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Aug 10, 2014
Rabbi Yitzy's 10 Marriage Tips
Rabbi Yitzy Hurwitz, the spirited Shliach battling ALS disease, offers 10 quick marriage tips for men in honor of Tu B'Av. By Rabbi Yitzy Hurwitz
After giving this advice to a choson (a groom), I showed it to a few of my wife's friends. Their response was unanimous. "Would you share this with my husband?"
So in honor of Tu b'Av I am sharing it in the hope that it will help. Here are a few small and easy things that will make your life better:
1) When she does or says something hurtful --which will happen-- just forget what she said or did. Women get emotional and irrational. On the other hand, she will never forget anything you do "wrong."
2) Before you criticize her, ask yourself how much it really matters in the long run. Perhaps you better off letting things slide...
3) Be ready and happy to go to counseling - even, and especially in the first year. You will be grateful if you do. Better deal with a small issue now and learn to get along, than a huge unfixable problem later. Simply put: What makes sense to you, sounds silly to her and vice versa. Because women think in a totally different way. Counseling will help.
4) Find ways to make her laugh every day. Women think too much and they need a rest from their brain chatter. Laughter gives them rest from it. She will appreciate it. It doesn't matter, even small funny things.
5) Never raise your voice. It affects women with an instinct to be afraid, flee and protect. You will have a hard time getting back to normalcy.
You might not realize that among men we raise our voice a lot. It's hard to change gears. We yell to make a point. Women only yell if they are angry. When your voice goes up, they register "he is angry at me."
6) Compliment her every day. Find things to compliment. It could be something she did. Something she is wearing. Let her know that you notice and value her.
7) Buy her flowers. Flowers say a lot. It says I like you. It says I am thinking of you. It says I appreciate you. It says you are beautiful to me. It says you are a princess that deserves pretty things.
It says "although I'm a guy and flowers that will die in a week are the biggest waste of money and makes absolutely no sense, you are still more than worth it to me."
If you are low on cash buy one flower or, even better, pick some wild flowers.
8) Ignore statements such as "you don't have to buy me a gift for my birthday." Buy her a gift.
9) Treat her with respect. Do chivalrous things. Open the door for her. Help her on with her coat. Help her into her seat. Bring her tea in a pretty cup and sit with her and listen. Let her feel taken care of. Make her feel like a princess. Every woman wants to feel like a princess. Of course you won't be able to do it all the time, but do it often enough that she knows.
10) When she gets dressed nicely, take a moment and notice and tell her how pretty she looks. She spent a lot of time and energy getting dressed. Let her know that you appreciate her. Learn these words...
Pretty
Elegant
Classy
Amazing
Gorgeous
Exquisite
Stunning
Breathtaking.
Try to use the right term.
This is by no means finished. I hope to continue with more. Hope it brings a positive change to your marriage.
Happy Tu b'Av.
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I am confident that your humility and positivity brings lots of blessing to your family.
Go Yitzy
Shalom Olensky, FL
May you have a refua shleima krova!!!
Keep strong.
We all love you.
U R THE BEST !!!
MAY HASHEM GIVE U A REFUA SHELEIMA BEKOROV MAMSH AND MAY WE DANSE ALL TOGETHER AT THE 3RD BAIS HAMIKDASH TODAY
How do you know all these stuff? Wow!
Refua sheleima bemiheira
I wish my husband would take these tips on board, but we have been married so long B"H he won't change now. Oh well, he is good in so many other ways!
2) RESPECT him. men crave respect. show your husband you admire him, will make him feel like he's worth a million bucks.
3) when he crawls into his little hole (which all men do), give him his space. if he needs to close down a bit, don't pursue him. he'll just withdraw more. He'll come out of his shell when he's ready, if he sees you are giving him his space.
4) compliment him for all his help. and dont humiliate, nag orcriticize him off he makes a mistake or forgets to do something.
5) small gestures go a long way. leave him a cute note in his lunch, put a choc on his pillow etc
6) the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. make him food he likes. there's a special ingredient called " love" which he only tastes in his wife's cooking.
7)Ask him if it's a good time to talk before assuming that it is.
8) buy him presents that he likes, not what you think he should have.
9) empathise with his work stress without adding how hard your day was. be a real listener.
Tell him how proud you are of his accomplishments.
10) be his friend. do things you enjoy together and have fun. play a game together. Laugh and let loose. it can dissolve a lot of tension.
Don't get carried away with adding your two cents.
Is this article not transparent?
It clearly represents the epitome of what Rabbi Yitzy is and continues to be - always GIVING.
Beautiful. I hope this is the start of a very much needed book.
Refuah Sh'laima.
He complimented my pajamas it was the cutest thing. He said how elegant they look (a word he barely uses) and then asked me what exquisite means because that's how I look. It was so sweet! Thank you rabbi yitzi! Refuah shlaima krova!
i'm not a fan of flowers. i'd rather a book... i also yell a lot when i'm excited, angry, unable to hear the other person, or making a point. please don't stereotype both genders.
in honor of helping young , middle age , and elder couples with Sholom Bayis
Promise : Hashem will send you a Reuo Shelemo and a Refuo Kerevo in the very very near future ,
for all the readers ; please print Rabbi Itzys 10 married tips
read it weekly , not yearly ,
BTW: Itzy rote it to MAN , the same things goes for women to treat their husbands , man need the same attention ,
It really made me laugh because it is so so true yet totally unsaid and unknown.
It should be printed in huge at the back of every yichud room door!
Thanks and strength to you for fast recovery.
Chana s
That was so cute
# 36 very nice
Excellent points both
REFUAH SHLEIMA UKROIVA and you should continue
your great work in good health and happiness.
:)
Tzippy &elie
Buy me gifts
Always critical
Always yells
Won't go to a councellor
Makes me cry
Falls asleep when I need to talk
Always on his phone....
But at 18 yrs of marrage I know the reason behind all these awful traits and I laugh when he yells, I buy my own flowers and gifts , when he makes me cry we both know they are fake, TG he doesn't listen to all my worries all day long coz I would never shut up,I'm also always on my phone, me on fb him earning a parnosa for our family....
My take on marrage is just lighten up, don't take it so seriously, it's not going to be perfect or fairy tale , there will be awful habits ( plenty on my side too) ... Just love each other no matter what, watch each others back ,smile and tommorow is another day!
And MR grumpy ( my pet name for my dh)if ur reading this... I wouldnt have u any other way!
May Hashem send you a very fast recovery!
Moshiach now!!
refuah shelaima!
continue inspiring ad meah vishmonim!
Much worse . As time goes on the amount of flowers I should have received by now...!!! I would love to go to a marrage councellor but I can't find one that is either married themselves or nearer to my age then my kids ages. Plus I really do want to stay married to my husband and I don't want to be told that they recommend we both take medication ! Not do we fancy spending the next 10 years talking about every little thing that's ever gone wrong in our life before we even get to my issue of the flowers I don't get.Plus I don't know anyone who will tell me that they really want to help ,with out it costing thousands of dollars ( and that's only up until my issues in first grade) , I really don't have time for this as I'm too busy planning our families dreams and future. I guess I will just have to keep buying my own flowers ! :-(
Mootah (Hee, Hee)
#1 IMHO is making sure to respect him. I dont mean, to bow down to him, but to be sure not to demean and insult, especially in front of the kids. Its too late for me the damage is already done.
But any guy looking for a shidduch pay close attention:
The way your (future) mother in law treats her husband is the way your (future) wife will treat you.
Dont want to get distracted but thank you so much Rabbi Yitzy, I dont know you but I love you as a friend and ask Hashem to take care of you and your family and bring Moshiach now and heal you from the physical jail that is your body.
Remember, your spirit is still free...Please keep writing and sharing your ideas.
written with love and tears, Eliyahu in Canada
on the other hand, my parents did not have the greatest marriage but i firmly decided i would be a very differnt peson and today i am proud to say that my husband and children are very happy with me bc i work very hard to be a good wife and mother- i am VERY different from how my mother was!
:)
INSTEAD: Put on your "big boy" pants and go to her and ask her to forgive you for what you did -- ASAP (don't delay)!
I take my borsalino off to you, and your husband is a very lucky guy. We can either continue the bad trend, take a good upbringing and be a nasty person or, like you, determine to change the past.
Thats why baalei Tshuvah are even higher than Tzaddikim. I salute you !
With this month of great happenings we want to see you strong and healthy again.
I love your writing please continue.
I read it to my husband and we decided to do things better than ever before, in respecting and caring for one another.
Thank you again