Mar 20, 2017
Your Rabbi Isn't A Psychic

A conference call with relationship counselor Rabbi Shais Taub will discuss how to prepare for a conversation with your rabbi so you can get the assistance and direction you are hoping for.

Your rabbi is capable, knowledgeable, compassionate, and genuinely concerned about you. But one thing he isn’t – he isn’t psychic.

Of course, your rabbi (and mashpia) is available to listen and speak with you about all matters in your life. But you can’t just hope that somehow he will divine your reason for asking for a consultation and then offer appropriate help.

All too often, Rabbis have best intentions to be helpful, but they just cannot be – they simply don’t know enough about the situation. As a result, everyone becomes frustrated and disappointed. Even worse is when the rabbi gives the wrong advice, something that might bring more harm and stress. Most often it is because vital details have not been disclosed.

Sharing the nuanced details may not feel so comfortable, but it is crucial in order to get appropriate assistance and guidance. This Wednesday, via conference call, Rabbi Shais Taub, noted rabbi, relationship counselor and author of the popular “Ask the rabbi” column in the Ami magazine, will discuss how to prepare for a conversation with your rabbi so you can get the assistance and direction you are hoping for.

“Recently, rabbis and mashpiim/os are educating themselves about how to counsel in areas of shalom bayis and domestic abuse. To be effective, they need those who come to them to share all pertinent information, and hence this important call with Rabbi Taub,” said Mrs. Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad.

The conference call will be on March 22, 2017 at 8:45 PM Eastern Time. To join, call 641-552-9123. Access code: 256965
You can send in your questions anonymously before, during and after the call to www.adaiad.org/ask-anonymous-question

This call is brought to the community by Crown Heights Jewish Community Council, Adai Ad and Shalom Taskforce. It is part of a series of workshops and education organized by the Crown Heights Jewish Community Council under a grant by the New York City Council Domestic Violence Initiative awarded by Council Member Matthieu Eugene.

Check Adai Ad's website for upcoming calls and events at http://www.adaiad.org/events or recordings of past events at www.adaiad.org/past-events.



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Opinions and Comments
1
At a minimum
Every Rav, Rabbi, Mashpia should read the classic "Shame Born in Silence" by Rabbi Avraham Twersky. His daughter-in-law. Lisa Twersky, has also written very important books & articles on the tragic topic of marital abuse in frum homes. Until everyone who counsels couples admits that they need to study the topic themselves & becomes knowleagable about the manipulative ways of abusers, no conference is going to fix anything. There should be mandatory training in domestic abuse counseling for all who are involved in this. They may be kind and well-meaning but you wouldn't go to a podiatrist to pull your tooth - you have to be specially trained to see what is REALLY going on. Even not every social worker or therapist gets it !!
(3/20/2017 1:06:01 PM)
2
"...when the Rabbi gives the wrong advice..."
Whenever any rabbi or marriage therapist hears only from one side, and then dispenses advise, this can potentially be downright destructive. Before asking for, or accepting game-changing guidance, there is little to lose by ensuring that the input of the other spouse has been solicited, and carefully considered as well..
(3/21/2017 10:30:12 AM)
3
#2 you are correct
plus the one who counsels the couple shouldn't be too friendly with either spouse because the counselor might be biased towards one or the other so instead they should go to a neutral third party mashpia.
(3/21/2017 12:47:29 PM)
4
To #2
That is not always the case. If one is abusive and controlling, his input should not be solicited. He will become infuriated that she talked about it and might hurt her worse.
(3/21/2017 5:29:36 PM)
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