By COLlive reporter
Photos by Rochi Waxman
A single strong-willed Lubavitch girl is openly speaking about her journey with one of the obstacles for finding a shidduch that is rarely discussed in the open: Her weight.
Merav Yitzhaki, 25, and a resident of the Israeli city of Netanya has decided to share her personal story with Hebrew news site YnetNews.com.
As part of her attempts to find a proper match, Yitzhaki had undergone a series of operations, lost 205 pounds and redefined the concept of a diet.
“I was always a fat girl,” she admitted. “My parents tried to encourage me, saying that being fat is not an offense, and I preferred to just ignore my weight and eat.”
And Merav did eat, until at the age of 21, when frum girls are getting married or at least dating, she reached the weight of 342 pounds, Akiva Novick reported.
“I was warned that I should be thin when I enter the ‘shidduch’ world, so that I could be matched to a good-looking guy,” she recalls. “But I had already accepted the fact that I would probably be matched to a fat guy and that’s it.”
But Yitzhaki didn’t really accept the situation, and at some point found herself on the operating table at the Assuta hospital in Tel Aviv, where a ring was adjusted on her stomach to reduce her appetite, according to the report on YnetNews.com.
“I started taking things seriously and eating in a healthy way, and with the help of diets the weight just kept falling off until my dietician stopped me,” she says.
She underwent treatments to remove excess skin by by Dr. Tali Friedman, a surgeon from the Assia Medical Center in Tel Aviv, who pointed out that “the problem of obesity is extremely relevant to the haredi-religious sector these days.”
“I have been exposed to many patients from the sector who have undergone weight loss treatments and body shaping. Merav is a very impressive and highly motivated young woman, who has done very well,” says Dr. Friedman.
Yitzhaki is now looking forward to date – which she have not done before. “Even when I had already lost weight, I wasn’t offered any matches because people didn’t know about it. But I know that Hashem will send me what I deserve.”
In the meantime she’s happy (“I thank God Almighty 10 times a day”) and recently began working as –believe it or not – a pastry cook, the article said. “That’s what it’s about, watching but no touching,” she laughs.
To conclude: Sense of humor – check; new look – check. All that’s missing is a nice Lubavitch bochur.
to all u haters, 19 & 27 especially, u think this piece is disgusting? she took the easy way out? i personally have witnessed s friend of mine go through this surgery and it is anything but easy..she was ill for many years and between medications and being sick, she put on a lot of weight very quickly..which meant for her health she needed to lose it quickly..for whatever reason people do what they do..it is far from easy! it is far from appalling! it’s a struggle and it takes strength to admit that u need help. #27 great for… Read more »
Great Job!!! But listen, your looks are stunning, but its your soul, what you are on the inside that matters….if someone can’t see that then it won’t matter what you do to the outside. I wish you well in your search for the “perfect” shidduch.
a lot of women don’t want such fat guys either
There was a discussion on endthemadness in the bulletin board a couple years ago. A guy said, “well theres a certain movie star who is a 0 and she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.” and you know these men aren’t even asking for a 0 like they (it is implied) should. They willing to SETTLE for a 2! I hope readers sense the tonge in cheek. Yes boys and when all the zeros and twos are shallow, don’t complain that ALL women are shallow. My size has gone between 5 and 16. The smaller I get, the more… Read more »
It’s ridiculous for guys to be so obsessed with looks and it’s interesting that they are always complaining that women are shallow. However, they go after girls who are all about their looks, so of course they think women are shallow. Size 2 is not in shape, it’s anorexic small. Size 6 or 8 is in shape. The same men who will turn down a size 14 “because she doesn’t take care of her health” will be interested in women who are so small they also DONT take care of their health. Quit using that as an excuse boys and… Read more »
today in israel kupatholim covered this surgery. patient only pay $2000 for ring(tabaat) it thousand story like this today even one bohur, that now in kvuce loose more, and father, and mother, and brother, but steel it a lot!
Perhaps guys won;t say what they feel in order to not seem boorish, but 9/10 I have ever spoken to agree that they want to date girls that are slim. Not using terms of Size 2 etc, but there is a difference between working hard to look good and simply not caring about how you look, expecially when in MOST cases, it can be controlled. In different terms, girls look for boys who will take care of them, earn a living to pay the bills. Should a girl care if the boy packs groceries at the local supermarket for a… Read more »
I’ve seen many quotes of girls saying how guys care about a girl being size 2 but I’ve never heard that from any guys I know (and I know a lot). and I know a lot. I think they’re either making it up or maybe it’s the mothers of the guys who demand a specific size.
Don’t you think this girl knows all your “great information already? By putting this online you are doing worse than her and embarrassing her. Your comments aren’t going to change her ideas BUT fact is if you’re that heavy no one looks at you or talks to you or acts towards you the same way! fact #2 in the shidduch world it is so corrupt that usually if you’re heavy it is much much harder to find a shidduch that just is how it is. so what is so wrong for a girls to hope for a good looking shidduch?… Read more »
THEY FORGET TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THESE STOMACH SURGERIES AND END UP EITHER DEAD OR VERY CLOSE OR WITH LIFE LONG HEALTH ISSUES. AND IN ALMOST EVERY CASE A DIET STILL NEEDS TO BE FOLLOWED IN ORDR TO ACTUALLY LOSE WEIGHT. SO WHY NOT JUST FOLLOW A NORMAL HEALTHY DIET WITHOUT THE DANGEROUS SURGERY. I REMEMBER A WOMAN, YEARS AGO ASKING THE REBBE IF SHE SHOULD HAVE STOMACH SURGERY TO LOSE WEIGHT AND THE REBBE’S RESPONSE WAS “ES IS DOCH FARAN WEIGHT WATCHERS!”
she looks gr8!!!!
Boruch Hashem this young lady had successful surgery, and K.E.H. looks great. However I would recommend that people rather try to reeducate themselves with regard to their daily food intake and do exercise. In that way they will hopefully look and feel good and healthy. I have a cousin who had bariatric surgery last year August. Now – nearly 15 months later – she is still in hospital and has not recovered. Surgery is in any case a risky business. Surely it is better to avoid whenever possible. Whoever reads this please say Tehillim for a refuah shleimo for Rechoma… Read more »
Firstly kol hakavod to anyone who loses that amount of weight, whether on their own or with help. Secondly, I am overweight, not obese by any standards, and I have lost lots of weight many times. I am also looking for a shidduch and I think people are losing the main issue that we are having nowadays…….. Noone is asking a guy to want a morbidly obese girl, but what I’m seeing today is the “I don’t want anyone over a size 2″ boys who, regardless of the incredible girls you offer them, still are like ” sorry not what… Read more »
Benven
Although I am 54 not 25 I had the same surgery 6 years ago and lost 25 pounds. Your life will change as Im sure you see for yourself. I only hope that now you will find the right shiddach and go on with your life. Lots of babies are born after women have gastric bypass surgery. It is easier to get pregnent and easier to carry a pregency. I am so happy for you.And of cours you lost the weight for yourself but now you can do everything anyone els can do…fly in an airplane and be comftrable., eat… Read more »
You made me laugh.
Because I don’t want to die before I’m 30, G-d forbid!
Who did you lose the weight for?
If it was for yourself that would be the appropriate reason
If it was for a shidduch, what happens after you get the shidduch and have a chasunah bezrat Hashem do you go back to your old ways???
regards DE c.r.
I did a low carb high protein diet, called Lindora. (Lindora.com). I did not buy their products, which are not kosher, but followed their food plan and ate every two hours, (still do!) Focusing on lean protein and green vegis. I also started exercising 6 days a week.
Can you please quote the source of the shala emerging on lechem mishna as it is not considered food anymore, as you have stated)?
I guess I have what to really be proud of, I lost 131 pounds in just over a year, not because I was looking for a shiduch, but purely to be healthy and happy with myself. But am proud because I did it without any ridiculous and dangerous surgery. Even refuting the doctor who recommended it as “the only way to go when one has so much to lose”. On my return to his office one year after his recommendation he was convinced I followed his advice, and when I told him I was out to prove him wrong all… Read more »
yomtov just finished and it was very hard to control myself from all the temotations. i am the one shopping for the food in my house, bringing it in, paying for it, hiding it and eating it. i am a closet eater! i looked for help and support and found it, but it is a daily struggle! i wish this jewish community would help people with obesity. instead i find they are on a different page totally. opening up bakeries, sushi stores, sandwich stores etc… what about opening up a gorgeous, spacious gym!!!!!!!! people are heavy, clogging their arteries, getting… Read more »
many girls say the same thing: “are guys that shallow that we have to undergo surgery for our looks?”.
first of all yes! I can understand a guy not wanting a 350pound girl not just for the health complications.
second of all im sure girls wouldn’t want big fat guy either.
I think girls shouldn’t victimise themself this much.
It takes a lot of strength and determination to do what you did. You deserve only the best and G-d willing you should find your bashert soon!
I see lots of big girls in Crown Heights and quite honestly, I don’t see a reason for a single girl in her early 20’s to be obese. Most mothers of boys tell shadchanim up front that they don’t want big girls. The boys are usually not attracted to girls who are morbidly obese. It is one of life’s realities, no matter how unfair it seems.
Yes the surgery and after that what did she eat??? What was her daily diet like? Curious. Also #27 what diet did you follow on your own???
You look great! Hope to hear good news soon!
Dont risk ur life to lose weight!! Other ways to do things!!
#27 is the best comment!
would all u synical junkies out there just leave this girl alone and maybe congradulate her on all the hard work and effort she has put into herself. she deserves all the credit in the world.
maybe ur just jelouse that someone had determination!!!
merav ur amazing.
keep up the good work đŸ™‚
I lost 50 pounds when was in my early twenties, got married and put back the 50 plus an additional 25 within 4 years. Marketing is a great virtue in shiduchim… but if the person you are meeting would go cold on you merely because you aren’t the same trophy spouse as you were by the wedding day, than it can backfire. Not will, rather can. Be careful…
Unless you know her personally, do not judge her motives by what anti-frum rag Ynet writes. They go out of their way to make frum people look bad, although I don’t think this was their motive in this particular case.
Even when Idiot Aharonot (the original print newspaper that Ynet is a part of) was more right-wing it was not the most intellectual paper out there. Its articles are not geared toward pnimius but rather to people who don’t care to read anything too deep.
I empathize with this young woman’s desire and drive to lose weight for shidduchim. I did the same thing. Except Lap-Band and Gastric Bypass-surgery are an easy way out and may be a temporary fix to the real problem here, which is food addiction. Two years ago, at the age of 20, I lost 120 lbs through diet and exercise alone. No pills, shots or surgery. Just me fighting my taivahs every day, for the rest of my life. I’m not skinny now, but Baruch Hashem very fit (as I cycle daily) and healthy. And of course, it makes all… Read more »
whoever you are, advocate MORE for fresh and healthy food. we need that everywhere in the frum communities…let’s pressure the food companies to provide ‘real’ food instead of the junk they are manufacturing….most of us are ignorant about food additives and quality..we need more facts and information thrown at us from every angle until we actually get it and make healthy food ‘mainstream’ instead of for ‘weird folks’.
kol hakovod to you…KEEP IT UP EVERYWHERE YOU GO
At some point (342ish) even a blind beinuni would not be happy.
i see a lot of women here saying “she shouldnt have had to lose to get a boy” etc etc. BUT DID YOU READ WHY SHE LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT?
she said she did it to get a “good looking guy” as opposed to a fat one?
WHO’S SHALLOW NOW, LADIES?!?!
Reminds me of a girl doing a nose job because her nose was too long. She found her basherte… with a longer nose. Emes!
I wish you find the right guy, he can have a ‘FAT’ Bank account.
i give her much credit! kol hakovad!!! even though they say the inner beauty is much more important then the outer i think she now has BOTH!! so happy for her and imy’h she should find her match.
There’s a difference between not having the “perfect” figure and being obese. It’s unfair to call someowne shallow if obesity is a turn-off to them; it is for most people. On the other hand, if someone feels they must have the girl (or bochur) with the perfect figure or physique (and face to go along with it…), that person does need an attitude and midos adjustment!
U look amazing!!!!
Kitzur shulchan aruch dedicates an entire chapter on eating habits. This article is pure waste! Weight and diet has everything to do with health. Someone has to be some kind of ill to get healthy for any purpose other than VALUE OF LIFE AND CLARITY! This is the opposite of what we teach our children, to consider a person’s ruchaniyus more than their gashmiyus, to be concerned with their character more than their looks. “so that i could be matched to a good-looking guy” how putrid! She is insulting herself with that comment. She is saying that she is worth… Read more »
somethings should be shared with the world and somethings shouldnot be shared. This is a weird article. What she is trying to accomplish here is she wants people to spread the word that shes avaiable. Great for her. I dont think she needs to share w the world her weight prob and how it affects her dating life. Thats between her and her family and friends or whatever not nessasary to write it all over the internet.
thanks very much for posting this article…. this important topic is always a topic behind closed doors but never in public… and its time that have a discussion about it…. weight is hardly about good looks.. its about a person not living well, feeling some kind of void in his or her life and turning to food for salvation.. its about not being disciplined like chassidus tells us to be… what this girl has done is amazing and i really hope her story will inspire others to follow suit in living like the torah and the rambam taught us… eat… Read more »
she did not lose the weight? would she just not expect to get married?
I understand everyone’s point that this shouldn’t be the focus etc… but imagine you were her (boy or girl) you wouldn’t say these things. with losing weights comes lots of “side effects”: more confidence,will power,priorities ,health and feeling pretty maybe for the first time…I am really happy for you Merav! I know it shouldn’t be the focus on shidduchim but alot of guys dont go out wiht a girl just because of weight issues and i dont blame them either. I didnt care , but i know personally if i was that weight i wouldn’t have the greatest confidence to… Read more »
welll i used to be fat, and i almost got skinny, but then was yom tov, so i ate again, but i was supposed to be skinny…hold on…im a man, do i have problems in my shidduch if im fat, or is it only a woman thing??
also, if every woman gets this whole operation ,none of them would want to mymarry the fat men like me….ahhh!!!!! lets just make a week of yom kippurs so we can all be skinny!!! yay!!!
it is quite natural for a boy or mother inlaw to prefer a slim girl Being attracted to someone is alot about their looks.
I am a mother /mother in law who anyone will vouch that i am not a chitzooinisdik person but we can’t expect the bochurim just not to care.
I don’t think we can say they are putting to much emphasis on something if they are comfortable or uncomfortable about something.
BTW my daughters in law are not all beautiful looking (to me of course they are B’H)
its not all about looks. its about health.
a mother weighting that amount is not a healthy mother and does not set a good example to her children – no matter how much she loves them
when guys – or their parents – worry about excessive weight, they have every reason to be worried. its like a girl who does not want a guy who smokes.
such an inspiration. where do i send my picture please i need to get Chasseneh Gehat ASAP, thanks.
While Merav’s experience is one we can learn from. I feel that perhaps the emphasis is misdirected. With the obesity epidemic spreading in throughout our country, the focus should be on health and taking care of our health. If marriage prospects encourage a person to lose weight that’s fine, but should we not cultivate a more intrinsic appreciation for our own weight? When she gets married, does the diet go out the window? Are we educating our youth in nutrition and health or in vanity and external factors?
I am happy for this girl that she lost weight and hope Hashem helps her to keep it off, but that surgery she did should be used in worst case scenario only. It is not so healthy always.
And besides, what are you guys trying to say? Is that the main thing guys are out for?
And what happens if their once skinny wife gains weight for whatever reason, although usually for carrying THEIR child (not just hers)???
B”H
I applaud this young lady for both having lost that much weight (!!!) and also for accepting the ways of the world instead of fighting it. I’m sure that she feels better about herself as well, and if I had a son the right age I would make a shidduch based off of her intensely strong willpower alone!
she has reduced her risk for heart disease, diabetes, poor joints, etc.. all by loosing weight
wow that is determination and Self control!
should i post my story too?
i lost 300 pounds
CONgratulations- !!
you’ve got a sense of humor,are sweet-looking, and it takes a great self-esteem and lots of guts to do this – good for you!!
Im hope Hashem sends over your Beshert asap đŸ™‚
are guys so shallow that a woman has to get surgery only because she is worried that she wont be able to get married?
and the fact that she is skinny doesnt mean shes gonna get married fast either…
i think this article is giving a lot of wrong messages….
u loook good
kol hakavod