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Wednesday, 26 Adar I, 5784
  |  March 6, 2024

Cut Back on Weddings

OP-ED: Haredi parents (in Chabad as well) pay a heavy price for weddings, that include expensive wigs, furniture and rent. Full Story

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to everyone
January 18, 2010 1:15 pm

just stop telling people what to do

To # 36
January 12, 2010 11:41 pm

And YOU shall go out on shlichus 🙂

To # 38
January 12, 2010 9:37 pm

First go on Shlichus urself. Then you will be eligible to tell a Shliach how to use his money

to #36
January 12, 2010 3:49 pm

its good to that the shluchim are loaded out of their pants, now i dont need to give shluchim, and maybe YOU should actually stay by somone instead of spending so much money on a farkakte basment. use the money for your fellow shluchim whoi r about to lose their homes because they have no money.

To #33 from #32
January 12, 2010 12:32 pm

Nope, I did learn the sichos about shlichus and I respect it as a great thing, but somehow you “people” missed the sichos about yosef and why the brothers bowed to him, etc etc and maybe you missed half of the sichos which talk about making a dirah down here BY WORKING and being envolved in the world. Then you mention the mesirus nefesh of shluchim… Of course, we all know and love that type of shluchim,but I’m refering to the “mesirus nefesh” of the many other shluchim who give comfortable positions to their children who are often not the… Read more »

To # 35 STOP RENTING AND WORK ON BUYING YOUR HOME
January 11, 2010 11:21 pm

Not at all. In fact I am a Shliach from far overseas, and when i come into Crown Heights i end up many times renting a beautiful basement for $175/day. No complaints 🙂 I am not a communist. If I want a dump to rent I can pay less. Personally i have an aversion to rent. B”H I hope to soon be able to buy something in CH for when we come in. I know from many stories that the Rebbe was very against renting. I know a Shliach in Boston that the Rebbe asked him why he is renting?… Read more »

#30
January 11, 2010 4:04 pm

you must be the a person that is renting out a half basment to newley weds claiming its a 2 bedrom no windows and low ceiling with pipes all over the ceiling and charging $1500 a month bSED ON THE LANDLORDS OF THE BUILDINGS WHO HIKEDUP THE RENT IN THE LAST 3 YEARS FOR NO REASON.

yup
January 11, 2010 1:18 pm

i think this is much more of a problem outside of Lubavitch.
And by the way, does Devora Benjamin’s organization pay for weddings, i didn’t observe that, she just planned and made people with very difficult family backgrounds and no money pay big chunks….. aren’t those the kind of circumstances the organization was created for?

number 32
January 11, 2010 12:34 pm

you are using a totally unacceptable l and hostlle language to talk about the army of the Rebbe. may you should learn chassidus and specifically the Sichos and the Igros of the Rebbe to understand what is shlihus.furthermore , the whole world is benefitting from shluchim ,including YOU. remember that shluchim do not carge dues,unlike rabbis and shuls in the others branches of Judaism. the rabbi who wrote the article, wrote avery extreme representation of whats happening in the wedding scene. nowadays ,everyone makes weddings according to thier means. Learning Turah and shlichus are what keeps am Yisroel alive since… Read more »

Great article!
January 11, 2010 8:58 am

No need to throw your kids in the Nilus, you can bring secular classes to CH.

The stigma is funny, everyone “wants” to be a shliach and leech off “gvirim” but those same people look down at working boys, and think they are a bad match for their daughters or sisters.

to #26
January 11, 2010 7:44 am

BS”D
thank you so much for your common sense approach.
very grounded indeed.

To # 3 & 24
January 11, 2010 3:51 am

Let’s keep things in perspective: The rent is worth whatever you are ready to pay for it. If you are ready to take a $1250 monthly rent noone is forcing you into it. If you don’t like it buy it somewhere else. It’s like complaining about the prices in a store. Don’t like them, buy elsewhere. When you write against the RICH landlords you sound like Russian communists speaking against the American capitalists. If the buildings belong to them they can put the rent they want. You have to respect their rights as landlords too. If you don’t like their… Read more »

the next step
January 11, 2010 3:29 am

Yasher Koach! May your words be heeded and acted upon! There is a tremendous need for both education and the lifting of stigmas in the frum world!!! I hope my children will be raised in a society built upon this exact advice!!

karen simchas chosan vekallah
January 11, 2010 1:40 am

thats why they have this great org in crown heights, karen simchas chosn vekallah! not reason to waste thousand of dollars on a wedding

ridiculous rents
January 11, 2010 1:23 am

the landlords lament will be that they deserve a return on their investment…and they do. If we would be in their shoes, wouldnt we want the same?
For the rents we pay though, we deserve heat and basic services.

Don't give too much
January 11, 2010 12:08 am

When I got married, my parents and in-laws paid for the wedding. I paid for setting up my home, my shaitel etc. My husband’s parents paid for new box-springs and mattresses and for the rest, we got free second hand furniture from somewhere. The furniture was not beautiful but who cares. We were a very happy young couple. It is not necessary to have lots and lots of gashmius in order to be happy. As our family grew, we bought simple furniture along the way as needed. I didn’t resent my parents for not buying me lots of stuff before… Read more »

Let's teach bochurim and girls how to make a parnassah
January 10, 2010 9:22 pm

Weddings don’t have to be so darn fancy, teach the guys and girls how to make a living, and let’s all stop being so darn spoiled…

to #3
January 10, 2010 5:57 pm

you said good its tme that the rent go down in this comuntiy.

the landlords dont do anything that they should deserve all that money putting us in debt causing sholom bayis problems etc.

i could go on and on with stories from my freinds in kollel about what these peolpe are doing to us and how they r just so terrible!!!!!!

u do what u can
January 10, 2010 5:44 pm

BH!
wife PARENTS paid the chassene (around $7.000)

I got a 15K final present from my family, that I used for rent, paid for orchestra and pics.
We were very happy, we got a lot (around 2 tuitions )
got 5th hand furniture
and then, Hashem has his ways to accomodate everyone
Bitachon in Hashem is the key for parnassa, do not place obstacles for Hahem’s blessings with your doubts!!!!!!!!!!!

wedding $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
January 10, 2010 5:27 pm

Tell me ,

is there any logical sence to

blowing $30.000-$40.000 on a wedding ,

wouldnt it make much more sence

to invest the $30.000-$40.000 as a down payment for a

going business,?

that the married couple could start having income
immediately after the wedding?

instead of right after the wedding have to start worrying where to pay the freshly accumulated debts from.
without any decent income…

isnt it time that we start being practical. ?
instead of just “follow the herd” ?

any body have any sugestions ???

Wisdom from my father
January 10, 2010 5:08 pm

My father a”h told me. ” If you aren’t going on shlichus, you have an achrius (responsibility) to be a professional . If you don’t know what you want to do professionally, go to a career counselor.”

work
January 10, 2010 4:43 pm

if your think your old enough and mature enough to get married, you should be smart enough to know that you need to support your own family.
Yes, that means getting a job right away and paying your own rent, and buying your own furniture. Welcome to the world.
If you can’t afford rent where you live – move.
If you can’t buy a wig twice a year – don’t.
Why is this complicated?

Complex issue
January 10, 2010 4:32 pm

to #10 What may have worked in your family may not be the case with others… many shluchim are struggling as well! It is painfully diffcult to so so many families at poverty level before making extravagant wedding. When considering vocational training or occupation, we need to take into consideration the Rebbes directives in this regard. wiht an enterprenurial positive frame of mind and positive spirit shlichus and buisiness respective of the vast difference between the two, may take alot of perseverance but yeild more $$$ years later than any salry or “job” will, (frum lifestyle without extravagance is costly… Read more »

Well said
January 10, 2010 3:45 pm

To those of us who get it, it is so simple but to those that don’t it doesn’t seem like they will. It’s interesting to see some comment on your article that either “it’s impossible for a young couple to deal with life themselves” ot “it’s the fault of the landlords” etc.. i.e. saying that we should change the reality (which is impossible) rather than try to change the way we approach the reality. When I had to prepare for my wedding I knew that I couldn’t rely on other people so I made sure I saved up and was… Read more »

mmmmmmm
January 10, 2010 3:44 pm

that cake looks really good
you can all say what ever you want but i sure enjoy a good cake at a wedding

linen
January 10, 2010 3:11 pm

how about the linen factory in boro park?
i think it’s 38th between 12th & 13th.

To number 11
January 10, 2010 2:51 pm

$200 at Macy’s is waaaay too much,
unnecessary
we got linen for less at a local crown heights basement

As they say
January 10, 2010 1:07 pm

in Lakewood, Gateshead, and other such places, when the Bochurim bow for Modim their price tags pop up 🙂

Glad to see it on COL
January 10, 2010 12:44 pm

There are blogs where people endlessly lament the way frum people throw money around and most have come to the conclusion that it is not rabbinic leadership that will make the difference but people themselves deciding not to buy into what their neighbors are doing if it doesn’t fit into their budget. It is basically people deciding not to spend money that they don’t have in order to be accepted by a society with shallow values.

צריך עיון גדול
January 10, 2010 12:37 pm
table and beds
January 10, 2010 12:27 pm

i got ma rried with a kitchen table and 2 beds, not a bedroom set, just mattresses and the table was bought in good condition at a second hand store, as we saved up money,we eventually got other things to furnish our home with, in monsey they have a chasuna mall where people spend THOUSANDS of dollars on buying bedroom AND dining room sets for thier kids, in Chabad this is BH not the case, 95% of my friends got married with a table and beds and sometimes a couch, there is also this stupidity of paying 600$ for linen… Read more »

focus!
January 10, 2010 12:17 pm

My in-laws are people of simple means. They only spent what on our wedding what they could either afford or who be able to pay back in the foreseeable future. The only children who came overseas to our wedding were the ones who could buy their own tickets. We did not get any furniture, no one paid the rent for our apartment. We even paid for my husbands kapote with our wedding money! But the Aibershter has always helped, and we’ve always had enough for our needs without having to go into debt. (Yes, we are on Shlichus) The interesting… Read more »

expensive wigs etc....
January 10, 2010 12:12 pm

News to me! I worked before I got married (parent had no money) and I paid for my own wig, sheva brochos outfit..talis and shas ((for chosson)etc…with my own money…and we didnt have furniture untill we were able…. B”h we have large families and thats how it should be done..learn to be independent and help your parents take a load of the financial strain…all my brothers and sisters did that and we are not lacking….and it felt good!…

FINALLY
January 10, 2010 11:53 am

MAYBE FINALLY IT WILL SEEP INTO OUR HEAD.
IT IS SO SAD TO SPEND BEYOND YOUR MEANS.
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SERVE HASHEM
WITH ALL THESE FINANCIAL BURDENS???
AND B’SIMCHA?? LET US GET REAL !!!

#4 has truth to his words. - read it
January 10, 2010 11:25 am
wow so true about aprt.....
January 10, 2010 11:25 am

insanity!!!!!! and thats an understatement
couples are making less and less, especially those whose wives work in BR. they are asking for the impossible. gotta act on this situation.

Which Chabad???
January 10, 2010 11:12 am

where in chabad do the parents HAVE to pay for an apartment?
I married off 8 kids without doing so!!!!!!

true, but lets not get carried away...
January 10, 2010 11:08 am

lets relearn chelek alef sicha for parshas shemos on the inyan of parnasah.

well said
January 10, 2010 11:06 am

you definetly wrote well all do i did not read all of it. but definetley it is timw that the price of rent in ch should come down. there is no reason that the whole comunity is paying so much money to the same 2 families that own buildings in ch and they are making a killing of us. dont give any tzedokaoh unbless their name is plasterd on it they will give $18. it is time that somone stand up and speak against them there is no reason that a small disgusting 1 bedroom should be renting for $1250… Read more »

You might have a point, but....
January 10, 2010 11:04 am

A wedding is a special nd frightening day for the two youngsters (the chosson and kallah that is) They are entering a long-life commitment to be responsible for another human being and then, very soon, a whole family. They are thrown into the world of work, rent, bills, health care, insurance all while getting accustomed to the until-now foreign thing called relationships, parenthood etc. The minimum we can do for them is help them start on a right foot. Who else is meant to pay? the 770 bochur? the girl who was on shlichus for 2 years and received minimum… Read more »

well said!
January 10, 2010 10:54 am

thanks rabbi levi for bringing up this important issue

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