Nov 7, 2011
Sure, He's a Really Great Guy

SOS Shidduchim: A bochur offers a humorous glimpse into what he thinks when being asked about a friend for a shidduch.

So the conversation usually begins with:

1) "Are you a friend of so-and-so?" - "Hello! I am on his reference list so I guess I am a friend."

Following your request for me to give a five minute monologue, including the dirtiest secrets of my good friend, I will probably proceed to say:

2) "Ask me! - I'm not very good at describing people, but if you ask me questions, I can probably do a fair job answering them."

You will then proceed to ask a sheepish question or two, leading up to if I know what kind of girl he is looking for, to which I will respond:

3) Remember, I'm a guy - I may be his roommate but that doesn't mean I know what type of girl he's looking for, or what he would like to do with his future.

If you'd like to know how he likes his meat cooked, well done or medium rare, that I can tell you!

Bochurim are obviously willing to answer your calls and questions:

4) You can call me till late at night, but please don't call me before 11 in the morning, I'm usually busy with sleeping, mikvah, shachris, etc.

Then the serious questions begin to flow and the pauses between answers get longer too:

5) When I tell you that I don't sit near him during Seder, and would therefore not know how his attendance is, that probably means that he or I don't regularly come.

No conversation is complete without asking the mandatory one in number 6.

6) "Is he chassidish?" - If you don't define what the word "chassidish" means in YOUR dictionary, then I'll just tell you "yes", because he is "chassidish" according to at least one person's definition of the word.

Connected to that is number 7.

7) If I don't explicitly say that he Davens "on time" (i.e. before 12 noon), then that probably means that he has no problem with Davening right before (or even after) shkiah.

It is around out about then that occurrence number 8 happens.

8) I know you're able to multi-task, but when I hear how you're working on getting supper ready, and there's a kid in the background shrieking "Mommy, Mommy!" I know that you're not really listening to what I'm saying, so I just won't say much.

With the Chassidish formalities out of the way, obviously Chassidishkeit before middos and kindness, then it's time to get to the dirty secrets.

9) Uh, he's my friend... - Are you really expecting me to say something negative about him?!

Well now that you know that there is not much negative to him, you begin to ask about his substance exploits to which I divulge:

10) If I don't think that he'll still be getting drunk after he's married, then I'll tell you that he doesn't drink more than four. If I'm not sure that he'll give up his "farbrenging" once he's married, then I'll just have to redefine to myself what the size of each of those four L'chaims are.

The questions begin to get vague:

11) "What would you say is his most pronounced ?" - Please, if you want a Chassidus shiur on each of the I can try to give that to you, but if all you want to know is whether he's more kind than unkind, then just ask that!

After they get vague they lean towards the ridiculous:

12) "If he was right for your sister, would you suggest him?" - Uh, what's that supposed to mean? Obviously if I thought he was right for my sister I would suggest him!

And then it's time to probe for the negative again:

13) "What's his biggest ?" - I know that this is considered a "good" question but, a) refer back to #9 and b) even if I do say something, chances are I'd spin it so that it can also come out to be a .

The questioning hasn't been going so well, so it's time to reveret to some assumptions:

14) When you ask me, "So basically you're telling me that he's an amazing guy?", I'll tell you you "yup", but what I would really love to answer is "No, what I'm telling you is that you don't know how to ask questions!"

15) Ask me how I think he would react in specific situations, you'll probably get a much better understanding of the type of guy that he is.

16) Attention parents! - I'll probably tell my friend that someone called about him, and I'll tell him what I thought of YOU!

Yes, I know it's not fair to judge a girl based on how her parents sounded on the phone, but life isn't always fair...

Besides for the obvious lessons in 15 and 16, it is probably worth your while calling someone not on the reference paper.

P.S. This is not a call for incessant spewings of nastiness and distaste. In the right spirit, this is a positive and light look at a very serious matter.

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Opinions and Comments
1
To the author:
We are not fools! We are reading between the lines. We can tell by the way "you" answer (your enthusiasm) if the bocher is takeh nice, keeping seder, chassidish, etc. We can also tell if he has nice friends-thanks to the way you handle my call!
(11/7/2011 12:29:08 PM)
2
!!!
Hilarious!
(11/7/2011 12:37:36 PM)
3
common sense
Cute!
(11/7/2011 12:44:17 PM)
4
Mother with eligible daughter
Hi bochur, I absolutely loved your article and think you would love my daughter. Your personalities would definitely click. Can you please put your info online?
(11/7/2011 12:44:47 PM)
5
LOVED IT !
Absolutely loved the humour - obviously exaggerated, but that's what humour is about - nice nice ! brought smiles and laughs
(11/7/2011 12:47:11 PM)
6
Well Said!!!!
I agree, please stop bothering bouchrim.
They are not going to tell you the truth anyway.
(11/7/2011 12:47:28 PM)
7
DO A VIDEO
would be hilarious!!
(11/7/2011 12:54:01 PM)
8
meh!
Dont quit your day job.
(11/7/2011 12:55:55 PM)
9
would be nice
for someone to write up some questions- a bunch that people can use and personalize to their needs. Fact is, some people are better at asking questions than others and some parents are clueless but it falls on their shoulders so they do what they have to do, even though they are not sure what/how to ask to figure out what they want to know.
If some people can put together a type of well written questions that these inexperienced parents can use, it would be a big chessed!
(11/7/2011 12:57:51 PM)
10
LOL!!
#5 is the best
(11/7/2011 1:03:33 PM)
11
you gave away all the secrets you bachur!
but still real funy!
(11/7/2011 1:04:05 PM)
12
att#4
yea like that make sense!
(11/7/2011 1:06:23 PM)
13
# 4
lol
(11/7/2011 1:27:36 PM)
14
davening and seder?
Of course davening on time and keeping seder in yeshivah is an important factor but:
Wouldn't you rather want your daughter to marry a kind and loving guy with good middos and talents rather than a dull guy who always davens on time and with a minyan and learns with great hasmode?
I dont want to judge anyone, but the bochrim who are extremely makpid about minyan and seder etc, are usually the ones who are lacking fine midos and talents, and you can ask any bochur and most mashpiim in yeshivas about that.
As a matter of fact, i know alot of very fine yungerlait and shluchim, who when they were bochrim were not the biggest seder goers or minyan daveners, but after they got married u can find them every morning learning chasidus and davening with a minyan, and setting aside time to learn torah every day from there busy, or not yet busy schedules
So why do parents look at the nuances that dont really make to much of a difference, rather than focusing on the bochurs midos, yiras shomayim, personality, talents etc
(11/7/2011 1:31:13 PM)
15
Telling the truth about your friend
I give a description of the bochur including good and bad but all with a positive spin. Instead of saying the guy has no "zitz-fleish", I say that he loves to be involved in lots of things. Instead of saying someone is "moody", I say he is "sensitive". Instead of saying "he's not capable", I'll say "he's not a director type."

At the end of one conversation like this, a mother of a girl exclaimed "wow! he sounds perfect for my daughter!"

And now they're married.
(11/7/2011 1:35:44 PM)
16
friends???
a real chaver WILL tell you the emes, simply bc if he is a true friend, he does not want chas vesholom bad outcomes (vda"l) there for a real friend will say the truth.
and I'm talking from experiens!!
(11/7/2011 1:36:54 PM)
17
Well Said
I'm a single girl and that's exactly how my mom does research. I think it makes perfect sense that my 'shiddy' life is hopeless according to that. I still believe that the right guy will come at the right time regardless of how my mother goes about things. There's not much I can do about it anyways, so why stress out and try to control it or change the way she thinks guys should be researched. I officially don't take any of her suggestions or dates seriously, for me its one big joke but hey, thats life, embrace, don't try to fight it. I get the same phone calls about my friends, all you gotta do is just try to explain your friend in the best light possible and hope it will be good. Don't get caught up with these rediculous people and mother's. And btw, guys, its not like you guys don't have any hold up's. Supposidly, every guy out there is looking for a 'chassiddish barbie trophie wife.' It just narrow's down my list so much more. If you don't want me, i have no interest in you, I will find my guy with out going out with a guy as shallow as you (and i say that in the plural sense) and if it takes ten years, wtvr. We can't fight the 'system' so may as well.......i dunno......any solutions?
(11/7/2011 1:38:39 PM)
18
question 12
loved itttttt
(11/7/2011 1:38:41 PM)
19
number 16 is truer than you realise, parents
and now i would like to probe a question. so, mr. author, what should parents do to get an idea of a bochur?
(11/7/2011 1:41:48 PM)
20
basics of humor
humor is about acting out the character or observing with exaggeration and that is the way how the article was written
great job LOL
(11/7/2011 1:47:55 PM)
21
Single girl
Yesss. Dontt ask chisronos of our friends. Why would we tell u!???????
(11/7/2011 1:54:08 PM)
22
#6 - you are the best bochur indeed
120% true.
(11/7/2011 1:58:40 PM)
23
haha
brilliant!
(11/7/2011 2:00:43 PM)
24
mom (or dad) number 1
You are absolutely cluless. You think you read between the lines. You think you know. I'll just say one thing: you have no idea how much of a joke this reference bussines has become amongst bochurim. They sit and compare how dumb the questions are, and how to take dumb peope like yourself for a ride. Good luck listening to the "way we answer"
(11/7/2011 2:21:28 PM)
25
ATTN: MOTHERS WITH ELIGIBLE SONS
stop asking us how the girl you are looking into compares to _________________(insert another random girls name) THEY DONT COMPARE!!! they are not the same people!!!!!! its the most ridiculous question, and i get asked it time and time again
(11/7/2011 2:21:31 PM)
26
Loved It
Brilliant.
(11/7/2011 2:37:06 PM)
27
a Bachur
I think a real friend will tell everything necessary to avoid anything not good (I agree with #16)
;)
(11/7/2011 2:51:14 PM)
28
FYI
Us girls get the same ridiculous questions... does she say chitas? does she wear nail polish? who the he*l cares? And so funny, the minute we get married we start getting all the calls. As if, somehow, the fact that we happen to be married makes our statement more credible. I mean, come on, just because I got married last week, doesn't mean I think something different of the girl. My answers to ridiculous questions pretty much remain the same, regardless of marital status. Oh, and when you ask generic questions, you get generic answers. So you end up hearing (surprise, surprise) the same thing about every girl.
(11/7/2011 3:01:48 PM)
29
i have a girl for you
please tell me you're single....i have a very nice girl for you NO QUESTIONS ASKED
(11/7/2011 3:06:44 PM)
30
to #17
i love your attitude
very mature and understanding
i would love to get married to someone like u,
who has such a positive attitude towards lifes challenges
"if u cant fight it embrace it"
(11/7/2011 3:13:30 PM)
31
mother on questions and answers
we are not looking for a contest winner , we're looking for the one person who will suit our son/daughter, so please don't just answer what you think we want to hear. You don't have to say anything negative, but stick to saying the truth in the nicest way possible. (There's gotta be a better way- how about shidduchim by raffle- or match them up by shoe sizes?)
(11/7/2011 3:21:31 PM)
32
awsome
mad funny!
(11/7/2011 3:24:08 PM)
33
List Of Questions To Ask About A Girl
I made this list for my sister, that she should ask about ay girl that comes up for me. This is just a sampling.

1. does she use toothpaste with a hechsher or without? what about tylenol?
2. what brocho does she make on rice?
3. what milchig company does she eat? only badatz? golden flow? cholov akum?
4. does she add salt to hot soup on shabbos?
5. does she eat in restaurants that don't have mashgiach temidi (like all CHK establishments)?
6. do her parents use a blech with the crockpot or not? i.e. is there aluminum foil sticking out of the crockpot?
7. does she use male taxi drivers or just the kosher female ones?
8. what is the brocho acharona on an apple?
9. does she take her plate to the garbage after eating or wait for servant-mommy to clean up?
10. when she uses toothpaste does she roll up the tube to get every last drop out or just squeeze from the middle?
11. does she remember to get toilet paper before it finishes? or she has to use newspapers for a day?
12. what kind of movies does she watch?
13. how long before a flight does she show up at the airport?
14. how many hours a week are spent on window shopping?
15. how many days does it take to choose a pair of shoes? a shirt?
16. when does she light shabbos candles? on time? or always right before shkiah regardless of when licht-bentchn was?
17. does she know how to do the shabbos day kiddush?
(11/7/2011 3:25:45 PM)
34
Yes!
Coming from someone who never thought I would go through the shiduch system, this is hilarious and helps embrace the craziness of this whole shiduch situation.
(11/7/2011 3:25:47 PM)
35
Mr. Perfect?!
Dear parents/shadchanim:

So you want us to be truthful?! If we tell you the truth about everything then you'll NEVER find "Mr. Perfect". At least now, (thanks to our little "cover-ups") every now and then you think you've found "Mr. Perfect"...as if such a thing really exists.
(11/7/2011 3:46:05 PM)
36
I am a parent
When I call a bochur for references - I am checking HIM out, to see if he can hold a conversation, is polite (to a total stranger bothering him) etc. I have 3 daughters who found their shidduch by me calling the reference and being impressed with him.
(11/7/2011 3:51:41 PM)
37
HAHAHA
This is so perfect! My personal favorite is 16!

I do the same when people call me! (in a nice way)
(11/7/2011 4:01:56 PM)
38
to #31 LOL!!!
There has got to be a better way! Maybe the minhag of Tu b'Av should be restored...... The truth is that the mothers are ruining shidduchim with their nonsensical questions and unrealistic expectations. Know who your son / daughter really is, and really needs. Keep the questions to a minimum.
(11/7/2011 4:04:46 PM)
39
ADVICE from the WISE
The friends don't realize that there are no right answers - so they are best telling the truth.

Is he chassidish? Lie and say Yup and you may have killed the perfect shidduch because the girl is also totally very non-chassidish.

Same with, Does he watch movies, listen to non-Jewish music and read non-Jewish novels? You DON'T know what the right answer is, and its usually not the one you think it is, so best: Keep it real!

And if you DO know something that you don't want to mention, at the very least tell them to ask others out it. You cannot judge if they should or shouldn't know about it and if it will impact the shidduch or not. Don't be the one held responsible for a broken engagement or c"v a divorce. I know because it is a very heavy guilt trip to carry for a lifetime!

If I would have been smarter and more mature 19 years ago - I could have prevented a broken home, children off the derech, lots of tears etc. I did not do any favor to my friend by lying!! (He curses me whenever he sees me). Every day I klap al chet and say, "I CAUSED THE CHURBAN!!"


(11/7/2011 4:06:20 PM)
40
dont undermine the reference...
I think many people are joking about the idea of refrences, and are not appreciating the true value of a reference.
In my experience people ALWAYS lie and say what they think you want to hear...leading unfortunately to many unhappy marriages and R"L divorces.

People, please remember you have a responsibility to tell the truth.
(11/7/2011 4:18:41 PM)
41
AWESOME!
I had a great laugh-thanks man!
The questions I get asked about my friends are so rediculous sometimes that I wonder why people even bother calling me to ask them!
Oh...and then there are the people who turn everything you say around to make it sound like what they want/don't want to hear.
quite comical!
(11/7/2011 4:24:39 PM)
42
to # 14
Well said. I also know many fine Lubavitcher men who as bochurim of age of marriage (22-23) were not makpid on exact time of davening and minyonim and learning etc. and shortly after they were married began keeping seder, davening with minyonim and learning at early morning Shiurim. Don't forget a bochur at 22-23 can still be immature and sleep in late but he has strong hashkofos and strong foundation but is human and may not keep a perfect Seder. Instead focus on middos and him being a mentch....if he has a solid foundation the other stuff will kick in soon enough
(11/7/2011 4:39:49 PM)
43
Funny but...
This was humorous, but to everyone bashing the references, what do you suggest? The point is, just try to be as truthful as possible...If your friend put you down its because they obviously trust you enough that they think you can give truthful intelligent answers that can help mold their future life, don't take that so lightly! Its a big achrayos...
(11/7/2011 4:42:12 PM)
44
A Parent who made 3 shidduchim with references:
When I call you, a bochur from the references - I am checking YOU out: To see if you can hold a conversation? To see if you are polite (to a total stranger bothering him)? To see if you have attitude, snarkiess, impatientce, derech eretz, mentchlichkeit etc.?

The questions I ask you are not noygeya - it's how YOU speak and interact.

I have 3 daughters who found their shidduchim by me calling the references and being impressed with the bochur from the references!!


(11/7/2011 4:54:42 PM)
45
The Best Reference
As a on and off shadchan I can tell you that the best way to find out about someone, is to get your relative bochur/girl to find a mutual friend that can get the info.

No one says the truth to strangers.

A few questions I like to ask:

I don;t care much for chsidishkeit, that's easy to confirm. I'm more concerned about midos and attitude.

Does he/she dominate the conversation?
Are they strong minded/opinionated?
Figure out a way to ask if they have a short fuse?
Are they the type to pay for friends when they go out (generous).
Are they adamant to go on shlichus.
(11/7/2011 4:56:29 PM)
46
humorous
It's nice to see a humorous approach to the "shidduch crisis".
(11/7/2011 5:04:44 PM)
47
to #42
You are %100 right!
the problem is that people out there dont understand bochrim, they should be speaking to the bochurs mashpiim and roshie yeshivas more, and finding out about his hashkofes and yiras shomayim from an objective perspective, and even they will tell u that being makpid on minyan and seder is not the most important thing! and as u say it will kick in after marriage anyhow
(11/7/2011 5:07:31 PM)
48
read 16 and 39
All jokes aside, can someone who knows, comment on what the halacha is on telling the truth and how to tell it. I don't think lying for a shidduch is appropriate.
(11/7/2011 5:26:18 PM)
49
love 33
thats realy realy funny!!!!!
wish was more questions- for me to lough more
(11/7/2011 5:33:50 PM)
50
couldnt breath becouse of my laughter!
Number 33 you are so funny!
(11/7/2011 5:46:14 PM)
51
Some serious advice on how to ask questions of references.
.

Doing proper research is a very serious matter and must be done properly to be effective. Viacharei Kichlois Hakol, say a Kapitel Tehilim and of course write into the Rebbe for a brocho for the whole shiduch parsha.

Do not rely just on the friends given as references. Ask one or two of those references who they would say know him well and call them.

Call up to the Yeshivois where he learned.
The camps that he went to as a staff member.
The yeshiva where he spent his shlichus year.
The various shluchim or shluchois that he assisted.

Read between the lines. Listen to the excitement or enthusiasm in the voice of the responder. Are they happy to share this information with you or are they just responding to your questions with a lukewarm obligatory endorsement.

Questions to ask from friends or acquaintances etc.

How do they know him? Were they with him in Yeshiva? On Shlichus? In camp? Merkoz Shlichus? Mivtzoyim. Etc.

Do not ask questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Ask questions that the person will have to respond to with examples backing up his statement. Use the following questions as guides.

1) What qualities does he have that would define him as a Chassidisher Bochur?

2) What do you know about him that would show that he is a true Yerei Shmayim.

3) What can you say about that shows what kind of Midois he has.

4) Does he have a koch in learning Nigleh? Chassidus. Hafotseh, Rebbe shlichus etc.

5) What are the qualities that friends of his see in him? What are the qualities that he looks for in his chaverim?

6) What qualities does he have that you feel will make him a good husband, father, michanech etc.

7) Do you find that people enjoy being in is presence?

8) Did you ever observe him in stressful situations? How did he handle those situations?

9) Who did he not get along with? Why?
(11/7/2011 5:49:40 PM)
52
Lol
That was funny!
(11/7/2011 5:58:20 PM)
53
to 51
I see there's hope. Such a smart and toichendikke comment. I don't know who you are but I am proud to have you part of Chabad!!! Thank you
(11/7/2011 6:06:34 PM)
54
33 you're hilarious!
Good one
(11/7/2011 6:37:05 PM)
55
Eligible mother with another daughter
#33 I have a daughter you might be interested in. Please email eligiblemomforseconddaughterlookingforsomeonefunny@me.com
(11/7/2011 6:41:13 PM)
56
I don't know isn't an answer!
How can I say I don't know when I am the bochur's roommate and chavrusa?!

Does he snore at night? Truth is - yes, but I don't know!

Is he a bed wetter? Truth is - yes, but I don't know!

Is he on meds? Truth is - at least 6 pills a day, but I don't know!

Is he considerate to his roommate? Truth is he usually opens light in room no matter what time it is or who is sleeping, and then listens to Matisyahu without earbuds, but I don't know!

This is who used me as his reference!!!


(11/7/2011 6:41:46 PM)
57
to # 55
get a life and stop commenting visit me @
getalifewhenuknowwhatthatreallymeandtouboredppl.org.au
(11/7/2011 6:45:58 PM)
58
Here's the point
The author was not making fun of research he was making fun of blind research, when people ask questions for the sake of asking and don't really know what they want to hear or how to get the answers.

The solutions is to first know what's individually important to you and then ask questions (like 51 nd suggested) that will give you an idea of the person.

Don't ask for labels or judgement, ask about scenarios.
(11/7/2011 6:58:18 PM)
59
Confused
To #39 and all comments with that same idea:

Isn't that what the point of a date is, to figure out whether this is a good shidduch for you or not, and not to just go ahead and get married b/c you heard good things on the phone from the references?!

If I'm wrong, please explain!
(11/7/2011 7:06:45 PM)
60
To 39 Agree with 59
Yes, you didn't cause a churban, if the person decided to marry someone that is their choice not yours.
(11/7/2011 7:16:59 PM)
61
From 33
I am already married. Sorry. I guess with these questions I was able to find the right girl...
(11/7/2011 7:30:24 PM)
62
jaded!
Hmm sounds like your a little jaded. Instead of writing stupid articles, maybe you should put your time into something a little bit more productive like finding a job or getting a life!
(11/7/2011 7:33:17 PM)
63
our sages say
ask about kos, kaas and kees.
kos - drink
kaas - anger
kees - pocket

translated into questions:
have you ever seen him drunk? is he responsible? reliable? pls give examples? what is he like socially?
how does he react when he's upset? what gets him upset? (everyone gets upset!)
is he generous? (with gelt, with helping ppl) is he considerate? can you give an example?

hatzlacha!

ps we LAUGHED reading #33!! so clever!
(11/7/2011 7:44:16 PM)
64
To comment 30
I am comment 17. U can email me at colcomment17@gmail.com to arrange something.
(11/7/2011 7:47:08 PM)
65
To 39 , 59
This is part of their Hasgocha Protis. You played one minor part in it They might or might not have listened to u. Above all , their issues are NOT ur fault. If anything, u can be a guidance for them and refer them to the better and understanding Councilors, Mashpiem and Rabbonim available.
You can and should refer them NOW!
(11/7/2011 7:48:37 PM)
66
loved it!
with all the craziness in the world of shidduchim, u gotta see the humor in all of it, so thanks!
be careful, cuz they may be calling about "ur friend" when all they want to hear is you! g'luck!
(11/7/2011 9:32:29 PM)
67
To 33
GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!
(11/7/2011 9:38:53 PM)
68
Hillarious
Loved the comments. #4, #33 and #55, you made me laugh so hard.
(11/7/2011 9:57:13 PM)
69
to 14
Yidden have always expressed the importance in learning.. who are you do bash 5,000 of our tradition.
Besides the fact that you obviously have issues (or jealousy?) of those who learn, bc there are many amazing Bochurim who are learners...
(11/7/2011 10:37:03 PM)
70
to #69
did i bash learning or davening with a minyan at all?
i just metioned that someone who who has a hard time with keeping seder, or who doesnt have the zitsfleish to sit for 16 hours learning and nothing else alday, usualy doesnt display the greatest middos,
of course learning torah is important and i believe it to be the foundation of a true bayis neemon as well
(11/7/2011 11:01:06 PM)
71
haha
ur so funny!
(11/8/2011 1:16:21 AM)
72
True
if its not beshert it wont come to be, but guys, girls still have some dignity and feelings do'nt string eachother along and then say its not 4 me. Be realistic, its not like in the movies.
(11/8/2011 2:15:13 AM)
73
To confused #59
Ultimately the dater has to make his own decision, but, reliable references can help avoid alot of wasted time and heartache because if not for them, the boy/girl would have to go out with every single "seemingly appropriate" suggestion.
(11/8/2011 4:35:42 AM)
74
dont bother asking
handwriting analysis. it's the only way.
(11/8/2011 6:33:54 AM)
75
To #17 & 30
Go for it!!!! ( in a kosher way of course) YH"R shetishre shchinah bmaasei yedeichem. If initial email communication appears positive then ask a married chaver or relative to be the shadchan (if you feel it will be advantageous.)
(11/8/2011 8:23:30 AM)
76
33 and 61
lolololol
brilliant!
(11/8/2011 12:03:55 PM)
77
comment #30
i am comment 30 u can email me at colcomment30@gmail.com
(11/8/2011 12:08:04 PM)
78
attention parents and those of you in the parsha
essentially it has nothing to do with the question, and the answer to the question. it's all about how you answer...
(11/8/2011 12:08:58 PM)
79
to 25
Oy that is horrible.
(11/8/2011 6:24:59 PM)
80
To 14 Re Seder and Davening
I am a girl, and seder and davening are important to me. The reason they are so important is because for a bochur, that is his main focus of his day. If they are priorities, and he does it "right", chances are that when he has a family and his priorities shift, he will be able to do them properly.

Additionally, being besudar and disciplined is important to me, because being on time and scheduled is important to my future in terms of being able to rely on someone.
(11/8/2011 6:28:57 PM)
81
awesome
touch'e!!!! we ALL need to laugh more. i wrote something similar to 33 and might post it soon on col. may EVERYONE who needs find their Moshiachdike Bashert immediately in a very easy way
(11/8/2011 7:13:39 PM)
82
nice
very cute
(11/8/2011 10:12:18 PM)
83
to #14
srry but my husband is both - so dont make ppl feel like they need to make a choice... this whole bochur / no schedule thing and all the excuses that come along with it is just so irresponsible... wake up and get with the program of the real world... maybe if bochurim live reality younger there will be more success in ch instead of just survival, foodstamps, medicaid... but that won't happen in the bochur bubble / mentality of wake up when you want and daven when you want and by then the day is over and you accomplished nothing...
(11/8/2011 10:41:41 PM)
84
Bochrim, ber realistic!!!
(11/9/2011 10:15:41 AM)
85
Wow wow wow
the spelling in these comments
(11/9/2011 5:10:06 PM)
86
To #81
We are waiting.....
And to #85, I could not agree more!
(11/9/2011 5:59:43 PM)
87
Please do NOT try to "read between the lines."
I am the type to say what I mean and mean what I say. There's nothing more aggravating when someone calls me as a reference and keeps trying to probe and probe based on my tone of voice. Some people are great salespeople and will try to convince the caller how wonderful the person is. I may hold highly of someone but not praise them to the skies because it's just not my style. If you don't know me and the way I communicate why are you reading into what I said, what I didn't say and how I said it?
(11/13/2011 12:34:42 AM)
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