Mar 2, 2011
Modern Day Etiquette for the Little Frum World

The time has arrived for the oh-so-fun task of divvying up the kibbudim for my sonís upcoming wedding.

N'shei Chabad Newsletter

Dear Esther,

The time has arrived for the oh-so-fun task of divvying up the kibbudim for my sonís upcoming wedding. He is marrying a lovely girl from a relatively small family. Our family is kaĒh very large, with many senior rabbis needing acknowledgment. Is it out-of-line for me to ask the mechutonim to give us a few extra kibbudim?

óDonít want to be THAT Machateneste

Dear Machatenste,

I am not going to say you cannot ask for an extra kibbud (not a few, as there are few to begin with), but I donít think it is appropriate to do so. The message you are sending to the kallahís family might be, ďOur family is more important than yours.Ē Each family is equally significant and important to its members. None of your relatives should have any gripes about overlooked kibbudim when they see you have given out your share appropriately.

Letís assume they can understand that you are co-hosting the wedding with another family, which has the same right to give out honors to the people they choose. If a certain rabbi/great uncle wasnít honored at this wedding, perhaps he was honored at the last wedding or will be at the next wedding. If there are no more weddings coming up in the family, too bad. In life, we cannot take what is not ours even if we think we deserve it more.

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1
good advice
thank you- what is right is right- end of story
(3/16/2011 11:58:36 AM)
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