both of us from the same exact time – 5 years earlier! It’s all in Hashem’s master plan. We were not meant to meet earlier, and although it’s good to be in NY a bit so ppl can get to know you,… Read more »
as a married man of 15 years i need to point out a few things. Having a shidduch is great with ffb, however, Balai teshuvas are having a hard time after the marriage. I look around in the lubavitch communities and BT have harder divorces and re marriages are worse than the first time round. We need more education about marriage, love and understanding what each spouse is expected to give and take from a marriage. Counselling after marriage is important, especially when it comes to parnossah. Just have this in mind when you date. Will this spouse/date stand beside… Read more »
when your in it, you just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel, I found it so painful when all my classmates got married, I BH have now been married almost two years and have a baby! Now I use my difficult experience to help understand my friends and be there for them, I daven everyday they too will find, its always a risk but you know what do take risks but be sensable at the same time. (I have to admit i felt like giving up at some points in my life). I wish you to… Read more »
B”H the community has grown. Shadchonim are doing their best given the amount of singles in the community. But “everyone and anyone” can make a suggestion to a single, neighbor, guest, sibling, friend. Graduating classes of married girls can get together and brainstorm, advocate for their classmates. Have their husbands bring home names of those young men who are still single. Yeshivos, seminaries can establish a contact who will yearly publish a list of their graduates. When calling or meeting a friend begin the conversation menitoning a single and see if the other person has an idea. I’ve heard of… Read more »
The number 1 issue is that girls give up on themselves and they start thinking out of the box in the wrong direction. For example, a friend of mine is a girl that went through the Lubavitch system, from a very chassidishe background and after dating a number of people started feeling down and out. Eventually she decided to date someone that was barely frum for two years because she felt deparate. She was afraid to say “no – I dont feel it is the right match for me”. She was being fed (by herself and others) that she’s getting… Read more »
Good point, and ultimately Hashem is the deciding factor (and living a frum lifestyle).
But it is true that many relationships that begin based on a casual personal encounter and an ‘attraction’ are statistically not as sound as the overwhelming majority of relationships in the frum world (arranged by shaddchanim, friends, neighbours etc. not necessarily a traditional shaddchan). I think the attraction of a casual meeting can sometimes blur one’s clear vision, and cause you to overlook serious flaws or character issues because you have begun to develop feelings that are based on an initial, somewhat superficial, attraction.
you are dating now about of pure attraction.
the reason we do research ahead of time is to make sure your heart isnt broken after. if you follow your feelings and then find out something very hurtful- you will be broken and very hard to heal, and hopefully not already too late.
it is best to have the patience, look into him a bit on your own, ask him for refrences.. i dont suggest you get into a situation that will hurt you at this point in your life;
GOOD FOR YOU!
BROCHA AND HATZLACHA WITH HOPES THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO A GOOD SHLIACH FOR OTHERS!
While I see the merits in your approach and I do not necessarily condone it, I think you are contradicting yourself. To summarize your issue with the typical ‘shadchan’ method, you state two problem: (1) they vaguely knew you (or both of you), (2) they lied to you. However, with your method, those problems still exists. You go to a single event, or bump into some one ‘where ever’, you still vaguely know the person at first, and you don’t know what they are lying about, etc. it all takes time to find out. So… what did you do? You… Read more »
You can date and call and check and wait and date but you will never really get to know a guy till u live in the same house as him and he vice versa. There is a certain amount of background checking that needs to be done, a lot of davening but most of all trust in Hashem that he will guide you on the right path!
who said it doesn’t turn out too well because of the WAY they MEET?
Its doesn’t turn out too well because they dont have HASHEM as a PARTNER.
I hope you find what you are looking for, wether its Daniel or someone else. Good luck!
good! now there is a voice that said matchmaking doesnt work
I find this article puzzling. The author surely knows the concept of ayin hara (may Hashem protect her and all klal yisrael) and why would she be publicizing the fact that she met someone and is dating before she is even engaged? is this a cry for help? I wish her all the best and definitely Hashem has many ways to bring basherts together….the fact that they met without a shadchan is one of the ways. Not all shidduchim go through shadchanim. as long as they are conducted within the boundaries of tzniut it really does not matter if they… Read more »
tzippy dont know who u are but take it from a guy a who got married eons ago (staright up shidduch, first girl yada yada): ur a grown woman now and hes a grown man with some real life experience under his belt (unfortunately)… by the time ur married married for as long as ive been (going on a decade), it will make no difference as to how u met or if u were set up or bumped into each other at work etc bottom line is if you like each other and respect each other enough then: GET MARRIED… Read more »
I fully understand where she’s coming from, I’ve been there myself and yes I will prob end up ‘finding my own’ ITS ABOUT TIME THESE SO-CALLED SHADCHANIM GO AND GET A PROPER JOB THEN MAYBE THE DIVORSE RATE WITHIN COMMUNITIES WILL BE SLASHED MY 50%
You said “As someone commented above, all the secular world dates that way, and it doesn’t turn out too well!”
I didn’t say it doesn’t turn out well I think it does for many people. it’s just not always practical in the frum world.
So you have it all set up for YOUR life. Goals, plans, everything. Now all you need is a spouse. Very poor recipe for marriage. You have no clue what you want in life. Maybe a wife? Or a ring or band, on your hand, from a husband? Very poor recipe for marriage. A partner (co-director) in some shlichus in Yehupitz? Positive, yes. Common sense? No. If you are suitable for shlichus (rapidly becoming a field that can only support mushrooms – a fungus) then your spouse will fit in. Even if only to be a dugma chaya on a… Read more »
I belive that “shidduch profiles” should only include essential questions.
How you want to raise children.
Is going to a shiur daily important to you.
…
It is funny that in the begining of the article she was complaining about the matches not fitting the profile and at the end that is exactly what she needed.
I am happy that this turned out well. Bitachon and open mindedness could really help the shidduch “scene” dramatically.
Thank you
u go to a certain ch shul there plenty guys and girls there!!!!
lots of shiduchim happened there!!!
if you haven’t been set up once…
no one is gonna do it for you, drive the shadchanim crazy
I do hope the author will marry happily, but keep in mind she is writing this article BEFORE they have even had one official date! She may find he is not for her; they may never have a 2nd date, they may date 20 times and give it up. Before everyone congratulates her and decides to leap into the fray and make their own shidduchim…. remember that even this story is not yet over. I know some older singles who had run through ‘all’ the available singles, who were ‘on the shelf’ – both boys and girls – and yet… Read more »
Whatever thats supposed to mean….
I read this from that perspective of someone who is in the business of marrying grandchildren (or, better said, going to their weddings.) I read the comments, and I am saddened. For years I have devoted very serious time to helping young people (usually it’s the woman) and aching to solve the shidduch situation. To read a girl’s comment here, that she has been in the neighborhood for 5 years and has not been introduced to even one prospect, is to read the story as it is. It is not the fault of ‘the system’. There never was a system.… Read more »
You figured it out!!!! You have to be proactive to get anywhere in life!!!! It’s time that all girls follow your lead. You may as well help yoursef because nobody is helping you and the kind of help that people are offering you is not the kind of help you want.
Once again, I am so proud that you took charge of the situation and made sure that u don’t end up in the “single Pile” of girls that just sit around waiting for one day when the phone will ring…..
Very well said. I think if more people were more open minded, instead of saying no right away because they’re waiting for Mr. perfect we wouldn’t have so many older unmarried girls today.
It’s happened so many times that people say no to a shidduch and a year or two later the name comes up again and they get married. Why not give every shidduch a chance.
I totally know what you mean. I’ve only been in Crown Heights for 2 years but I only got set up once since I got here.
My parents wanted me to move here for the “networking” and so that I would be “seen” by the right people…so far not much has happened, but I’m still hopeful.
I’m not about to try and meet anyone on my own though… At least not yet.
Glad to hear things are working out. You deserve every happiness.
– fellow single girl
I would never have been born today. In fact my parents would never have met… My father is a Russian refuge who spent his childhood on the run from Nazis and communists, My mother is American, college educated,(Maxwell house hagada etc) with no shaychus to Lubavitch. The only thing that they had in common was that they were committed to living a frum life. My father would go off to 770 and my mother would go out with her friends. with time they created a home with the tzar gidul bonim etc that bound them together. Please… remember a beard… Read more »
Everyone has skeletons!!! It’s either the devil you know or the devil you dont!
I’m so happy that you have found someone special. I hope it works out and you guys are happy for many many years to come. I know this was not the point of the article, but i cant help but mention that you kinda contradicted yourself. The first you wrote, you said that people who barely knew you set you up with such out of the box matches. The second part, where you met Daniel, you say that on paper you guys are not compatible…so whats the difference? I think its a matter of clicking, whether you met thru a… Read more »
unless you plan on setting her up… dont ruin her the happiness that she created for herself.
thanks for writing this article
True you don’t know about the “skeletons in the closet” but I believe that you’re no safer with a shadchan. Those days are over. It used to be that everyone knew everyone. It’s no longer the case. I would argue that you may even be safer WITHOUT a shandchan. With a shadchan you expect that they find out these things for you and you trust them. Little do you know that they don’t do any of that work for you. When you make you’re own shiduch you know what you don’t know and, so long as you’re responsible, you can… Read more »
you don’t know about the skeletons in his closet…
There is nothing wrong with your choice, after all, everyone must look out for their selves. I was actually a little confused by your nice hachlata to try to make shiduchim for friends, since you explained very well how difficult it is to make someone elses shidduch. I would think that you would give your friends opportunities to meet guys instead of you deciding to choose for them. Also, the one advantage that you loose by meeting someone the natural way is that it’s really hard to get to know the real person since everyone is on their best behavior… Read more »
at a certain point, the girls have to grow up and find their own guy. It doesn’t have to be meeting someone in an elevator BUT maybe the girls have to CONTRIBUTE to the community, smile at people in the street, say a good word, ask about the welfare of people you care about, offer to help with community events, visit an old age home, GIRLS, SHOW UP IN YOUR OWN LIVES!!!!!!! Trust me, someone will notice and a giving person, caring kind and thoughtful doens’t go unnoticed and it is oh so very attractive!!!!!!!
Hope there’s a happy ending, praying for you
As a 25 year old single, I unfortunately am having the same difficulties getting shidduch suggestions – we all are.
While the current system no longer works at all, there is no realistic alternative. You met Daniel through a random work event, but the rest of us have no tznius way to meet girls/boys ourselves.
There are singles events, but we all know that unfortunately they have a certain “nebach” stigma attached to them.
It’s all very sad. May all singles find their basherts soon!
i like open minded ppl , new ideas , new ways , every1 is happy, especially when it works , i can,t imagine any1 against it…
but its not always like that, maybe try to call some of his friends.
I’m just waiting for all the commenters to come out of the woodworks to bash this writer and oy gevalt how far we have strayed from the holy shidduch ways of our ancestors. And to all those bashers, I just want to remind you that this writer had tried that approach and that process for SEVEN YEARS with nothing to show for it. If you want to be holy and insist that women and men should only meet when set up by a 3rd party and only after “research” which consists of asking lists of irrelevant questions, gezunterheit, live your… Read more »
Thank you for posting this.
I have been living in Crown Heights for 5 years and not been set up EVEN ONCE!
I wish I had a way to meet guys on my own like you did.
someone who suggests that thinking out of the box is GOOD….
let’s hear it everyone………nobody is off limits when it comes to shidduchim…