Jan 16, 2014
Wanted: New Shidduch System
Shaindel and Chani, two single Chabad girls, say the community needs to reassess the strategy and structure of the current shidduch system.
The following was sent to COLlive by two single young Chabad women, Shaindel and Chani, in response to the article "A Friday of a Shadchanis" about the challenges of being a matchmaker:
It's just not working.
There are hundreds of single Lubavitch bochurim and girls out there in every community, who are relying on the "system" to help them find their bashert.
Shadchanim are working tirelessly, parents are losing sleep and are frustrated that the Shadchanim don't have enough time for them, and singles are losing hope (and their minds).
The way it's been working, since even before our grandparents times, has always been that third-party individuals, be it a matchmaker, friend or family member set up two potential soul-mates. They go out; either they don't click or they do and there's a Mazal Tov.
We've moved on.
Like in any growing community, changes have to be proportionate to the amount of growth occurring. As a community or business gets larger in size, it needs to reassess its strategy and structure. Sometimes, real changes are called for. Even if they may be daunting and overwhelming to face, they represent growth and success.
We have a beautiful Lubavitch community, which has grown and expanded tremendously. It's time to propose (no pun intended) a revolutionary response.
The new shidduch initiative would take out the feeling of being unappreciated and unpaid on the shadchan's end and the feeling of being lost on the side of the singles and their parents.
There is a need for a Shidduch agency to open and run like any business would; with secretaries, staff, organized computer system, professional profile matching, and of course, shadchanim.
These shadchanim would be paid for their time and efforts. They can work full or part-time and if the needs call for it, more can be hired and trained. Singles would then have an organized place to turn to, be interviewed and then set up with their potential bashert.
Phone calls and emails will be returned in time, names and notes will be remembered (avoiding "They said no but I can't find the reason in my notepad"), shadchanim won't make you feel like they are doing you a favor and we won't have to beg.
The slight issue here is that as much as we think this is a grand idea, we ourselves are looking to turn to such an institution to help us find our own husbands. As they say, necessity is the mother of invention.