ב"ה
Wednesday, 26 Adar I, 5784
  |  March 6, 2024

Wanted: New Shidduch System

Shaindel and Chani, two single Chabad girls, say the community needs to reassess the strategy and structure of the current shidduch system. Full Story

Next Month: ‘Recovery Shabbaton’

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TO NUMBER 73
July 7, 2015 11:45 pm

RE number 73. I’m a former shadchan. Although your efforts are more than most, what’s bothering me is that for every name you suggest to the shadchan, you only invest money if there is an actual date from their efforts. What about all the effort put in if the end result is NO. If your so generous, you would gladly offer that. Its easy to throw a name and dangle the carrot if a potencial date comes of it. Sorry not impressed. You have only gotten this “great” service b/c most ppl do a lot less. I see right through… Read more »

not the system but the shadchanim themselves
August 24, 2014 7:58 pm

I don’t blame the game, nor do I blame the players, I blame the referees. Stop putting such emphasis on yichus b/c your yichus is worthless if you are a baal gaava.

Dancing In the Fields at Tu B'Av and Yom Kippur
February 12, 2014 1:45 pm

The two holiest and most auspicious times in the year for women of pure hearts to attain the honor of receiving their spiritual ‘bashert’ other half are Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur. Once women worship Hashem in spirit and truth by thanking Him openly for His agricultural Providence by participating in the grape harvest (or its modern day equivalent) on its first and last days of the season, they will have a better chance of being chosen by their bashert, a man who will also be in the fields at these same festivals, thanking Hashem for His Providence of a… Read more »

Age-Gap The only problem & the only answer
January 25, 2014 8:51 pm

The problem of Lakewood & Lubavitch (At least one thing in common) is the age gap. Boruch Hashem there is population increase. Lets take a low # of 5% & easy figure.When 1000 babies are born this year ,1050 next year ,1100 ,1150 1200, & on. In Litvish & Lubavitch communities the boys start shidduchim at 23 & the girls start at 19.That translates to 1000 boys have 1200 girls to choose from. The best shadchen network can only do 1000 shidduchim .The U.S. census states that there are 5% more boys than girls born every year. This reduces the… Read more »

the only problem
January 22, 2014 5:10 pm

is who is going to be staffing this huge office and doing all these great secretarial jobs and coordinating it.

because as a working single girl with working single frineds, i can tell you that the organization and actual functioning of any institution in crown heights is due to the SINGLES.

if you can only get married people to staff this agency, a) you won’t find that many b) they won’t have that much time.

Best Method!
January 22, 2014 11:19 am

Talk to everyone you know! Networking is the best way to meet is through friends, relatives, etc. This is true for the non-Jewish world as well!

There's another website
January 21, 2014 2:04 am

It’s called zivugzone.???
They claim to have a great success rate

@24
January 21, 2014 1:40 am

Do we want our children marrying to someone just because we can offer more money

Back in the shtetel if you had more money you got a better bochur whether he was good for you or not

RateAShadchan.com
January 20, 2014 9:45 am

So who wants to create RateAShadchan.com? I’d like to see stats on fees, response times, number of suggestions made, appropriateness of suggestions, number of marriages made, and most importantly, number of couples that stayed married! Now THAT would make it easier to pick a shadchan and to figure out what to pay them.

Goodbye shadchanim
January 20, 2014 9:43 am

It’s time to get shadchanim out of the picture. Let boys and girls meet, socially, in safe and trusted environment, a contemporary take on 15th Av. The sooner we remove parents as unrealistic gatekeepers and shadchanim as the toll booth collectors, the better. if we trust our children our old enough to get married and start a real relationship with a spouse, then we must also assume that they are old enough to figure out who to marry.

Chabadmatch
January 20, 2014 7:05 am

The site worked for us, and it was easy to work with Shadchanim, binging them suggestions that looked shayach.

Love these articles....
January 19, 2014 6:53 pm

Pure entertainment 🙂

A girl ‘in the system’

RABBI MANIS FREIDMAN IS HAVING A CALL NOW ON THIS AND PEOPLE SHOULD LISTEN TO IT. I THINK WE ARE FORGETTING WHO MAKES THE SHIDDUCH , HASHEM IS THE ONE WHO IS MAKING THE SHIDDUCH NOT THE SHADCHANIM.
January 19, 2014 6:29 pm
Great idea!
January 19, 2014 4:38 pm

To 88, with a little thought it could be private the same way myshidduch.net has a numbers system. I have thought of this idea before and would like i to be actualized before I marry off my kids!! Worked with 100’s of Shaddchanim that are not completely affiliated and in sync with each other in inefficient

won't work ...
January 19, 2014 2:56 pm

nobody will want a whole agency to know that their kids are dating !! its not gonna work ….

"New" Shidduch System needed!
January 19, 2014 1:32 pm

That’s the title. I do agree with a new system, and would like to remind everyone, that a new system was almost in place, many years ago. A. Rabbi Laizer Avtzon proposed to a number of Balei Batim to have this EXACT system in place, and even made a financial plan for it (can produce documents, with permission.) B. Tzivos HaShem had 6 years ago together with ChabadMatch.com, (which have only produced a mere 300 Shidduchim, although that sounds great, it is a far cry short of the 1000s of Shidduchim still needed today), ran in the old Tzivos HaShem… Read more »

DR, LAWYER, TEACHER, LANDLORD
January 19, 2014 5:23 am

If you dont get paid you go to court or bais din
but u have no shame giving a shadchan bubkes

you cry for a shidduch promise the world and than give pennies

A real payment system and than the incentive will be there and you will see many more hard working and successful matchmakers.
MAZAL TOV!!!!!

Shiduch crisis ...
January 19, 2014 1:49 am

Shiduch crisis is not because of shadchanim are not working . It’s because our standards for potential Hassan or Kala are different nowdays … Hassan has to be rich and with growing future potencial and Kalah has to be beautiful , with a good dowry and at least B.A…. Many girls has B.A. today and well paid so they are looking for the right guys that also have a degree and well paid , but do we have enough bohrim to meet this standards … My answer is No … That’s why in my opinion the crisis … So open… Read more »

paying up front and getting nowhere
January 19, 2014 12:52 am

There are now a number of shadchanim who charge an up front fee and, while I don’t blame them, they don’t guarantee anything. If they don’t have anyone to recommend, they won’t go out of their way to find that person. It is basically a registration fee. They may or may not do anything for the person who pays other than to register that person in their books. There used to be someone working through the community council that was doing shidduchim as a service to the community but I don’t know if that is still happening. Some of the… Read more »

I am #12
January 19, 2014 12:45 am

Wow a friend told me their are so many responses to my story. Well yes I asked my mashpia and she said the fact that he came over to you and did something that is not the official derech should have nothing to do with me if I respect him for what is inportant in my chasideshe and general life he should has his mashpia if what he is doing is the right derech to find his Shiduch. However by that time we both realized that we are for each other and so he dident have to ask as what… Read more »

check
January 18, 2014 10:50 pm

check into Lakewood, they have such a set-up

Response to #58
January 18, 2014 10:45 pm

You did an amazing thing by putting together myshidduch.net however, it is pretty useless at this point because it is not regularly updated! Many of the profiles on the site appear to have been posted over a year ago and not updated! I have seen some profiles on there of people who are married.

shidduchim
January 18, 2014 9:36 pm

If this ever works out, I would love to come work for you!

agreed
January 18, 2014 9:28 pm

Like yeshivah needs young blood teaching the shiduchim need new people

Shidduchim not a priority in Crown Heights
January 18, 2014 9:13 pm

Sorry folks being a shadchan is not a priority in Crown Heights. i have heard all their lame excuses awhile ago i Kiryat Sanz in Israel the Kausenberger Rebbe was approached because they were having a shidduch crisis so the Rebbe decided the following.: make an organization call it such and such a name ., take the more prominent folks who really deal in shadchonis and pay them $5,000 -$50,000 for each shidduch depending on how much went into it. What ever jobs these folks held before they would have to leave and just do shadchonis. A committee of business… Read more »

$180 ,that's it????
January 18, 2014 8:07 pm

I’m shocked!!!! You only pay 180 and you expect someone to spend hours upon hours helping with your profile, checking out potential prospects who (they or their parents) may reject you, the amount of time spent with following up, and dates that don’t go anywhere – and you only pay $180????!!! The system absolutely needs revamping and its starts with paying reputable shadchanim salaries that they can devote their time accordingly. Same with paying only $1000 if successful. Covers a fraction of the time spent finding someone a shidduch. No one forces anyone to use a shadchan. Obviously shadchanim are… Read more »

Show me the money!
January 18, 2014 7:37 pm

Who does the author suggest should pay for all this?

#12 did have a shadchante
January 18, 2014 5:13 pm

Her name is ‘Lieba’ and many of her matches are not viable, because mind should come before heart. Heart is extremely important but the foundation has to make sense.

Slightly new perspective?
January 18, 2014 11:01 am

Anyone ever bothered asking any of their newlywed friends to assist? Obviously once they are married they are busy, but why can’t they be helping their still single friends? They were just in the system and are the right age, plus it would be a lot easier as their wife/husband would know most of the people they are trying to look for who would in all likelihood be their friends. Surely newlyweds don’t overnight become the busiest people in the world! Re shadchanim… obviously many of them do a good job, but many tell the boy/girl and their parents to… Read more »

thanking the shadchan = excellent service
January 18, 2014 7:57 am

We have had excellent service from our shadchanim. Why? 1) we don’t expect them to find every name – we ask high and low for names that might be shayach – people that know our child, etc. the shadchan might come up with a name, but we also give names to the shadchan to call / email the parents to see if they are interested in swapping profiles 2) we pay a small gift to the shadchan for EVERY shidduch our child dates. after all, the shadchan did work, they spent hours calling and emailing and getting back to us… Read more »

#16 Said it best
January 17, 2014 6:47 pm

Don’t rely on shadchanim. Take action yourself. My father, who is not an official shadchan, made 5 shiduchim over the years just by suggesting names directly to the parents, without any shadchanim involved. This is getting back to basics, and this is the way it will get fixed.

Simple. You hear of a guy who may be good for a girl, make some calls to see if it makes some sense and then pass the name directly to the parents.

12
January 17, 2014 4:38 pm

How chasssidish can u be if u walked over to a strange girl and told her how nice her eyes are also gezea usually means a lubavitcher peasant from nevel , nothing to show off about

Agree with #66 PAY MORE TO SHADCHANIM!
January 17, 2014 4:30 pm

Yes, there are a number of Shidduchim made through friends and families. the problem is the other set of people, who don’t Have family and friends, well connected, those people SHOULD cough up the SAME amount of dough 3000 to 5000k for a Shidduch, JUST LIKE the majority of Chassidisher communities. THAT’S WAY THEY DON’T HAVE A MAJOR ISSUE WITH THE SHIDDUCH CRISES. We are CHEAP, and do not appreciate our Shadchanim through the accepted $ amount! – The wedding day cost all parties involved (50,000K), what is so wrong paying the Shadchan less than 10%????????? (the Chassidisher world has… Read more »

I agree with #64
January 17, 2014 3:34 pm

Friends is simply the best way to go about it.

Comment # 65 may be a good idea too.

They should also have those mixed shabbos meals more often. I don’t see them posted frequently enough…

Pleeeease...
January 17, 2014 3:32 pm

and you will be able to marry off this girl and vice versa. This is not rocket science. People respond to enthusiastic suggestions. So if you know a single girl or boy well and you get to know others of the opposite gender that might work you will be ahead of the game. It helps to know the parents of both sides well and have their respect. If everyone would look out for just one single we would make great headway in getting our children marriedRegular chabad in every way and even being gezhe!! which brings out that they were… Read more »

not feasible for many
January 17, 2014 3:21 pm

Paying so much to shadchanim is not feasible these days for many people and if shadchanim only work well when paid, then many people will be left behind. Besides if you pay upfront for a shadchan and they never make your shidduch it is very frustrating. I dont agree paying is the answer. Or if people are to be paid, it would be good to have a wealthy person sponsor the idea, or many wealthy people, who would pay for shadchanim to sit all day and look for shidduchim. that might work. but not that parents have to pay such… Read more »

Shadchanim's Fee! Way too low!
January 17, 2014 3:01 pm

I have a son who is in need of a Shidduch, and although I have a regular job $55,000 gross a year, and I will need help financially for the wedding. I have made three weddings, B”H, and it cost me $25-30K, and that’s cheap! With the minimum expenses. Don’t get me wrong, I cannot afford the amount that I am presnting in this public letter, however, I come from a mixed Chassidisher background, which are onlty too happy to pay $5000.00 EACH side for a Shadchan. Point being, My wife and I have paid $180.00 deposit, $100.00 deposit to… Read more »

46??
January 17, 2014 2:59 pm

Maybe we should make frum nightclubs…?

pick oneperson
January 17, 2014 2:02 pm

If every couple would concentrate on just one person they would surely be able to make at least one shidduch. If you are concentrating on a girl then invite single guys for Shabbos make friends with them and you will be able to marry off this girl and vice versa. This is not rocket science. People respond to enthusiastic suggestions. So if you know a single girl or boy well and you get to know others of the opposite gender that might work you will be ahead of the game. It helps to know the parents of both sides well… Read more »

Number 14 - daven!
January 17, 2014 1:02 pm

I only read the first few comments
Number 14 has a good point

who needs a shadchan
January 17, 2014 11:40 am

pull your sleeves up find a girl ask her out and thats it shalom al yisroel the whole shadchan business is really getting out of hand!!

to 17
January 17, 2014 11:22 am

I think 12 was just trying to emphasize how despite there being
Regular chabad in every way and even being gezhe!! which brings out that they were coming from a very chabad background. they were nonetheless able to make a chasidishe
Shidduch without the use of the archaic system still in place.

Excuse my grammar the same archaic system never taught me
English

Then Why....
January 17, 2014 11:08 am

I don’t want to spend thousands on a lchaim and I’m sure some would agree…. Why are the halls so expensive to rent?!? There are so many engagements k’ah – lots of lchaims – that I’m sure many halls (ULY, JCM) can afford to lower their costs! A Bris doesn’t have to cost $850 for the hall alone!!!!!!!!!
WHY??????

A lot of good ideas, please let's do something
January 17, 2014 10:50 am

There are so many good ideas and useful comments here. I am a mother of an exceptional girl. The frustration that we feel just keeps mounting. The op-ed writers have suggested something that is absolutely essential for our community. This idea has been done by Klausenberg and it has worked. People have been suggesting this for awhile. We have to go to this next step, and what the person who posted about all the categories–bronze copper, silver, gold, platinum, and diamond– this is definitely what is preventing so many shidduchim from even being suggested. There is no thinking outside the… Read more »

MyShidduch.net
January 17, 2014 10:22 am

There was a nice comment above I think about my site. I tried the proposed idea a few years ago as I had the same one. B”H it’s going well with many Mazel Tovs, but the more singles we have, the better it will be. We have a lot more girls than Bochurim joining… It’s free to join, and privacy and respect for all singles are our #1 priorities. Please join today at MyShidduch.net and spread the word!

Shadchonim
January 17, 2014 9:56 am

They are mostly a waste of time. all they want is your $$$, they will throw names at you just because maybe you will get lucky.

Have a friend or family member set you up and your chances of it working will be 85% better than with a Shadchon.

Core Value
January 17, 2014 9:52 am

Even if you aren’t so frum or “chassidishe” for the sake of your sisters and brothers, dress Jewishly. I’m referring to the fact that calling attention to ourselves creates an atmosphere of competition and even jealousy, G-d forbid. So, even if you wouldn’t be so inclined for your own sake–do it for the sakes of your sisters and brothers, fellow Jews. Maybe it’s counterintuitive to a mindset that focuses on externalities. But for a Jewish soul, it’s core.

to 12
January 17, 2014 9:51 am

just because your happy now with the results doesnt make this ok, up to our standards., and is certainly not a ‘better’ approach chas vshalom…for many reasons… speak to your mashpia and she can explain to you why this is not the best way…and who wants to settle for not the best in such an important area of our lives…?
this is a sensitive topic but please dont give others the go-ahead to do something completely inapropriate.

disagree
January 17, 2014 9:51 am

unless you two have computers in your kitchen, you better have a good excuse for leaving the kitchen

Get friends involved
January 17, 2014 9:37 am

And if you don’t want to date an Aussie, you’re missing out!

Where do our loyalties lie?
January 17, 2014 9:27 am

It is time we realized that spending thousands on l’chaims is not necessary. If everyone would have this awareness, there wouldn’t be a fear of “what my friends will think” if people had modest l’chaims. All that money could be spent on something much more useful, say shadchanim. An engagement is not a wedding! That’s what it seems like these days.

Good job, and good luck Shaindel and Chani! And to number 7: It WILL work if it is managed well, and not begun with preconceived notions of its failure.

another idea
January 17, 2014 9:21 am

Have you heard of chabadmatch.com?

unknown
January 17, 2014 9:15 am

We all need to work on our Emunas Hashem and bitochon BaHashem when it comes to shidduchim. Worry is not the answer because the word for worry is DeAka in Hebrew. The Bais is missing in that word. So now you know what we need!! Shidduchim is as hard as kriyas Yam Suf as we know only Hashem did it. Hashem knows what we all need & no one else (as they think they know). Money is not the issue to pay for to get a shidduch. Hashem will reward us for each shidduch made. Moshiach will reveal itself, Mamush,… Read more »

response
January 17, 2014 9:15 am

i couldnt agree with #48 more! so many parents look into shidduchim based on themselves and the image they have to keep up. If parents would actually do what is in the best interest for their child ( not their image) we might not be in this crisis!

opportunity
January 17, 2014 9:05 am

Yes, maybe this is a good idea in that shidduchim should be a business. But what I’m finding, as I’m just trying to help and make some shidduchim, is that:
A. Parents aren’t in touch with who their children are
B. Setting geographical limits on where a potential suitor can come from (” Not from Australia”)
These two issues seem to block shidduchim from happening.

to12#
January 17, 2014 9:05 am

That is not chasidish and hipuch hatznius

I dont want bochurim walking over to my daughter at 19 and telling her her eyes are cute?!

No 12
January 17, 2014 9:01 am

The natural pull that 2 halves of one soul feel when meeting – even randomly, has not changed one bit since the beginning of time. The fact that a boy has the courage and strength to act on that feeling truly shows what he is made of. Guaranteed , he is a go – getter and a person who is unafraid. I only wish that so many other boys had the strength of character to go after what they want. If they know who the girl is the. they can ask a shadchan to pursue it, but if they don’t,… Read more »

I agree
January 17, 2014 8:47 am

This is a good idea.
Much better than an online site.
Shadchanim NEED to meet with the young men and women face to face to get a feel for who they are and what they’re all about.

to #9
January 17, 2014 8:45 am

What is the site called??

Speed dating?
January 17, 2014 8:35 am

Guys. What’s your opinion of a kosher frum speed dating?

Empire Blvd & NY Av 11225
January 17, 2014 8:18 am

Time to change the paradigm . In the upper non Jewish class, I am referring to “society” they also want their children to marry “well”. They have something called a debutante ball.

Excellent, excellent idea!
January 17, 2014 7:58 am

This is idea is excellent and needed. Here are a few suggestions: 1. A Gvir should be approached for seed money, $100,000 to acquire offices and staff 2. Grants should be sought after, to keep this agency goingi 3. It should be incorporated, and should have non profit status 4. It should be somewhere on Kingston, on a second level 5. Only the very best in staff should be hired 6. This is so important, that a full blown fundraising campaign should be started ASAP. 7. This idea can work and if the right people get involved, it can be… Read more »

Reality
January 17, 2014 7:45 am

Most shidduchim are NOT made throug shadchanim
#8 I agree. we need a new alternative parents networking
I don’t agree with OP idea completely because disclosure iof private issues but obviously is going to improve at least something current situation

DISGUSTED!!
January 17, 2014 6:35 am

YES NEED A BIG CHANGE IN THIS HORRIBLE SYSTEM OF SHIDDUCHIM, THOSE SHADCHANITES ARE ONLY DOING FOR THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS AND OTHERS YOU GOT TO PUT YR BIG $ DOWN, WHAT A SHAME.
SORRY DONT NEED A COMPUTER TO DO SHIDDUCHIM BUT GOOD HEARTED AND DEVOTED PEOPLE SPECIALLY IN CROWN HEIGHTS???
CHANGE YOUR SYSTEM LETS OUR YOUNG PEOPLE TO MEET EACH OTHER, TIME CAME TO CHANGE !!

good idea
January 17, 2014 5:27 am

This idea is 100% correct. If it were a real business the results would be much greater.
I know shadcahanim who are begged for a shidduch and after they do hard work even many rich people give them nothing!!! nada!!! zilch !!!
Sooooo make it a real business with real incentives and it will work.

Hey #12
January 17, 2014 3:56 am

Kind of funny that your chassidishe husband noticed your eyes, don’t you think?
We didn’t meet through a shidduch, either, but that doesn’t mean I publicize how, and when I do tell, I’m not as proud of it as you sound.

to #23
January 17, 2014 3:54 am

Your grammar skills aren’t that great, either. And I’m NOT #12. As we say over here – al rosh haganav bo’er hakova…
(I didn’t read #12’s comment but your comment, commenting – in bad grammar – about someone else’s bad grammar was just too much.)

I like what 12 said...
January 17, 2014 3:19 am

I have half a mind to do something similar, at least in the sense of taking matters into my own hands and being bold about it, as opposed to thinking that my destiny lies in the hands of some shadchan. But I still see the value in doing things the stamdard way, if it can work for you.

Do something about it!
January 17, 2014 3:08 am

Create this organization! Help yourself and may you have lots of hatzlacha

Anonymous
January 17, 2014 3:08 am

It is time for lubavitch to understand that there is no need ito waste thousands of dollars for lechaim .
So many families are struggling
So many shlouchim are struggling
So many young couples are having a hard time

Not a bad idea
January 17, 2014 2:50 am

How about we let singles sift through prospective anonymous profiles and when two people approve each others profiles the shadchan can be alerted and phone numbers and names can be released.
23- you are in no position to critique others on their English grammar.

Self confidence.
January 17, 2014 2:27 am

It’s time for people to come out to the light and stop hiding behind shadchanim. Don’t completely rely on them to go out, look for you, and find you the right one. (That’s giving them too much responsibility). Take matters into your own hands. Everyone one knows a friends sister, or a cousins friend, or friends cousin. Yes, even BT’s. I know that it sounds a little “outlandish” but muster up the courage to tell someone about your idea for a shidduch, a parent, friend, or even a shadchan. Or take a deep breath and go over to her yourself.… Read more »

Pay the Shadchan !!!
January 17, 2014 2:22 am

Most people in crown heights don’t pay enough the Shadchan unlike other communities its a hard job and people don’t appreciate it first they all sound desperate once they ge engaged they forget the Shadchan !!!!

$$?? So if I come from a large fam w no $= no shiduch?!
January 17, 2014 1:38 am

Seriously more money?! Ppl are going to marry off their kids now! Do u have any idea how much that costs? I’m glad that in boro park they pay 100 thousand a shiduch maybe they poop money I sure as hell don’t! As for the Shadchanim… I went to them… I paid them to see my pretty face and then when I called him he said “I’m working on it” when we met him on kingstone he said “I’m working on it” and now mr … it’s been over a year and we haven’t gotten one name out of you!… Read more »

to number 9
January 17, 2014 1:21 am

why not share the this amazing site?

no. 18
January 17, 2014 1:06 am

u hit the nail on the head

Response
January 17, 2014 12:48 am

To 12: I like that!!

To 17: Excuse me?!?!

russian
January 17, 2014 12:36 am

please dont convince yourselves that in russia all shiduchim were through a third party even the most chassidishe yidden.

mazal Tov
January 17, 2014 12:33 am

there seems to be enough money for lechaims with fancy cookies and cupcakes that is good for show and tell only!Perhaps this money should rather be invested in getting the shidduch. money talks……

Number 12
January 17, 2014 12:32 am

You are quite the imbecile. Besides the fact in which your grammar skills are poorly lacking the problem is you don’t emphasize a point. Just wanted to call you out on the fact that you and your husband are gheiza – honestly no one gives a flying flip. I’ll hope and pray for you to gain some wisdom and oh yeah, language skills!

I've been saying this for a long time!
January 17, 2014 12:30 am

And to 17, u think there is no shidduch problems in Lakewood lol

It already takes place in Israel
January 17, 2014 12:18 am

you feel out a survey
and according to your answers it filters through all the people in your community/group/style/hashkafa and you just try each one. simple.

aboslute solution
January 17, 2014 12:08 am

I am a lubavitcher from a originally frum boro park style family. My sister recently got married – each side gave $3,000 shadchanus.
The normal range is $2000 – $3000 each side.
I think that would aolve all the issues.

Happy new mother-in-law
January 17, 2014 12:02 am

chabadmatch.com!
It worked for us.

the parents
January 16, 2014 11:59 pm

if the parents will not be so picky and allow us to date even if its not so to there like because we really don’t care what your friends will say or attitude then we will marry faster

Mother
January 16, 2014 11:53 pm

I met a Lakewood shadchan recently and couldn’t believe what he told me. The poorest clients give a minimum of $2000 each side for a shidduch and the price goes all the way up to $10,000 each side. He says the average pay in Williamsburg is $5,000 each side. Maybe if people paid more in Crown Heights…

Disappointed
January 16, 2014 11:49 pm

I was expecting some ideas that would make finding the right match LESS bureaucratic and byzantine, and this “solution” does the exact opposite. We all know that going through a shadchan means they need to figure out which box you belong in, so they can find you someone who fits into the exact same box, and woe is you if you don’t fit into any of their boxes, or you’re interested in someone who fits into a different box. They have their bronze, copper, silver, gold, platinum and diamond +++ shidduchim, and don’t even think about going for someone outside… Read more »

friends best shadchanim
January 16, 2014 11:31 pm

there needs to be a new system where the newly married try making shiduchim for their unmarried friends

Disagree.
January 16, 2014 11:30 pm

This takes the heart and soul out of matchmaking.
There are challenges and glitches in our shidduch system but no solutions. The problems have become the rules, and I’m not here to list them.
My message to the singles: look great, enjoy who you are, and daven every day, more than once a day, whether that’s formal davening or tehillim, and ask HaShem to being you to marriage ASAP.
Marriage is miracles.

yes
January 16, 2014 11:26 pm

there are enuf people out there who don’t have a shlichus job and are unemployed. why doesn’t anyone start this business and direct this by fundraising and hiring and runing such an institution. it is a MUST, very soon the families in need will be providing the necessary funds to keep it running. every one should have to register , as imp. as the dor yeshorim tests, and pay a reg. fee and so on…

My guy
January 16, 2014 11:25 pm

My (chasideshe) husband walked over to me in a store on Kingston ave! And said ” hey u have nice eyes and I felt he meant it then asked me if I wanna go on shelicos and I said perhaps the right one and he totally understood it. Anyway we are happy married and both working in Avodas hakodesh and no we are not modern or Chabad light!!! Both from gezhe! I dress tznios and he dose t wear a ring with a baby face and kapota! Good luck to u guys working with old outta touch lady or yente… Read more »

DMV
January 16, 2014 11:24 pm

when people dont get paid for results they tend to work slower. see every government agency we all dead going to the dmv

Old days
January 16, 2014 11:19 pm

It should work like the old days yes third party involved however it was the norm. For guys to meet and have mixed events. Period! And don’t tell me it works the other way!

A shadchan replies
January 16, 2014 11:18 pm

I am a shadchan, and believe it or not, there already exists a Shidduch agency similar to the one you describe! It is a fantastic on-line approach with a great success rate. I don’t know if I’m permitted to mention the name here, but I strongly suggest that all singles join if they are truly marriage-minded. It is open to all, and the shadchanim can choose which religious denominations they want in their network. I myself only work with Lubavitchers and other Chassidim (I am Lubavitch) but I have access to the entire site and it’s sister sites which, in… Read more »

Proposal
January 16, 2014 11:17 pm

To have like a Facebook shidduch group where there are all boys and girls in shidduch age where parents can send their kids profiles to other parents and once a date is set up a shadchan appears in scene to monitor

Dumb.
January 16, 2014 11:14 pm

Won’t work. The same reason the system now “doesn’t work” this “new” system you’ve thought of won’t work either

Great Idea!
January 16, 2014 11:10 pm

This sounds like a very logical idea to solve much of the shidduch crisis we find ourselves in today!

Looking for shidduchim for my kids:
January 16, 2014 11:10 pm

Great idea.

concerned mother
January 16, 2014 11:09 pm

Recently I was conversing with another concerned mother. We both discovered we had been dupped by the same shaddchun.
She told us both the exact same thing” I do not have any bochurim for your daughter” after she collected our $180.00. What has happened to this noble profession?

Well written!
January 16, 2014 11:08 pm

Well thought out and great you gave a solution. It may be a great idea for you yourselves to begin the project and be the creators. Just because your not married, doesn’t mean you can’t begin a business. You seem to have great ideas and intuition. Good luck!
C H. fl.

Yes!
January 16, 2014 11:08 pm

The time has come to make this idea happen. Sanz-Klausenberg is doing it, with fantastic success. They’ve seen their lists of older boys and girls shrink very significantly. Shadchanim also get paid a nice amount per shidduch, at least partially from a central fund, and the harder the shidduch, the more they get. The only questions are, 1) who will take charge of this and 2) who will fund it? The Klausenberger Rebbe called solving the shidduch crisis a case of Pidyon Shvuyim, so in their community, funding it is top priority. Will we make it top priority as well?… Read more »

Nice idea, but...
January 16, 2014 11:04 pm

it’s a personal thing. People won’t feel so comfortable having a whole agency and staff knowing their most private issues.

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