By Leibel Baumgarten
There’s been talk lately about issues within our community, both Crown Heights and the frum community at large; about many of the problems that we face, and what is driving people away.
If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share a partial list of my own experiences with “the community” in just the past couple of weeks.
As my wife’s grandfather lay sick in hospital, family and friends ensured someone was at his side almost 24/7. People with families of their own, full time jobs, and other responsibilities, stayed at the hospital through the night, walked for hours on Shabbos, and made numerous other sacrifices.
Since my wife gave birth to a son a few weeks ago, people have helped cared for our daughter; picking her up from school, feeding her, putting her to sleep. If we paid them market rates for the babysitting and housekeeping they’ve done for us, we’d be broke.
My mother in law went back and forth between hospitals, taking care of her parents and daughter simultaneously.
Satmar Bikur Cholim provided food in the hospital, and they also arranged a room filled with cots for families of patients to sleep over on Shabbos. Two of my wife’s sisters gave up enjoying a regular Shabbos with the entire family and “camped out” in the hospital for 28 hours just to be there for their sister.
As my grandfather lay ill, not communicating all that much, both he and his wife insisted the sholom zochor take place in their home. While my grandparents couldn’t even be there, their home played host to yet another simcha, as it had done for dozens of others previously. Many of those made by strangers — just people who needed a space.
When my wife came home from the hospital, the women of Shifrah and Puah began bringing her breakfast every morning. I’m talking 3 course gourmet breakfasts. People bring us delicious home cooked dinners — bringing it over smack bang in middle of the most hectic part of their day with their kids.
The night following our son’s bris, our grandfather sadly passed away. We again witnessed similar generosity, as trays of food were brought to the shiva house constantly and people helped out in any way they could.
A sister was ready to give up a full day’s work — and pay — to be with my wife and help her for the day of the levaya. That same sister cooked us an entire Shabbos. Oh, and she also hosted dozens of people for the kinus that Shabbos. The next week, she hosted more than 70 participants of the CTeen Shabbaton — her dining room fits about 20. (Shluchim, Anash and mekuravim will tell you she’s not alone — that Crown Heights is unparalleled in its hachnosas orchim.)
I could go on and on. This is but a glimpse into the past couple of weeks of our lives. The level thoughtfulness, generosity and kindness is mind blowing.
When I think about this overwhelming flood of compassion and giving, I can’t help but think we must be doing something right as a community.
You might say that I lucked into a large, caring family — and you would be right. But we’ve seen this kind of generosity offered to many others without that familial support. From the insane amount of hosting that Crown Heights does, to baking goodies for l’chaims and weddings of people never heard of, or making meals for new moms whose names aren’t known.
Yes, I know not everyone has it as good as me; that my experience is not representative of every Chabadnik, or even Crown Heightser. Not everyone is blessed with such an incredible support structure, and my good fortune does not mean our issues and challenges need not be discussed or addressed.
But when I see the sheer amount of people who so genuinely care about our well being, and lengths to which people have made personal sacrifices to help us out, I can’t help but be convinced, as cliche as it sounds, that this is the greatest community in the world.
This is a community where the failings of any one individual can be magnified and viewed as a blight on the entire “system.” How about giving it an opportunity — even if only for a brief moment — to pat itself on the back.
To all those who helped make up that list up there, and those who I neglected to mention — I can’t say it enough, but thank you, thank you, thank you.
At the same time, let’s try look out for those whose experiences don’t mirror mine; those who may have fallen through the cracks. If you see a “meal train” posted for a new mom, someone who perhaps doesn’t have a large family to back them up, put your name down. Even if your dinner isn’t as fancy as your neighbor’s, the thought and feeling of inclusivity will make a world of difference.
To those of you who think that you are being ignored,there may be a possibility,that people actually are ignorant of what is going on. There is a time in everyone’s lives,when we need the assistance of others. People are not neviim ,and sometimes ,because of the pace of life nowadays ,people do not know of your situation . When we have a difficult situations ,we tend to think “everyone knows” but this is not always the case. May we never need help,but when we do ,reach out. As the Rebbetzin once said,you are helping your fellow yid fulfill their mission… Read more »
it is truly sad that,in your experience, “noone cares or does a thing”. I was not raised here ,nor do we have “a name”, but, on our block, people cooked for each other for at least a week when they had babies. Neighbors have babysat for each other. A wonderful organization, Yad v’Ezer, provides meals for during times of need, such as a Shivah, r”l, and Bikur Cholim offers all kinds of help, rides to hospitals, meals and other support, to name a few. Groups of people make Sheva Brochos for each other.One may need to reach out to a… Read more »
I could not agree with you more, which is why I repeated over and over again ‘iy”H.’ As much as we want that every yid should have every good imaginable, we haven’t found any way to make that happen. I certainly do not have the advantages of the author, but I do have advantages that still others do not have. I know people who have it bad and it is sickening. The only thing we can do is daven and serve Hashem and do what’s in our power that our children have it better than we have had it. To… Read more »
I’m a BT who last couple of births were sections and I’m a mother of twins who also had a toddler as well at the time. I would have settled for 1/8th of the help that this man’s wfe had
kudos to you for taking time to write this wonderful article
thank you
Thank you for sharing
As a shlucha who does not have a large family, I can attest to the amazing community of CH. From hosting our students and even keeping in touch with them afterwards to hosting Shabbos Kallahs, Sheva brochos, taking care of them like family and so much more! CH is a place that has so much chesed. When my sister moved to CH and had a baby, our mother wasn’t there and I couldn’t be there, Shifts and Puah brought her gourmet meals just like the author wrote. There are so many different ways to put yourself out there and make… Read more »
Some things are our of you’re control, please be more sensitive
Crown Heights is an amazing community, The only reason people are leaving is because they cant afford the housing or are able to buy a house.
I have personally hosted many sheva Brochos lchaims
Shabbat and you tov meals as well as guests for many weeks
The individuals and families had no relatives or support system
Yet with pleasure many many of my friends ,and I, open our hearts and homes
We live abroad and came to support our daughter and son-in-law when they had a baby. The love and support from friends and shuls was incredible, especially as there was no family to fall back on. We were enormously grateful, thankful and very emotional.
Finally a pleasant letter to read, focusing on the positive unlike most of the other oped
great article. I live in CH and do not have a large extended family. As you wrote it is mostly family who rally around you.
Not a crown heights resident but totally agree!
Thank you for giving chizzuk to those who are taken for granted. Recognizing the good doesn’t mean ignoring the not so good. Time and place for everything …
you don’t need a big name. but you have to reach out. people just know that some is going through a tough time or a mazel tov.
The only way to do that is by having a large family IY”H. Doing your utmost and davenning to Hashem that they go in the ways of Hashem, and iy”H, the next generation and the generations after that will have what you lack iy”H. Some have it harder than others, Hashem does what’s best for each individual.
Fellow BT
So true, about time Crown Heights gets it due.
Great article, and shows a lot about the author as well!
Hakaras Hatov goes a long way!
Such a nice, positive article rightly proclaiming some if the extraordinary qualities of CH. It is nice to read about the author’solid support system, which as the aurthor describes, is family based. I think it illustrates in a positive way how much we have to go out of our way to help the many people who don’t have that.
It was so heartwarming to read this article. I feel the same way about the Pittsburgh community. I’m sure this is happening internationally where we have become more compassionate and leaders have stepped up to help! The Rebbe said to open our eyes that Moshiach is so close! This chesed is Moshiach chesed. We are in a new era!
finally,crown heights is being praised! was waiting a long time for this kind of article. I am proud to be living in this shchuna!a freilichen purim to all!
i want to thank you for writing this. thank you!!~
Beautiful.
While it is not a sin to raise issues which are occuring in our communities, all too often we tend to be overly pesimistic about our communities and about Frumkeit as a whole. But as you wrote – so elequantly – when we are in doubt ourselves, let’s not forget the incomparable kindness and generosity which exists in the Frum community like no other. And this is not for fame, honor or anything of the sort; it is because of the core Neshama which rests in each and every Jew.
That is truly amazing there is no other community in the world as wonderful and giving and loving as Crown heights we are so fortunate to be part of it the Rebbe taught us and guided us to open our homes and hearts for another yid thanks for sharing your wonderful experience
Beautiful!
Not just because you have a large, strong, careing built-in support system, but because you do truely appreciate the fact that there are beautiful, wonderful Yidden in this community & beyond! Baruch HaShem!
So beautiful and so true! Thank you for posting this!
The sensitivity and ahavas Israel of the author
my grandparents do the the same thing fyi
Thank you for a well written and meaningful op-ed. I too have been a recipient of many of these kindnesses, and always wanted to write somewhere how blessed we are as a people and as a community — but, I never did. I’m with you! With all its faults, and we are all human, and all have faults, Crown Heights is a WONDERFUL community and I love living here! Thank you to all my friends and neighbors, and those I don’t know, but who help make it the beautiful community it is! And thank you, AM Yisroel for being the… Read more »
thank your leibel .. beautiful article.. and you are right.. we definatelly deserve that pat on the back hashem and the rebbe must be so proud of us. mi keamcha yisroel!! especially here in the rebbes shchunna!!
You are so right in everything you said so eloquently. I am living in this community for 45 years. I have seen such a surge in all that you mention plus more. Years ago when you made a wedding and didn’t have money you looked like a rachmanus. Look at the gamachim and Devorah Benjamin plus so many others who make a chassan and kallah shine. Devorah Sheiner is another example of someone helping out someone in need. One just has to reach out to her and if she can she will do so much to make your life easier.… Read more »
So nice to read about how wonderful our community is! Thank you for taking the time to write and share some positivity. I couldn’t agree more, and feel truly blessed to be living in the Rebbe’s Schuna.
thank you for sticking up for those that go unmentioned!
I’m glad for you, but please be aware that most of this is because you have large local families and very recognizable names.
Other people have just as much going on and no one cares or does a thing.
Chossid yid
What an amazing article written with such appreciation! It’s wonderful to be appreciated! Kol Hakovod to the author! For a change this article is so refreshing to read. Thanks for your inspiring kind words. Mazel Tov on the birth of your new son. May Hashem always shower his blessings upon you, your dear wife and family.
Beautifully written!! Emes is Emes!! Kan Tzivah Hashem es Habracha!! Thank you for sharing!!