By anonymous
On Purim, the Jewish people were saved from Haman’s terrible decrees, decrees that were brought about by Yidden straying from the Torah way of life, in a very public fashion too.
Hashem saved the Yidden in the merit of their affirmation that it was to Hashem and His ways they cling and today we celebrate this miraculous day of Purim with (amongst other things) singing, dancing, eating, drinking, dressing up and parties.
As with all aspects of our lives, when a Yid celebrates, it is crucial that he or she celebrate in a Torah way. If not, it defeats the whole purpose of the celebration. How does one celebrate? A Yid celebrates in a way that will bring him or her closer to the Torah and its ways, and not chas ve’sholom the opposite.
Yes, it is true that we need to drink “ad d’lo yoda,” and it is true that we need to be extremely happy and jolly, but we need to do this in a tznius and appropriate fashion (not driving when tipsy for example).
Before you choose to attend an event ask yourself if the activities that will take place at the party are in-sync with halacha:
- Will there be too much to drink? (We’re not talking orange juice here)
- Will the level of tznius (costumes and mechitza) be kept?
- Will the music and entertainment be conducive to someone celebrating a Yomtov?
Keep in mind, not every party is for every person, and some activities at events are, according to Torah, not appropriate for ANYONE. Just because the organizers are frum, does not mean that the event will be “kosher.” The Torah and halacha have the final say.
If you are an organizer of a Purim party consider this: While it is true that each person is responsible for their own actions, the organizers have an achrayois not to set up the party in a way that encourages behavior that is contrary to the Torah way of life.
If you are a parent, remember that you are a role model for your child and that the best way your child can learn is from a living example. Act in a way that you would want your child to act. Ask yourself if the event you are attending is an event you would want your child to attend as a teenager.
Most people who act in a way contrary to the Torah don’t set out with the intention of acting in an inappropriate manner but do so once they get carried away a bit, which is why a proper atmosphere and a proper environment is so crucial.
Be it in our own home or at an event, be it in our costume or in our drink, be it in our music or in our moves, be it on Purim or all year through; let’s celebrate in a way that will make Hashem, the Rebbe, and ourselves proud.
What the Rebbe says
Mixed Dancing:
That someone who is married to one individual dances with another, or an unmarried young man dances with an unmarried young lady – thereby indicating that the institution of marriage is entirely superfluous. And all this is done publicly and with a clamor!!
The “arousal from above” is similar to the “arousal from below” [that precedes it]. When one below indicates that the joy of marriage leads to such behavior of joyous illicit closeness, then, Heaven forfend what can result from such behavior.
(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XIV, p. 305)
A Proper Mechitzah:
In relation to the various rumors that have been reaching me – causing me great astonishment – I am writing you the following lines, notwithstanding the fact that I am extremely occupied.
According to my information (which will prove, hopefully, to be inaccurate) your family is in opposition to your daughter’s wedding with … being held in accordance with the demands of Jewish law, i.e., that there be a mechitzah, a partition, between the men and the women.
I, therefore, would like to explain to you the situation from my perspective:
When a wedding is made with a partition, in accordance with the demands of our sacred Torah, then the Torah rules that one is to say [in the introduction to the Grace After the Meal, “Blessed be our G-d] in Whose abode there is joy.” [When men and women are together in one room, however, we do not recite “in Whose abode there is joy,” for “there is no joy when the evil inclination reigns.”
This is to say, that when mention is made of G-d, we associate it with the aspect of joy – that G-dly joy permeate the world as a whole, but primarily that the joy permeate the chassan and kallah.
I surely need not write to you what has happened during recent years to the world as a whole and to Jews in particular. If during all times it was necessary to entreat G-d that He provide us with blessings and success, and more significantly, that He provide us with healthy and happy lives, how much more so in our present generation. The only entity that can assure the above is that entity Who is Master of the entire world – G-d.
From the time you began inquiring of me about the shidduch for your daughter, it was my obligation and privilege to assure that when your daughter and her chassan, Rabbi … began their lives together, they would do so in a manner where one could hope for and anticipate the greatest degree of Divine blessing possible.
[It was my fondest wish] that they have a happy and healthy home, a home that is in accord with our sacred Torah – a dwelling that is such that one can recite at the time of the wedding, “in Whose abode there is joy.”
When Torah rules in a certain way, it is impossible for anyone to change this ruling. I was therefore astonished by the fact that parents – who do everything they possibly can for their children to have fortunate and advantageous lives (provided it is in their hands to do so) – should expend effort in preventing their daughter’s wedding from being suffused with joy. Moreover, this leads – G-d forbid – that to a certain degree, joy may be lacking in their future lives, Heaven forfend.
Marriage exists for the purpose of building an abode for many decades. In this instance, [the] parents are ready to endanger that which will endure for decades so as to curry favor – for the several hours of the wedding celebration – in the eyes of those who don’t know the laws of the Shulchan Aruch or who don’t care about these laws.
I am thoroughly perplexed: Who is so thoroughly broad-shouldered that they can take upon themselves risking their children’s happiness for decades to come, all for a fleeting, imaginary pleasure.
It is not my function to force others to follow my wishes; it is not my function to force my opinion on others; and it is not my nature to speak harsh words. I therefore wish to conclude my letter with the positive and good:
When I gave my consent to the shidduch, I was absolutely positive that on their part, the parents would do all they could to assure a happy and joyous future for their children.
It is self-understood that it should be wholly immaterial whether the girlfriends of the mother or the kallah would or would not be satisfied [with a partition] – as long as the holy Torah is satisfied with the conduct of the wedding.
As I stated above: If you truly desire the fulfillment of the Torah ruling, that at this wedding one may recite “in Whose abode there is joy” and thereby assure that joy will reign throughout the entire lives of chassan and kallah, then one must follow the dictates of the Shulchan Aruch – [that] the wedding must be celebrated with a partition.
P.S. I am aware that many weddings, including weddings of religious people, are celebrated – to our distress – without partitions. However, I am also aware of the travails that come later on. May G-d bless you that you be able to relate only glad tidings, both materially and spiritually.
Pathetic.
You must be a really pathetic creature to be bothered by people enjoying a yom tov in a time-honored Jewish way.
My suggestion to you: Get a life
it is not pants,and it is my cousin!!!!!!!!!!!
why cant people just keep the mitzva of purim
Why is it not ok to wear pants on Purim if it is part of a costume?Why do people insist on spoiling purim?The idea of merriment and turning everything upside down means just that.Why does everything always have to be dissected and analyzed on Purim.sometimes i wonder if the spoilers are plain envious of those who want to be happy.Nothing awful is taking place despite the drinking which is a testament to how Jews celebrate.Then to bring up weddings?who cares about weddings now?!This is Purim-learn to enjoy it!!!
Re: Posting anonymously…
The point here is to get the message across…not to know who wrote it…Why does it make such a big difference who wrote something and besides quite a bit of this op-ed is straight from the letters of the Rebbe-and that is far from anonymous.
Let’s not get side tracked…
If what the author is saying is true and the author believes in it, they why is the writer hiding his/her identity? I think that damages the integrity of the article. COLLIVE.com shouldn’t allow anonymous articles on its site, like other sites have done. It lowers the integrity of news.
Mordachai HAD to be Chassidish. Who else but someone Chassidish would make it a mitzvah to get drink to the point of intoxication? No Misnagish Gadol would EVER contemplate creating such a mitzvah. Indeed, this mitzvah of Ad D’lo Yada is perplexing to many Yidden. While in all other mitzvos we are machmir, and seek to be yotzeh the mitzvah according to as many shitos as possible, this mitvzva is viewed quite differently. We look to see if there is a shitah that allows us to be yotzeh without drinking too much alcohol. No other mitzvah is neglected as much… Read more »
There are poiskim that on Purim allow girls to wear pants. Please don’t create chumros that are contrary to long-time minhag yisroel. The real issue is are women michuyav in “ad d’lo yada’, as they are michuyav in ALL the other mitzvos of Purim? The fact that drinking can bring kallus rosh is not reason to exempt them, just as they are still michuyev in the 4 cups on pessach and kiddush / havdalleh. I think we need seperate parties for women to be mikayem ad d’lo yada, and I suggest Bais Shmuel for this year’s festivities. As far as… Read more »
THANK YOU!
In addition, Purim is not an excuse for girls to dress in pants, etc
To those that don’t “understand’ the connection of the Rebbes letters, if at a chasunah we must be careful, then at a party where there is drinking and a light mood,… We have to have even more safeguards for proper behavior. Kol hakovod to the organizers of these events, but please protect our community with proper safeguards; we have had too much suffering
When I wrote “anonymous” as the title, I thought that was the “title” of my comment. Not being too computer savvy, I didn’t realize that that was the title I was giving myself.
My name is Gershon Wachtel. I don’t think there is any reason to say something good, anonymously, unless somehow it would cause pain or embarrassment to another person.
you hit the nail on the head! but now i have a question to your great comment: why are you under the title of anonymous? do you not either want to be associated with in this article?
I think that the letters of the Rebbe are brought down here in support of having a proper mechitza and proper setup for dancing at all Purim parties.It is important for these things to be kept in mind when organizing and attending parties. Mechitzos are especially important during dancing!
Happy Purim to everyone !!!! ip
shitchi
Great article. Why was it written “anonymously”? Is there something in the content that one would not his/her name associated with?
What does the Rebbe’s [OBM] opinion about mixed dancing and Mechitzos at weddings have to do with appropriate behavior on Purim?
This article begins as if it’s about being tznius on Purim and then turns into an article about being tnius at a wedding…mechitzas…benching…shidduchim…and back to weddings again…
To sum it up in one word: “HUH?!”
Is that what a party pooper means to you?
Someone who tries to celebrate within Torah guidelines???
The author of the article brings up MANY valid points. Torah guidelines should not be taken lightly.
Purim is the most modest of all festivals – at least people are wearing SOMETHING! (-even if it is just a mask!)
noo noo noo this is GOOD!! COMING STRAIGHT OUT not by writing op eds and opinion peices and thoughtful essays but a straight out reminder for moshiachkeit! is crucial to being openminded and head-on to actually building forward ruchniyus and simcha as mentioned above! thank u for not beating around the bush wether there is a problem by parties or not is immaterial but the undeniable candidness is greatly appreciated and is a step forward in direct face to face communication on matter of importance through the jewish community as a whole and soon for the rest of the societies… Read more »
Thank you for this timely reminder, stated in a polite and respectful way.
P.s. to #1: grow up
Thank you for writing and publicizing this letter. How appropriate. Very happy to see that others are thinking along the same lines. May we all celebrate a joyous Purim both materially and spiritually.
Party pooper
Can’t wait for pellin