Oct 26, 2010
Marriage Advice For Our Kids
A group of concerned parents say marriageable girls and bochurim are not educated enough about the responsibilities and obligations of married life and are planning to do something about it.
Dear Chabad community,
My children are getting older. Almost old enough for Shidduchim. As I look around the Crown Heights neighborhood, read the articles on websites such as COLlive.com, hear stories/rumors, I get nervous.
I asked myself: Are the kids really ready for marriage? Do they really understand what marriage is and what it is not? Do they understand the responsibilities and obligations of a marriage, and the family that will IYH soon follow? Are they really prepared? Do they know the practicals like communicating, compromising, sharing time and space, prioritizing and budgeting?
Of course, I can talk to my children, and you can talk to yours about marriage. And I do, and I'm sure you do. But there may be some things that we don't think of, or things that we can't express.
Or it might be that we don't have a strong communication relationship with our children. Or it can be that we ourselves are missing some key elements of a great marriage. Or our children are away from home in these important years as they develop their attitudes and dispositions about marriage.
Or... a million reasons why it might be best to have others help our children learn more about the importance of a strong marriage, and what must be set up to ensure a successful marriage. And there is value in learning together with others. And value in the boys and girls learning the same thing (think of every time you said I wish the men would hear this Shalom Bayis course too).
True, the girls do learn some of this in seminary, but not everything; somehow most sem graduates feel that they were not adequately prepared. And when do the boys get such discussions?
So, a group of concerned parents want to set up a course, a series of workshops for the kids (separate, but equal, for young ladies and men). And perhaps a few workshops for parents too.
This can be a community effort. Your input, experiences and ideas can help set up this course. And together, we can help the kids have stronger solid marriages, raise stronger families. It's my kid, it's your kid, your future daughter-in-law and your future son-in-law.
We are exploring the following:
- What works well for you in your marriage?
- What was the best marriage advice you've received (or given)?
- What do you wish you'd known before you got married?
- What are marriage mistakes you made (or heard about) that you want others to avoid?
- Who else should get involved in this project - mashpios, mentors, marriage counselors?
- At what age/ stage should this course be given?
- In what format should this course be given?
If you have any answers, please answer in the comments or email us privately to firstname.lastname@example.org.