Jun 29, 2011
The 'Secret Shidduch Recipe'

Rivkah Leah Bernath with the Chabad Shidduch Group in Chicago has been involved with over 100 shidduchim over the past five years. Here she speaks about "The Secret Recipe" for finding a shidduch.




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Rivkah Leah Bernath with the Chabad Shidduch Group in Chicago has been involved with over 100 shidduchim over the past five years. Rivkah speaks about "The Secret Recipe" for finding a shidduch used in Chicago and how it can be implemented everywhere.

Below is the formula that she refers to in the audio.

1. " IN ORDER TO HASTEN THE BLESSING, YOU SHOULD GIVE SEVERAL FRANCS EVERY WEEKDAY FOR POOR BRIDES"

2."IMPROVING ONE'S SPIRITUAL STATE IS OF CRUCIAL AND FUNDAMENTAL IMPORTANCE"

3. "IT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD THAT IS ENTIRELY PERFECT"

4. "YOU ARE TO INTENSIFY YOUR PERFORMANCE OF TORAH AND MITZVOT AND JUDGE THE SUGGESTIONS IN ACCORDANCE WITH THEIR DEGREE OF RELIGIOSITY"

5."YOUR CHASSAN WILL ESTABLISH FIXED TIMES FOR THE STUDY OF TORAH"

6. "ONE SHOULD NOT BE MISERLY WITH REGARD TO THE NUMBER OF TIMES ONE GOES OUT TO SEE PROSPECTIVE PARTNERS"

7. "ACTIVE EFFORTS IN REGARD TO FINDING A SHIDDUCH"

8. "YOU SHOULD ALSO STRENGTHEN YOUR OBSERVANCE OF TORAH AND MITZVOS AS NESSESARY, FOR THIS DRAWS DOWN G-D'S BLESSING"

9."CHECK YOUR TEFILLIN"

10. "PRIOR TO DONNING THEM DONATE SEVERAL COINS TO THE CHARITY OF "DOWERING THE BRIDE"

11. "THE STUDY OF P'NIMIYUS HATORAH AND FOLLOWING IN ITS PATH"

12."TO GIVE A FRANC TO TZEDAKAH EVERY DAY BEFORE PRAYER, AND AS IT IS SELF UNDERSTOOD, OBSERVE THE PATTERN OF STUDY MY REVERED FATHER-IN-LAW ,THE REBBE, ESTABLISHED WITH REGARD TO THE THREE TEXTS OF CHUMASH, TEHILLIM, AND TANYA"

13. "SET ASIDE FIXED TIMES FOR THE STUDY OF TORAH, AND SURELY SO ON THE SHABBOS DAY"

14. "IT IS APPROPRIATE THAT YOU GIVE EIGHTEEN CENTS TO CHARITY BEFORE THE MORNING PRAYERS EVERY WEEKDAY, IN THE MERITS OF YOUR DAUGHTERS AND ALL THE MEMBERS OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD. THIS WILL SERVE AS A MEDIUM TO DRAW DOWN AND RECEIVE G-D'S BLESSING IN ALL THE ABOVE MATTERS"

15. "INCREASING ONE'S PERFORMANCE OF TORAH AND MITZVOT IS THE WAY TO INCREASE DIVINE ASSISTANCE"

16."I SURELY NEED NOT TELL YOU THAT YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATELY BEGIN ADDING TO YOUR LEARNING OF REVEALED PORTIONS OF TORAH AS WELL AS CHASSIDUS. THIS WILL ACT AS AN ADDITIONAL CHANNEL AND VESSEL TO RECEIVE G-D'S BLESSINGS IN ALL THE ABOVE"

17. "LEARN TORAS HACHASSIDUS AS A PRECONDITION FOR THE SHIDDUCH"

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Opinions and Comments
1
question
i dont have francs what should i do ?
(6/29/2011 4:52:06 PM)
2
reply to #1
Clearly you should move to France.
(6/29/2011 5:24:50 PM)
3
reply to 2
France doesn't have Francs anymore that's why there's a Shidduch crisis...
(6/29/2011 6:06:01 PM)
4
TO NUMBER 1 & 2
Unfortunatly even in France we don't have francs anymore but euros.Hum...
Try in switzerland, i think they still have franc-suisse.....
(6/29/2011 6:06:36 PM)
5
question:
there are plenty of people who follow this and are still not married while there are plenty of people who are married who don't do this, so does it really make a difference?
(6/29/2011 6:08:31 PM)
6
Humor is the best medicine
Thank you for the good laugh. That's what's been missing - a sense of humor!!!
(6/29/2011 6:26:03 PM)
7
to 5
there are people who learn for years to get degrees,and don't have a cent to their name,and people who don't even have high school diploma and are billionairs...
I think everyone should just stop learning, you?
(6/29/2011 7:00:26 PM)
8
Hi everyone
These are quotes from our Rebbe, telling how to bring blessings and open the channels for blessings in regards to shidduchim.
Mrs. Bernath is not a shadchan, nor do I think she has personally made any shidduchim. She encourages people to do the above. It certainly can't hurt.
(6/29/2011 7:47:10 PM)
9
hmm
lets say i dont put on teffilin does that mean im never going to get married? maybe we have to make sure that lubavitchers are putting on teffilin, maybe that will solve the crisis
(6/29/2011 8:22:38 PM)
10
my secret ingredient!
find your own. Research on your own. Call all your friends; call their mothers once they are engaged. and PURSUE!!!!! Get someone that knows you well to go directly to the boy and let them know that you are interested! This is not a suggestion.... it's a proposition. "This person is interested... are you?" This usually works!!!!
(6/29/2011 9:17:25 PM)
11
enough
OKAY, ALL YOU FUN MAKERS. LEARNING CAN NEVER HURT ANYONE SO WHY KNOCK IT. WILL IT GET YOU A SHIDDUCH? MAYBE YES, MAYBE NO, BUT IN THE MEANTIME YOUR (HOPEFULLY) BECOMING A LITTLE BETTER OF A PERSON!!!!!! MAYBE BETTER ENOUGH THAT YOU WON'T RIDICULE THOSE THAT WANT TO DO MORE.
(6/29/2011 9:19:54 PM)
12
to 9
I think surely everybody should wear tefilin... thats one of their diary mittzva.. so.. Kal vajomer Chabad, they try to influence other to put on tfilin, AND THEY DONT USE THEM? thats silly.. thats beeing, like we say in spanish "cara dura". He says something but does other? Think lekaf zejut..
(6/29/2011 9:24:10 PM)
13
actually, number 8
I'm pretty sure Mrs. Bernath has a few shiduchim to her credit, and she definitely has been heavily involved in making many happen. As with everything else she does, and she does A LOT, when she started her shiduch program she put herself into it all the way. She has learned a ton about shiduchim, from the Torah perspective, from what the Rebbe says about it, from what she has seen with herself and her children and helping countless people and groups worldwide. I'm lucky to have been a Chicagoan and I've spoken to Mrs. Bernath recently and she really knows her stuff and is passionate about helping people.
(6/29/2011 9:38:49 PM)
14
The Aibishter has such nachas when we care about one another
Just like the father or mother of a happy family experiences joy when their children are kind and helpful to one another. So let's help each other whenever possible, with kindness, without sarcasm or judgment, truly, truly. And when Hashem is so happy to see you helping someone else with a full heart and a full hand (money or effort, it doesn't matter), He will be happy to bless you, too. Because, tayere chassidim, we ARE all ONE. Life is not a gumball machine!
(6/29/2011 10:41:31 PM)
15
need not be embarrassed by scoffers
al tisbayesh min hamaligim...
(6/29/2011 11:00:58 PM)
16
specifics
Could someone (Mrs. Bernath?) please list exactly and succinctly what she proposes as her "recipe" for shidduchim.
(6/29/2011 11:09:46 PM)
17
Practical Advice
The not-so-secret-recipe to marriage is knowledge, preparation and a commitment to improve. I'm talking about structured course that teach the basic of dating and marriage so individuals have the knowledge. There was a class like that for girls this year, I hear it went really well.
(6/29/2011 11:35:04 PM)
18
wow
i think hungry use the HUF. Hungarian FRANK. maybe we should all move there. this "recipe" repeats itself over and over. basically there r 2 rules. give tzedaka and learn torah. it just said that in 17 diff. ways. cong. on another ridiculous article by neshai. (not that those 2 points aren't true, just the way they packaged it and put it across)
(6/30/2011 4:43:26 AM)
19
An older single
Nobody would tell people suffering from infertility or the like what they should do to improve themselves, etc., especially not on a public forum. But lecturing someone who has tried for years to get married with no success is fine. How do you know what they have done already? Everything is in Hashem's hands, and making oneself a keili is a strictly personal matter. Why do we not take the same advice that works for any yisurim - if it happens to you, figure out why you deserve it, and if it happens to someone else, beg Hashem to help and insist that they don't deserve it?
(6/30/2011 7:44:59 AM)
20
TO #16
1. Continuously until you get to the chupa give to a kallah, money or effort.
2. The parents and the single take on something in a ruchnius way.
3. Whether you are in a formal shidduchim group or not. start helping other people find names for their child.
4. Review the Rebbe's letters on shidduchim.
5. Read, The Inner Circle, 7 Gates to Marriage . Feldheim
6. Give brochos to your friends and relatives.
7. Divide up the Tehillim amongst all your friends and say it by daylight.
8. Get a shiddduchim Mashpia.
9. Contact all shadchanite , then follow up with polite emails
10. Write down 3 things everyday that you are grateful for.
11. Start preparing for a simcha,
(6/30/2011 9:43:59 AM)
21
To #19
I agree with you come completely! It's become OK for people to judge and decide why someone is single in such a way that it causes disrespect and embarrassment to anyone who is single. All of the learning and time spent on becoming better people seems to have missed the part about sensitivity towards others. It's hurtful.
(6/30/2011 1:53:23 PM)
22
to #19 and to #21
It's not about "bettering yourself". its about making a keli. would you walk though a hugh grocery store with a long list without a grocery cart? We are suggesting that maybe your beshert is so special that your cart needs to be bigger.

Making a keli is also about preparing yourself to meet your beshert in the right frame of mind.
(6/30/2011 2:34:04 PM)
23
Grammar Clarification
After listening to the audio, I see that there's an error that's repeated many times and should be corrected.

The speaker talks about creating a "keili" and describes the sgulos of tzedaka etc as "making a keili". If fact the term "keili" as used in chassidus and chasidishe talk etc means just the opposite.

The Keili refers to a gashmiyusdike "vessel", that will receive the brachos etc associated with the segulos etc. So in this case the Keili would be the networking etc.
(6/30/2011 9:08:12 PM)
24
to 23
doing more mitzvos makes us a keili for Hashems broshos
(6/30/2011 9:22:21 PM)
25
16 is so right
So so right.

And here is a keli, girls, don't let your mother handle everything by herself. Are you not getting enough dates... are you otherwise normal..??

Fat chance your mother is being super picky and ... Better check for that...

She means well... but...
(7/1/2011 12:30:05 AM)
26
A Bit Unsure...
What exactly is the purpose of REPEATING the message, that as a Segulah for Shidduchim, one should increase in Torah and Mitzvos, as well as giving Tzedoka for Kallahs?? Yes, it is a Segulah, However I was totally expecting GOOD IDEAS and TIPS IN A PRACTICAL WAY AS WELL!! MOTHERS - BEING MORE ACCEPTABLE TO OFFERS ....PLEEEASE!! SINGLES - WE SHOULD BE DAAVENING AND LEARNING FOR THEM!! IT IS FOR US TO KEEP THEM IN MIND ALL THE TIME AND TRY TO GET THEM THE RIGHT SHIDDUCHIM!! I"YH BY ALL OF YOU!!
(7/1/2011 3:19:04 AM)
27
continuation of number 26
Ill excuse myself for the comment about the repetition of the Segulah...in terms of Torah and Tzedokah...It seems that it is quoting different lines from within the book of "Eternal Joy". However, please, if you may GIVE SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE AS WELL, IN A BIT MORE OF A CLEAR SETTING. (KUDOS TO THE CHICAGO SHIDDUCHIM GROUP)
(7/3/2011 1:40:29 AM)
28
Shidduch
Alos I think the fact that "so many boys are going off the derech like I hear"
this should also be tackled.Why does this happen?
Than we would have more good boys,and we would have more chances.
No offence to anyone,but the problem is deeper.The difficulty in Shidduchim is the end results to many more underlying problems.
We should definitely look for a solution now.But also we should think about how did we get here.
(7/4/2011 6:41:03 AM)
29
BS"D
so beautiful thank you so much for reminding us of the Rebbe's advice! B'zrat Hashem weshould all be married soon!
(9/22/2011 4:57:29 PM)
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