Jun 16, 2009
Once Upon a Time...

Anonymous OP-ED: "I sit here on my balcony, peering out, wondering, how long will it take for a guy to saddle a white horse and find me here? Does anyone see how lonely it is to be one of the few unmarried girls on the block?"

Once upon a time, in a far away Holy Land…

I sit here on my balcony, peering out, wondering, how long will it take for a guy to saddle a white horse and find me here?

Yes, this is yet another article filled with complaint, blame and self-pity…you’ve guessed it—it's about Shidduchim!

We’re told that each date only brings us closer to our bashert…well, I hope I’m really close after the amount of duds I’ve gone through!

The religious population has become aware of how difficult it’s become.

Women who were married at nineteen pretend to sympathize, the Bubbies at shul shake their heads, and our parents are in a constant state of panic.

But does anyone see how lonely it is to be one of the few unmarried girls on the block? We’re reminded every time we walk out of the house, bump into our friends with their husbands and kids, go to shul, socialize at work, etc…it’s a state of being we’re constantly made aware of.

I feel comforted by the Rebbe’s letters filled with hope and love. They remind me to stay strong and faithful because “finding a match is as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea, and the magnitude of the miracle of the splitting of the Red Sea is well known.” (Igros Kodesh, Vol. IV, p.300) The Rebbe understands and he’s the only one I allow to sympathize with me.

The Rebbe repeatedly mentions how one must seek a match as one seeks after a lost object. But it's at this point that my Mashpia reminds me that these letters must have been aimed at men. They must seek as we must…hide?...wait?...what am I suppose to be doing, again?

For girls who are motivated and driven it becomes a test of faith to sit back and rely in the fact that Hashem has left your prince a trail of bread crumbs leading back to your castle. But it’s a lesson learned in time.

We’re supposed to do our hishtadlut. But taking everything into consideration, I’ve found it difficult to figure out what my hishtadlut really is.
So, here is mine…I think…:

Princes of Israel your queens await you!

Remember what our Rebbe has said to you:

“You must divert your attention from the difficulties and make the following firm resolve: Marriage is one of the mitzvos of the Torah, and “the Holy One, blessed be He, does not make impossible demands of his created beings.”(Avodah Zarah 3a) Since G-d requires that you fulfill that mitzvah, He will certainly find your mate for you at the appropriate time. Nevertheless, since everything must be anchored in the natural order, [and] it is the manner of man to seek wife, [you should actively seek a shidduch as well].”

Please don’t give up.

We’re out there waiting for you to sweep us off our feet.
Come find your missing piece, your other half….come find… me.

Most Read Most Comments

Bookmark and Share
Opinions and Comments
1
Wow
Wow what an article. Whoever you are tha6t wrote this i'll never know. im also single and waitning im not worried. i dont want to hurry and im not young either. each thing will come at it's right time and thats that. it's just another test we must go through..just like others go through R"L not having kids, no money etc...
Besurot tovot
(6/16/2009 12:11:30 PM)
2
youre freakin me out
im trying to remain positive i dont want to hear your input
(6/16/2009 12:20:57 PM)
3
Married...
My heart goes out to those seeking their bashert.
May you all find happiness immediately, Amen.
(6/16/2009 12:24:19 PM)
4
Practical mother
Nobody sweeps anyone off their feet, we are not living in fantasy land. I don't see the point of these op-eds, this one is a little weird, if you ask me.
There are plenty of guys waiting to get married that are older too. You have to keep busy and the time will come, iy"h. Not everyone has the same mazal and not everything happens at the same time.
(6/16/2009 12:27:17 PM)
5
there are no words...
The most difficult part of going through this struggle is the loneliness.
i always feel like - no matter how much those who are close to me express their sympathy, - they dont really "get me".
i dont even try to talk about it to people, because i dont think that i am able to truly express how i feel for someone else to understand it.
for this reason it has been a great comfort to me to read this article, expressing exactly how i feel.
it has gone to the depths of my Neshama.
thank you
(6/16/2009 12:34:44 PM)
6
sorry
chabad match .com go there my son is on it ,,,find him
(6/16/2009 1:04:48 PM)
7
Well written piece
The author seems very smart and ambitious... I would encourage her to follow that drive and in response to the question "what can I do"-- make sure to live in the times-- make sure you are on the (kosher) internet dating sites, get your name out there, and when you actually meet the person give him a chance and be open. I think this article is a step in the right direction.-- Purely an opinion, no ciritiscm intended
(6/16/2009 1:12:39 PM)
8
suggestion
Single girls need to have something constructive to do while they're waiting for their bashert. The education system needs to provide for those who aren't getting married at 19. Everybody should feel like they're working towards a goal, not just stuck in a holding pattern.
(6/16/2009 1:14:55 PM)
9
whats your email adress?
i have ashidduch for you
(6/16/2009 1:53:57 PM)
10
older
I don't mean to offend anyone, but this article has the tone of someone who is still at the beginning of the "older girl" road. It would be interesting to see what her attitude would be in another five or six years.
(6/16/2009 2:04:33 PM)
11
t s
so why do you want to get married? sure loneliness hurts. but what are your expectations? you know men? they too ache for love. they too have no clue what lies in stoire for them. two people with no clue about the other gender in general and the other person in particular get married... and before long have only reason to STAY married - commitment to the marriage. i'm not telling not to pine for a mate. just know that whatever you dream about, ain't there.
(6/16/2009 2:20:52 PM)
12
to: married
PULLEASSEE!!! How many times have we said we don't want your pity. Just UNDERSTAND and care enough to do something if you can. We're not nebachniks!!!
(6/16/2009 2:24:41 PM)
13
to # 10
I hope that you are not wishing that on anyone(else). May you all find your bashertes so soon.
(6/16/2009 2:46:11 PM)
14
Did any one say life is easy?!
I think that the OP-DES and articles on shiduchim are very important b/c not everyone is aware of the situation, some people are "too picky" and think they are going to find a prince or princess which doesn't exist (so you are on a search to nowhere with out even realizing.)
This is just an example. But If everyone would do their part during this hardworking process things wouldn't be the way they are now. And I'm talking about boys, girls, parents and shadchanim.
I see a lot of shiduchim gone wrong because one of the mention above "gave up" and it's so unfortunate. A person to stand up needs legs,brain, heart,etc and if Chas veshalom any part of the body is "missing" it simply falls apart. So please do your job!
(6/16/2009 2:55:28 PM)
15
Shiduch crises
Not to offend anyone chas vesholem I think the problem is that most of the SHADCHANIM in CH are lazy
(6/16/2009 3:06:10 PM)
16
get a shadchan that actually gets back to you
and realize that mr perfect does not exist. any guy you meet will have wonderful maalos, and he will also have chisronos. decide what area are most important to you - chassidishkeit, frumkeit, yichus, knowledge (Jewish or general)looks, money, brains, sense of humor, height, weight, staight teeth, ability to earn a good living, etc.,and concentrate on someone with the particular maalos most important to you. I guarantee you that in other areas HE WILL BE LACKING. If those areas are important to you, you should have mentioned it. Be honest with yourself, and who you are, not who your mother thinks you are or who your friends think you are. You are now an adult, and your mothers dreams of nobody being good enough for my daughter should be thrown (respectfully) out the window. I can point out to you men and women in their sixties who are single because they gave too much kovod to their mom's unrealistic expectations for their children.

Finally, be assured that he is out there, and that he is looking for you!
(6/16/2009 3:25:50 PM)
17
mashpia
This is a beautifully written piece. However, I would like to make the following comment. You mention you've been through a lot of "duds" in your shidduch career. Tell me, how do you know that they were "duds"? I know from my own personal experience that it wasn't until I took seriously the notion that I should discuss my shidduchim situation with my mashpia that my bashert materialized. If not for those discussions I almost certainly would have allowed doubts and uncertainty at the stage of having been through two or three dates with the one who did eventually become my spouse convince me to drop that particular shidduch. My mashpia gave me a more mature perspective on how to appraise what I was looking for in a mate, and also helped me have the courage and confidence to make the right decision. The Rebbe said to have a mashpia, and there is no area in life where this is more important than in the shidduch parshah. Much Hatzlachah to you and to all who are ready for a shidduch.
(6/16/2009 3:51:03 PM)
18
To #5
Obviously those close to you don't really get you because the only people who can totally get you are those whose situation is similar to yours. When a person is seriously ill R'L or doesn't yet have children, again the only people who can really relate are those going through a similar situation. Most people mean well when they sympathize and would help if they could. Not everyone is acquainted with many single boys/girls.
All that being said, I feel very strongly that the Rebbe would not approve of this medium for his Chasidim. If you disagree speak to your Mashpia first before you fire back. Furthermore, the notion of a prince on a white horse is definitely not rooted in a Chasidic lifestyle-it's all fairytale. Not to say that marriage doesn't contain elements of fairytale to it., but Chasidim are careful in the way they express themselves. It has a 'goyishe' ta'am to it.
(6/16/2009 3:55:46 PM)
19
tehilim
40 days of the whole sefer tehilim you could divide it among a few poeple
may hashem send each one their bashert soon
(6/16/2009 4:49:47 PM)
20
the other side
...it is better to wait for the right one then marry too soon to the wrong one.
(6/16/2009 4:49:51 PM)
21
AHHHHHHHHHHH!
STOP! LIFE STINKS. WE GET IT!
(6/16/2009 5:10:24 PM)
22
older bocher
Hi im an older bocher 31 years of age and i know exactly what she is saying and how she feels lonlienes in communities like ours where most people marry young we are looked on as something is wrong our opinion is not accepted because what to you know you are single people look down at us older singles like i say dont just look at us and say oy vay do something daven for us try to help us instead of just looking at us like we are unweel people thank you may hashem help that all us older single find our right ones quickly MOSHIACH NOW
(6/16/2009 5:22:26 PM)
23
nechama zweibel
she does classes to help make yourself a keil
also for the mothers
can only gain.....
(6/16/2009 5:58:25 PM)
24
right on #18
and to add, if the girls and boys that are going out on dates would keep thier opinions to themselves after they "regect" someone things might be a liitle easier. If my husband would of known EVERYTHING about me, we would of not even gone out on a date. No one is perfect!
(6/16/2009 6:11:18 PM)
25
From the guy's perspective.
I'd like to first express the utmost appreciation for the heartfelt and honest articles that have been posted. They require courage, and most of all a true desire to make a very valid point, if not many. To address number 21 quickly, as a side note, I want so badly to be like you, a negative downer, but I suppose I am busy realizing the blessings in life and simply can't hear or bear to acknowledge your pessimism, sarcasm, crassness, and ability to minimize someone's pain. I just can't seem to find it in me to get on board with your mindset, well simply because, it doesn't register with me. You can't get me down. Life is too short and too good, and I have reasons to think otherwise!
Back to the topic at hand. I know it seems trite, but from the man's perspective, believe it or not, we feel your frustration. The whole splitting of the sea thing probably at times seems like it was so much easier (that certainly has been a thought for me a few times!) Why couldn't chazal have used a much more extreme comparison?! Why not yesh m'ayin!?! We know, at times this feels far more difficult. I believe that we all find our bashert, and yes, we have to go on an adventure to find them. Sometimes we take for granted the lessons learned along the way, and I have learned a LOT of lessons thus far. The only thing to say is...... We are there with ya, perhaps we have different aspects of the issues to deal with, but we are right there with you. Stay strong, never minimize who you are simply because it's not working out on the scene, the right person will marry you for who you are as your true self. And, as we all know, and as our Rebbe pointed out, above all, "Simcha breaks all barriers." Focus on the good things we have in life. We have days with potential, an amazing Rebbe, and blessings that at times seem tough to recognize but are clear as can be if you open yourself up to them. Hatzlocha raba, we should all hear good things and most of all hear the greatest simcha of all, Moshiach's arrival so this searching doesn't have to go on any longer!
(6/16/2009 6:34:11 PM)
26
I don't get it
Please,you need someone to feel bad for you?that's childish you have to grow up,and then everything will bee batter.
(6/16/2009 6:51:15 PM)
27
Very nice
It's nice to read someone who's going through the same things I'm going through, but who can write about it in a humorous, practical and uplifting way.
May you find your other half soon, B"H.
(6/16/2009 10:13:38 PM)
28
I feel your pain
Even more so as a divorcee, while singles are given the time of day, we are given the same five names that circulate between Twenty divorced woman.

The only answer is to daven, Daven to Hashem, beg and plead with him to hear your prayers and at the same time remember: Hashem helps those that help themselves - Go out there and get yourself known!!!

Good Luck!!!
(6/16/2009 10:28:41 PM)
29
no 21, its that particular perspective of life stinks.
and to this anonymous who wrote this letter, i feel so helpless, i so much would like to help you! but now my advice is, dont continue writing depressing op-eds, go out contact mrs. rapp, mrs. greenberg and all the shadchanim out there. hamaase hu haikker!
(6/16/2009 11:00:16 PM)
30
weight watchers
there is usually a reason behind not finding a match
(6/17/2009 12:08:38 AM)
31
ahavas yisroel
Your letters express Ahavas Yisroel. In seeking a shidduch one must focus on YISROEL, the essence of the neshama. In
other words no one individual has everything (aleh maalos)all the time and living life is not about quantity (items, details) but quality, the bigger picture. Therefore, try and see the beauty in every person, the neshama. I guarantee that if you pay attention you will see some beautiful people out there. And all of you singles please remember that you are beautiful people and lift your spirits because "mi kamcha YISROEL".
Much Blessing for finding your bashert NOW.
It is necessary at this point in time, ikvisah dmshicha ,to increase in matters of Ahavas yisroel more than ever before. It is my hope and belief that such expression will cause greater chesed from above.
(6/17/2009 12:14:59 AM)
32
Congratulations
BE they chasidish, yeshivish or whatever lies between, the rabbis or asknaim of our generation have been very successful in transforming the most beautiful & exciting time of young persons life into one of fear, apprehension and tears
(6/17/2009 1:07:30 AM)
33
to #13
Ch"v am i wishing this on anyone. I was extremely grateful as all of my friends got married and even when my younger sister and former students got married and started families, as i know the pain and am glad that others should not have to go through it. Would a sick person ch"v want others to be sick as well just for company? The company would not be very enjoyable, to say the least.
I was simply commenting on the air of self pity, helplessness, and "prince on a white horse" attitude that seems to appear in this article. There is nothing wrong with this girl. This is simply a stage that I have seen many girls go through when they begin to realize that they have been "left behind." We must all eventually come to terms with the fact that we each have our own pekel to deal with and our lives have a purpose even before we get married. At the same time, we must do our utmost to meet that "prince" halfway and not just wait for him to swoop us off of our feet. After all, the boys are human too and they have also been left behind as their friends got married.
That said, the pain does only get more real and stronger with time. But I think it makes us stronger people and more aware of others, rather than isolate us from others. They cannot understand us, but neither can we always put ourselves in their shoes. As they say, "that's life." But Hashem made life that way for a reason, and we might even understand it one day.
(6/17/2009 1:25:13 AM)
34
to whoever didn't understand
she wrote the part about the " prince on a white horse" sarcastically. Take it easy.
(6/17/2009 1:53:02 AM)
35
idea
we should have a fund(or private peole to give or rabonim or ...)
but there should be a bonus for shdchanim like lets say you make a shiduch for a 23YO you should get a $3,000 bonus

for a 25YO a $5,000 bonus and so on

that would be incentive for shadchanim to work seriously on these girls

i heard it is done in baltiomre by rabonim

(6/17/2009 2:06:06 AM)
36
Dear princess
From your article I can see you are smart, romantic, chassidish , have strong Hishkashrus to the Rebbe, trying not to be negative and proactive. Come on guys and Shadchanim out there ! Come forward!!! A word about the horse. Please get off your high horse and don't call young men you dated duds.That is not respectful or nice. Focus on being sweet, lovable attractive and finding the good in others and surely others will find the goodness in you! Even though you may have been very hurt by a young man you need to understand there is loftier reasons for this and you must open up and talk to your Mashpia and other appropiate people. May we hear Besuros Tovos Now!
(6/17/2009 2:25:50 AM)
37
I know the situation
Any girl who describes a Jewish man as a 'dud', desrves what she gets. Every man has a holy neshama within him, and the fact that he was suggested to you, reflects some part of you.. By showing such disdain about other people in a public forum is sad. If you told the shadchanim after every date, he was a 'dud', how much more effort do you think the shadchan would want to put forward for you?
(6/17/2009 2:49:37 AM)
38
mentshlichkeit first
I can hear the pain and the longing, the metaphors are not relevant ( or may be they are in some other context ), just the same, I think it took courage to write this article and risk.I believe that a large part of real relationships is how much we are prepared to risk and to reveal to the other about our self . I also believe ( along with a previous comment) that as we go through the motions we have to narrow down our 3 non-negotiable criteria. A good friend or a mashpia can help with that. I was baffled, as a mother who lives on another continent, about the labelling and categorizations that go with shidduchim for my daughters. I had to accept and understand those notions first. For me and my own, kindness and decency came first, that is what life in marriage is based on . The rest demands some open-mindedness and some insight.
May Hashem ease up the process so that whatever the lessons, they can be learnt with less anguish ! Besuros tovos!
(6/17/2009 3:23:16 AM)
39
People, take a chill pill
Definition of "DUD":
a thing that fails to work properly or is otherwise unsatisfactory (Oxford English Dictionary)
(6/17/2009 3:28:46 AM)
40
Hey Guys, Wake up it's YOUR Mitzvah!
The mitzvah to "be fruitful and multiply" is incumbent upon the MALES. Girls are just hardwired to be with a guy, it's the boys who are COMMANDED to marry. I know alot of great guys, all waiting around for a girl as beautiful as a model, father like Donald Trump (just Jewish and not in trouble with the law) and a family they will feel proud to join (either yechus, shlichus, just all around ego enhancer). This is part of the problem, why girls sit waiting on the balcony or in school or teaching or whatever. Very few girls are good enough for these princes. And these "boys" get older and wait for the next crop of nineteen year olds, who they then find too immature. Guys, get a Mashpia, get Frum at least. It is a MITZVAH for YOU to get married, the girls are doing you a favor, not the other way around.
(6/17/2009 3:31:56 AM)
41
The Zevug of every Bachur and Bachura
In the last paragraph it says quote "He will certainly find your mate for you at the appropriate time", how can we say Hashem will find the right 1 for us, when it was already decided who will be our zevug 40 before the formation of the child. So it is not that Hashem has to look to find ur Zevug the Bat Kol announced already a while before each 1 was born. The thing is we have to do our part and look for that Match that HaKadosh Baruch decided for us before we were born. He already knows who to who, we don't know. So Hashem doesn't have to do any searching.
(6/17/2009 3:41:55 AM)
42
To #30
Does a woman/girl have to be a size 000 to find a partner?
Does she have to degrade her body and mind to that level?
(6/17/2009 5:01:03 AM)
43
forgotten!!
At least this young lady who wrote the article has been out with young men! I am 25 and do not live in CH, infact not even in NY and have not been offered a shiddiuch. A couple of years ago I was offered Shidduchim, but I was busy studying and not interested. For me I think it is " out of sight, out of mind". as I am not on the circuit. I know i have tried chabadmatch, but after asking Shadchanim about certain profiles I find interesting, they do not even e mail me back!!......Am I meant to e mail them again!
(6/17/2009 5:01:20 AM)
44
to the ppl who wrote negatives
shame on you
(6/17/2009 6:23:55 AM)
45
options
I definitely feel for anyone who is older and not married
yet. However, this situation is not one that was chosen.
Therefore, being in this situation gives one a chance
to do many things not really possible when married.
There is no reason why you cannot be a contributing
member of the community, travel, study, write, etc., etc
Cook, bake,valunteer, even make a Shabbos tish !!! But
at the same time, "Yeshuas Hashem K'Hareff Eyim"
Never give up. May you and others in your shoes tell us good news BKarov !!

p.s. Many Tzaddikim and Rebittzens married late -- it did
not stop them from becoming the special people
they were !!

Focus on the positive. As the Rebbe has always
told us -- Tracht Gut vet zein Gut !! Try it and see.
(6/17/2009 8:02:31 AM)
46
to 43
yes of course you have to email again or better yet can you get their # and call them, or how about trying another shaddchan, yes keep going till you get a response. Also maybe its time to move and be in sight, sorry but that the reality. Hatzlacha.
A Mother
(6/17/2009 8:06:40 AM)
47
many older boys are looking for something not yet created
I agree with #40.
Older Boys: There are so many great older girls out there, wanting so much to start a family, and they are quality girls, ready to offer so much. But many of you decide to sit and wait for the 'princess', and don't realize there are girls ready to get married. YOU NEED TO BE READY TO GET MARRIED TOO! Try, try, and put into your dates- don't just knock off a name b/c you heard a thing or 2 without looking into it properly. Don't just put her name on the bottom of your 'wish' list. Be Real, Be Mature, Be Ready to get married, and then actively look and put in your investment. You could be married if you want to be. Seemingly, the answer is in YOUR hands more than the girls. The girls are ready and waiting for you, you need now to put in some effort.
(6/17/2009 9:10:44 AM)
48
my turn
to say something: author dear, you're not alone.
I'm in the same boat, maybe even older than you, maybe even more lonely and more fed up.
if it helps you to write, go ahead and write.
but...don't read all the negative comments of people who right away assume you're either nuts or too fat to be able to get married. they should add a smiley- face to all positive comments and a pouty-face (I just made that up) to all the negative ones, so you'll know which ones to skip.
take care! one of your fellow chassidishe, single, sisters. (slim, good looking and smart, yet 32 just the same)
(6/17/2009 9:57:58 AM)
49
---FROM THE AUTHORESS---
Thank you for all the kind and comforting words- especially to #5, #25, #27 and #44

I'm out there on chabadmatch too- so don't stop looking!;)
(6/17/2009 10:52:49 AM)
50
Spouse of Shadchan at Chabadmatch
Advice: 1) Do not sit back and wait there are alot more girls than boys 2) keep calling the shatchonim or have your parents or older maried sibilings do so. The squeeky wheel gets the greese. 3) If your not sure: Go Out. There is a picky problem with, self proclaimed, "top" girls and boys who look until they find a chasoron. 4) Offer more money than the going rate and watch the shatchanim work (or at least call you back). You could spend less on the chasana later. 5) If there is a weight problem or something you can correct, correct it ASAP. B'Hatslocha!
(6/17/2009 11:21:47 AM)
51
Sorry (21)
I take back my comment (21).I realize it was insensitive and rude. Sorry.
Best of luck!
(6/17/2009 1:31:27 PM)
52
To 48: slim good looking and smart, yet 32 just the same
how ye doin?
(6/17/2009 5:31:49 PM)
53
chabadmatch.com
fathers should also get involved encouraging boys to get married and speak with young man register on chabadmatch this situation affects all of us and solution has to come from both sides
(6/18/2009 3:10:39 AM)
54
To #50!!!!!
Disgraceful!!!
You make yourself sound so helpful when all you're suggesting is to bribe your wife, agree to any shmo she offers and lose weight!
It b/c of ppl like you and your wife that there is a shidduch problem today!!!
(6/18/2009 3:21:54 AM)
55
Happy not to be married at 19!
I have friends who were married at 19 and i was far from envious of them. While i had opportunities to travel, help Shluchim, study etc my young friends were burdened with responsibilities of husband, kids and home, some barely managing...
I used my single years , struggling too through the rotten dates but trying to enjoy the freedom i had. Now married with 2 kids, i would not want to go back there now, but being a busy wife and Mum doesn't leave much time for yourself and the burdens of parnassah add a lot of stress to daily life. I'm glad i lived it up while i could. Hang in there, i hope u find your bashert soon.
(6/18/2009 4:14:16 AM)
56
TO : #50
Get another vocation- you people don't know what you are
doing!!!
(6/18/2009 7:17:35 AM)
57
to # 28
what do you mean the same five names keep on coming up for the twenty divorced women in lubavitch?u mean all the guys that come up for you are divorced?
so what is wrong with a divorced guy?
(6/18/2009 8:28:16 AM)
58
DON'T SHY AWAY
DON'T SHY AWAY BE BOLD
SHADCHANIM SUCK
TELL YOUR MARRIED FRIENDS WHAT U ARE LOOKING FOR AND HAVE THEM SET YOU UP
(6/18/2009 8:38:46 AM)
59
To #51
Thank you! :) I admire how you rethought what you said instead of being stubborn about it. (Just in case it seems like it, I'm not being sarcastic.) We need more people like you in the world!!
(6/18/2009 2:50:56 PM)
60
Yuuu
Get a life girl, so you won't need a prince inorder to b happy- he should share a life with a happy good spirited girl .
(6/18/2009 5:05:43 PM)
61
women in crown heights
I am a man who went to lubavitch yeshiva my entire life, I have dated and tried to date religious women in order to have a religious future home.

Usually, i cant even get the time of day. On the rare occasion that a girl agrees to answer my phone call, they usually search for reasons to disqualify me.

I am too tall, I am too short, My beard is not long enough,my family is not religious enough, my family is too religious, I am too old, i am too young, I live on president st (no joke, once I was denied a shidduch because i live on presdient st and the girls family said only snobs live on president st)

I am so frustrated with the shidduch scene in crown heights, so i moved to Boro Park...

And guess what i hear now as excuses.... he is a mishichist, he is a lubavitcher, he wont wear a streimel, etc.

What does a man have to do to get a date (let alone get married)

any ideas please email me david4753@yahoo.com

thank you
(6/18/2009 5:13:35 PM)
62
IT STILL HURTS
These days i'm considered one of the OLDER girls but i was considered one of the younger girls 4 years ago. I can't stop time and theres no pause button so now when a 24 year old guy comes up for me and we are 1 year apart, in these guys minds 25 seems like 55. To them it's scary. Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka was a year older than the rebbe so i don't get it, if u follow everything the rebbe does why can't you follow in the Rebbe's ways of how he chose his beautiful QUEEN,PRINCESS,WIFE,DIAMOND, The rebbe didn't look at the age, he looked at a beautiful, smart, intelligent, tzinus girl. Boys, it's time to let go of your mommys skirt, take out your sussy, and stand up and be a man. Go find the girl of your dreams because your parents will rip apart every rock solid girl. As for all you great girls out there who get up early in the morning, go to work, or to do your shlichus, determined to be the best you can be, do not feel trashed by anybody. You are amazing and the one who sees you for the incredible person you are, is the prince for you. I do think the system in Crown Heights needs to drastically change. There should be proper social scenes where boys and girls can see each other in a tznius way to find their match. Lets do this.
(6/18/2009 7:42:44 PM)
63
to number 60
too much to say. Ya must be a hypocrite. Have a great day!
(6/18/2009 8:23:26 PM)
64
BEST SOLUTION: (from someone who was there)
#17(mashpia)!!
(6/19/2009 1:24:09 AM)
65
my advice
you should date orphans.

because this way if you like eachother the shidduch cant be ruined by arrogant parents.
(6/20/2009 11:44:04 AM)
66
to 11
ooh thats harsh!!! you sound bitter... r u married?
dont scare us... we want to stay excited to get married
(6/20/2009 5:34:41 PM)
67
I agree with comment 65
He is right. How many times have arrogant snobbish parents blocked a shidduch.

Dating orphans seems like a good idea.Its one less pitfall.

Now all you have to worry about is your height, age,level of learning, bank account, car, beard length, hat style, mishichist/anti mishichist nonsense,
(6/20/2009 6:03:18 PM)
68
what about us divorced women....
i am divorced and despite wanting to get married and approaching shadchanim, websites.....nothing i am so lonely my kids have grown up....i am so depressed and think if this is all i have i may as well give up....
(7/1/2009 10:54:36 AM)
69
i was one of the lucky ones....
Many years ago, i was 23..and getting sad looks....when girls were getting married at 19 . Datng many people was unheard of ....but I was like the girls today.....I finally got married at 25 to someone I probably would not have appreciated at 20. He was too short for my standards and younger than me.... He was a bit of a nerd....but he was crazy about me.... and somehow convinced me....
Many years later...he's alot cooler than me....and the best person that I could have married.... he put up with all my complications.... we raised a wonderful family.....and we're
very happy B"H..... I'd don't know for sure, but I think alot happier that some of my classmates who married really young.....
(11/23/2009 2:45:37 PM)
70
Wishes
I hope you find your prince soon!
Great article!
Im kol ha berajot!!!
(3/2/2011 9:54:15 PM)
71
2 years ago?
I just stumbled onto this article now, which was written 2 years ago. Hopefully the author (if real, and not herself a fairy-tale), is married by now. I myself am a pretty old BT, never married, and I am really at wits-end with shidduchim. For whatever it is worth, it was a fun article to read, or perhaps it made me feel like there is "hope" still, it seemed a well written article, even if a little "fairy-tale" like.
(7/7/2011 8:51:50 PM)
What's Your Opinion? Post a Comment
Title:

Your Comment:


Comments must be approved before being published. Thank You!

Make COLlive® your homepage | Contact Us
© 2014 COLLIVE.com