When a girl approaches her bat mitzvah age, she might be thinking about the lavish party she’s going to have, the friends she plans to invite and how much fun it will be. Esti Frimerman was a teacher of sixth-grade girls at a Jewish day school in New York when she noticed this and hoped for something more.
“Parents worldwide spend thousands of dollars to create big bashes for their daughters’ bat mitzvahs,” she said. “It really got me thinking about what happens after the party.”
As a result, in 1993, Frimerman started Bat Mitzvah Clubs International (BMCI), a program that is sponsored by Chabad and aspires to show girls the deeper aspects of becoming a bat mitzvah — the practical, spiritual and ritual aspects of the life-cycle event.
Although BMCI is headquartered at the Jewish Children’s Museum in Brooklyn, it has chapters at Chabads around the globe, including several in the San Fernando Valley. They are open to girls of any denomination.
Its slogan — “Good friends. Good deeds. Good times.” — translates into its curriculum, which runs from September through June and is open for registration to any girls approaching bat mitzvah age.
In the club at Chabad of Sherman Oaks, anywhere from 12 to 20 girls meet once a month with two group leaders. They learn about and discuss various topics, ranging from what it means to be a bat mitzvah to the role of Jewish women in society today. The girls bake challah, go on two Shabbatot to meet other BMCI members, and take classes regarding Shabbat and Jewish rituals.
“Every average person on the street knows that when a Jewish boy turns 13, he puts on tefillin and is called up to the Torah,” said Shterna Lipskier, who runs BMCI at Chabad of Sherman Oaks. “The role of a bat mitzvah girl is not as clear or defined, and that’s where the Bat Mitzvah Club comes in.”
Along with providing a more comprehensive picture of what it means to be a 13-year-old Jewish girl, BMCI also gives girls the chance to have shared experiences.
“The Bat Mitzvah Club is a very fun way for them to connect with other Jewish girls their age [who are] going through the same beautiful journey from being a young girl into adulthood,” Lipskier said. “They can see that every girl is going through the same process of finding themselves and figuring out what they will do to make a difference in the world.”
The official curriculum for BMCI is called “The Essentials” and includes lessons on the soul, how a girl can be an adult in the spiritual sense but still a kid to her parents, what happens at the bat mitzvah celebration, puberty, goal-setting and the power of positive thinking. Group leaders and organizers tweak the lessons as they see fit and use their own methods to communicate these messages.
Estée Manssouri runs the group at Chabad of the Valley in Tarzana and attended some BMCI meetings herself when she was a teen. She likes to tie a theme into the monthly meetings, which draw between 10 and 12 girls. Last year, during Adar, the month when Purim is celebrated, the girls made lemon meringue pie.
“Esther was put into such a position where it seemed so sour, and changed that whole situation and made it sweet,” she said. “We wanted to teach them that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.”
For the month of Iyar, in which the Jews count the Omer between the second night of Passover and Shavuot, they are also supposed to increase their love for one another. To demonstrate this principle, Manssouri tie-dyed clothes with the girls.
She explained, “When you only have one color, you can’t create anything, but when you have two colors, you can produce a third color. They learned about the power of sharing their ideas with people. When you put your ideas together with another person’s, you are able to come up with another idea.”
At the beginning of the year, members of BMCI receive Girl on the Glow bracelets. Throughout their time there, they can earn charms for the bracelets if they do mitzvot — good deeds — such as attending synagogue, participating in Shabbat at home or performing an act of kindness.
Frimerman hopes more and more girls become exposed to the program.
“My goal for every Jewish girl, regardless of her background and affiliation, is to go through the BMCI program to discover beautiful, meaningful things about her Jewish self that she otherwise probably would not know,” she said.
Rabbi Avi Rabin, who in the past held BMCI meetings at his Chabad of West Hills, said that it teaches girls “self-esteem, self-respect and [how they can be] proud of who they are as individuals. It’s not just about religion. There’s an emphasis on them appreciating and understanding who they themselves are. It’s a well-rounded program.”
Frimerman said participants should gain spiritual insight as well.
“It’s about changes that happen to the soul when you become a bat mitzvah,” Frimerman said. “I wanted girls to know that there’s more to them than hormones and growing bodies.”
And parties.
mazel tov mrs frimermen, so finaly the world can benifit in a bigger way from your talents!
now we need to translate it to russian for kz!
d.z. kazakstan
Esti Frimmereman is an outstanding educator. She contributed valuably to Bais Rivkah as a teacher and as an assitant to Rabbi Newman in Yahadus programs. She is always looking for ways to enhance the development of youth and this program is wonderful tool through which many young girls can benefit in their presonal and spiritual growth .
Kol Hakavod, Esti- Machayi el Chayil
I’ve observed Esti Frimmerman nurture her vision for the BMC for many years and am amazed at how she developed it into one of the most professional, creative programs that Chabad offers!
esti frimmerman & sarah kupfer!! were amazing to me when i registered for it. every shlucha needs to get this perfect club. my girls are so thirsty to hear more of the down to earth, informative, and meaningful lessons.
Chana FL
i envy her passion for this program. it is her baby.
estie thanks for your invaluble devotion to the program and us – the leaders. you are an inspriation!! m’chail el choyil.
I’ve been in touch with Esti Frimerman and have the Bat Mitzvah club for years, and 1 point stands out. She is so progressive – like “ahead of the time” the club is constantly evolving which makes it very relevant to kids of 2014
WHY U NOT MENTIONED??? LUV LUV LUV UUU!!!!!!!
The Bmci was not only founded by the most talented Esty Frimerman but is continously developed and perfected . The program has been translated into French, German and other languages.
A true blessing to any shlucha anywhere on the globe!!
Esty,we are extremely appreciative to your total devotion to this very inspiring and useful project. Looking out for your constant new ideas and creativity.
A Senior Madricha
Thank you!
“Program Trains How to Bat Mitzvah” is bat mitzva now a verb? and if so what does it mean?
Goldy you run a great Bas Mitzvah program!!!!!!!