Apr 6, 2011
Shidduch Tip from the Rebbe

A memento of the Simpson-Stock wedding includes a segulah the Rebbe wrote to a woman hoping for a shidduch.

By COLlive reporter

A Teshura memento booklet given out at the recent Simpson-Stock wedding includes letters and answers from the Rebbe as they were dictated to a member of the Mazkirus Rabbi Sholom Mendel Simpson, the chosson's grandfather.

One particular letter was written on 17 Kislev 5745 to a woman who asked the Rebbe about finding a shidduch.

In his holy handwriting the Rebbe answered (free translation):

The source of the blessings is Hashem - Giver of the Torah and the Commander of the Mitzvos.

And the way to receive his blessings is through daily conduct (according to Shulchan Aruch).

And in reference to a shidduch - (one should) first and foremost (lead a) life of tznius exactly how it's explained in our Torah, the Torah of life.

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Simpson-Stock Teshura (PDF)

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Opinions and Comments
1
As a Bochur
I'd like to say it deeply disturbs me the difficulty in finding someone who is truly Tznius. There are many Bochurim looking to marry someone who has a degree of self respect, and covers themselves up, someone who isn't so influenced by peer pressure. I can testify that there are more and more Bochurim who feel the same way and are distressed and appalled at the way its been excepted to dress.
(4/6/2011 8:29:19 PM)
2
yes to # 1
self respect
(4/6/2011 9:11:09 PM)
3
sorry
there are also many many very tznius girls you just have to be lucky to find one , they are there. what have you done to make you self a keli? what kind of chossid are you? and you need to put out your info.to as many people as possible hatzlacha..
(4/6/2011 9:11:38 PM)
4
A girl:)
I agree completely with #1. Tznius is a reflection of ones self respect and It's something many of us are working on. Hang in there.
(4/6/2011 9:37:26 PM)
5
thanks
thanks for posting
sometimes you know something but can always be reminded about
(4/6/2011 10:01:20 PM)
6
to number 1
Send your info, I have a tznius shidduch for you!
(4/6/2011 10:01:39 PM)
7
a man - who is very, very annoyed at the lack of tznius :(
When you say ..."It's something many of us are working on. Hang in there." What EXACTLY does it mean "working on"!?
How much work is it to just dress in accordance with the shulchan aruch?!
How much time does it take to just NOT wear disgustingly revealing clothes - that show an enormous amount of the body that should be completely covered?!
(4/6/2011 10:02:55 PM)
8
As a.......
If we're gonna start pointing fingers...........

Everyone has their own struggles. Hevay shfal ruach lifnai kol hadam.
(4/6/2011 10:27:49 PM)
9
How hard
You try shopping and shopping only to come home with nothing because that dress was just on the knee, or was too tight, and then ask how hard is it.
(4/6/2011 10:56:02 PM)
10
yup...from another boy...
...we want tznius! a woman who respects herself and those around her! we dont need someone who flaunts herself- showing the need to fit in -and showing her insecurity...
(4/6/2011 10:56:33 PM)
11
B"H tznius is on the agenda!!
The Rebbe was a Shulchan Orech Yid and our Rebbeim were mesiras nefesh Yidden; a true chossid should be a Yiras Shomayim where tznius is not even a question or topic of discussion, whether you are male or female.
Have a bit of self respect and ahavas Yisroel, look in the mirror before you leave your homes or rather as soon as you get dressed.
(4/6/2011 11:03:03 PM)
12
Numero 7
"Working on" tznius is different for every individual depending on their level , everyone has their own struggles. You clearly have it with being close minded.
(4/6/2011 11:03:08 PM)
13
Rabbi Simpson
Rabbi Simpson, thank you for always choosing bringing out these beautifull letters - we learn so much from them

Much nachas form all you family, and many many more chasunas so we get more and more teshuras and and answers from the Rebbe
Chazak Chazak
(4/6/2011 11:11:42 PM)
14
Reb Sholom Mednel Sheyichye simpson
we need you to speak to the oilem - you are highly respected and you are a true chosid. please farbreng with us chassidim, you have SO MUCH to offer, please share it with us!!!!!!!!
(4/6/2011 11:16:17 PM)
15
Rebbe was a Shulchan Orech yid??????
Someone has the seder on their mind. I believe you meant "Shulchan Aruch"
thanks for the laugh
(4/6/2011 11:26:45 PM)
16
to all the boys posting
ya you want tznius-
and a girl who is a size 2 wears shabbos clothes during the week and nicer clothes on shabbos and looks like a model.

tznius is a lot more than clothes. and there is a lot more to girls than the way they look. I know of too many girls who got turned down by these chassidish "looking for a tznius girl" kind of boys because: she wasn't skinny enough, doesn't dress fancy enough, isn't pretty enough, bla bla bla.

"SHEKER HACHEIN vehevel hayofi- isha YIRAS HASHEM he tis-halal"
(4/6/2011 11:40:49 PM)
17
a guy
"number 1"
the way you speak shows u r full of yourself, the tznius girls r looking for a chassidish guy, not someone who has "blitos"
get a life
(4/6/2011 11:53:44 PM)
18
waiting for a different kind of letter
I find it so ironic seeing this letter and then seeing how many older REAL chassidish girls there are out there in lubavitch worldwide that cannot seem to find one boy out there who will appreciate these qualities... tznius, eidel, chassidish.... ect..... maybe Rabbi Simpson can find a letter adressed to all the girls who possess these wonderful qualities and still cannot find a shidduch.... and there are loads and loads and loads of such girls!!!!
(4/7/2011 12:17:38 AM)
19
surprised
I didnt realize that bochurim are interested in girls being tznius!!!! at least someone cares!!!!!
(4/7/2011 12:24:15 AM)
20
Can't beleive it!!!
I'm coming from the communist Russia and believe me we menage with less clothes in our closets then you would ever imagine. The reason "it's too short" or etc is not good enough to go against Hashem's will, to go against our tradition and to go against what the Rebbe is teaching. I was taught by my friend that I should be dress up the way so I won't feel uncomfortable if I'm called to see the Rebbe. It's very sad to see this change in Chabad and especially coming from women side. We're the base of our homes. So, what type of homes are we building? Chasidish home or goyish home? Make a choice.
(4/7/2011 12:30:53 AM)
21
to # 15
in the ashekenazy yidish pronanciation you would write Shulchen Orech - not Shulchan Aruch
(4/7/2011 2:16:24 AM)
22
number 17
Likkutei Dibburim, The Seudah of Purim 5691 (úřö"ŕ; 1931) Chapter 2:

The first step in the direction of serving G-d must be the fulfillment of the verse, “And you shall eradicate the evil from your midst.” So the question arises, how can one know whether there is anything evil within himself? The trouble is that there is a prevalent fault: people are often very fond of themselves. A person in this situation does not find faults within himself. Even if he does somehow sense that not everything is exactly as it ought to be, he has a ready battery of extenuating explanations. Indeed, he may even come to regard himself as a man of stature.
How, then, can one know if he has any evil within him- self? The answer is in the verse, “Your evil will chastise you”: a man is oppressed by the evil within himself. It can happen that when one notes something evil in another, not only does he not give him the benefit of the doubt, but he finds himself perturbed by what he perceives as severe guilt. He may even speak about this publicly. (In truth, of course, one’s fellow should be rebuked lovingly and privately.) Indeed, from his words one may observe that he in fact is pained by what he perceives. In truth, however, what is really bothering him is the evil within himself. As the verse states, “Your evil will chastise you.”
This explains why there are people who do not see evil in others. The constant contentions of R. Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, that seemingly sinful Jews were in fact innocent and well-intentioned, are not mere cute phrases. Rather, he saw the good that is to be found within everyone.
(4/7/2011 5:03:09 AM)
23
1 to 17
You're right, there are many aspects to marriage and Tznius is just one of them.

(PS. I appreciate your constructive criticism.)
(4/7/2011 5:09:25 AM)
24
boys
Boys have to be tznius to you know. Instead of looking at how the girls are dressed for once look at how the boys are.
(4/7/2011 7:17:12 AM)
25
#18
well written
(4/7/2011 8:37:41 AM)
26
to number 18
It was so well said. At the end of the day nothing in life is so black and white. yes there is halacha and all but at the same time you cant punish a 5 year old the same way as you punish a 15 yr old. and that's with every Jew - lets all try looking at ourselves and how we can improve before pointing fingers at others and how they should change.
Moshiach Now and we should only continue hearing Simchas
(4/7/2011 10:37:18 AM)
27
got the same problem
being a 22 year old working boucher who didn't complet the "system" i find it very hard to find someone who is a who is willing to take someone who left yeshivah at 18 and at the same time is a yireh shomayim, and keeps the laws of tznius, i would be ashamed for my parent's to meet someone who had her knees uncovered.
(4/7/2011 11:27:40 AM)
28
THE CAUSE NOT THE SYMPTOM
You are focusing in the wrong thing. Women are not dressing properly (and men are cutting their beards etc) is because they are uninspired and find a lot of hypocrisy in our leadership.

So inspire, instead of trying to chase away the darkness with a stick.

Ask a shliach if you need more details...
(4/7/2011 11:37:35 AM)
29
to the boys out there
most chasidishe boys that are NOT full of them self's get married fairly early make sure you are in that group if you really want a chasidshe tznius girl . the good girls want boys that are up in the morning early go to mikvah daven with a minyan learn chasidus and are SELF MOTIVATED to do it all . if you are lazy that is a problem because it Won't change after you are married. personality stay the same . good midos? some of you just think you have it. when was the last time you offered your help with out being asked?(even at your own home) think about who YOU really are. and what you are really looking for. there are a lot of very good chasideshe VERY tnius girls out there looking for there shiduch as well. may all who are looking find there match very soon and may we all hear good news.
(4/7/2011 11:38:45 AM)
30
Real Chasidishe Boys
There are some wonderful Chasidishe girls Tzniusdik and truly devoted to Torah and Mitzvos,however the boys that fit their criteria are few and become engaged quickly.
These are special girls who are looking for boys who will build the kind of home they wish to buld.I put it out there to all the boys looking foi the Tziniusdik girls,are you truly the kind of Chosid these girls want
(4/7/2011 12:05:52 PM)
31
As a girl (response to comment #1)
Girls don't want to marry guys who spell accepted "excepted." Learn to spell, and then start getting picky ;)
(4/7/2011 12:18:06 PM)
32
Turned away by shadchunim and told to go to williamsburg for a shidduch
I know a very serious, tzneus young lady who went to a well known shadchan in Crown Heights: she was told "Go to Williamsburg - that's where the boys who want girls that dress like YOU are"

HORRIBLE.

I would love to see a list of shadchunim who deal with people who are serious about their obligations as spelled out by shulchan aruch, none the less the additions of our Rabbaim!

SOMEONE please publish the names, email, phones of these shadchunim (hopefully that they have used and they know are also serious on these issues) for those of us in the parsha. THANK YOU!!
(4/7/2011 1:13:35 PM)
33
a girl
thank you COL and Simpsons for posting this up.
this will give me more motivation to dress more modestly (according to shulchan Aruch).

(4/7/2011 1:21:16 PM)
34
to #31
it's good when a yeshiva bochur misspells english b/c it shows that he is not involved in chol. this does not apply to girls and working boys.
(4/7/2011 1:56:54 PM)
35
TO NUMBER 9, HOW HARD
CUT THE BALONEY, I'M TOLD THAT I DRESS VERY WELL AND I HAVE NO PROBLEM AT ALL FINDING ABSOLUTELY TSNIUS CLOTHING THAT ARE IN AND FASHIONABLE AND EVEN REASONABLY PRICED. IT JUST DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. AS A FEMALE IN CROWN HEIGHTS I AM ABSOLUTELY EMBARRASED BY MY FEMALE COUNTERPARTS. IF YOU WERE TO GO TO THE REBBE FOR DOLLARS WOULD YOU DRESS THE WAY YOU DO. WOULD YOU TELL THE REBBE IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A LONGER SKIRT SO SORRY REBBE? I HARDLY THINK SO. IF PEOPLE WOULD THINK WHEN THEY SHOP "WOULD I GO TO THE REBBE FOR YECHIDUS IN SUCH AN OUTFIT" AND IF THE ANSWER ISN'T AN UNEQUIVICAL YES THEN IT SHOULD BE A RESOUNDING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! FRANKLY, I'M SICK OF THE DEPLORABLE WAY THE GIRLS WALK AROUND.
(4/7/2011 2:48:46 PM)
36
response to comment #31
you should know that the word "accepted" and "excepted" are two different words with two different meanings. #1 used the right word in the right context.
(4/7/2011 3:06:47 PM)
37
Tznius
Also it seems like some ladies know nothing about tznius, for example do u know that red color or any other bright colored clothing that attracts attention as well as a figure hugging skirt or top is also non tznius
(4/7/2011 5:48:50 PM)
38
laugh
to number 36
nope he used it wrong, you got it all mixed up!!
(4/7/2011 6:41:59 PM)
39
THE DUGMA CHAYA
COME LIVE IN STAMFORD HILL LONDON UK,AND YOU WILL SOON FOUND OUT WHAT TZNIUS REALLY MEANS
(4/7/2011 7:16:46 PM)
40
to #39
better yet, come to iran and you will see how true tzinius looks like
sincerely, mustafa
(4/7/2011 7:45:46 PM)
41
no: 38
the truth is both words would be acceptable in that context
(4/8/2011 4:28:36 AM)
42
wor k
EVERYONE HAS TO WROK ON THEM SELF!!!
(4/8/2011 3:26:58 PM)
43
smartie teen=) be besimcha
why is everyone so critical???
tznius is a BIG problom in crown heights. its a fact, and its not going to go away today, tomorow, or the next day( unless moshiach comes! which it will!) its a nisoyon that the girls have to work on.
as a teenager i usually dress very tzniusly, why do i say usually? because when i run the skirt might go up. ect... not to pourposly dress untzniusdik.
i go to a normal lubavitch school in crown heights and i think that tznius is a peeer pressure thing. i sometimes almost fall into the trap myself....but then i tell myself that its only the yetzer hora trying to get in and make me loose my sensetivity. the yetzer hara is working very very hard on this particular thing... so really we cant judge the ppl that dress non tznius, its very hard to dress tzniusdik, im not trying to stick up for them im just stating a fact... its not the easiest thing in the world to change the way u dress.
(4/10/2011 12:38:44 AM)
44
Make it easier
Why can't you shop in stores that sell tzniuskdig and nice clothes? And insist that our stores should carry more nice and tzniusdig clothes! Why go to store that don't have or hardly have clothes that are suitable for a Jewish girl and woman? Start from young age!

Please don't single out Crown Heights. Unfortunately, it's a plague in other frum circles too. Let's just show how we can combat this spiritual plague! Yes, our Rebbeim demanded tznius! Not like some keep on saying that in Lubavitch, tznius is not so important! Chas Vesholom! Please learn more of the teachings of the Rebbe and the rest of the Rebbeim and may HaShem help that we should succeed to bring more sanctity in our midst - our home and our surroundings not only by dressing properly but also by the rest of our behavior in all areas!
(4/10/2011 2:25:47 AM)
45
In regards to tznius
#1 is partially correct, its not always a level of chasidishkeit as i'm not exactly chasidish.. (i dont learn chitas, go to mikvah etc..) but we do want a self respecting woman that knows her true worth and not flaunting her body.

As far as other commentators write, they are true too, many chasidish guys are more midayek in the shiur of her clothing size than sof zman krias shma.

The answer is simple, you want a partner, a soul mate.. stop listing a shopping list and start looking at the inside..

Weight is subject to change, body's are also in the magnetic gravity field... money comes and goes.. clothing is in style for 2 months..

But the inside, the trueness of the person, the core is what counts.. stop fooling yourself otherwise
(4/10/2011 6:57:08 PM)
46
lol
40 you cracked me up
(4/12/2011 4:49:48 PM)
47
dressing for self respect??
i think girls consider it more important for a girls self-esteem to fit in w e/o else, than to dress for self-respect. i dont even know if they view uncovering their knees as a lack of self-respect. if a girl does dress tznius'dik, usually, if she has the courage to do that and dress a bit differently than most other girls, the primary reason is not for self res[pect. its because she wants to do the right thing, she is a chassidishe girl, she doesnt want to be ashamed in front of the Rebbe, etc. And a girl like that is not going to want to marry a guy who doesnt go to mikve, doesnt say chitas, etc. i think the most important lesson on shidduchim "lists"that ive ever heard is, think to yourself, "Would the person who I want to marry want marry me?"
(7/27/2011 12:06:30 PM)
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