May 23, 2016
Dumped Like a Queen

From the COLlive inbox: "The shidduch with the first bochur I've liked in four years has ended and I feel like a million bucks..."

By Rivkah

I'm a 24-year-old girl who was just told by the guy I've been dating that it's over. He was the first person I took a liking to since I started dating 4 years ago.

But I feel like a million bucks.

We went on 5 great shidduch dates and then he called me on the phone. I missed both calls so he texted me asking that I call him back when I had a chance.

When we got through to each other, he asked me how my day was and how did it go at work. I asked him about the recent trip he took.

He then went into a genuine monologue how it had been such a wonderful experience dating me. He added that I was sensitive, kind and fun to speak with. To top it off, he found me quite bright...

While all of those qualities were laudable in a potential wife, he said he had discussed the prospect with his Mashpia and came to the conclusion that we weren't meant to be.

And then he asked me how I felt.

I told him that I thought he was nice, had a comfortable vibe, and also intelligent.

I told him that I respected his decision because I respected him.

I thanked him for the emotional and monetary investment he had put into dating me and I wished him the best of luck moving forward.

He thanked me profusely and blessed me that I find my bashert in the near future.

We ended the conversation by wishing each other a Good Shabbos and hatzlacha rabba.

I told my parents: I just finished dating the first guy I've liked in 4 years and I feel like a million bucks... Now you know why.

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Opinions and Comments
1
I don't get it.
You feel good about being dumped? Even in a nice manner, it still hurts. Also, why is he calling you directly after five dates? Was there no shadchan involved? I don't get it.
(5/23/2016 11:11:52 PM)
2
Thank you
I agree.

Guys which date for a certain amount of times (say 4-5 dates) and build a relationship should break it off by themselves and Not with the shadchan, it's a lot more respectful and it gives closure to both sides.

(5/23/2016 11:15:12 PM)
3
confusing
Everything seems to be so great and there's so much there and it's so good,they had to break up?
Yes. he handled it well and nicely like a gentleman but still,it's not exactly something to be jumping for joy for...or am i wrong?
(5/23/2016 11:24:44 PM)
4
million bucks
Does the writer feel like a million bucks cause the guy ended it in a mentchlik way ? I was hoping to read he would say " will u marry me " or whatever the magic words are now a days.
Sounded to me like a nice shidduch story , but then again , I don't know them :)

I hope by the time of 33rd omer , the greatest Hilula of all will take place and the Rebbe will be Metzad Hakiddushin
(5/23/2016 11:29:30 PM)
5
this is how it should be!
what a mentsch! I hope you will both try to make suggestions for each other.

This is how it should be. Two people who date, and part ways as mature adults. b"h. So glad you had this experience, and I hope you find another good one soon.
(5/23/2016 11:30:56 PM)
6
what a mentch!
hard to come by
(5/23/2016 11:35:35 PM)
7
Basic Decency
EVERYONE should do this. Don't pass on the 'dirty work' to the shadchan after such a long period of time, man (or woman) up and break the news yourself.
(5/23/2016 11:39:27 PM)
8
Tutorial for guys
That need to teach this in Zaal. Or in like and general-how to treat another person. It's so important. Shkoiach to all those who go out of their way to do this, they make a world of a difference.
(5/23/2016 11:41:38 PM)
9
Youd be surprised...
there are many times a shidduch ends and then he/ she see other people and then realise that that they should have stayed together. Sometimes they do and who knows. the fact that she and he both behaved like real mentchen with respect and no histerics is amazing. I wish them both the best.

A rabbi once said that how do you know if a person is right for you. Imagine marrying them, living for a few years and then CH"v getting divorced. If you can imagine the divorce being nasty mean and hostile then you know this person is not for you. if you can imagine the divorce being amicable and respectful, then go ahead and get married !! Go figure.
(5/23/2016 11:58:13 PM)
10
Love this
Beautifully written.
(5/24/2016 12:03:00 AM)
11
Hugs
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You felt he was right for you but he didn't. I hope you find someone who appreciates you as much as you appreciate them! Hatzlacha & hugs!
(5/24/2016 12:15:54 AM)
12
To 2
What relationship do you build after 4 dates??
(5/24/2016 12:21:27 AM)
13
beautiful
i can understand why she feels like a queen
you should see the way some guys end dates
without any mentchlichkeit at all
(5/24/2016 12:32:29 AM)
14
I am so impressed!
#1-I'm sure they had a Shadchan! But once they went out that many times it was the right thing, and very appropriate, for him to end it with her directly.

I wish I could find out the identities of both these fine people and see if I have any suggestions for them!
(5/24/2016 12:42:55 AM)
15
It's the way it should be
After dating a guy several times I had made the decision to break it off. We've already been talking on the phone and when I had discussed it with my mashpia he response was "onsite tell the Shadchan it's not shayach." I was right away thrown off.. The Shadchan??? We've been talking on the phone and everything is nice and dandy and suddenly it comes time to end things.. The Shadchan?? No! I stated this to her and her response "if you think you're strong enough go ahead:)" well I did. And not to say that it was any less painful. But it was the RIGHT THING TO DO! Ppl of you're old enough to date and get married, and if you've been dating for a while or the relationship is close enough, call the person you've been dating. Give them some closure! Doesn't mean you need to give a reason. I just said "I'm so terribly sorry, it's just not shayach." He didn't ask why when or how, he just said "thank you for giving me a wonderful dating experience and being such a mentch about it" THATS ALL YOU NEED! Sometimes just showing the other person you're a mentch is enough!
(5/24/2016 12:46:00 AM)
16
Open to Suggestions
Very nice.
Maybe it was mutual and that's why she feels good? Like she liked him but also not for her.
OR
It gave her hope that there was an actual guy out there for her. After four years of dating myself, I look back at the (very few times) I actually liked someone and instead of discouraging me, it makes me think ahead to know such a standard exists.
Nother point: ANyone else find it crazy that she only liked one person after dating four years?! Unfortunately, that is what's happening across the board. I'm not sure how to change the system but something needs to happen. Open to suggestions for solving.
(5/24/2016 1:00:24 AM)
17
Appreciate this.
So kind of you to share this. Hopefully your words will help others be as respectful and considerate as the young man you were dating. Hatzlacha tho both of you to find your true match imminently
(5/24/2016 1:15:22 AM)
18
23 y/o bachur
Agree 1000%. I think that after the initial date or two all communication should be directly between the two parties. If they're old enough / mature enough to date and potentially marry, they should be able to handle talking to each other.
(5/24/2016 1:15:36 AM)
19
Two Different Things Here
The point the author is making is very important that there is a mentchlik way of dealing with uncomfortable situations. After so many dates, a direct call with an explanation is REQUIRED. Don't all of a sudden become frum and ask the shadchan to pass on the bad news.

The second point gives me pause as no matter how nice is the method that ends the relationship, there are feelings involved. So I would be very skeptical that this writer feels fine based on the way the news was transmitted. There has to be disappointment and some sadness and that's normal and healthy.
(5/24/2016 1:26:06 AM)
20
Face to face
If you are going to dump after 5 dates, you do it face to face.
(5/24/2016 1:30:23 AM)
21
Good for her. Count her lucky stars.
I'm guessing it's because she was treated the way any "normal" human being dating, should have been treated. With maturity, sensitivity, dignity and respect when things didnt necessarily work out after all (for one reason or another).
(5/24/2016 1:57:39 AM)
22
Friends as Shadchan
Who goes to official shadchonim these days? Me and all my friends will never take a idea from a shadchan. Yes we are all frum some working some collage and most of us either on shelichos or 770 all 60 of us made a pact to only date from friends suggestions or after we actually see or meet the girl personally will be to any research.
You will see more guys will join!
(5/24/2016 2:21:12 AM)
23
confused
sorry in my day 20 hrs ago this was the norm!
this guy actually sounds like an idiot for dumping u with all those qualities !
noch he wanted to hear how u felt .. what , to boost his ego?? sorry I would be feeling like a million buck for a diff reason ... sounds like u had a lucky escape!
(5/24/2016 2:52:40 AM)
24
You are a Jem He will Come Back
From your article it is evident that you are a Jem

You handled the situation like a total Mentch and more than that with Dignity and Grace

If he has any taste he will

Reflect on his course of action
Not be afraid of commitment
And he will

Take
The
Plunge

You are worth it

Keep saying Tehillim and keep your head up High Darling
(5/24/2016 4:29:52 AM)
25
Thumbs Up
I completely relate to your experience - nothing replaces hearing from the person you're dating directly, in a mentschlich and well thought out manner. There are no questions left in mind or heart when communication is direct. Thanks for sharing and may you blessed with finding your zivug tov speedily!
(5/24/2016 4:41:52 AM)
26
Yehuda l g
Now I know that there are handfuls of really cool and fantastic peoples out there may blessings and success.
(5/24/2016 6:46:32 AM)
27
100%
I agree after a certain amount of dates it's important to speak to each other and have proper closure like a mentch
I dated someone for a while and when it was done we spoke for a few minutes wishing each other well
(5/24/2016 8:12:57 AM)
28
Who's this girl?
Any girl who calls the guy to end as a mentch- GRAB!
(5/24/2016 8:31:57 AM)
29
Not - One - Size - Fits - All
Dear Lady,

Thank you so much for having the intelligence and emotional maturity to express your experience so eloquently! May the Aibishter bentch you with tov hanireh v'hanigleh, - specifically with regard to your bashert, b'sha'ah tova u'matzlachas!

To be clear, - there are rules about dating. That said, - this is something that the Aibishter gets involved in, - and if a rule isn't kept and things work out well, - obviously that's fantastic hashgocha pratis!

One of our fundamental rules in dating is that a shadchan is used. The benefits of the shadchan are obvious, - in many cases, when young man and young lady are not necessarily on the same page emotionally or intellectually, a shadchan is able to translate the situation from one party to the other in the nicest way possible. Boruch Hashem, - you were lucky enough to have an experience that transcended the rule, - surely Hashem himself was involved, - and it worked out fantastically! Clearly both parties were on the same page and the communication obviously gave rise to a refreshing and an uplifting sense of closure.

That said, - I worry about you publicizing this young man's course of action as a form of advice to others. In short, - just because it worked out great for you, - doesn't mean many others would not be caused tremendous pain by such an experience. Many bochurim, in attempting what this bochur did, - will inevitably get confused and end up saying things they didn't mean; or even if a bochur says all the right things, the girl may not be in a place where she's ready to hear it.

To avoid this damage, - a shadchan is essential. If I would have been in this boys shoes, - I would have asked the shadchan their advice, (which he may have actually done) - if the shadchan says to call you as this bochur did, I imagine that's what I would do, - the shadchan knows your emotional state and what you can handle.

Another course of action would be to ask the shadchan to initiate the conversation, with a view to gauging your feelings, - and then asking if you feel up to speaking to the bochur personally (assuming the bochur feels up to it.)

Alternatively, - the shadchan could feel it would really be best if the couple do not break up with each other personally at all, - and given the frailties of the human personality, - this decision must be respected.

In short, - a shadchan is essential, - when acting under their guidance, anything is possible. I'm thrilled about your experience, but would advise against it as an initial course of action.

Hatzlocha Rabbah!
(5/24/2016 8:39:13 AM)
30
DUMP THE MASHPIAS
This would have been a great shidduch, the masphias are heartless.

(5/24/2016 8:53:28 AM)
31
may you find your true basherts very soon
when hashem sees how people treat each other nicely and respectfully he will definitely grant the both of you a great shidduch for your self's,
may both of you have clear blessings in your lives
(5/24/2016 9:09:35 AM)
32
is she human?, get real
she acted like a mentsch, he acted like a mentsch, but so ridiculously unreal. I think she should have asked WHY he came to that decision, I think she has the maturity to handle his response, whether or not she agrees that is something else. I don't believe her for a second that she really feels like a million bucks. maybe in a few days as she comes to accept the situation and moves on. with any loss there is grief and pain, one can move through it quickly, others get stuck - its call being human.. I think this is alot of hype and I don't believe her for a second. It's okay to feel disappointed and frustrated, especially after finally liking someone after 4 years. I think she is kidding herself, and in a matter of days, the frustration will hit home. let's see if she still feels like a million bucks when she starts all over again searching for someone else....
(5/24/2016 9:14:12 AM)
33
Wrong perspective
We don't date. We go out.
We don't have a "relationship." We meet a suggested individual to see if they are compatible.

If all is going well, you continue, if not you stop.
There is no "break-up" or getting "dumped." We are not a couple until we are married. (Once 2 people get engaged there is a certain level of commitment so steps need to be taken to ensure that no one holds ill feelings if it doesn't work out.)

The idea of single young men and women dating, forming relationships and finding closure all come from the goyishe world.
Wake up people! Our shidduch system is most similar to the chassidishe beshow, except we go out so we can be more comfortable and we have more leeway with the number of meetings. It is an ARRANGEMENT. All research should be done before. If on paper the 2 people are compatible then they go out to confirm for themselves. If they see that this can work, they write to the rebbe for a Bracha to get married (no proposal). If it's not going to work then you respectfully let the other party know that things will not go forward.
There is no embarking on a relationship between singles. That is completely untznius AND unhealthy.
(5/24/2016 9:19:17 AM)
34
shadchan is essential
One of the main roles of a shadchan is to either let the other party know when proposal is coming or to let know the end of the shidduch. This is done so no party proposes too early and no one feels uncomfortable if their not ready. Most of all if you feel that your not for each other here is where a shadchan is most important to relay the message to the other in a respectful way without giving a reason so the othet person doesnt feel rejected or scarred for life. Rabbi Manis friedman just spoke abt the crucial role a shadchan plays in his last dating course. Never skip a shadchan even if looks things are going smooth. No one is exempt from using shadchan no matter how mature and respectful both parties are.
(5/24/2016 9:33:54 AM)
35
rb u
reasonable thoughts here.
myconcern is that our kids need to be educated about how to detect possible personality disorders because it is so hard to detect, and it can have lifetime disaster. its time for us to catch up and protect our kids, not to be in shtetel mentality
(5/24/2016 9:55:46 AM)
36
We broke up
After two people dated couple of dates, one of the parties told rabbi manis friedman "we broke up" shocked to hear this expression he asked "broke up what?" There shouldn't be a personal relationship while dating to the extent that u had to " break up" when meeting the other person u shouldn't be sharing too personal info since you're not sure your marrying the other. As the dates progress things will automatically move to more serious and personal conversations. Still too personal should never be until you know for sure this person will be your spouse. And how do u measure personal? Would u share this info to a stranger sitting next to you on an airplane? If not, don't disclose to the other something you dont want a non marriage partner to know until your sure where things are headed.
(5/24/2016 10:02:42 AM)
37
Clever. He should be a politician
Doesn't sound the mashpia has anything to do with it. The boy whilst liked lots felt for whatever reason she was not for him so blaming it on the mashpia saved the day.
(5/24/2016 10:27:03 AM)
38
misguided
He listened to his negative mashpia over his own inclination? What a dope! As I look back, I think how much of a mistake it's been listening to other people's opinions. This is so sad.
(5/24/2016 10:37:10 AM)
39
#29 is correct 1000%
and there is no substitute for a Shadchan no matter how they both are feeling. Check in with the Shadchan before making that call, see if both sides are ready.
We go out and we don't "date" and build "relationships" with girls or guys. Otherwise, things will get messy later on in life when we b"h marry.
(5/24/2016 10:41:04 AM)
40
a point
He does sound like a mentch, that is if he decided not to go through a shadchan and call..I just don't understand one thing, why did he need to ask her what she felt? Totally unnecessary once it's over
(5/24/2016 10:44:50 AM)
41
Am I the only one?
I would be devastated if this happened to me. I cannot understand everyone who said this is a good idea! It doesn't seem natural to not be hurt being told this directly.
(5/24/2016 11:09:52 AM)
42
#33 is 100% correct
this article is terrible advice and i hope no one gets "inspired from it." we're not looking to meet people and hopefully like them and then establish a relationship and then get married to them. this is not how bashert works and this outlook destroys lives before they even begin. a shadchan is essential.
(5/24/2016 11:13:02 AM)
43
no phones
Why are they even talking on the phone? Were they far distance? If not a phone relationship is completely inappropriate unless its to arrange dates
(5/24/2016 11:23:40 AM)
44
To #4
I by "metzad hakidushim" you mean "mesader kidushin", then I know what you are talking about :-)

When studying Chumash, it would be a good idea to translate each word separately. This will significantly improve your lashon hakodesh.

Wishing you much success.
(5/24/2016 11:25:00 AM)
45
Good experience...
Realistically, they are just 24 years old on the verge of becoming adults. It's good that they spoke and had nice experiences. With such young people, it's nice hearing pleasant dating stories and then just move on. Everyone has stories.
(5/24/2016 11:44:14 AM)
46
You are mature and wise
No one knows all the details so no one can judge why it didn't work out. I'm happy for you that you had a positive experience and that you were both mature about it.
Thank you for sharing.
May you have good news soon!
(5/24/2016 11:45:40 AM)
47
In my experience
Shadchanim are not these wise sensitive mature all knowing people I'd trust with my life. Many are yentas who know a lot of superficial things about a lot of people but little depth. They pair off people based on these criteria. I.e. Her parents are divorced, his parents are divorced, perfect shidduch! These are people who have no qualms telling you you'll never get married because you're overweight or unattractive or whatever. I should trust such people to end a shidduch "sensitively"? One thing I agree with, there's no "relationship" between dating partners until you decide to get married. But I completely agree with bachurim manning up and telling the girl directly if he has no wish to continue.
(5/24/2016 11:51:13 AM)
48
i would be hurting
And i am hurting for this girl. Dating is a long and winded process. Please gd, if this is the guy for u, let him come back, and if not, may the right one find you this month! May it be a month of refua-iyar- for this girl. It hurts so much. But at least it was done nicely:)
(5/24/2016 11:55:37 AM)
49
larry
I find it a little strange that he asked you how you felt what was his point unless he wanted to hear something that would've convinced him otherwise to continue dating
(5/24/2016 11:57:22 AM)
50
Yes, it may be sad to get dumped, but...
when someone is a huge mentch about it, and they leave you feeling good about yourself, it makes such a difference. The author said she felt good afterwards NOT because it didn't work out in the end, but because he did it in such a respectful, kind way - rather than just saying "it's over" straight out, without any explanations. There's a way to say something, and then there's a way NOT to say something, and when something is said right, it makes a huge difference.
(5/24/2016 12:35:49 PM)
51
thank you #47
I am tired of people glorifying shadchanim.Some are dismissive,judgmental,uncaring individuals whom I personally find detestable.If a guy decides not to go along with a girl,sometimes the pompous shadchan also decides to move on.Thank goodness there are some who actually care and take the time to work with singles.The rest can move on themselves and find something productive to do in their lives.No,I am not bitter because my kids are Bh' fine.
(5/24/2016 1:21:59 PM)
52
Major mentch
And for the girl I hope she ignores all the negative comments here.
(5/24/2016 1:56:55 PM)
53
#33
"" "" . I believe the English equivalent of is "to go out".
(5/24/2016 2:36:09 PM)
54
to #53
Please give sources when you quote from my rebbe
(5/24/2016 3:29:54 PM)
55
To #22
No wonder so many girls are still single!
(5/24/2016 3:33:55 PM)
56
oish
so hard to go thru
(5/24/2016 3:34:10 PM)
57
Relationships in dating
I respect Rabbi Friedman fully but don't know how realistic he is being. When two people are sharing personal things about themselves and spending time together, it does form a relationship. It is obviously on the lower end of the spectrum, but it's still on the relationship spectrum. So please be realistic with human nature.
(5/24/2016 3:44:13 PM)
58
Dear boy in this story
Please reconsider, seems like you are passing up a jem
(5/24/2016 3:54:04 PM)
59
Just a thought
For all the so called "Realists" stating fantastic concepts such as "In Chabad we don't go on dates" or "We go out and we don't "date" and build "relationships" with girls or guys".

The fact of the matter is we do go out on dates and build relationships. Because no matter how chassidish and holy you are, we are still people and have feelings.

When people spend time together they develop feelings for each other. Even if they only spent a small amount of time together, if not we would all be sociopaths.
And when it comes to ending these relationships for whatever reason it is correct for the people involved to notify each other them self and not through a shaddchin who is generally uninvolved and is merely a shiddach broker. There is no reason or excuse to hurt someone more then whats required just because of some twisted concept of We dont date or form relationships!
(5/24/2016 4:06:42 PM)
60
#54
Its printed in Sharei Shidduchim page . The source he brings is Rabbi Shlomo Zarchi
(5/24/2016 5:00:43 PM)
61
Don,t agree with most opinions here
I would be left speechless on the phone if after talking casually as usual the boy dropped the not so expected
BOMB.
I would feel so hurt, bc u start your conversation reg ...
Think that if the shadchan would call and say not shayich, it would be easier to digest than to hear it straight from the guy.
It's like a slap in the face.
You're nice....bla, bla, bla, But not for me. Nice excuse! ###
LIKE USUAL
(5/24/2016 5:25:47 PM)
62
Don't get it !
Reminds me of a stockbroker the called his client and said " I have good news and bed news. The good news - all your predictions were correct, the bad news - you lost all your money."... and the client felt like a million bucks !
(5/24/2016 5:56:18 PM)
63
As someone who dated
quite a few Bochurim years ago, I am so glad I used the Shadchen for closure. I see no reason whatsoever to hear it directly from either side. In my opinion, that is exactly what a decent Shadchan is for. Maybe girls need to "woman up" and be able to hear it from a Shadchan. A decent Shadchan will know the right words to use. I can't even imagine being told in a car that it's not Shayich, and then being in the same car ?!
(5/24/2016 7:06:49 PM)
64
Moshe
To #63 hard to find a decent one today who really cares
(5/24/2016 8:18:09 PM)
65
Yakov Kirschenbaum
BH

It's okay to use a shadchan for the break-up.

The way this bochur did it was better though - more gentlemanly. The girl felt respected and heard and was teated with dignity. Kol hakavod to the bochur. May he and this girl both find their basherts extremely soon.
(5/24/2016 8:22:41 PM)
66
Shadchan friend
Many times the shadchan is just a friend of one of the families not an official shadchan. This friend is the go-between and often they do a caring and sensitive job because they personally know one of the sides. Even though they aren't professionals they handle the situation with sensitivity trying to understand both sides. So maybe more people should consider using wise friends to go between the dating couple.
(5/24/2016 8:24:53 PM)
67
Different opinions, different people
I think it all boils down to mentchlichkeit, thoughtfulness and sensitivity. If you are the one breaking it up, think about how the other would like to hear it. Some people like to avoid stressful and emotional situations. Other people would prefer to face whatever's coming head-on. Every person has their own style.

Please think about what is the least painful way for that particular individual to receive your message. Because we're people and not machines, there will be many exceptions to any rule about what works best for us.
(5/24/2016 8:57:48 PM)
68
What ?
so whats a shadchan for?
(5/24/2016 9:41:20 PM)
69
break up?
Im pretty sure most people who read their conversation are wondering why they broke up. they talked about how wonderful they were and how much they respected each other. if he felt so strongly wouldn't you think his mashpia would suggest they continue a few more times? its not often that there is so much good feeling why not pursue it/ i worry about some of the mashpiam! so difficult to create a good relationship why squander the opportunity
(5/24/2016 10:06:29 PM)
70
spell check
the word GEM is spelled G-E-M. Not jem.
I know I know has nothing to do with anything but I just saw three different people misspell it...
(5/24/2016 10:35:07 PM)
71
@70
The confusion is because of the chabad videos JEM puts out, but that's misspelled for a REASON: it's an acronym for Jewish Educational Media
(5/25/2016 1:21:42 AM)
72
Interested
If someone is potentially interested in dating you, how would they go about it?
(5/25/2016 2:09:30 AM)
73
Not for everyone
As others said, I will say again. This is not for everyone. This is not necessary right. Please don't push our society to be more like the goyim, we are different for a reason. Menchlichkit is menchlichkit, but having a emotional conversation with someone who is not your bashert is not necessary right. Shadchanim are in the system for a reason. And if both parties appreciate that it's not Ill-mannered to use them. Take advantage of the borders we have, they are put in place by truely wise ppl.
(5/25/2016 5:55:15 AM)
74
Be a mentsch
I was engaged to a guy and he decided to take a break. A week later the shadchan told me it was off. The guy said it was not tzmius to call me to break it off?????? I am married to the most amazing person and thank Hashem every day.

Some people are not meant to be married!
(5/25/2016 8:57:07 AM)
75
to #22
You made a pact?? Most of my kids got married through Shadchanim, and I don't think it's a good idea to make a pact! Sometimes the shliach is the shadchan -be open minded and not rule anything out!!
(5/25/2016 2:36:47 PM)
76
Sounds like bad advise
Sounds like this guy got bad advice from his Mashpia. You sound like a nice girl.
(5/25/2016 7:10:49 PM)
77
To # 72
Are you talking about dating this girl who wrote the article??
Or in general?
(5/26/2016 4:36:07 PM)
78
Agree with number 1
gotta agree with everyone else commenting about the lack of the shadchan. not sure who's stupid idea it was for people dating to start texting and calling each other directly but it's highly inappropriate and downright foolish. I don't know of a single case where exchanging numbers didn't lead to problems even when the couple eventually did get married.
(5/26/2016 8:49:36 PM)
79
To 30
How do you know mashpia is heartless? Perhaps there were irreconcilable differences that would render marriage toxic before it even began. Better to waste a few emotions and dollars on dates, than what happens when there is a divorce...
(5/30/2016 7:48:25 PM)
80
I am still not over a guy I shidduch dated a few years ago...
I shidduch dated someone a few years ago and we went on many dates. We really connected and then he left me and until today I am not over it and I am still not married. I am so impressed that this guy called you on the phone and that you got closure(at least I hope you did) because I never got closure and until today I am hurting and wondering why this has to happen. He was the only guy I ever liked and I never thought that a frum guy would ever hurt me that much especially because we were shomer negiah. I don't think I will ever get over the pain of having the only guy I ever connected me leave leave me after telling me that he wants to marry me and then all of a sudden changing his mind. I am still hurting even though such a long time has past. I don't think anyone who hasn't been in my shoes will ever understand me.
(6/16/2016 5:46:33 AM)
81
so much confusion. PLEASE , singles, use a dating coach.
they will save you time, money, heartache, disappointment , and in many cases, the fate of singlehood. not at 25 or 27 when it's "fun" to be single, but when you are 30,35,40 and up - lonely and desperate.
(7/28/2016 8:23:04 AM)
82
He's a FOOL
Number 18 is very correct! Also this girl is a GEM his LOSS! A FOOL!
(10/16/2016 1:50:39 AM)
83
@74
Dont feel lonely the same thing happened to me, just that the girl was the one taking the. Break, after3weeks time :)
(12/2/2016 10:01:15 AM)
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