Aug 8, 2014
Rechnitz Takes on Shidduch Crisis

After bailing out institutions and releasing a prisoner from Bolivia, Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz aims to solve the "shidduch crisis."

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Opinions and Comments
1
baloney
Myself and another older single guy think the so-called shidduch crisis is a joke, in that we are both professional and Bt, and know by name quite a few seemingly nice single woman in their 30s whom we either cannot get a date with, or maybe did get a date, but the women quit.
(8/9/2014 10:26:12 PM)
2
And the bochurim?
Why the whole focus on the unmarried girls? What about all the 30+ year old unmarried boys who can't find shidduchim? Anybody have plans for helping them?
(8/9/2014 10:44:34 PM)
3
Two by two
Two girls for every boy.. Two father in laws to support the learning. In a couple years all the excess girls are soaked up
And the problem is solved.
(8/9/2014 10:52:59 PM)
4
Harry
Rechnitz helps Chabad and loves all Jews, go go go
(8/9/2014 11:41:28 PM)
5
AAF
I DONT KNOW IF THEY WILL LISTEN TO HIM BUT NICE THAT HE TRIES, I DONT KNOW IF CH HAS SOMEONE LIKE THIS, THAT CAN HELP SOME PROBLEMS IN THE KEHILLA WITH SUCH ACHRAYUS
(8/9/2014 11:47:51 PM)
6
shidduch system a victim of its own success
The point of the shidduch system is not to bring people together, it's to keep them apart. Any wonder that there are dozens of girls who end up alone?
(8/10/2014 12:19:09 AM)
7
Gershy
This is so passionate. I wish he was a shliach.
(8/10/2014 12:31:49 AM)
8
the solution:
Maybe it's time to take your own initiative?
Just like it says in the Mishna.
(8/10/2014 6:05:01 AM)
9
Maryland
He gave r cunin lots of money, a friend to all jews, also great speaker. Id like to hear him at kinus
(8/10/2014 10:16:42 AM)
10
CH'er
I have heard a lot about R' Rechnitz and I am always amazed at his kind and sincere generosity. May Hashem repay him a thousandfold for all the millions he gives.
(8/10/2014 10:37:10 AM)
11
Dont be smarter than Halacha
Halacha is very clear see Even Ezer Simen alef par.3 One must listen to shidduchim & get married at age 18 to 20. The only one that is allowed to delay is Someone with the following 3 catagories; A-)immersed in learning, B-)would not have food, C-)his yaitzer is not misgeber on him. If there is such a bochur today he should see a psychiatrist not a Rosh Yeshiva. All the boys that say they are not listening to shidduchim until 23 (to have a good time) are guilty of causing 10% of bnos yisroel staying single. Its time to tell the boys & their parents some day they will also have to marry off a daughter. No one knows who will be from the 10% destined to stay single.
(8/10/2014 1:17:20 PM)
12
Just Saying
Superb, but as long as people focused on looks and superficial things this wont help
(8/10/2014 3:53:05 PM)
13
Response to 1 &2
Contact me at ravm.icja@gmail.com. I'll find you young ladies as prospects between 27-30 or older in a flash
(8/10/2014 6:16:54 PM)
14
Grateful parent
We were BH successful in marrying off our daughter late 20s
Which special shadchan can I approach to do the same for children of my friends in the same way Rechnitz is trying?
Is it likely his team can help our Chabad late singles too?
I too am in business and wish to follow his example
(8/10/2014 6:37:03 PM)
15
Speak up
It's often just perpetrating misery, all these arranged and artificial 'shidduch' dates, and subsequent marriages, which more often than is desirable, after the 'honeymoon period' prove contentious at best, and end in problematic divorces at worst. It is so shallow, to promote a choice of marriage partner predominantly on the basis of eg. good looks/dress size, wealth, learning, or yichus, rather than good and interesting personality, humour, kindness and sympathy. Why can't youngsters, and oldsters for that matter, just 'meet up' anyway they so choose, at suitable venues, eg via parties, at work, internet dating, etc, and make their own choices to discover if they feel mutually attracted. Why the need for an expensive 'go- between' in the form of an expensive shadchan. If they want to use the shidduch route, that's ok too, but it should be up to the singles themselves.
(8/10/2014 7:07:32 PM)
16
Thinker
There are plenty of boys older then 25 as well. If shadchanim would focus on the older boys, much of the older girls would be married. But as always, the younger is easier and more naive, so easier, faster = more $
(8/10/2014 10:08:16 PM)
17
To 'speak up'
Oy your facts are mixed up.

Divorce rate is way, way, way higher in the 'better' venue that is totally influenced by the artificial world of movies and tv.
Yes, they may b in lala land for a couple of yrs but walk into any non frum or public schools and see the average child is from a broken home
Then contrast that by walking into a yeshiva BH where most are from intact families.

Your second gross modconception is that couples who date thru the shidduch process have no choice in the matter and personality doesnt come into the picture...
Hello?
The shadchan just sets them up... They are then free to date for as long as they need to feel comfortable reaching any decision... They check out all of the areas you assume are ignored....
In fact this system avoids LOTs of hurt that is rampant in your version - where girls and boys are constantly dumping, breaking up etc. etc.
Also, all the character traits are verified before- for example youll get a more accurate description of someone's kindness levels by asking around than by judging yourself- please any guy can act kind on dates and really not be so at all....

Please check your facts before spewing nonsense.
(8/10/2014 10:38:15 PM)
18
A suggestion
If people would accept the idea that it's okay for a wife to be older than her husband, that would help a lot.
(8/10/2014 10:41:24 PM)
19
I am not frum
But I think that this is a fine system, and I agree that if having lotsa kids is a priority, even a prerogative of sorts, then starting at the age of 20-21 for both spouses is the way to go.
(8/11/2014 12:00:11 AM)
20
#18 is right.
What better example than the Rebbe ZY"A and Rebbetzin.
(8/11/2014 1:15:51 AM)
21
Al Pi Torah:
Sholom uVrochoh.

In Shulchan Aruch (Even haEzer) the term 'Shidduchim' refers to the discussion between the two parties of an intent to marry and related subjects (that people should discuss marrying eachother, and the relevant technicalities before pursuing an actual mariage).

Harei 'At' Mikudeshes 'Li'
The Man is sanctifying the woman. Even when done through a shliach (an agent), the man himself is sanctifying the woman. The man himself is discussing 'shidduchim' with the prospective wife.

Where is the Halochic origin for this purported requirement of a "Shadchan" in the first place???

Are we not taught a man should not speak with a (single) woman 'in the market'. Wouldn't it then follow that were they not in 'the market' it would then be permissible!?!

We are led to believe that it is ok for parents to find for their son or daughter a match, yet many, especially older, men/women do not have this luxury, and for many who do, their parents are ill-equipped for the task.

We are led to believe that friends may suggest a match, yet, by design, friends would and should not have the ability to, whether married and/or especially not, given the socially and communally imposed boundaries between genders, even at one's own Shabbos table.

Then there is the "Shadchan", who, unlike in the past when there was a much smaller pool of singles they were assisting, who were from families they had known for years, or met personally when offering to help, today, given our now expansive national and international community and overwhelming number of single men/women, are unable to give each one the attention they once did to properly fulfill this task and barely know much at all about many of those they have agreed to help.

Kosheh keKriyas Yam Suf?
Yes!
By Kriyas Yam Suf, Nachshon ben Aminodov did not look for a Shadchan. He did not turn to Moshe Rabbeinu for direction. He did not wait for a Neis. He got up and walked forward as if there was no one else but him to take on the task, no one else but him (or her)!!!

Others can try to assist, but can one, must one, rely exclusively on others?! ...for such a fundamentally important responsibility?!

We learnt that it is prohibited for a man to talk to a (single) woman in 'The Market' (where the people buy and sell their wares, as opposed to saying "the 'reshus horabim'").

Does this indicate that it is acceptable for a man (or his fellow, on his behalf) to approach and talk to a woman outside of 'the market'?

Where have we come to this conclusion that it is unacceptable for a ben/bas Torah to simply go and pursue someone who finds favor in one's "eyes"?!

Did Avrohom send Eliezer to "find" a wife for Yitzchok?!
Not really. He sent Eliezer to collect Rivkoh, who he (Avrohom, and Yitzchok for the matter) already knew al pi Ruach haKodesh was there for him. Did Avrohom Avinu require a Shadchan?!

Yaakov Avinu certainly didn't!!!
Yaakov Avinu went to Lovon and HIMSELF proposed marrying Rochel.


We were led to believe in Cheder/Beis Sefer/Zal/High School that boys and girls should not be talking to one another, but wasn't this because we were young not in the "parshoh" of "shiduchim" and meant to be focused on learning?
Was it neglect to fail to clarify, at some/any point in time, that the ban on men/women talking is automatically lifted at the age of eighteen (unless one is the exception of exceptions and meets certain qualifications).
Has this omission having continued for (at-least) several generations bred an entire community who, through 'the blind leading the blind' generated social/"Halochic" protocols that are entirely the product of neglecting to clarify that the socializing ban we were taught when children applied then because we were children, and not continual?!

[Note: To avoid misunderstanding, it is forbidden for a man to socialize with a woman married to another, even, and especially, to ask about her welfare (how she is), and even/especially to ask her husband.]

Must one rely on profile sketches of a person, second-hand accounts, and the judgment of others to determine whether to seek interest, especially considering the extent of energy, time and money that can go into even just getting to the first date, when it's very possible that no compatibility, perceived or otherwise, existed in the first place?

Must first dates be scheduled to last for hours?!
Is this not 'thinking good' to the point of insensitivity for another?
If it is possible that one (or the other) may determine lack of compatibility very early on in their encounter, must they be forced to continue pointless awkward conversation (and very likely misleading the other participant) for hours or insult the other person by ending a date early and following with a decline?

Isn't a short "meet and greet" more appropriate for a first (relatively blind) date?
Couldn't this be achieved in any setting, with or without a Shadchan or intermediary?

Isn't it entirely plausible that some men may not take as much initiative as women in initiating a dialogue of any sort?
Is it acceptable for a woman to modestly approach a man or send another on her behalf to inquire after him?

Is it time to break down artificial walls of a false and baseless fortress that is only complicating and preventing further Hashem's ability to bring two Neshamos together?!

Is it not high time to put a Hechsher on that which is upstanding and permitted so those who are Bnei uBnos Yisroel can make a life together without unnecessary burdens preventing Derech Eretz (the path of nature)?!!!

It is advisable to make an online directory of singles (names, age and contact form [forwarded to one's email]) so one need only determine someone's name to contact them and inquire about going on a date through a medium (system) that is intended for this. This would raise awareness as to it's acceptability, and allow for singles (or others on their behalf) to opt-in. Furthermore, what is more flattering and encouraging than a notification that an unknown someone took interest?

No, not an "online dating" site. An "online contact system" for privately and modestly contacting someone one met or asked after in "the real world" (inquire after another guest at a Shabbos table, determine the availability of a friend's sister, inquire to date someone who caught one's "eye" after asking only their name and wishing them a nice day...). Register a parent's email address instead of the singles'? Sure!

But most importantly...
Break down the artificial unnecessary unHalochic walls that are preventing progress in the matching of singles in our community.

It's better to worry of, G-d forbid, potential misuse/impropriety than drive people to it by unnecessarily forcing them into a gridlocked system!

Besuros Tovos.
(8/11/2014 5:47:33 PM)
22
Wow.
I agree with everything Rechnitz's article says, I hope everyone takes heed and listens bc it would really help so many singles get married! Rechnitz in amazing, his tzedaka is incredible, and when the article says '' his huge heart'' they don't exaggerate a bit. His kindness is outstanding. and u can see this, the way he is so committed to helping with this concern even though he himself has no daughters in shidduchim , as far as I know.
thank u!!
(8/11/2014 5:55:11 PM)
23
Weak generation
I think it is all about our generation. This issue is within any community now, and crown heights is even more i guess. Nothing can be done unless to start teaching girls and boys about this topic at earlier. And then before they get married both should spend some time about shalom bait classes, not 2-3 but a few moths to lear how to live after honeymoon is over.
(8/12/2014 10:15:41 PM)
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