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Saturday, 29 Adar I, 5784
  |  March 9, 2024

My Son Still Has No Yeshiva

From the COLlive inbox: Yeshiva starts in two weeks, and as of this writing, our son has not been accepted in any Yeshiva. Full Story

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Been there!
May 29, 2018 6:49 am

My dear son is a bright, sweet boy that I sent away at the age of 14 because he was miserable in a traditional Yeshiva and expressed it!!! We heard him but decided to send him away…. BIG MISTAKE. Way too young to live the home security, love, family unit,… After a year, he came back with bad ideas and a mono. We send him then to a modern orthodox Yeshiva in town for the last two years of high school who has ressources and care about every individual Talmud and respect their ways. This week, he is graduating bh… Read more »

Yeshiva Beis Menachem
August 11, 2014 4:47 pm

Rabbi Gershon Avtzon’s program in yerusalyim

Miami Mesivta
August 11, 2014 1:52 pm

Go to miami

to#@20
August 11, 2014 4:07 am

after checking your sheitel (or your wife’s)
learn few maamorin about ahavas Yisroel!!!

To # 7--BTM believes one size does NOT fit all; entering our seventh year k'a'h!
August 10, 2014 3:52 am

We need a place that our special talented boys can grow in Chassidishkeit while enjoying it and being able to express themselves/their talents.
That is EXACTLY what our mission is-www.smicha.net (BTM-Bais Toras Menachem) but for ages 18 and up who are serious/ goal-oriented, want to learn Smicha and a bit of everything else (Chassidus, G’mara, Halacha…) study GED and college courses 323-495-3010; anyone wanting to start the same program for 15-18 you CAN do it…lots of Brochos from the Rebbe helps us to the impossible! Our children are worth it!!!
Hatzlacha to all Parents….

The Problem Is Not Only Where But How
August 9, 2014 9:32 pm

One point I would just like to add to all of the above, even though it may be quite obvious. There are TWO reasons why there are not many yeshivas that are “outside the box” and that still can cater to boys who just have “learning” issues. 1. It’s a question of balance. Once you step “outside the box” (not giving kinosos etc.), how do you ensure a standard of discipline? And therein lies the problem, many parents rightfully understand that with their child, a different approach is necessary, a more gentle and individualistic one etc. – BUT what should… Read more »

YG
August 9, 2014 7:51 pm

YG MEBOURNE!!! as a bochur who has gone through the system yg is the best yeshiva in the world, it is the only yeshiva where the hanholo really care about you and don’t judge you on your exterior but who you really are, if you are interested in improving this is the best place for you!

The truth
August 9, 2014 10:56 am

Yeshiva is not necessarily the best place to be. Sometimes if he has a few close friends and a good Rabbi to learn with a few hours a day – under your tutelage he will do well. If you want something done right you’ve got to do it yourself. Yeshiva administration is almost always a nightmare.

to # 20
August 8, 2014 8:50 pm

u seem to believe very strongly that technology and gadgets are distracting and destructive. Hmmmm……I wonder which gadget you were using when u went on COL and wrote that comment. A laptop? iPad? Computer? iPhone? who knows, and who cares. Just letting u know that u obviously use technology yourself- and there is nothing wrong with that! but then why are u telling others about the horrible ramifications, and full of accusation and blame? especially with words that were not so nice? first make sure that u yourself dont 🙂

To #1
August 8, 2014 6:03 pm

I don’t think your comment belongs on a lubavitcher website, it is clearly against the Rebbe’s shita, thinking about tachlis etc

Maybe Start your own
August 8, 2014 4:21 pm

Hi I have been there,done that,and completely empathize and sympathize with you.The 1st thing is perhaps consider a non Chasidic Yeshiva.It is a compromise but when you consider the consequences of not having anything it is worth it.The existing Yeshivas have issues with children with learning difficulties for a few main reasons.It costs a lot to hire special teachers and if it is a child with ADHT he could give a bad reputation to The Yeshiva and sometimes influence negatively the other Talmiddim.These are fears not necessarily true. Rabbi Bender of Yeshiva Darchei Torah of Far Rockaway was way ahead… Read more »

Grammar
August 8, 2014 2:45 pm

For those expressing wonder why a high school diploma would be of any use…there, their, or they’re have very different meanings in a sentence. This is just an example, but with a good education, one could learn how to write an easily understandable sentence.

Same
August 8, 2014 12:13 pm

My daughter has the same problem. Any good Jewish high schools for girls?

#20 Rude and Wrong!
August 8, 2014 9:37 am

How dare you make accusations against someone you don’t even know. I’m and special educator who has worked successfully with all kinds of students. Would you say that to a mother of a retarded child? Does every person have the same IQ, ability, personality? Education is not an assembly line. There are many ways to learn. Open your eyes. Fortunately, frum Jewish educators are finally learning about how the brain works, and how to help children succeed. There is no one-size fits all. Comments like yours no doubt would lead teenagers off the derech.

#42
August 8, 2014 3:30 am

Believe it or not some bochurim are actually “put into the cracks” because the “menahel” isn’t interested in dealing with a kid who’s not in the box. When will the yeshivas wake up and realize that most kids aren’t in the box and it wouldn’t hurt them to “care”!!! It might even make for a better yeshiva

wilksbarre!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 8, 2014 2:38 am

wilksbarre,wilksbarre,wilksbarre, wilksbarre, wilksbarre, wilksbarre, wilksbarre!!!!!!!!!

#35
August 8, 2014 2:36 am

Thank you . I’ll definitely try it.

To #20
August 8, 2014 12:31 am

1. If you a father of a teenager how are you example by even reading COL? No doubt that is not the only site you visit. “Values are caught not taught” 2. If you dont have tennagers. How dare can you judge this parent?! There are many people including mchanchim who have demanded and said nonsense like you and once thier own kids grew up and suffered the same consequence only then did they wake up and smell the coffee. Di oibershter keeps cheshbon. 3. If are a bachur go learn another mamer and stop wasting your time. 4. If… Read more »

DAVID
August 7, 2014 11:25 pm

WE GAD THE SAME PROBLEM.IF THEY SPEAK IVRIT YOU HAVE TWO VERY GOOD YESHIVOTH.ONE IS OLGA IN CHDERA THE OTHER CHNOCH LEANER IN SAFAD.YOU HAVE A NEW YESHIVA NOW OPENING IN KAFAR CHABAD.YOU CAN ALSO TRY THE YESHIVA NEAR MOSCOW.ALL ARE VERY GOOD.FIRST TWO MISHICHIST LAST TWO NOT.
GOOD LUCK!

i agree with 22 but
August 7, 2014 11:07 pm

there’s not much difference between yeshivos now and those pre 3 tammuz. difference then was that there’s still something to stay in the system for.

to the post writer – consider yourself nudged into a better direction for your son. help him get a profession, career, skills. send him to a school that teaches tools whether to make money or simply tools how to learn. no yeshiva does that. they just “teach” memorization, and that you’re nothing but a pawn/puppet.

Just some thoughts
August 7, 2014 10:46 pm

It’s nice that a mother wants her son to be in a yeshivah invironment. That being said… There is a big diferance between a yeshiva with special emphases put on helping Bochurim who have “fallen through the cracks” of mainstream elementary school and have difficulty “learning”, vs studying other subjects than Torah ie GED etc. wanting to learn Torah is the reason people go to yeshivah. (I am not sure what the author meant by “other subjects”) I think it is valid to want to separate the “fry” and generally problematic teens from the normal ones. I just think think… Read more »

post smicha
August 7, 2014 10:44 pm

our son finished smicha at age 21. The new zman starts in two weeks and he has no clue what to do next. Thanks system.

How much you pay for the luxury to be a Chossid?
August 7, 2014 10:42 pm

Just wonder to you know any places that are good but not very expensive nowadays ? Or it’s a halumes …

darchai
August 7, 2014 10:38 pm

Did wonders for my son!

#20

U would be better off sitting in front of and watching ” shtuss” then spewing ur shtuss here !

Proud Mother
August 7, 2014 8:48 pm

We wonder why so many of our boys join the IDf
They find a purpose goals and appreciation they don’t get in our yeshivas. Draft Rosh Yeshivas to get it right.

Very impressed
August 7, 2014 8:24 pm

To the parents: Most of us have a child, at least, that doesn’t fit the mold. It’s a draining challenge to find the right yeshiva. Hatzlacha and I hope it happens quickly. Have you checked into Darchai Menachem? You will be surprised to see how incredible a program it offers for the kids who think outside of the box. Heard great things about Buffalo too. To #20: How disturbing and shameful to be passing judgment on a situation you obviously have no idea about. I would stop worrying about the kids’ lack of attention in our societies and worry more… Read more »

To the mother
August 7, 2014 8:21 pm

I don’t know if you are ok with sending your son a long ways from home, we certainly were not, and seeing a lot of bochurim acting rudely and out of control, we really didn’t want our son to go to CH. As he is only a very young boy, 14 , how can a child cope with. Ening alone, without parents to see each night. My son couldn’t study day and night, he’s an individual, and very kind, and artistic, so the rough and tough would not be for him. He also experienced bullying and these boys that bully… Read more »

to number 27
August 7, 2014 7:50 pm

Try the headband under your Tichel (and sheitel) works amazing (hosiery store near union sells them). I have glasses also, and if not for the headband under my Tichel, the Tichel would constantly slide off and expose my hair. Now I don’t need fix my Tichel thought day, any type…Try it, worth it

hamesivta!
August 7, 2014 7:21 pm

Hamesivta and Cincinnati are the best yeshivos for bochurim who are “a little out of the box”

Toronto always has room
August 7, 2014 7:04 pm

The Mesivta in Toronto under Rabbi Oster will never turn away a bochur who is serious about keeping sedorim. I assume since you make no mention of tuition fees being your challenge that you will be paying full tuition though. If not; don’t bother.

to 20
August 7, 2014 6:13 pm

Since when do they allow internet in Williamsburg?

to number 20
August 7, 2014 4:38 pm

Way to go. You’ve successfully taken a frustrated mother’s positive initiative to try work something out for her son and completely flipped it around. While what you’re saying has much truth to it, I’d like you to go back and read what you wrote. Try and put yourself in this mother’s shoes. Based on what she’s written she’s exhausted all her options. She is taking action and trying to do something. Why the harsh words? I agree with you that the technology, and sports, and all other distractions are not helping our boys, or girls, or mothers, or fathers. Then… Read more »

South Africa yeshiva gedolah the right place for what you are describing
August 7, 2014 4:13 pm

Knowing rabbi Wagner for some time now and knowing the yeshiva of what he is striving for the next years , the situation you describe your son is exactly what the yeshiva is looking to care for bachurim which are ready to work in a chasidishe envierment , the yeshiva is small and therefor very good as for the bachurim can get there attention on a very high learning level and a lot more , I hope this info. will reach all the right people looking for a right yeshiva for there son. ( not sure what age the yeshiva… Read more »

To #20
August 7, 2014 4:09 pm

You sound extremely judgmental. Maybe the parents are amazing, chassidishe parents and do all the right things, but their son just has a difficult time with learning. Why would that seem so strange to you? To The Mother: All I can say is don’t lose hope. My brother, who is now an AMAZING chassidishe bochur (the “best of the best” as people call him) also had trouble in the beginning. He just couldn’t seem to understand anything he was learning and it was frustrating for both him and my parents. But, after lots (LOTS!!) of practice (learning a little every… Read more »

try queens
August 7, 2014 4:00 pm

There are two yeshiva s in queens, very similar, bith with dedicated staff and chasdidishe bochurim. Only with one fractional difference in approach that may guide you to choose one over the other.
Good luck,

#20
August 7, 2014 3:46 pm

I have a question regarding Kimchis hair covering, I try so hard to follow her example but find it impossible with todays’ tichels. They just don’t cover my hair properly and I’ve tried so many different ones with different hair lengths but any way I try I have some hairs sticking out after a few mins. I wear glasses too so find this leaves small openings on the side of my tiechel (my glasses don’t stay on when I try to put them on top). I have considered wearing a shietle full time in the house but it just isn’t… Read more »

london
August 7, 2014 3:40 pm

send him to london mesivta

To #20
August 7, 2014 2:51 pm

Your comment is rude and disgusting!!! Do you know who the origional poster is? Do you know if they have tv, other electronics, how long their sheital is, what the level of tznius is? And not knowing what baseball is? What’s that about. Even the best learners need to burn off steam. Little kids can’t sit in chairs all day. What is wrong with you? I feel sorry for your children if one of them ever has “special needs”

Chovevei is the Best!!!
August 7, 2014 2:48 pm

The Menahel Rabbi Blau, has so much patience and give so much attention to every bochur there. I was a bochur there a few years ago, and it was the best yeshiva year of my life.

response to #1 and #20
August 7, 2014 2:47 pm

#1 -I am sorry to have to tell you, but a high school diploma is essentially useless. When your son (or daughter) marries, he could take a course lasting 4-20 weeks in many different fields (from computers to plumbing and everything in between) and earn a parnossa. Even a college diploma is useless and is only used by companies as a proxy for questions that they are not allowed by law to ask – responsibility, ability to finish a task, etc. #20 You are a heartless excuse for a human being, so your message will not be heard. You have… Read more »

Alternative option
August 7, 2014 2:44 pm

Here’s an alternative solution. Find a few families in a similar situation, and hire a couple of ex-bochurim / newlyweds to homeschool the boys for hebrew studies, and use filler time to get secular GED. (Works fine for girls too, can separate boys and girls while still using the same teachers.) My experience in yeshiva was an experience of suicidal depression. The yeshiva heads cherry-pick students primarily based on yichus first, and family wealth second. Even if you get an acceptance letter (personal bribes help tons if you have the nerve), your son will get the last pick for chavrusahs… Read more »

Anyone know
August 7, 2014 2:24 pm

when yoec mesivtah starts?

wait a second!...
August 7, 2014 2:09 pm

hold up! before we start disscussing what every nebach case can do. lets just adress a small problem that hjas been going around perhaps causing alot of the nebach cases. in todays world (as apposed to the shtetle or even 30 years ago) there has been a drastic change. that change is called distraction. with all the tv, sports, movies, phones, music, ipods, ipads, ithis, ithat. there are so many disrtactoions,. parents who allow there kids to have these things from a young age will eventuallly suffer the concequences. THERE KIDS WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN AND LEARN!!… Read more »

Confused
August 7, 2014 2:06 pm

Your son wants a chassidish Yeshivah and wants to learn. You are describing a principal’s dream. There are many yeshivas who are always looking for students as that is there reason for existence. Try to be honest for your sons sake and address the real problems that he has.

Send him to Rabbi Munitz
August 7, 2014 1:16 pm

Buffalo is the place to go. They will except him with wormth and love!

MMA Alum…

Israel
August 7, 2014 1:12 pm

Tzeirei Hashluchim in Tzefas is a great traditional Lubavitshe yeshiva. Though the focus is on chassidishkeit and quality and not quantity if your not at it. They have a sports/playground and often organize outings for the whole yeshiva incl. staff.

there are definitely
August 7, 2014 12:54 pm

ppl gonig thru what u are. my nephew sounds like ur son- unable to attend the regular yeshivas but still wants to learn, and go somewhere ”chasidish” but he cant find a place like that for him! his parents are at their wits end with worry. Maybe together we can all come up with a solution.

postville
August 7, 2014 12:42 pm

postville sounds like a great option for your son its not the traditional yeshiva but has chassidishes staff and be a great place to learn

HaMesivta was Impressive
August 7, 2014 12:32 pm

One of our sons, considered a “Chasidishe Bochur” by all who know him, also did not fit the learning part of the mold. We looked closely at HaMesivta and sent him there. They do a good job at catering to such bochrim.

confusing
August 7, 2014 12:31 pm

you seem to want them to be in mainstream yeshiva yet you are talking about not having a traditional one. what gives??
anyways did you try chovivie torah? like the pic says

day learning seder - night high school option?
August 7, 2014 12:23 pm

My son is registered to attend a new evening diploma school in the shechuna. noarhighschool.com it’s for the hs diploma only; doesn’t have the learning component. lots of luck.

I'd Like To Talk
August 7, 2014 12:23 pm

Please email me at [email protected] to talk about this subject. I do not want to publicly. Anything we discuss will be in strict confidence.

I used to run a yeshiva
August 7, 2014 12:14 pm

although this is a comment to a comment, and not a comment to the article: sadly, in Lubavitch there is no focus on funding yeshivos. Yeshivos are not glamorous or glorious, and people want their money to go to “big” things.

You cant run a yeshiva on tuition alone, and nobody wants to give money to yeshiva.

to # 6
August 7, 2014 12:03 pm

Bravo.
That is the real and effective solution for all sides
Creating a win win situation for all.

Quick Question
August 7, 2014 11:45 am

Anyone knows when OT Mesivta starts?

Thanks
August 7, 2014 11:41 am

Thanks so much for this article,
It’s such a need in our communities
A yeshiva that can cater for these type of boys who don’t want to go to a place where ‘fry’ kids go, and considered one of them just because they can’t wrap their head around the learning the way average Yeshivas run.
We need a place that our special talented boys can grow in Chassidishkeit while enjoying it and being able to express themselves/their talents.

The New Frontier!
August 7, 2014 11:37 am

Opportunity knocks for young people seeking Shlichus! BH our school-age population is growing every year, and there are not enough Mosdos Chinuch to enroll them. Currently, camps fill up within days of opening registration. Parents in CH enroll their children in school before age one. Yeshivas and Seminaries? Almost impossible to get in!
Here is a call for idealistic and ambitious young couples to open new and innovative schools and camps for the future Chabad generation!

have you tried the yeshiva in buffalo?
August 7, 2014 11:37 am

you sound like a great mother.

Wow!
August 7, 2014 11:35 am

Good for you! I wish you the best of luck

We understand
August 7, 2014 11:30 am

If you can find a place for your son to live, Rabbi Gershon Zirkind in Montreal has just the Yeshiva that you are looking for.

Awesome website
August 7, 2014 11:30 am

Chabadyeshivas.info is the place to find a yeshiva that’s right

Better to learn skills
August 7, 2014 11:25 am

Many boys successfully go through the system, never had a problem with learning, but then they finish the system and then what? They are not prepared for life in the least bit. They have no skills. They get married and have no way of supporting a family. Why not send your son to a school where at least he will come out with a high school diploma?

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