Aug 11, 2009
Why am I Not Married?
Shidduchim SOS: "All my friends were convinced that I would be 'the first to go.' I'm slim, beautiful and with yichus. People said I have the complete package and it remains a mystery to all as to why I am not married."
By Anonymous
After Reading all this talk about bochurim looking for models and "size 2" etc., I can't help but throw in my two cents.
Yes, there are those that are looking for that perfection, and in their shallowness fail to recognize what's really important in marriage.
I do agree 100% that there has to be a physical attraction, but many don't understand that being attracted to someone comes with getting to know them, getting to see their inner beauty and the wonderful qualities that lies within them. More often than not, one rejects a shidduch based on looks, without even giving it a chance to see if something can come from it.
But let's turn the coin round here. Since this is anonymous I am free to be honest about myself and without coming across as boastful, I can say this:
I am a older single (late twenties). I am slim and considered to be beautiful, I have been told this throughout my life. When it came to start dating, all my friends were convinced that I would be "the first to go."
I thank G-d come from a wonderful close knit family, (with yichus) and I followed the system just like all my friends, and went on to teach in Crown Heights etc.
People have often told me I have the complete package and it remains a mystery to all as to why I am not married.
If what all you are saying holds the truth then I should have been married years ago - it just goes to show its not true.
Bochurim who I have met over the past few years have all openly told me, "I think you are beautiful and you're everything I've always wanted but...." and then the list would begin.
I was either too open, too closed, too serious, too carefree... whatever it was, they somehow managed to find something that was missing.
A girl can have the perfect figure and look beautiful, but the guys are still going to dig for that perfect girl, and many of these guys a few years down the road, remain single and are still searching blindly, thinking they're going to find this illusion they've painted in their minds.
I've even had one bochur tell me if only he could take the best part of each girl he's been out with, and find that one girl who has all those qualities!
It's not about the looks. Its about bochurim looking for perfection.
It comes down to a bochur can be dating an amazing girl and he knows himself she's everything he needs in a wife, but he will continue to dig further, convincing himself there has to be someone else better out there for him.
It's about time bochurim learn to realize that no girl is perfect - but that's the whole beauty of marriage - to form a unity, to complete something that is not perfect and make it complete.
So all you girls reading this, please, don't pay too much attention to these articles that stress so much attention on looks and weight.
I have many friends who are very happily married today to wonderful husbands, and are not considered to be attractive, but their husbands love them and saw what they had to offer.
They chose to see the good and beautiful middos and qualities these girls possess that allowed them to build a trusting and loving relationship.
I, on the other hand, hold these same values and good qualities, and am still unable to find someone - even with my "model qualities."
Guess my point is, it makes no difference if you have that model figure or not, whether you're beautiful or not. The problem here is much more profound and deeper then we realize.
It's frightening how we have come to this and my only hope is that maybe through the Shidduchim SOS blog we will be able to overcome it.
Good luck to you all.
Did you realize you did not mention a word about your personality? about your character? are you introvert or extrovert? chasidish or not? learned or ignorant?
Here is what you need to understand:
smart? there will always be smarter then you
pretty? there there will always be prettier then you
yichus? there will always be some with better background
but personality: that's only up to you and that is what defines you
So MY two cents is, if the author of the article is as true to herself as she makes herself out to be, then hold in there - you're prince will come. Someone who loves you for just who you are.
"The right person at the right time" doesn't imply that everyone gets what they want WHEN they want it. How else do you answer to a 23 year old girl who can't get married before her older sister?
May there be so many L'chaims very soon ad bli dai!
Perhaps we had more education on how to create a great marriage (within the seminary/yeshivah system).
sara crispe says:
it aint 2 halves = whole
it's 2 wholes, 1+1=2 (not 1).
therefore what is each bringing to the marriage? and once we do bring in "our whole" what then how does one forge this relp to be successful?
once a person understands how he/she is able to contribute, may make it easier to decide on who to marry
This is only true if he/she wants someone who can contribute the way they do. Or if they know what they need most. But many times no one knows who they are or what they want.
good move
IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Just not as big as people make it out. Look it definitely helps if a girl looks nice enough, it makes a diference, but you are so so on target with this, and I'm a guy.
So... yeah. I agree 99% with you.
What you wrote is well written, beautiful and to the point, I so agree with you.
So you are drop-dead gorgeous. You have Yichus. Presumably you consider yourself above-average intelligence. You probably are all of these things.
But honestly, you sound arrogant to me. Maybe it also comes across on a date. And you don't say if you've ever rejected anyone & why. Could it be YOU are setting your expectations at an unrealistic level?
I think it is very harmful to tell girls they are perfect & that they'll be the first to go. If a girl hears it often enough she believes it & when it doesn't happen, panic sets in. With panic comes "neediness" & desperation. That can really frighten a guy. You probably see every date as "the one" & maybe unconsciously that is given over.
Relax. You are NOT perfect. No one is. You imply that all these non-perfect girls got married & you're still waiting. So what? Maybe the only thing that's missing from the package is depth & personality.
You need to not try so hard and be yourself. Have a nice evening & not worry about image. You are upset that guys are too worried about size. Well, it sounds like you are! The first thing you say is that you are beautiful. Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder & "fat & ugly" girls often reach the finish line first. I did, well before any of my friends. I was a size 18 when I got married. And I married a wonderful person who, while he is no Mr. Universe, just like I'm not Miss World either, is a wonderful husband & father & a great provider for his family. I never thought I would be married first & I had my fair share of rejection (the best, the guy actually said it to me, was that in the end, the mother didn't think MY yichus was good enough for her son!)
Stop thinking of yourself as perfect. Stop being so desperate. As my teens say to me, take a chill pill! I wish you a lot of Hatzlacha & I hope you find your bashert very soon.
you also look @ the inside of the person
is she chashidish or not dose she gose to movie or not
Regarding the point of the article itself - good luck trying to fix anything by placing blame on others. You say it's all the fault of Bochurim right? THEY are the ones looking for perfection right? I think people from every side of this story (boys, girls, parents, friends etc.) are looking for perfection/ looks/ money / yichus / whatever. There will always be real people and shallow people, thats life, to sit and say it's the fault of the boys/ Shadchanim / system etc. is not going to get you anywhere.
Work on fixing yourself, then work on helping a friend fix herself, maybe just maybe you will fix one person.
As an "older" girl my feelings deeply resonate with the authors. Its not as simple as some people so blatantly put it...
and # 10 you are highly funny......;) !!!! Good luck with that ;)
but it would be nice someone who has experience being a part of the chassidishe community and has some sort of education
what is it with yichus it is zippo! moshiach is coming right now anyway soo who cares r u going to live with someone for 65 years because who their great grandfather was???
u cant order life-living from the bakery u choose someone to go out with and then you let the events and personalities take a journey of their own and g-d willing marry them
good luck to maydahleh
may our partners help us grow!
everything is gone, the beuty, the size 2 , the head turning model, even the great Yichus that was such a factor in making this Shiduch, ALL of it is gone with the wind, out of the window like dust in the wind.
The beuty is gone after few months when one get used to it.
The size 2 is gone after there is no more reason for self starvation.
The great Yichus.... well...after getting into the family , you realize if you only knew it back then , you would put on your best snickers and run as fast as your legs can carry you.
Wake up!! wake up young people and smell the coffee!
If you could only be a fly on my clinic's wall. so much pain you would save yourself and your families.
We must keep in mind that the exact time of marriage is pre-destined by Hashem. So however kind or chassidish or beautiful or ugly a person is, they will get married at THEIR right time.
I know a girl that also everyone thought would for sure find the right person really fast... she had great qualities etc... and people couldn't understand why she was still not married in her late twenties.
It turns out that she is married now to an amazing guy who is a few years younger than her. Perhaps she had to wait because her bashert was younger and simply wasn't dating yet when she was...
I am not saying it is easy to have to wait but I imagine it would help to keep this in mind...
May we all find the right person at the right time :)
and you probably are still single because you are lame, as in you find the need to write this article and boast your beauty, as opposed to just letting it happen, on its own.
I guess its similar to the case of people who have money... It IS harder... they don't know who their real friends are...
Hatzlachah!
my friend just gave a kiddush for her 22 years old.
stop blaming guys for trying to find perfection.
one day, a guy will find u and think u are perfect, (and i hope not because of ure yichus and supposed beauty...)
and then... you won't be complaining....
AND I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE GUY WHO SAID HE WAS SLIM IN HIS COMMENT NOT THE ARTICLE AND THE SECOND PART OF MY COMMENT WAS REFERRING TO THE ARTICLE
FARSHTAIST?
AND...NUMBER TO NUMBER 30, THIS IS ALOTTTTTTT WORSE THAN BEING PUNKED.
THIS IS LIKE BEING KILLED ON THE SHOW PUNKED.
THESE ARTICLES ARE AWFUL.
Hi, I am the girl who wrote this article , and I sit here shocked by some of these comments, although not totally surprised. There are always going to be those amongst us who find the negative even in something that is coming from a place of deep pain. Did any of you who chose to offend and belittle what I wrote ,stop to think what lies beneath this article. Do you honestly feel you are in the position to sit there and judge ? - No I am not perfect and very far from it. l DID write in my article that no-one is perfect and it takes two to make someone complete but obviously there are some who are so quick to judge and insult that they skipped over those parts and instead choose to focus on the negative -What saddens me here is, not the fact that you don't t understand what I write, and fail to see beyond my words, but what pains me more is you think you are all so sure of yourselves and write your opinions as though you know me personally. For those who think I came across boastful and proud, I'm sorry - , That was not my intentions at all, and I was surprised to see that this is the impression some of you got. I would trade all for what G-d blessed me with for a husband and a family in a instant . I know it takes more then yichus and beauty to make a great wife, but I know I possess all what it takes and more to be a wonderful wife and mother.
People tend to think if you're beautiful you are lacking in personality , middos etc, and I'm used to people accusing me over the years what MY problem might be. Sure, I might have some problems, but is every married girl out there problem free and perfect? Do we throw comments and insults when someone whose been married for a while and has no children , do people try suggest for the couple what the "problem "might lie in them. When someone is C"V sick do we accuse them too of what the problem might be,. We don't ! So WHY why when it coms to someone not being married are people so quick to jump to the conclusion that something has to wrong with them, and search every reason possible that could be holding them back from finding their beshert. Is it so hard to believe that just like things happen in life that we don't understand but is the will of Hashem ..so too when someone isn't married yet? Just like those childless couples and those suffering from sickness is something we are unable to comprehend and only pray that Hashem ends their suffering !!! - Could this not be done with unmarrieds too? - I know my article was putting a lot of blame of the Bochurim and I would like to apologize for that. Not all of you are like this. This article was simply my cry out to the world. A lot of pain and frustration comes along with not being married, and sometimes it's hard not to get carried away with it all, but yes there are a lot of good guys out there who do have the right idea about marriage and are aware of what's important and what's not, and same with girls. We are all in this together.
to number ±12 , Your response hit me the most, and coming from a mother with teenage children, I find what you write even more surprising . I would have expected such a comment from someone a lot younger . You write that the guys sense my ego on the dates, in fact this is quite the opposite. Eight years being in the dating scene takes a toll on your confidence and when you have everyone around you, suggesting what could be wrong, and seeking out your faults, and only G-d knows how much more we go through on a daily basis, even the most confident person will be effected by it and my self esteem has dimmed over the years. so no I not all about the ego!!
You write I "probably " expect every guy I meet to be " the one" , and that I "probably " consider myself to be a above higher in intelligence ..Do you honestly think you are in the position to assume this when you have absolutely no idea about my life, and obviously very little involvement in the shidduch world. or you wouldn't have been so quick to scorn and judge.
And as for not writing about my personality and my dating stories, I didn't write a article on my biography . I write it to convey a message, and I only hope that IY"H when your teenage children enter the shiddich scene, you will have a better understanding of life and a more sensitive heart !!
Thank you to all those who responded with understanding. We should all hear good news soon!
im crying out to the worl dtoo
here is my plea
please stop...this was all depressing to start with, but now its just getting verrry funny...
i'm sorry but maybe you are having a hard time finding a partner because maybe possibly perhaps, you bore them with 8 paragraph explanations about everything you say or do.
why do i keep commenting if i am so disturbed by all of this you ask?
well, i hope to shed some humor into the hearts of the skinny lil yichus hungry souls out there.
p.s you say your slim....i happen to know you are rather plump. pleasantly plump. but plump.
if you really believe in what you say, stop defending yourself and giving five-paragraph explanations.
whoever agrees with you already does, and whoever doesn't - ure not going to change their minds!
so calm down and take pride in the fact that you initiated all these enormously entertaining comments and gave some people their laughs for the day.
all i say is: Good luck and MAZEL TOV in advance!!!!!!
Take no notice of the negative comebacks .....stupid and jealous people around.....u wrote beautifully and truthfully.Hatzlocho.
I still admire the additude of #12 even though she did come across with a little too much Gevurah.
I wish you all the best physicaly and spiritualy and you should find your husband in the year 5769.
And another thing, if you believe that they need help - then help them!! Try to make a shidduch for them
Like many people, you aren't willing to acknowledge that just maybe there is some truth to what I wrote. I re-read your article & my response. Obviously what I said hit home, because you defended yourself at great length. No one else merited the same angry response. I suppose you must have heard a bell in the far distance that rang true.
FYI, I have married children B"H. My next is just about to enter the dating roundabout. The Shidduch scene is horrible, no argument there, but when all you wrote about was the physical exterior, what do you think people will believe? You are right, some young men are very shallow, but so are some young women. You are incredulous that you aren't married yet. Maybe you aren't looking for the right qualities in a husband. Did you put "looks" at or near the top of YOUR list? You kept stressing your looks so I'm guessing they are very important to you.
I am sorry you can't see what I was trying to say. When you wrote, you invited responses. COL should have been told to only post the ones that validate your feelings. But honestly, what is wrong with someone saying something that may make you think, hey! Perhaps she/he has a point? Hopefully, a little honesty can help you understand that what you conveyed isn't the truth of who you are. You were quite clear that I got everything wrong. That is quite possible, but it's because your article gave that impression. That's what I took out of the article & apparently, so did other people reading it.
Some posters here seemed to get what I meant, but you didn't. I hope you understand me better now. As I said originally, I really hope you find your bashert quickly. You WILL make a great wife & mother & you deserve to be happy. Everyone does. Good luck!
However this general conception that people have has gone WAY TO FAR! That is not the case of all Bochurim at all, is this what you think when you look at your brother? is this what you think when you look at your son? is this what you think when you see a Shliach that came in for the Kinnus Hashluchim? Obviously not! Well guess what not so long ago these Shluchim who are going on Mesiras Nefesh every day of their lives were also in that seen, and the guys who are in the seen now and going to be the guys coming as Shluchim in a few years! If it were looked at that way, people would realize that Bochurim are not that SHALLOW! Did we not spend 8/9 years of our lives learning, thru Yeshiva, Shlichus, Semicha etc!?
So just know that were not all like that, and you should find yours IY"H very soon. And Hatzlacha with that!
Ps To all those who commented about it. I don't think there is anything wrong with knowing and acknowledging ones Maalos!?! V'dal!
What is the point in bashing a well meaning article??
WELL IF YOU ARE, AND YOU CLAIM HOW MESSED UP THE SYSTEM IS.
SO HERE YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO CARES.
YOU CAN SEND ME YOUR PROFILE W/O YOUR NAME JUST AGE AND HEIGHT AND WEIGHT AND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A MATE AND DESCRIBE YOUSELF AS WELL OF COURSE AND I WILL IYH DO MY BEST TO SET YOU UP IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE ON A SHIDDUCH!!!
Why do people take advantage of the fact that they can comment anonymously? If they had to put their name they would (I hope) be too embarrassed to post them.
If you've nothing nice to say, say nothing.
There were bochurim who were "complete packages" but somehow you felt they should be rejected because they were "either too open, too closed, too serious, too carefree... whatever it was, YOU somehow managed to find something that was missing".
Dear Author, You are still "an older single" because you rejected me and many others. "It's about time YOU learn to realize that no BOCHUR is perfect", although I come very close. And that, dear author, is the reason we are BOTH still single.
"The problem here is much more profound and deeper then we realize", indeed, we fail to realize that we, you and I ARE the problem!
It is so much easier to blame others for our own faults that we refuse to recognize.
Firstly, you wrote very well. Honestly, the only issue with your article and the reason you're getting this kind of feedback (I think) is because you followed lots of other articles so ppl are "burnt out" on this issue and are not being as serious as if it were the first article.
To #12
You are out of line here. You must not have been following the series of articles here so you don't get why she writes that way. She was not writing to boast about herself she was following up on the articles that said that guys were looking for looks.
To #13
Please don't be naive, that's not how things work. You're just wrong to believe that everyone can just marry the 1st, 2nd or 3rd person they meet (and that "the system" will set up with the right ppl) and if not they're a "lo yutlach" Come on, that's just so incorrect and insulting.
To #33
You copied my email address idea! maybe that's why no one wants to email you. You sound like a desperate guy not like a Shadchan. If you are truly a legitimate business than put you're name on it and earn the trust that you expect. Also, it doesn't help that you write in ALL CAPS effectively screaming at us and being very rude. Why would anyone email some random guy like that?
do numbers matter? Seriously how..
The stress placed on it in the article is not misplaced.
For a girl walking down the street anywhere - I wish I could say crown heights is different - it is very clear and simple to see that all men/boys want it and it is not kept secret.
And yes we are conditioned to see beauty as the prime focus of what women need to be. Its not coming out of left field. We were created like that. What went wrong is that the definition of beauty is now confined to excrutiatingly slim figures and standard good looks. We forget that every woman is beautiful whether we think so or not.
Yes so the author stressed these "qualities" because you all taught her to and told her that its what she needs.
I find it comforting that the author writes this article, yes it is a shame, for the girls out there that they can stop starving themselves and focus on improving their character, becoming better people and Iy"h the right one will come and find them.
Also, if what you are saying is realy true (that boys could just dip into the next class of 19 year olds) then why in the world would you want to continue to feed such a disastrous system by marrying with a big age gap thereby giving a clear dissadvantage to other girls?
My wife an I are within a year of each other and life is great. People made all kinds of comments about me being to young for her or her to old for me etc. but you know what, all that comes to a stop and we are now living happily ever after Boruch Hashem.
When I sent it my article I titled it " Finding perfection together" to imply that no-one is perfect , no even with beauty, yichus, etc that so many out there tend to think if you have those two, then you're guaranteed to get married easily and quickly. COL changed it to " Why am I not married yet" and also re-phrased some wordings - and after reading it again, I understand why some of you might have translated what I wrote as to sounding arrogant and boastful, but this was far from my intentions
I thank those of you who were smarter then that and managed to read between the lines of my article and understand all I was trying to say is that it's hard for everyone, no matter where you come from or what you look like.
I do understand that when writing such a article one must expect to receive such comments, but honestly I never expected such cruel and judgmental responses like of those above.
You also might want to bear in mind that your comments aren't directed only at me. There are many unmarried people reading this, and you might want to consider a little sensitivity towards them before you lash out your opinions and accusations
The author is not looking for an explanation or any answers; it is a cry from her soul, one that unless you are in the same situation can't really relate to. I walk down the street and see happy loving couples everywhere, I look and all I want to do is raise my head to the sky and scream ITS NOT FAIR, ITS NOT FAIR, ITS NOT FAIR. We know the "system" doesn't always work, but we still try, we still pull ourselves out of bed in the morning which isn't always so easy anymore because even though we feel like it may be a lost cause there is still that small glimmer of hope. We can't help but look in the mirror and constantly wonder what we could change that would make that one tiny difference that seems would make everything better.
So many people seem so quick to judge, take a few minutes and put your selves in our shoes......it's not fun.
Although I am very grateful for everything hashem has given me it's very difficult at times to see the reason behind such a test.
~ 31
Thin, beautiful, lively, extroverted, aidel, exciting, cute, smart, ambitious, tall, short, sweet, kind-hearted.... Girls, you can be any of these things, but it will not guarrantee that boys will be falling on your doorstep, or that each boy dated will fall deeply in love with you.
Finding your bashert, your other half, goes much deeper. Yes, physical attraction is a facet, and if you're witty & good-natured it may help the cause, but, at the end of the day, it is about the interests & values you share, & the chemistry formed between the two of you.
A few weeks back, I heard wonderful news of a 26 year old girl who got engaged. It was beautiful news to hear, for after many years of tirelessly dating, she was finally able to find "the one". I am G-d forbid not saying that it should take as much time, or that one who turns 26 and is not yet married is a "spinster", but, rather, one cannot say when they will meet the right one. It is not simply in your hands, & the right bochur can be your next date, or the one after him, or three boys from now.
Yes, we must do our part. Mothers can make calls, we can meet with shadchanim, we can dance at weddings, and dress well & be social & make conversation with women in the streets.
But, after all is said and done, the right person for you will find you when it is time.
Good luck to all, dating is a process!
http://www.questionpro.com/akira/TakeSurvey?id=1321431
What a narrow minded and judgemental person!
A few topic suggestions: gezhe/ffb/bt - the yes and no's.
Siblings - brothers or sisters who are waiting their turn, thereby causing more singles, who simply have not had a chance yet at shidduchim.
Age/height factor - it's really OK for the boy to be younger or shorter than the girl!!!!!!!!!!!
Etc.
I'd love to write my own article, but for some reason, I can't figure out how to send them in - do you need to be a registered user? Why do I not see an email address on the homepage to send articles to?
=======
COLlive response:
You can write to us at editor@COLlive.com or http://collive.com/sendmail.rtx
so if your geze and want to go out with a really simple guy send me a email to geze@gmail.com
TO 76...what can I say, you are not the type to appreciate other opinions so I won't waste my time. But one thing I will say is please DONT SCREAM....as most of us here are civilized people the type who like to share and listen to opinions, we don't shout. Thanks.
That is preposterous, you are not living with the family for the rest of your life, what if your wife treats you like garbage or if she acts like a b*tch to you, then her family will not make any difference, beacuse you will be so miserable, no matter how much mashkeh her granfather said lichayim on in the old shtetel.
Similarly is with looks, yes looks are important, but its not everything, and if someone says that it is they are being naive and stupid, because in ten years your wife will change and she will not be as gorgeous as she is now. and what is important is the personality and character traits, that is real stuff, and that you're going to have to appreciate in your future spouse iyh.
The only true shadchan is Hashem, and I am sure when the time is appropriate, you will get married. In the meantime, as I can see you are maturing, and as you said 8 years on the shidduch scene probably means you have been out a number of times, you can use this time for self development. In our neighborhood in E.Y. there were unfortunately a number of older singles, from 25 to 30, whose parents in desperation formed their own local mishmeres. I am happy to tell you that 8 of the twelve singles were engaged in eight weeks! Amazing, but we don't need convincing that teffillos from the heart and all together with great achdus can work miracles. In any case, I can see that you are in pain and distress, but as it stands, there has to be a refocus in criteria, meaning that you are really not the same person you were eight years ago, and have been out with many people. This changes a person sometimes for the better. Don't try to be the 18 year old at 26 either on paper or in physical reality. And take all physical criteria of yourself out of it. You will be happier and better prepared to receive your true zivug. And by the way, none of those older singles married anyone the slightest bit disappointing to either themselves or their families. Your turn will also come. With Blessings from E.Y.
but your comments are there, outrageously judgemental and so intellectually dishonest. It's amazing how much someone can make up about a person without having a clue who they are and just reading one or two thoughts they wrote.
I don't know "why" you and/or all of you are not in the relationships yet. However, below is what I do know.
1. G-d has a plan for you. Relax and let it unfold.
2. You will have a better chance to "attract" some one if you are "joyful" in your soul . Happy people attract happy people.
3. Know who you are. FInd your own passion and get involve with something that has meaning to you.
4. Stay away from "mean" people ...boys and girls...they are weak . Spend more time around people who share same passion and interests ...and who are productive.
In the end,
- be more of who you truly are
- trust the plan
-enjoy your life "as is" right now
It is very important for a girl to take care of herself and her health but just don't overdue it - modeling is not your profession. It is important for a boy not to get addicted to looks - what are you watching, how long.
Honest, practical, and so True!!
Thank you!!!
Having said that, I would like to caution you about the apparent extreme to which you take your point. It seems that you are saying that being attractive can still leave you single. This sounds reasonable. Then you go on to conclude that “it MAKES NO DIFFERENCE if you have that model figure or not, whether you're beautiful or not”. That is incorrect, at least because you yourself admit the importance of physical attraction in the first part of your article.
What you should have said, is that looks are important but not sufficient for success. Like with other qualities, it definitely MAKES A DIFFERENCE, just not all the difference.
Yasher koach.
I just find my self in that boat !
I am my self almost 24
and what we need is positive advice which are the REBBE'S way
Thank you!
And good luck to the author in finding your bashert very very soon.
All the Best,
--Anonymous
Most of you can't even find a mate for yourselves unless they are made out of money so you can hide on mommies and daddy's pocket..
Without your parents..you idiots would not stand a chance in turning a successful marriage even if G-d granted you a free phd degree...
sorry, you can buy love but you can't buy guts!!
and the girl who wrote the article has it...
Basically, all a person can do is continue davening and hope that Hashem will have mercy on them and change the "negative decree". I am not in my 20's or even 30's, but in my late 40's, and I still wait. And yes, I have good looks (at least for my advanced age!), intelligence, education, personality--you name it. I'm not too picky, am very tolerant, kind, loving, etc. but in all my years, no one has chosen to make me their spouse. Now it's just too late for a real family or any of the good things we see in those we hold in high esteem. Acceptance is all we can have.
Only G-d is perfect and only He can find us our appropriate life mate. If we earnestly and humbly seek what HaShem wants us to do, and what He wants us be be and wants us to be with and be married to we will never need to second guess what He wants for our lives. We must all walk in emuna bitachon, everything else is secondary.
so much has been said from all side and from all point. Some said it verynicely and some very abruptand without sensetivety ( english is not my language), I hope for every one to thing positive and to ecxept the other person, no matter what he things or sais, as long it is in our Chsidishe way, and Halacha . Please find the possitive. bless one onother for only good . less criticals will help for a wonderfull day, month ande years. be beshimch, forgive, forget and make the most to help and say indearing words. it was hard for me to read so much critisizm for such a nice wrritten article. may hashem sent each one the right Zivug very soon. be beshimcha always. and the simcha will brig more simcha and than the real simch of building a beatiful loving family. please lefargen, make life easy, happy. more patience will be worth waittng. hope to hear good new -besorot tovot. hashem wants for us only the best. and that is sometimes a delay. soon, let us know of a simcha. you are wonderfull. and all the writers did not mean to offend. thing possitive every thing works out for the best.
When I stood in line for dollars around 1989 I asked the Rebbe for a bracha to be a shadchan. The Rebbe answered, "We should hear good news."
If you are interested, I might be able to help you. My e-mail is getmarriedthisyear@gmail.com. Please include references and current picture.
Are you looking for a shidduch? Do you know someone that is? Focus on building a Jewish home with your soul mate. If you are interested, please send a current shidduch profile, a picture and a contact number to getmarriedthisyear@gmail.com
Before the 'bochorim' look for perfection, they should find the fault in themselves. They don't see it.