Jan 5, 2015
'Taking a Break From Dating'
From the COLlive inbox: A mother of 2 single girls has had it with the washed-up excuse from older bochurim for not dating.
"Sorry, but he is not dating right now."
Not dating? How does he plan on getting married if he's not dating? He is 30 years old and from what I heard from a friend, he's smart and accomplished. The basic details sounded suitable for my daughter.
A mutual friend said he's taking a break right now. Sounds fair. Dating is exhausting and mentally draining. My daughter told me many times she was sick of dating.
Two months later I decided to give this boy another try.
"Sorry," I was told, "he is busy right now."
If things don't work out, let's be in touch, I replied. Six weeks later I followed up and was told that he just finished dating someone and is not interested in going out again. "He needs some time off again."
The next bochur I looked into was 32. The response to my inquiry was that he is extremely burned out from the whole dating scene. Oh, and "He isn't really interested in going out, unless he has a good enough reason."
We looked into another bochur who was 27 years old. He is not doing the "dating thing" anymore.
I am a mother of two wonderful and talented girls, ages 25 and 27. If you are wondering if maybe something is wrong with them or our family: We had another name come up, and without even hearing my daughter's first or last name, he also said, "he is not up to dating right now."
So let me ask you, dear single boys out there: What is going on with you?!
You are burned out, it's tough, I get it. My daughter, and other girls out there, are burned out too. It takes two to date, you surely know. How do you become so blase about the most important step in your life and for your future?
My daughter is burnt out but she continues anyways. The clock is ticking and she doesn't have the privilege of being able to stop dating. She is willing to risk her heart and her pride, again and again, until she finds her right one. But for that she needs a bochur who is not "on a break."
Unfortunately you are not just affecting yourselves. You are affecting all the girls out there waiting to get married and build a Jewish home. By taking a break you are inadvertently forcing your future wife to prolong getting married! Why cause her that pain? Why push off happiness for both of you?
Please, I beg of you boys, get back out there. If the girl isn't for you, say no and move on. Don't take breaks, don't drag your feet and prolong your happiness and your future. If you told a girl recently you are on break, and she seems suitable, call them back now. Set it up and move on up!
May we hear of many Simchas very soon.