Dear Family, Friends, Neighbors & Crown Heights community,
From the very beginning of Mendel’s diagnosis, we worked very hard to keep our life with our children as normal as possible. This presented a few challenges. The biggest of which was how we were going to accomplish this. Mendel was a champion in this regard. His positive approach and steadfast belief in the Aibishter were our guide. These traits have been mentioned by many people and spoken about eloquently at the shloshim. If a doctor came in with a sad face, Mendel would ask them to go back out and come in with the right attitude. “No oy’s around here” he would say.
Many people said to me “You should know of no more tzaar.” All I could think of was what are they referring to? The word “tzaar” and the meaning it carries, never came into our lives. Mendel took on every challenge presented to him. We always found a solution to make things work and we carried on. We were able to experience some of the best moments and vacations in these years. We all adapted to this new life because he made life normal and b’simcha.
We were however faced with another challenge. Practically, we needed support in the daily running of our household. With young kids at home and with doctor visits and hospitalizations on a routine basis it was hard to ensure daily normalcy. This is where all of you come in. I want to express to all of you what it was like to be on the receiving end of the tremendous chesed everyone displayed.
First let me say that being on the receiving end of everyone’s kindness is something that goes against my nature. It was Mendel’s encouragement that even allowed for me to be open to it. It didn’t take long however for me to recognize the wisdom in it and of course the practical need for it.
Suddenly our family grew as I saw all of you slowly become our family. Our home became your home. At any time, day or night, if we needed your help you were there for us.
Dr. Rosen along with many Hatzallah members, frequently visited our home just to say hi and see how we were doing. Many times the visit ended up with Hatzallah taking us to the hospital. Always a stress free experience, they made it as smooth and as uncomplicated as possible. They helped us stay calm and relaxed and a member from the team always stayed with us in the ER until we were sent to a room.
There were many hospital stays that Mendel needed round the clock care. His stays were from one week to many months at a time. I knew that I just needed to pick up the phone to a close friend and the arrangements were made for family and friends to do overnight shifts. This allowed me to be home for the kids at the most crucial part of their day and all the while knowing that Mendel had someone at his side and he was being tended to. The nursing staff could not get over how many people came to spend time with him.
Another close friend and neighbor committed to take upon herself to help out with dinners. She organized countless, delicious meals with other community members over the years. This began shortly after Mendel was first diagnosed and was on chemotherapy. I couldn’t cook because the smells would nauseate him. Her chesed continued through the years when I physically couldn’t be in the house to do it. Do you know what it means not to have to worry about preparing dinner and being able to give that extra time to my family? She even went the extra mile to ask me for my recipes so that when the food came my kids would want to eat it!
Bikur Cholim of Crown Heights has truly been a pillar of support. They are an organization that goes above and beyond in every aspect- organizing dinners, checking in often, helping with shopping when necessary, and so much more.
The pop in visits, the impromptu chazzanim coming and friends joining to listen and sing along, the Bikur Cholim at Cornell, parties and farbrengens made in the house, Shabbos guests, family coming over, all ensured that Mendel lived each moment. He loved each moment. We loved each moment.
In the nice weather when I would wheel him out on the block or on the avenue, he stopped to say hello to everyone! I saw how much simchas hachaim it brought him.
Just weeks ago while sitting on the porch many afternoons in the nice weather he would be so happy to see everyone stop by for a moment while running off to wherever they would be going. The last few weeks his friends arranged minyanim in the house for friday night as well as Rosh Hashana, which he loved being a part of.
Support comes in many ways. The overwhelming support from everyone in our community and beyond is just simply amazing. I don’t know if you realize it but just to stop and ask how we are doing, a message, a phone call, has all been a blessing. A blessing for which I am so grateful to each and every one of you and want you to know just how much it’s appreciated.
In closing, some days are extremely difficult to get up and go. We know however, that we need to do what Mendel wants us to do, stay strong and continue. It’s not easy. But knowing that we have a blessed community of family and friends, gives us much needed strength.
I strongly urge you to continue all the good you do and please pay it forward and help the next person out as well. Give that smile, the hard to make phone call to someone, or whatever it is you feel you want to do in his memory- think of what would mendel do, And do it!
And as Mendel would say- Chazak!
Thank you to all of those who told me personally about their “V’hachai yiten el libo” hachlatos and those who emailed them to [email protected]. If you haven’t had a chance to commit to something, please know that we are extremely appreciative of these hachalatos. They mean so much to our family.
May Hashem bentch us all with the strength to continue to be a beautiful caring community, and with the ultimate brocha of the coming of Moshiach, when we will be reunited with all our loved ones.
With deep heartfelt thanks,
Toby Brikman
wow thank you so much for this beautiful open letter Toby your children are really sweet that a lot of hearts and soul with a positive attitude and always with a smile we want moshiach now we don’t want to wait
A very special family. You’re an inspiration
I worked with your mom at Con Edison. Our hearts go out to you.
You’re so strong
Dear Toby, Your letter is overwhelming. I am so proud of you. You and the children are an inspiration for us all. Mendel is watching this scene and beaming with joy that you all are continuing LIFE, for that is what he would want. He taught all of us to appreciate TIME, to use every moment, not to G-D forbid let it just pass by. May we all utilize our time well, fill our days with mitzvos, with learning, and display happiness and ahavas yisroel May Hashem bless you in all ways and May you experience great naches from your… Read more »
while Toby writes that it was hard for her to be on the receiving end of everyone’s chesed, she should just know, that as a person who occasionally was able to give, the way she and her family received was a lesson to all. In fact, her (and Mendel’s) receiving was more profound and beautiful than most people’s giving, and touched those who were zoche to give to them. Toby, may you and your children never need to be on the receiving end of chesed again – but please just know – that you gave much more than you received.… Read more »
Such a heartwarming letter, Toby you never cease to amaze me, you are an incredible person with a beautiful family. Toby and Mendle always went out of their way to make everyone feel comfortable. Stay strong!!
Toby you are the epitome of amazing!
רבות בנות עשו חיל ואת עלית על כולנה
Yehudis
While Toby would be the first to say no one should ever have to face such challenges, she is the epitome of grace, courage, devotion, and support. Mendel was blessed with his ayshes chayil, but no doubt Toby will say she is the one who was blessed.
Knowing you both, & your great kids, even for a short while, was a privilege we can never properly express. May G-d bentch you always.
Toby!
thank you! thank you for giving us all the Zechut to be inspired by your courage and devotion to your family…
As Mendel once said ” You Know Tobby.. She is a general”
the ship’s leader
we shall all salute …
we must all
such amazing people, hashem gives the strength to overcome all challenges.
That is exactly what the Rebbe would call a “true dugmah chaya and chassidish upbringing.” Those words can inspire, uplift and lend support to anyone, anywhere and in whatever difficulties or hardships one may challenged with. Read this letter again and again and you will be moved and a changed person thereafter. Thanks for sharing your feelings, hakoras hatov and more so your emunah and bitochon. May Hashem grant you and your wonderful family the koach and simchas hachaim to continue in the footsteps of Mendel. Thank You, Thank You.
We will always be here for Zalmen and all of you!
Two years ago, Mendel have me his cc number to make a donation for our new shlichus. For some reason I couldn’t process the donation. On a side note, I didn’t know Mendel on a personal level and I didn’t know what he was going through. Just a few months before he passed away (which was almost 2 years after he gave me his cc) I stopped by his house when I was in CH on a trip. He wrote me a check for the full amount of the pledge. He treated me with dignity and have the money with… Read more »
To have been given such a challenge from Hashem and to respond with a heartfelt detailed letter of thanks is downright inspiring! We can only imagine how much you must be going thru. So incredible of you Mrs Brikman, to be taking the time and writing this now.
מי כעמך ישראל refers to everyone mentioned in your letter but right now it refers primarily to you.
very powerful words, continue with strength to strength and Yeshuot
Toby, you’re so strong.
Thank for such a positive and inspiring article. I wish it wasn’t surrounding that subject matter but it was inspiring nonetheless. Hopefully you’ll have beautiful blog posts about all your children’s bar mitzvahs and weddings.
What a well written letter. It is US who have been inspired by you and Mendel.
You are both such an inspiration!
This is such a wonderful letter! Whenever I think of hardships and challenges I must face, I will Bli Neder think of this letter and Toby’s and Mendel’s positivity and happiness! May you only know of Simchas!
Thank you for sharing. So inspiring! May all your pain be transformed to simcha, and may we be zoche VERY soon to vehakitzu veraninu sochnei afar!
Wow. Mi Kamcho Yisroel!