From an email to COLlive:
I’m sixteen. I’m only in eleventh grade. I go to a widely known Lubavitch school- possibly one of the better ones…
I’m dying from pressure.
I’ll tell you: In school, if you’re chassidish, the pressure not to be, is so sky-rocket high, it’s unbearable.
Every few months or weeks, I feel like I can’t go on anymore.
My classmates are literally shining diamonds. Let me tell you… I love every one of them to pieces! Tayere neshamos! When they daven, I’m so proud! When they do good things, it gives me koach to go on.
But everyone here in the comments (In response to the article: Is there really a “Chabad Lite“) are so mad about discriminating not such chassidish people (i.e. “Chabad Lite”)…
What about the people who are trying, with all their kishkes, to do what the Rebbe wants, and all they get are titles like, “Rebbetzin” or “Farchenyoked” or “Farfrumpt”?
My heart literally bleeds and I doubt anyone knows how painful it is. How hard it is to stand up. To keep real Yiddishkeit going. My poker chips are all down. All from shlichus- in a seemingly Lubavitch school. The slight issue is: It’s not even making a difference!
I’m not an extremist of any kind. I just sincerely and really want to do what Hashem and the Rebbe wants!
But how hard it gets when the pressure is so strong… When an opposite force is pushing! It’s moving blocks- while I feel that I’m doing nothing… I can tell you that my class makes me feel as if what I stand for is worth garbage.
It’s unintentional on their part in making it so hard to grow b’ruchnius. The focus is simply on different aspects and goals in life. They’re all diamonds. They are not trying to make it hard- it just is that way. The real focus gets confused.
Now I know they don’t mean it. Who would? I doubt it’s a conscious action.
But they are so caught up in fighting a non-existent battle of resistance that they’re crunching all those in the way. And I’m crunched. My shoulders feel like they support a metal chain. The responsibility of keeping my Yiddishkeit alive and vibrant.
It all starts in me. So yes, I’m trying hard to work on myself… To see everyone as a gem. To understand their challenges.
But I need help! I need help from my school! I need help from my community!
And most importantly, I need help from my friends! My very own peers…
Friends out there… You are the ones! Yes!
The challenges are hard! But I’m not out to attack you. I’m out for us to do this together! To make it easier on both of us. Because I promise, through all the hardships, Torah and Chassidus is the best and only way to get though it all. And remember, when a hardship comes along, your level of chassidishkeit didn’t give it to you…! (Unless the challenge is as mine; The pressure is too high to stand with- but even then, it’s because Hashem wants!).
My fellow Jews, We have a Rebbe!!! Some highly hurt, misled and confused individuals in the “Is there really Chabad Lite?” comments, suggested that we should have a new Rebbe. Chas V’sholom!
We have a Rebbe! You think the Rebbe left us? He did not!
A proper beis din, I wouldn’t mind…! But the Rebbe is ours. How lucky we are! Learn V’ata Tetzaveh! Write a pan and cry! Do something to feel it!
A new Rebbe would not be mine. That would be the real meaning of “Chabad Lite” and I might not make a difference, but I don’t stand for that!
Our Tatte is waiting! He’s waiting for our slight WILL of connection. A real will… And you’ll have it! The Rebbe is yours! It’s at our fingertips- just pick it up!
So friends, as I bring my letter to a close, I can only say that being the Dor Hashviyi has kept me on. It’s not my choice to be the seventh, it’s my responsibility. (see Basi Legani) One I embrace with love.
But please help me! Help me up! If not for me, then for you… Help yourselves.
Let’s do it together.
Let’s finally just bring Moshiach! It’s our only solution…!
May we have Moshiach now so that all will recognize G-d as the True One and no challenges such as these will exist!
About #149
Just a matter of ethics and discipline?
Why not getting into the habit of quoting or paraphrasing with exact references when posting comments? What a Kiddush Hashem to show that we do our homework before publishing for the klal! C. L.
You cite the Rambam who teaches that one can learn from everyone. While he may or may not say that, the origin of the teaching is from the Mishna which says, “Who is wise? One who learns from everyone.” Its quite funny when you hear famous jewish sayings quoted from the wtong places. I was by a local farbrengen where one of the Baal Habatim was celebrating a Birthday and he quoted the Tanya saying, “Love G-d with all your heart. The Tanya says that the reason why heart is written levavecha instead of libcha with one beis is to… Read more »
i have a class which has some chasssidishe and some not…were all friends and believe me YOULL BE FINE
Valid all around. Reminds me of the fat kids who made fun of me for preferring whole wheat. The joke’s on them in more ways than they can imagine. Nevermind the clarity of mind that settles on a person when they eat well, something the fat kids may never have experienced in their lives. I was left with three options: 1. Laugh right back at them, with a witty retort insulting them with truth in response to their FALSEHOOD. 2. Be humble, realize they know no better and feel bad for them while I accept my lot that the fat… Read more »
Nerdy has nothing to do with being chassidish. You can be “cool” and nerdy, or Chassidish and nerdy. It all has to do with the personality or how you dress. (you can be tznius and with it) In my days, the “cool” girls were looked down upon, and the “good” girls were the popular ones. I think its still that way. If you have a good personality… you will be fine. Just dont call your classmates “tiere neshomos” in front of them…. I can see that being nerdy.
a little over ten years ago, morah korf gave a talk to the teachers in bais rivka, before the beginning of the year. this has left an impression on my until today. she said that her son who was 15 at the time, complained to her husband- reb pinye korf, that his friends are making fun of him. reb pinye told his son, if people are making fun of you, it is your fault. you talk about learning and davening, but maybe people are detecting something in you that is not 100% emes. perhaps there is something in your behavior… Read more »
there must be something that is bothering them maybe they feel lowered by you… be yourself and make sure you are not doin anything to bother anyone else… and most important ppl like to be aroundhappy people
I feel exactly exactly the same way
“and all they get are titles like rebbetzin”. honestly, the author sounds like she wants her classmates to revere her. what more do you want? you want them to say “good job” every time you do a mitzvah. im not trying to be cynical but what is the author trying to accomplish by writing this article
To the author, I carefully read your letter as well as the 138 comments that it elicited. These many comments only reflect that your community, school, and peers care very very much about you, about the way you feel, and about the way you think. You received many praises from your readers. Add my praises to the list. Our main point, I think, is that we do support you for your loyalty, loyalty towards your family and yourself, and loyalty towards the Jewish people. More particularly, I believe that you have the right intuition: You will not err in if… Read more »
There are always absolutes that makes a society what it is.Apparently you don’t accept that premise.
I know it’s nearly impossible to see this when you’re 16, but if you are this wise and solidly grounded as a teenager, you will be an incredibly powerful adult. Don’t EVER let others steal your power!
I’m pushing 40 and SO grateful to be well-past my teenage years. Regarless of which side of the fence you’re on – or if you’re straddling it…being a teenager is TOUGH. I’m Crown Heights-raised girl. I went through rebellious stages. I was often angry and confused. But then again – I was often giddy and light-hearted. And insecure. And a know-it-all. All thhis whilst sitting through shabbos farbrengens and pushing to see the Rebbe. Dear girl. Soon you will GROW UP. Unti then it can be painful but it won’t last forever. The very best thing you can do UNTIL… Read more »
Of course but she said she works on that! Reread the article.
I dont think it was name calling- it was more not caring that someone next to you doesn’t want to know about that latest movie!
There are a lot of pretty rude comments here. You obviously spent a lot of time on this article and I agree with you that there is an issue here. The rude comments are coming off wrong but they do have some truth to them. The girls calling you names like that are most likely insecure about themselves, their yiddishkiet, and are feeling threatened by you. You need to make sure you aren’t judging them. They may feel like you think your better than them. Try not to criticize or judge them. don’t try to make them frumer. You are… Read more »
I loved what you wrote. You are real to the core. I totally feel you. I wish people out there would really care. It’s so confusing, I don’t know who to turn to, ‘cuz even “mashpia’s” sometimes sound like rubbish. But I know one thing, whenever I get involved in “silly” things.. I feel empty afterwards, and whenever I study and take my yiddishkeit seriously, I feel good for the time being, but then I feel like it’s too hard to keep it all going on and on and on.. so I’m in the middle, unsure and insecure about my… Read more »
a Mashpia is someone EVERYONE needs! you cant raise yourself up when lifting your own hair, you need someone to lift it for you….
Growing up frum must have its own set of challenges, as I can see from your post. Let me tell you about growing up secular. I went to an Ivy League university, received a doctorate in my profession, and taught at university as well. I helped pass legislation, published articles, and reached very high points in my career. I saw the best and the worst of what secular life has to offer. And when I became BT, I saw the best of what LIFE has to offer. Seeing it from the other side, seeing the beauty of chassidshkeit and frumkeit… Read more »
#107
me too!!
i am a 10th grader and i sometimes feel like crying. i just want to do what the rebbe wants and its so hard when every one else in my class thinks being chasidish is nerdy.
to the author: keep up the good work and i would love to meet you!
although i didn`t go through this kind of challenge when i was a teenager, nowadays i work with high school girls and i totally understand you two. i am not much older than you and i really feel for you. so, for the author – trust me, you will NEVER regret having chosen this path. once you are married and raising a solid family, you will be able to see that even being called “nerd” (which is ridiculous) was totally worth it. stay strong, “hazorim b’dimah b’rinah yiktzoru” you have a brilliant future waiting for you! to #56 – i… Read more »
I assume its a little bit more than modern.
Non Jewish music blaring from mouths, talking abt the latest shows, unovered knees and elbows and most importantly, as the article says: making growing beruchnius a hardddd thing.
Nerdy- doesn’t really sound like the author is that…
i agree suspended would be too harsh. but what i meant is that the problem seems to be getting worse and worse. they have tried talking, rabbanim putting up signs etc. its time to get a little more assertive, but not agressive.
Its not nerdy. I dont think it is and now im having doubts.
Thank you
#126.
In order to get water from a rock, we talk, not hit.
And in order to talk, and talk successfully, the first step to getting the water out is by actually believing without a shadow of a doubt that there’s water within.
These girls need love- guidance- answers. Teenagers have it hard. And the deeper they are, all the more difficult.
Suspending would be extremely detrimental..for many reasons.
LOVE. That’s IT! The rest is commentary!
I SEE THE MAIN PROBLEM HERE IS THAT THERE IS A DISREGARD FOR HALACHA. MANY OF THE GIRLS ARE SHOCKINGLY UNTZNIUS AND THE BOYS TODAY TRIM THEIR BEARD WHICH IS AGAINST CHABAD HALACHA.
iN OTHER FRUM COMMUNITIES WHERE PEOPLE HAVE TV AND INTERNET THIS DISREGARD FOR HALACHA ISNT HAPPENING. WHERE ARE THE SCHOOLS???
WHAT ARE THEY DOING ABOUT IT. CALL IN THE PARENTS TOGETHER WITH THE STUDENTS AND HAVE A SERIOUS TALK . MAYBE THE ANSWER IS TO SUSPEND THE KIDS FROM SCHOOL.
Col Akavod!!!
u are misguided. go forth in the world WITHOUT LETTING IT HAVE AN EFFECT! once youve been influenced you are no longer a proper shliach and chabad chossid- youve caved in! so BRAVO to this young girl who gets it better than many adults around here. anyone getting defensive here needs a good look at themselves
I think you are confusing being chassideshe with being modern. There is nothing wrong with being modern. Didn’t the rebbe after all, teach us to GO FORTH into the world to do good? To reach out into the world of TODAY to do good? I think you are old fashioned, and you are mistaking these girls for non chassidush. Trust me, ask any of these girls what the Rebbe means to them, what his mission means to them and you will be surprised. So just because they modern and have evolved with todays world, it doesnt mean they dont want… Read more »
Your words are very touching. You are very deep, bright and honest with yourself. I just feel a need to tell you… What’s past is past. Teshuvah is one of the basics of Yiddishkeit. You are still young. Start living your life the way you feel it really should be. You still have a whole life ahead of you. It’s never too late. I have faith in you. Find some good friends and a mashpia and take it one step at a time.
The Rebbe doesnt want you to be nerdy…The Rebbe wants you to have ahavas yisroel, and bring moshiach (just to name two) and you are saying go nerds, which is kind of refuting everything she just wrote…she doesnt WANT TO BE CALLED A NERD, she wants to show that chassidish DOESN’T equal nerdy, so that was kind of a backhanded insult
in israel if you are not chassidish – you have issues.
if you’re skirt doesn’t cover your knees – you have issues.
everyone is tznius and those who are NOT are the nebachs…
we can learn from the israeli women and girls
Wow, kol hakavod to you for standing up for what you believe in. You can be very proud of yourself for not giving into peer pressure. At the end of the day this will be to your benefit. Don’t listen to the negative critiscism that you are getting. They are just feeling guilty because they are not behaving in the way that a good chassidishe girl should. There are very few girls right now who can call themselves chassidish and behave the Rebbe wanted them to behave.
wow. you inspired me.
find someone you can talk to. someone who understands. It’ll help.
You are just beautiful. Continue and succeed to bring MOSHIACH now!!!
That wud make her classmates feel uncomfy, no?
a lot of words for a 16 year old
How did you know EXACTLY how I feel?!?!?
i am a teenager in 9th grade not living in crown heights. its very hard!!! thank you for bringing this to light! i copleltey agree
At least write your name!
not to discount what the author said – she’s spit it back very well. but i get the vibe that she’s an attention-seeker. it would help her if some teacher would take an interest in her.
what great early training to be a shlucha!
some things are better unsaid. as if life were so simple?!
T he Rebbe is proud of you , i am sure , keep up the good job , they have a problem not you .
Being insecure has absolutely nothing to do with it. You obviously have no idea of what she’s talking about. I go tthrough the same thing as the author is describing. I am not insecure or depressed. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I simply know what the Rebbe wants of me and I really want to do it. It is just so hard when other girls act like that. You have absolutely no idea what the pressure is like and how hard it is to stay on the straight path. I know what kind of home i want… Read more »
go nerdy!!!!!! nerdies are the best!!!!!!!!:) Keep up your nerdiness, it’s what the Rebbe wants. Moshiach NOW!!!
every body has to attend every manis friedman class they give real vitality to judaism and chasidishkeit
to number 56- i do not know you. But i understand you. pleasee- continue looking and caring for truth. of course you care- just tired. know that there are so many more like you- and so many more like you that have gotten through doubting. gotten through it, and made stronger because of it.
next week- Shabbos retreat with manis friedman- continue searching, you have so much potential.
with love,
fellow jew.
the author sounds more depressed than upset to me.
go get a therapy and stop worrying about what other people think of you!
All those out there who think this girl is trying to fight you have got it all wrong! she truly,deeply has a concern. Respect her! She has done nothing to disrespect you, so why fight with her and put her down?
I agree completely! u have it all right. u should go to lghs chicago. its the best lubavitch high school out there right now. its an awesome place to be.
if they think that about u agree with them and they’ll be quiet and admire u for accepting it
THAT was funny! HAHAHAH!
you probably won’t see this comment, but for whoever else read this article and relates to it, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES. there are many girls who feel this way. maybe you should try to band together. maybe you should make a new kind of peer pressure. we could all benefit from it.
— a twelfth grader
I am very jealous of you! I wish I could have such a test and come out strong like you! I don’t have any time to make a difference, but I wish I was. Those girls are obviously insecure because if they were feeling secure about themselves, they wouldn’t try to be like everyone else and dress like everyone else. It shows that you feel confident about yourself and have a good self-esteem so you don’t feel that you have to fit in. to the teens who wrote negatively-(3&7?) let’s see how YOU turn out! Keep up your behavior and… Read more »
i dont know you, but I LOVE YOU!!!
i liked the idea of #76. maybe someone should start that. im passed that stage of questioning, but i needed that a few years ago and i think it can be very helpful for teens that do/ will need it.
What a wonderful insightful essay.
Clearly it is up to the teachers to provide the right answers to these concerns, I would suggest that the comments of classmates who denegrate the efforts of a student who is trying very hard to maintain a high level of chassidishkeit, borders on bullying.
Teaching is not just about teaching texts etc, but also about helping to shape the character and encouraging students to excel in midois toivois. Vehma’aseh hu ho’iker.
Perhaps not being a teenage girl might have to do with it, but I do not have a clear picture of what the issues involved are, the details not being presented in this article. What are the issues?
Many schools used to be a place where it was cool to be chassidishe.
Peer pressure is centuries old, and it is just continuing. Your parents and your mashpia can help you through this nisayon.
its what is gonna meke u be really happy, and sooner or later, ut friends will recognizze it. dont think they r better, im sure that people that lower other, its because their self steem is low! they have someyhing missing inside of them, and thats whats u have and r working so hard to keep. be strong, keep the kesher with them, than u will be bale to influence them better.
SWITCH SCHOOLS! not all lubavitch schools are like that!
The suffering that you are going through now, will make you stronger! Don’t give in you obviously have a higher nechama!
the whole discussion of “chabad lite” is that there are people who call themselves chabad, but don’t act like it.
for example: shaving beards… uncovering hair… don’t do what the rebbe wants…
trust me i know… im from LA
so basically, what you are saying is that its hard for you. ok, fine but it has nothing to do with people calling themselves chabad but don’t do anything chabad.
please forgive if i am wrong.
not the actual one though
I know ….we also kept saying that but we have to b strong in our Emuna & believe the Rebbe knew what he was doing……
WHO SAID DOING WHAT IS RIGHT IS NERDY!!!?!?!
If anyone thinks you are nerdy or oldfashioned for doing what is right, then dont let that get to you, they are they ones being the nerds. keep going strong and standing up for what is right. It is girls like you that give me hope that there is still something in lubavitch schools. the problems are not only in lubavitch these pressures are everywhere.
im a lit younger than u and i also think like that. this is rly hard, but we have to keep being strong. sometimes i try to see how my friends are, and how they look at me. at the “tzadeikes”.
…And really sad.I do not know you,but I reaaly admire your strenghth of carachter..I am much older than you are,trying to raise my own children to be tzniusdik and chassidish.it is like swimming against the tide,people get so caught up in fashion that they forget simple,basic halacha. You have a great attitude,and realize that you are worth infinitely more than the goy in paris who everyone around you seems to be following. I know it is hard,but try and remember that you are RIGHT and. Imagine the smile on the rebbes face when he sees you…it will have all been… Read more »
this girl really really needs to go a seminary and become a little more shtark!
Yes, the last Rebbe was very very great. But people need a Rebbe in this world too. That’s why almost every Chassidus has a Rebbe after the previous one is niftar. The groups who don’t have a Rebbe in this world have more problems than those who do.
its the teachers, but its also the parents. if they’re raising the children and not working with love while raising them, then the parents may “come off” frum, but the offspring may be “lite”. the kids don’t appreciate it. Every part of the child’s important surroundings make a difference, not just the school….as you see from these girls.
The administrator(s) attitude and modern dressed teachers & staff are to blame for their status seeking leadership and poor influence, precisely resulting in the bad attitudes of the young people. What’s “popular” is dressing modern, which means shorter skirts and lower necklines. A young woman recently told me that Lubavitch boys like girls in short skirts! Now there’s a legacy to be proud of—NOT!
im also a teenager and i always thought i was the only one who thought like you…
I live surrounded by chareidim and I get to see first hand all the wacky, crazy and embarrassing shtusim they go around doing in the name of “Yiddishkeit.” This shtik keeps getting worse and worse. These messhugasen all have the same source: A wacked-out society where being “chassidish” is part of social pressure. You’re a freyak if you don’t wear a straimel and veise zocken, You’re a tipach if you’re unmarried at twenty. You’re going to be an oisvarf if you miss attendance at tish. Chitzoniyus becomes the ikkar, and then whichever mishugas makes one seem to be the biggest… Read more »
i know exactly how u feel! don’t let these ppl put u down… keep up the good work!!! 1 day they’ll c u r right
The best thing to do is what you said you are doing, I.e. Looking things up and reading, the thing that you need most though (in my opinion) is to be at a open forum where everyone and anyone can come and have their questions answered, if they make something like that for girls your age I think it would be very helpful and that would also bring all of your age group together! Just keeping looking for the truth and thank g-d that at least you know in which direction to look.
We should teach our girls to look dignified and refined without having a cheap ‘street look’. I have met many girls who have the right hashkafah but are caught up in the trap of trying not to look nerdy so end up looking cheap and giving the wrong impression of themselves. There are people that advise on make-up and dress sense for a living, schools should bring them in and teach our girls how to dress without lecturing and accusing. In this way our girls can learn to respect themselves and others and not fall into a trap that they… Read more »
be the trendsetter! why are u so bottel to what other ppl think is cool and nerdy? you have ur own standards and that’s cool for you. stop being so nispoel by what everyone else thinks is cool and nerdy.
It’s good to read so many positive replies. Bolsters my belief that there are still plenty of frum people in Lubavitch. Sometimes I wonder: Do we believe in HaShem? Do we respect our parents? Do we keep mitzvos because HaShem commanded us, or just because the Rebbe zt”l mentioned that we should? Do we ever discuss our issues with our parents or are they too stupid to be able to understand us? Aren’t they there just to provide all our physical needs? Yes, mashpiim are important, but first go to your parents and when they cannot satisfy you, then look… Read more »
good article i admire people with conviction like the author. Keep up the good work!!!
very well said we have a rebbe that loves and cares for us
BH BH It is amazing how not-yet-frum people and even non-Jews respect my ‘right’ not to go to movies, not to dress like them, eat like they do, act like they do, ect. But the frum people around, and even some rabbis, look at me as if I’ve lost it if I tell them I don’t want my kids watching tv when they go over to play. To the writer: it is very often much harder to do the right thing among your own kind of ‘friends’ and peers. But stay strong and they will learn to respect you when… Read more »
I was feeling the same exact way!
It takes these eye openers to bring many strong hidden together- thereby bringing all hidden together. With Moshiach Now!
Yasher Koach and kol hakavod!
love,
a fellow yid.
you are a good girl who wants to do the rite thing. our schools demand no standard well sometimes they werite the standard in papers but dnt enforce it. its high time they raise the bar and focus on setting the girls to reach a level of yours.
COL, Thank you for posting this article!!!
Dear Writer, I know exactly what you are experiencing. As I felt the same in high school too. Now BH im married and couldn’t be happier that I kept strong and held strongly to what was the truth! Keep up your great connection to the knowledge of Torah and about knowing the emes. And know that you are part of thousands of Proud- To-Be true Lubavich-frum women out there!
Moshiach Now!!
If you don’t go on Shlichus- you don’t have to live by Shulchan Aruch???? It’s not a personal standard. We are Yidden and we are obligated to live by Torah Laws even if you are not a chossid!!!! How much more when you consider yourself a Luvavitcher Chosid and feel supposedly connected to the Rebbe!!!!! Would someone who lives a conservative or reform life be called and be considered orthodox or chasiddish? Even though the Rebbe loved every Yid, in the times when he used to officiate weddings, he would do it only if the chosson would have or undertake… Read more »
And my small addition, I learned the hard way that people dont like to be told off. (obviously) They will move away from you. This is especially true among teenagers. And if you tell a peer ‘off’ in public, thier immaturity will lash out against you in public. (i.e. a whole group of girls will no tbe friends with you and the peer ressure takes it from there) Do what is right, go to farbrengens, and just be nice! The one with Ahavas Yisroel is the winner! Now for a source: How many prerequisites are there to rebuking another Jew?… Read more »
i am a 24 year old single girl and i have unfortunately watched many of my friends cave to the pressures of dressing and acting a certain way once in the working world. they feel the need to read more novels and “intellectual” books in the hopes that people will accept them as cultured and knowledgable people. They go to theatre, mixed dancing classes, and the hottest clubs all to be accepted. but when we sit down and have a chavrusa in parsha sichos that’s when you see them shine- the insecurities fade, the pressures no longer matter. I was… Read more »
very nicely responded. See, we’re all Yidden after all so we can definitely take advice even from the opposite gender! Of course, better anonymously, like here. we all have our challenges and what’s best to do is what you think and KNOW what Hashem loves best. Continue doing your good ways and never give up to pressure, because in a few years from now when iy”h you will be married, or so, you will appreciate how much you stood up for your rights and for a walking Kidush Hashem you were, and are today! So dont let anyone get in… Read more »
BS”D “Isha Yiros Hashem Hi Tishallal” Any man could pick up a cute girl with no yiros Shomayim and call her a wife, but someone like you is the quality many people with Yiros Shomayim could only dream for. Boruch Hashem im still a bochur. You really have it going with not giving into peer pressure and thats truly awesome. It’s really hard to stay away from what’s in your face, but hey, it’s around me every day. Every day on the street is a struggle, to keep my eyes clean of bad sights, of girls practically undressed, of people… Read more »
out of 58 comments only 2 losers ( 3 & 7 ) wrote a neagative comment. it shows that the author is not only on the right track beruchnius but ultimately will have the respect of the vast majority of people. the few exceptions are not worth reckoning with
if all of you go through this, then who are the ones doing this?!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow
I am one of those girls. I go to crazy parties with my friends, watch movies, and read intellectual secular books that give me immense knowledge of secular ideology and culture. I wear skirts 5 inches above my knees and necklines 5 inches below. In school, I follow the rules made for me. At home, I make my own rules. Sometimes I sing inappropriate songs out loud, but if you’re around, I try to remind myself that it’s not respectful and I stop. I used to be very “chassidish”, so to speak. And I thought that it was the coolest… Read more »
Yasher koyach
goooooooooooo 22 shvat!
Ultimately in adult life the people who are successful are the ones who stuck to their own goals and beliefs regardless of what everyone else around them thought or did. The people who are considered “cool” in high school either grow up and mature and stop calling people names, or they never grow up and just don’t accomplish that much with their lives. Stick with serious, mature, responsible people (your age, older than you, younger — it doesn’t matter) and you’ll be happier and more fulfilled. Although I will say that it is the school’s responsibility to change the tone… Read more »
I live in a “real” Chasidishe” Community, in Monsey, where being Chasidish is looked up to, and anyone who goes backwards in Yiddishkiet is looked down on. We were all but on certain “steps”, so called, by the Aibeshter himself, and each person is here, on this world, to go as high as they are ABLE to. If everyone all started out they same, we’d be going around and around in circles, and getting no where. I truely commend the author on her strengths, and recomend that she pay no attention to anyone who looks at her as being to… Read more »
Did you even read the article? Or did you just skim it to find things to criticize? she clearly states that she has things to work on and she does not hold herself on a”pedestal” as you so wrongly accuse!Next time please read the article you will learn a lot more!
Not everything that’s popular is correct. I remember learning in Bais Rivkah many years ago a point that I remember and try to live by. Basically the point was, that In order to tell that a fish is alive in the water, is if it can swim against the tide . Your neshama is alive and well, there’s no reason to get swept away by the tide. You are more of an example than you’ll ever know.
I’m married and have been out of school for a decade, but I will never forget the way I was put down for actually buttoning the top button of my uniform. Today I am proud of my tsnius standard and confident in my Chassidishkiet. It’s not just the generation, there will always be those who follow their yetzer hora without a second thought. Keep strong and find a good mashpia and other girls who think as you do. Fighting a battle such as this becomes much easier when you feel part of a group. No matter where you go in… Read more »
and ignore all the ‘snorts’! they-re tough on the outside, but dying inside…
The secret to a fulfilling life is having a plan and sticking to it. When you learned ateh tzaveh, that was the greatest game plan. Now, you have to be like Avraham Avinu. Echad haya Avraham. It’s hard following to a plan when there are detractors who are going to be mocking you (in the worst case scenario), yet to be accomplished you have to be goal oriented and then be dedicated to plow in that path forward.
Much Hatzlocho. I’m sure the Rebbe is smiling at you. (Hazoyrim b’dima, brinah yiktzoru!)
Yasher koach for being able to pen your feelings without animosity but sincerity. I hope some of your naysayers will realize that. There are many comments giving you chizuk but I just wanted to add one point. Throughout history, frum yidden have been under pressure. The Maccabim vs the misyavnim, the prushim vs the tzdokim, yiddishkeit vs the maskilim, etc. Nevertheless it is thanks to the the men and women who were committed to Torah that has guaranteed our survival as a people. You are not alone! There are many like you, although it’s harder to see them, and there… Read more »
you forgot to post the number to order an application form
you know what – I was the nerd growing up. In elementary I liked long dresses with bows in the back. In high school I wasn’t part of the dating scene as it made me feel uncomfortable. While the kids around me were having abortions and recovering from drugs (not all) I was bucking the trend and putting my nose in book after book. Now fast foward 20 something years and its my daughter who doesn’t fit in. She won’t wear styled that show off her womanly curves. She loves chitas and davening. she doesn’t have facebook or even an… Read more »
There are three girls schools in CCrown Heights. Do the girls that are really chassidish feel this way in all of them. Maqybe you are in the wrong school
You are the one with an ego.
It’s about time that chassidishkeit and staying true to the Rebbe’s request not be called Nerdy.
I can just imagine what you go through just by reading some of the teenage- oppositional comments right here. PLEASE DONT BE INTIMITATED BY THEM! It is much harder to do it when there is so much opposition and negativity, but the reward is worth all the hard work. you want to do what the Rebbe wants, your classmates chose the wrong direction . Keep being a dugma chaya, a source of light to others!
Im so impressed. This girl will b able to look back at her life and say i have lived a life worth living. I gave up superficial happyness for a life of truth and meaning. I didnt spend it worshiping my own desires. In truth, no movie cud take the place of everlasting contenment.
not too many years ago what was unique about Lubavitch Girls High School of Chicago, was that it was cool to be “Chassidishe”. and the girls were not nerdy by being chassidishe.
there was a feeling of belonging and a sense that you were cared about, there was an effort to involve every single girl in school activities, committees, public speaking, not just the loud ones.
It was truly unique.
maybe some research and consulting could be done to create that kind of environment in other schools.
Great article! You are doing so well in a difficult world, under lots of pressure. The last time it was this difficult for a Chassidishe teenage girl was in the 60s and 70s when miniskirts were in style, and unfortunately, lots of girls were nichshal then. Some people’s improper use of the internet makes it doubly hard today. But fashions are no more than a passing fad (even tho it might take 10 years, so brace yourself…). And hopefully the frum community will find some sort of solution to internet issues one day soon. Meanwhile, in the zechus of all… Read more »
Can’t a girl do what’s right, without being pounded on by all sides? this author is pouring out what is bothering her, trying to stand up for what’s right, in hopes that it will make a difference! so how can you say anything negative? is it right to be so against someone else’s struggle? I understand exactly what she is going through, since I go through it too, if only I had the courage that she has! many people do not realize what ability they have, they have a Rebbe, call to him, he wants to hear! May anyone and… Read more »
I spy Bais Rivkah Montreal uniforms in the picture!
Same Here I really feel for you! Totally agree with everything Hashem Yishmu!!
its a shame you have to go through this sturggle in a lubavitch yeshiva… maybe if you were in a modern school, i’d undderstand, but in a school that prides itself on chasidus and follwing the Rebbe’s horaos, its just painful. something needs to be done.
COntinue to be a shining example for these girls, they need it more than you know.
what you write is very “hartzig”, and unfortunately true. the frum chassidishe girls are put under a lot of unnecessary pressure. The author should keep strong, stick together with the girls who hold like you–the correct way. (and ignore the silly comments which were posted above). you are doing the correct thing, keep up the great work, and may Moshiach come very quickly with the Rebbe leading us immediately to Eretz Yisroel.
Hi,
I am a fellow teenager and your article really hit home. I have gone through stages were i have been called to chassidish and my fellow class mates have thought they had to leave me out of things because I was to “from”. Also the fact that most of the girls are doing the wrong things and no odd recognizes it as wrong doesn’t help.
a bit too much oy’s and mammesh’s….
I used live in crown heights more then forty years ago and wish to contribute an objective point of view thate might surprise some. As an outsider to your community my perspective is neither judgemental nor nuetral. I wish only to express a sentiment worth adding to the discussion. I have always been fascinated and intreaged by chabads open-mindedness and simultanious strict adherence to old school orthrodoxy. No other orthrodox group attracts more envy and criticismth for being so bold in its unapologetic style of promoting judiasm as “The” most rewarding and satisfying way of life for a jew to… Read more »
And my friends still call me Rebbetzine because I wear stockings. Your still to young but trust me you are lucky that your parents instilled in you chassidishkeit. One day you will be able to raise your children in a frum and chassidishe way and they won’t question you why they need to act and dress a certain way because you will be their role model. Challenges such as these never stop but if you don’t give in to the yetzer hora you become stronger each time. Don’t listen to the nay Sayers. You know what the Rebbe expects from… Read more »
thank you for bringing this up!
You are right on. In a few short years you and your valiant sisters be able to start real Chabad families and make a difference in the world. Pressure can really hurt at your age, but you’re not davening to your peers(ie:doing mitzvas for other people’s approval). I’ll bet it’s lonely now because keeping to what’s right can be harder when you’re going against ‘friends’ who are also ‘frum’ than when you’re going against openly anti-religious people. The smile can be a harder nisayon to overcome than open hatred. Write to the Rebbe, visit the Ohel when you can, find… Read more »
go im to in ellrventh grade montreal and i know how it feels !
keep it up!!!
i feel the same way
YOU my dear, have aLOT going for yourself. You think on your own, and you have processed alot of Torah and Chassidus. I am impressed. I am sorry that that the pressure is on for this, because 25 yrs ago, the girls were all pretty much the same and enjoyed the BR activities…..but nevertheless, you will shine even more. I wish you koach to keep going.
and I thank you for sharing with us. Those older than you get chizuk from your words, I hope that counts for something to you!
Wow your touching words of inspiration even illuminates the Finsternet
V’yailchu Maychyil El Choyil
If its true that this is is a 16 year lubavitcher girl then you know that there is hope.
Keep it up .
Al Tisbayesh Mipnei Hamaligim
check rick levoy
hahaha this article is funny. you should go out and enjoy yourself a bit. you sound WAY too uptight and self conscious and insecure to be taken seriously in any way.
BTW for future reference- cut down on the exclamation points in your article. you are making a ridiculous issue seem rather dramatic.
Your so pathetic k????
Choose ur words wisely! and dont put urself up there b/c ur not!
You know I also am striving to become a better person b’ruchnious ub’gashmius and its really really hard! All the shtus its just so hard to ignore! We all have to work on ourselves every day but………. this does sound a little over exagerated!
if some of the rambling and the poker chips reference were taken out, it might have a valid point….
im sorry fellow MATURE adults, but time and again its been proven that many teenagers (and sometimes children) are more mature than adults. this seems to be one of them. and number 3- if your a teenager, u know NOTHING URSELF and you have a long way to go ahead of u. if your in your 20-40 s its supe sad that you write that and if your any older please see your local psychiatrist- ur brain hasnt matured properly.
I do not know who you are however I am very , very proud of you! Your article will touch the hearts of so many, even if only on a subconcious level You are way wiser than your years and may you continue to make the Rebbe proud.
Poker chips? Feh!
Kol Hakavod!
every word, so true! keep it up!
Giving us all Nachas and Koach!
You’re right on track!
BTW you are acting a bit dramatic hre.There are plenty of chassidishe girls out there and they have their own groups etc. Pressure to do what?I don;t think the girls are trying to make anyone do something they themselves are not willing to do. Birds of a feather….worry about yourself and you’ll do just fine. Not everyone wants to go on shluchis so they also get pressured from those who think they should…there’s 2 sides to this…
don’t listen to THEIR guilty conscious
your article comes from the heart and touches the heart.
i also went to a Lubavitch school and was considered a “rebbetzin”
why? because i cover my knees
its not easy standing up to peer pressure.
Hatzlocha Rabbo, the Rebbe is surely proud of you!!
what an inspiration! thank you for reminding us teens around the world what our shlichus is!
Why are you putting yourself on a pedestal? Perhaps that is the issue? When you patronize your fellows like that you are making your ideals more prominent, and for what? Who asked you to play G-d? I can certainly understand where you are coming from but maybe if you wouldn’t hold yourself with so much importance, you would feel pushed in any direction. You should definitely consider finding a mashpia and managing to get more confidence in yourself so you wouldn’t be so insecure. Although no one will care about or notice your efforts now to inspire others in your… Read more »
I know it is really out of place to quote Bill Gates in an article of and about chassidus and chassidim but you can learn from everyone says the Rambam. (even a Greek phiosopher)
So B.G. said “watch out for the nerds in your class because one day you will be working for one of them”.
go brm mtl in the picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
True story: when my daughter was in 8th grade she came home very upset. A group of her classmates were making fun of her, saying she was “too Chassidish.” The reason, we worked out, was because we wouldn’t let her attend a sleep-over when the parents were out of town & they were going to be watching movies whose titles were suggestive. I was so upset I spoke to the principal. I asked her since when was being Chassidish a crime & a curse? She didn’t answer, mainly because the instigator was from a “big name” family. Nothing was done… Read more »
How do you know what’s right when you’re just 17 years old? You promise that the torah and the rebbe will get us through everything; How do you know? Is that what your teacher told you? Or maybe the head baal machlokes in CH told you this? Either way, live and let live. I believe differently than you, but I allow you to believe what you want, and I would like you to extend me and all your classmates this courtsey.
BS:D Miss 16- keep up the great work, deep down your classmates admire and even envy you and look to you for inspiration, don’t falter, it’s not always easy to be a light unto the nations, especially when the nation is ones own, but I am sure the Rebbe has supreme nachas from you
sounds like you’re doing pretty good to me.
keep up the good work and always think how special you are for not giving into the pressure from others.
fashion is for the masses. style is for the individual.