Never Received an Invite

N’shei Chabad Newsletter

Dear Esther,

My teenaged daughter is going to school in New York this year. I have a close friend who lives there, and after six months my daughter has yet to be a guest at her Shabbos table. My friend met my daughter on the street earlier in the year, chatted with her a bit, and then ended the conversation saying, “Sara, you have an open invitation to my home. Whenever you want to come, just call me.” Now whenever I talk to my friend she says, “Sara never comes over!” I have to bite my tongue from blurting out, “Yeah, because you’ve never properly invited her!” My daughter has just met her for the first time! She certainly will not call and say, “Can I come for Shabbos this week?” My friend needs to put the little extra effort in and call and invite her like a mentsch! I am upset with my friend’s insensitivity. What should I do?

Long Distance Friend

Dear Friend,

I hear you! In places like New York, where family and friends are constantly coming and going, people can get burnt out by the tediousness of following through with invitations. Your friend is probably sincere in wanting your daughter to come over. She’s just a bit lazy about going through the formalities of issuing a proper invitation. I must say I agree with you – your friend is being insensitive, albeit unintentionally. If a good friend’s daughter has been in your neighborhood for six months and has not yet been to your home: Pick up the phone, call and invite her for a specific time!

Bochurim and girls are not gypsies, strolling around the streets looking for a place to camp out and eat (okay, not all of them). They want the dignity of being invited to a meal in a manner that suggests you thought of them and that they will be expected at that time. My suggestion to you is: Call your friend (you’re close friends, right?) and explain to her that your daughter is uncomfortable calling and inviting herself to a meal, and certainly will not show up unexpected. Thank your friend for her willingness to have your daughter, give her Sara’s number and suggest that she call Sara and invite her for a specific time. A truly close friend will understand and accommodate.

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