A disagreement. A difference of opinions. Will it turn to a full blown fight? What is a better way?
In any relationship, it is about how your words and actions land on the other person. How much more so in shiduchim dating and marriage. For successful relationships, it’s about understanding the context – what is going on – and then determining how and when and where and what to say or do, as appropriate for the relationship.
This is a crucial understanding. It is not about you, it’s about all who are there.
Yes, you might feel compelled to check your texts and emails just then. You may not be in the mood of the date. You might have even been ‘forced to go out’. Or you really ‘aren’t into her,’ as described in the recent COLlive article.
Nonetheless, there is a basic etiquette and decorum for the situation. What may be totally acceptable amongst your same-gender friends simply is not well received by the young woman or man you are dating.
And so much more so in a marriage. It’s about both of you in the marriage. It’s not about ‘I just had to say it, or I’d burst’. Or, ‘This is just who I am, he’ll get used to it. And I do apologize when I get that way. So all is good in the end.’ ‘I didn’t mean it the way he understood it; he took it all wrong.’
It’s in the nuances. It’s in the mindsets. It’s the choice of words. And what you are doing when you say those words. It’s getting to really understand the differences between men and women. And when something doesn’t land as you had expected or hoped, it’s about reflecting about what just happened and what you could have done differently (not to beat yourself up about it, just to know for the next time).
To that end, Adai Ad designs its programs to address the nuances that make all the difference. The aim is to bring awareness about various tools and mindsets that make for positive and successful relationships, and the understanding of which tools to use in which context. See more about the programs at www.adaiad.org.
This Tuesday, August 13, Adai Ad presents “Enhancing your Beautiful Marriage” with Mrs. Bronya Shaffer, facilitated by Mrs. Devora Krasnianski. The discussion will address the nuances of how to enhance your marriage, including how to support each other, emotional intimacy, communication and building your relationship. This event is for young married women (newlyweds – 3 years or so) and kallahs.
Graciously hosted at Rubashkin – 1389 President Street. August 13, 8:00 PM socializing, 8:15 PM program begins.
If you have any specific questions that you would like to have included in the discussion, please email us in advance or you can ask at the event.
Donation suggested. Please RSVP at [email protected]
please make these events live on line so others around the world can participate and for the many Crown Heighters who desperately need your guidance but would never be seen attending an event or course. So valuable and we’d gladly give a donation to tune in.
for bochurim?
is there any chance that there will be a web cast of this event?