Aug 12, 2013
1,000 Questions Before Marriage
Mrs. Amber Adler with son Samuel and husband Eli outside Casa Loma in Toronto, Ontario

Mrs. Amber Adler of Brooklyn has written a book with 1,000 questions to ask while dating, a guide from the first date to engagement and marriage.

Since when did dating and fun coincide? For many singles, those two words are polar opposites. Everyone knows the deal. Many singles get burnt out, jaded and perpetuate an annoyingly unproductive cycle of "failed" dates.

Yet – one Flatbush woman is pushing the dating scene into a newly formatted direction. The book, "1,000 Questions to ask before getting married," is an inquisitive question series that guides the reader from first date to engagement and marriage. The meticulously constructed Jewish book includes specific questions to ask the Baal Teshuva, FFB, convert, divorced, and divorced with children and more. The 1000+ questions range from first date icebreakers to discovering Emunah levels and even help with asking those tricky financial questions.

The book's author, Mrs. Amber Adler, wife of Eli Adler, says that she feels like less of an author and more like a "solution provider." Mrs. Adler says, "many times people think that getting married is about being able to get a lot of dates so that the percentage sways into their favor. However, it’s more important to put proper focus on each date."

The book boasts a fun mix-and-match quality that immediately grasps the reader’s attention as they dive into the imperative read. Yet, along with the nearly 1,200 questions, the book still offers real text and multiple articles such as "How to improve your Self Portrayal," "Oppression happens in relationships," "Advice for Guys: Date Planning," "The Ego vs. the Babysitter," "The real deal about divorce," "Watch out for the in-laws" and way more!

"My biggest pet peeve in the dating scene is when people say no to going out with perfectly good candidates," says Mrs. Adler. "When I got serious about getting married, I said yes to everyone – even people that really made no sense. I trusted that Hashem knew what I needed more than me and as long as I was open and actively exercising my Emunah then I would soon get my husband, and, I did."

Mrs. Adler first spoke with her future husband after only four months of dating for marriage. It was during that time that Mrs. Adler began creating a long list of questions to determine whether or not she had found her bashert.

Her happy husband, Eli Adler of Toronto glowingly speaks of his wife. "I met my dearly beloved bashert with a open mind and complete emunah and bitachon in Hashem. I was totally swept off my feet by the generous and kind, sweet lady who came to be known as Mrs. Adler. She asked a lot of questions and I gave a lot of answers. This certainly advanced the quality of our dating process and gave us far more understanding of not only what we wanted in our marriage but also who would be responsible for what and when. This Q & A not only helped determine that we were a good match but it greatly contributed to a smooth transition into our newlywed life," says Mr. Adler.

1,000 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married is now on shelves at Eichler’s Coney Island Location (more stores coming soon). It is also for sale on Amazon.com. For more information please visit mrsadler.com or the official Facebook page www.facebook.com/mrsamberadler. For more information on the author please visit her official website, www.amberadler.com


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Opinions and Comments
1
Not a big fan of this idea
Me personally, I would kind of get offended when I get bombard with this type of stupid questions. I checked online and saw examples of questions she suggest asking your date when going out? Nobody wants to feel interrogated when dating.

Besides that, doesn't it sound strange to divide responsibilities during dating??? They're general set responsibilities on man and wife. From a guys perspective, if my date would ask me, "would you wash the dishes etc...", it would freak me out and many other man. Yes, you can ask many questions, but not those detailed types.

The chochme is to ask general question and understand from that the personality of the person. Just my thought. Could be wrong.
(8/12/2013 10:17:17 PM)
2
Eagerly waiting on my copy
purchased after reading her facebook page that has tons of useful info on it. eagerly waiting on my copy
(8/12/2013 10:40:01 PM)
3
Nicole in Ohio
I think it's a great idea , sure on the first date you are not going to ask about dishes, but eventually I want to know if the person I'm dating is going to be marriage material, I don't want a man who thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen , I have been married a year and waited until I was 29 to get married , I don't think the purpose of this book is to make you ask every question, but to make you think about what type of person he or she is, would they do the dishes if you asked ? Also my opinion if you don't like the book then guess what you have the option to not read it !
(8/12/2013 10:43:49 PM)
4
Great Idea!
Let's face it....people want more information on the people their dating to see if it is going to be a suitable spouse. Why not cut the chase and wondering and just get to the details. I would want to know if someone is going to help with responsibilities and I highly doubt Mrs Adler means you're asking on the first date. Before any couple settles down I think they're are things they ought to know and so why not ask! I think its a great idea and can actually be quite fun! I'd rather someone ask me what they want to know, get an answer and realize if their wasting their time or not. Kudos to this woman from Flatbush!
(8/12/2013 10:44:06 PM)
5
When will this be available in crown heights?
I think this is a real down to earth honest eye opening book!

Can't wait for mrs adler first speaking engagement tour!
(8/12/2013 11:18:48 PM)
6
To #1
I agree. I went on a date and I thought I was being interrogated by the police for homicide. It's important to get to know the other person and ask questions, but to drill them with a ton of quesitons on a first date is kind of ridiculous. better to just go out and try to see whether your personalities mesh. Specific questions can come later.
(8/12/2013 11:23:17 PM)
7
are you marrying a human dishwasher?
please go look for a dishwasher machine instead
(8/12/2013 11:41:58 PM)
8
Sure
Ask 10,000 questions, but theone question that would help marriages is one that can't be answered: What will you and I be like in 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40 years from now? You marry one person who does their best to look , sound and be their best (as do you). But life has curve balls and people change and you're still married - you're someone else and so is your spouse. Are you compatible now? Sure with commitment "no matter what" the marriage can continue, but best friends, with love...? Right.
(8/13/2013 12:17:45 AM)
9
anyone can answer to please...
Will you wash dishes? sure! Will you want up in middle of the night to help with the babies? Ya sure! Will you buy me nice gifts? umm, now you're pushing it.
In all seriousness, dating is not an interrogation process. She, you want to get to know the person but asking questions like that? Strange and not productive imho.
(8/13/2013 12:21:09 AM)
10
The most relevant and consequential questions, which underlie a solid marriage

The Three most important questions to find out
1. Is he/she principled, truth oriented & mature? /aka g-d faring?
2. Is he/she good hearted? Aka is known to be kind, compassionate and humble/refined? Aka not desperate for attention or self centered.
3. (Once they met) Is my heart drawn to him/her? Aka hamshochas halev. Anticipatory eagerness to be spend time together.
.....
(Reasonable health, physical & mental goes w/o saying, when in doubt consult a Rav/pro)
(8/13/2013 12:44:09 AM)
11
Great concept!
Looks like an informative read. If the questions are asked in context and not as a means of interrogation, they can provide useful information. These questions also appear to be good conversation starters. Can't wait for my copy to arrive!
(8/13/2013 12:52:34 AM)
12
Each to their own
This book may be good for certain people, but I feel dating should be done naturally and not prompted by a list of questions.
(8/13/2013 1:54:54 AM)
13
ditto #7
im a woman. Men were put on this earth to feed, clothe and shelter their women. Let them flex their muscles in the way they best feel they can, dishes or no dishes.
(8/13/2013 2:35:47 AM)
14
770 FRIEND
AGREE WITH #1 AND 7, IT SHOULD BE CALLED SHIDDUCH BOOK FOR DUMMIES! COME ON, BE NATURAL NO FBI APPLICATION!
(8/13/2013 9:17:07 AM)
15
Citizen Berel

This is very good what we will now know how to get married.
(8/13/2013 9:18:12 AM)
16
to#13
Women are not babies. Sounds like men are ATM machines to you.
(8/13/2013 9:47:10 AM)
17
interesting
i am surprised to see any negative things on these comments. the lady wrote book on dating. maybe you all forget what dating is like? Maybe you also don't realize the book says it has "mix and match" quality. to me that says use what applies to you. either way i just ordered a copy and a couple of my friends are to. so i, well we, are happy about this book
(8/13/2013 9:52:21 AM)
18
Looking beyond the answers
Not always are necessarily the answers to the question the goal but rather the way the answers are being said. Even if someone is asked questions that he/she never thought about a lot could be seen the way they react to being asked the question like if their open minded and thoughtful.
(8/13/2013 10:31:26 AM)
19
Help
I need a date. I think if I started asking a bunch of questions she might run away.
(8/13/2013 10:55:03 AM)
20
to #19
or she might think you are INTERESTED in her
(8/13/2013 10:57:27 AM)
21
Heres a question i bet is not in the book:
Can you imagine being married to this person and CH"V having to get divorced ? what would it be like ?

Would your spouse be vindictive, mean and hostile and the experience turn into a long dragged out nightmare ?

Or would s/he be wanting to resolve things quietly and without causing too much hurt to those around, children etc.?

If the first, dont marry them, if the second then they are a good candidate and a mensch, you found a good person.
(8/13/2013 10:59:38 AM)
22
yes 21
Good one. If she will be a good divorcee then she will be a GREAT wife!
......That's to sum up the dating process
(8/13/2013 11:25:06 AM)
23
agree with #17
???? some of these comments are off the wall.
(8/13/2013 11:46:11 AM)
24
profile
write in your profile an answer to the 1000 questions
you save time ,money and much more ,
(8/13/2013 2:50:32 PM)
25
Where can I read some of the questions?
(8/13/2013 3:15:12 PM)
26
I agree with some of the comments
Dating should have a natural flow. No one likes to be interigated. If you pay close attention, most of your questions/concerns will be answered over time. If you still have some concerns after that, then they should be addressed through discussions. It's important to stay focused in what really matters in life, not get caught up in all the insegnificant details.
- an experienced dater
(8/13/2013 4:11:43 PM)
27
10 very good!
Ty
(8/13/2013 7:41:42 PM)
28
And the number 1 question is,,,
Would you marry me?
(That's the only q that counts :)
(8/13/2013 7:47:12 PM)
29
and after all these questions are answered
Do you think that then you'll know?
(8/13/2013 9:42:59 PM)
30
fan of jews
wow, firstly mazal tov, great to see you are helping the jewish people get closer to moshiach.
from a fan in los angeles
(8/13/2013 11:56:02 PM)
31
question
are you going to be millionaire?
very important question
(8/14/2013 12:23:15 AM)
32
To #21
How on earth can any amount of dating answer your hypothetical and might I add worse case scenario questions??

And with that sort of dating hashkafa attitude it will be very hard pressed for anyone to ever date , LET ALONE MARRY!
(8/14/2013 4:59:03 AM)
33
The more questions you ask
the less nasty surprises you'll have in the future. And the more you'll be able to accept the other person's opinion, ahead of time, instead of being stuck trying to accept it - after a big fight - at the critical moment.
(8/14/2013 7:09:07 AM)
34
Can i get it on a iPad
Can i get it on a iPad
(8/14/2013 10:33:42 AM)
35
This 1000 question method is way to systematic
I agree with someone above that a future husband is not expected to be an ATM Machine, that whatever button a future wife pushes must work. Making mistakes and trying to correct them is part and parcel of growing together. Sorry, I will not buy this sefer.
(8/14/2013 2:01:48 PM)
36
to #34 - iPad download
she posted on her FB - /mrsamberadler - that she was determining what to do with the digital rights. she prob has completed it by now
(8/14/2013 2:49:14 PM)
37
Fun and Dating Should Coincide. -- Larry Krochman
Isn't that what dating is all about? Where's the fun if my date will bring a huge manuscript with her - interviewing me + jotting down all my answers ????? that ain't no fun. no sir
(8/14/2013 3:40:43 PM)
38
how much to get it downloaded on my IPAD????????
can i get it for chea- per pdf on my ipad?
(8/14/2013 4:46:33 PM)
39
There's an app for that
On MrsAdler.com
Or FB
MrsAdler
(8/14/2013 8:52:19 PM)
40
1000 Questions is way too much
How about 100 questions; like if some guy has to have the patience to listen to 1000 questions; like good luck; i wasn't even asked questions when i was dating; and i have been very blissfully happy for the last 8 years; should i listen now to 1000 questions???????????????? Avi Pritcher, 3rd Ave. Brooklyn
(8/14/2013 9:52:56 PM)
41
i dont see the app
can u please help me
(8/14/2013 10:44:29 PM)
42
good answer
26 is right on target, - id just like to add, that while many questions may be answered over the natural flow of conversation, its nevertheless may be helpful to have clear to oneself what those questions are - hence the possible value in buying this book to help crystalize what those questions might be
(8/15/2013 2:05:01 AM)
43
Agree with 42
I think ppl assume all 1000 questions must be asked to get married but I think the authors intention was to provide all different types and sorts of questions that can be picked and chosen depending on each unique separate scenario
(8/15/2013 10:57:11 AM)
44
TO # 40 (avi pritch)
just becuz you find it you wife of dreams, that is indeed rare, maybi 1 in tousand; dis book she have is only guiding, for dem peeple who not know beder.
(8/15/2013 12:15:56 PM)
(8/15/2013 12:37:15 PM)
46
i dont have a kindle
i have a ipad
(8/15/2013 10:45:01 PM)
47
I think iPhone is good too
I dont have a iPad
(8/16/2013 4:23:42 AM)
48
eli ayeka?
Eli i thought that you fell off the earth. B"H your still alive. from your friend in LV NV. BTW there is no way you wrote that last comment. your wife probably did that for you. and of course casa loma i had a lot of fun there. call me ziv has my info
(8/18/2013 4:20:38 AM)
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